The elves looked startled. ‘Maybe we should wait for things to settle down,’ ventured Selena uncertainly.
‘Good luck with that,’ I snorted. ‘This is as calm as it gets around here.’
‘Look here,’ Avery said, leaving behind all tree-related aspirations. He had noticed Mom’s cheeks going white and her nose turning pink. Nervous breakdown alert!
‘Look here,’ he repeated. ‘We demand to know what’s going on!’
‘I think all of us could do with a mug of hot chocolate while we—’ began Austen in a croaky voice before he was interrupted by a loud wail.
‘We’ve lost Santa!’cried Gilmore. ‘What?’ Avery gasped.
‘WHAT?’ I exclaimed.
Xander, still on all fours, made an unintelligible noise. Mom fled to the chair near the fireplace, grabbed the pile of wool and click-clack-click-clack went her needles.
‘How could you lose SANTA?’ I yelled. ‘How is that even possible!’
‘We know he reached Antarctica and got their machine to work again,’ said Selena gravely, shooting Gilmore a dirty look. ‘The elves there packed him off more than a week ago. We haven’t received—’
‘We don’t know what’s happened to him!’ Gilmore interrupted again.
‘You do not know what happened to him because I do not want you to know what happened to him,’ said a new voice. All of us whipped around to face the door. This was starting to feel like a really bad suspense movie.
In the open doorway stood another elf, much younger than the three elves in the room but older than all the elves I studied with.
‘Who are you?’ I asked.
‘Someone who is going to be known as The Elf Who Kidnapped Santa Claus,’ he replied with a maniacal grin.
Gilmore promptly fainted.
3
Reactions to the kidnapper’s dramatic revelation:
1. ‘Are you even allowed to do that?’—The ever-so-bright Avery
2. ‘What kind of elf kidnaps Santa Claus?’—Me
3. ‘Growl. Snort. Sniff.’—Xander
4. ‘Coral! How could you?’—Mom
Coral? The kidnapper’s name was Coral? Not exactly something that strikes fear into the enemy’s heart.
‘Yes, you ungrateful cretins.’ Coral made a sweeping gesture with his hands. ‘I have abducted Douglas and do not plan to return him.You cannot save Christmas without my help!’
Douglas was Dad’s real name but everybody apart from Mom and Granddad calls him Santa.
I turned to look at Selena and Austen who had remained unusually quiet throughout this entire exchange. ‘What are you going to do about this?’ I wanted to know. ‘Can’t you arrest him or something?’
Selena rolled her eyes. ‘He didn’t kidnap Santa,’ she said, a tad exasperatedly.
‘Of course I did!’ Coral replied. ‘He has been locked away where none of you can find him. Christmas cannot go ahead without a Santa. So I suppose I will have to step in and rescue you.’
‘Rescue us?’ I burst out. ‘But you’re the one who kidnapped him!’
‘No, he didn’t,’ Austen said. ‘Yes, I did!’ Coral protested.
‘Coral,’ Selena said in deliberate tones. ‘You’ve been down in the infirmary with a broken foot for a month. You just got out yesterday. You didn’t kidnap Santa.’
I stared at Coral. ‘Is that true?’
There was a pause. ‘Well, I could have if it had not been for that,’ Coral said huffily.
What kind of freak pretends to kidnap someone? He made even Xander seem mentally stable.
Austen must have noticed my expression. ‘Coral and your dad have some history.’ He raised his eyes meaningfully. Except I had no idea what he was hinting at.
Selena sighed and sat down on the sofa. ‘We have a lot to discuss and not very much time to do it in,’ she said and began to explain.
What had happened was this.
Dad had taken his best sleigh and speediest reindeer to the other side of the world to look at the broken-down toy-making machine. It took him and the elves about a week to discover and fix the problem, by which time Dad had been getting anxious to return. He never did feel comfortable leaving the North Pole operations unsupervised, especially this close to Christmas.
Those Antarctican elves had bundled him up in his sleigh about a week ago and had seen him set off. And there’s been no word from him ever since. It only takes a few hours to get back to the North Pole. Even if he had the slowest reindeer with him and had stopped for food once every hour, it still shouldn’t have taken him more than a night.
The GPS device attached to the sleigh was of no help either. It had gone mysteriously blank over a week ago and last placed him over the skies of the southern continent.
So where was Dad?
Avery and I looked at each other helplessly. Xander stubbornly chose to remain a reindeer while Mom sat in the armchair with a dazed look on her face.
‘Christmas is ruined!’ Oh look who wasn’t passed out anymore. Gilmore was stamping his feet and yelling hysterically. ‘Christmas will have to be cancelled!’
‘Christmas won’t be cancelled!’ I snapped. ‘Right, Mom?’ I looked at her but she muttered something about a burnt cake and dashed off into the kitchen. Typical.
‘What are we going to do about Dad?’ Avery asked the elves.
‘And why did you wait so long to tell us?’ I demanded. ‘I could easily step into his shoes,’ Coral volunteered.
‘I know everything there is to know about Christmas at the North Pole.’
Everybody ignored him.
‘Which brings us to our second problem,’ Selena said in reply to my question. ‘We’ve been trying to locate him without letting too many people know he’s missing in the first place.’
‘Those Antarcticans we can trust,’ Austen added. ‘They’ve been helping us too. But only a select group of us know there’s a problem.’
‘Or at least that was the case until a few days ago,’ Selena said.
‘But I don’t understand,’ Avery broke in. ‘Shouldn’t everyone be out there looking for him?’
‘Yeah,’ I found myself agreeing. You know we’re dealing with a big problem when I’m on Avery’s side. ‘Maybe his sleigh crashed or something. Shouldn’t elves all over the world know he’s missing so they can join the search and rescue operations?’
Selena shook her head.‘We can’t do that. The problem with most elves is that they tend to panic easily.’
I didn’t find that hard to believe.
‘If word got out that Santa was missing,’ Selena continued,‘it would be disastrous! We’ve kept a tight rein on the news but somehow rumours seem to have leaked out despite our best efforts.’
‘A few of the elves have decided to stop working,’ Austen said. ‘Some have sent us alarmed messages. Others don’t know what to do. All of them are worried.’
‘Anarchy,’ said Coral gleefully, his eyes shining with excitement.‘You are clearly way out of your depth, fools.’
‘Which is why we need someone to visit all the factories, see that everything’s under control and reassure the elves that there is no problem,’ Selena said, ignoring him. ‘Christmas is a week away. If the factories fall into chaos now, there’s no way the children of the world will get their gifts.’
‘It would mean the end of things as we know it.’ Austen sighed. ‘They’ll stop believing that we exist. And no elf wants to work for kids who think he’s imaginary.’
‘So you three are going on this factory tour?’ I asked, still trying to wrap my head around the problem.
‘Alas, we’re too old to embark on such a long journey, child,’ Selena said dolefully. ‘Besides, they aren’t merely going to rely on the authority of us North Pole elves.’
‘No,’ Austen agreed. ‘We don’t have the biggest fans among elfkind. Jealousy, if you ask me. No, they need to hear from Santa’s children. You’re the only ones they’ll trust.’
‘You
want me to fly around the world on that sleigh deathtrap?’ Avery looked petrified. ‘Sorry, you’ve got the wrong child.’ Oh. No wonder he didn’t want to become Santa Claus. He was afraid of flying!
I gaped at the elves. ‘You’ve got to be joking. Have you seen Santa’s children? We’re it. So unless he has a secret mega-talented super-child hidden up in the mountains, we need another plan.’
‘This is the only plan we have,’ Austen insisted. ‘It’s the only plan that’s going to work. If Avery is frightened of flying—’
‘It’s not a question of being frightened,’ Avery interrupted. ‘It’s more to do with respecting the laws of gravity.’
‘Be that as it may,’ Austen said. ‘He can be in charge of the search and rescue operations back home. We can only organize a small team of trusted North Pole elves for the mission. If they all found out, there would be mass hysteria.’
‘Which leaves you,’ said Selena, looking at me expectantly.
‘Which leaves me?’ I spluttered in indignation. ‘To fly across the world, stop elves from going on strike, lie to everyone about Dad’s missing person status and, basically, save Christmas?’
‘Pretty much,’ Austen nodded. ‘And you have to get started today. Right now, actually.’
‘Fabulous.’ I laughed humourlessly.
‘We’re not sending you off completely unprepared,’ Selena said reassuringly. ‘Gilmore still has enough years left in him to travel with you. After me and Austen, he’s the one with the greatest knowledge of Christmas affairs.’
I looked at Gilmore in disdain. He was wringing his hands in despair and hopping from one foot to another.
‘And you better take Coral,’ said Austen thoughtfully. ‘He’s much less likely to hinder our rescue efforts if he’s off on this mission with you.’
‘What about hindering my Christmas-saving efforts?’ I protested. One demented elf was quite enough on this trip, thank you very much.
‘Oh, I’m sure you can handle him,’ Austen chuckled. ‘He’s mostly harmless.’
‘I am not!’ Coral said loudly. ‘I can cause enormous amounts of harm and distress!’
‘So while Avery gets state-of-the-art technology and a group of elite elves to help him in his mission,’ I said, ‘I get this blubbering greybeard who’s likely to freak out if I look at him too long and this other half-mad elf who wants to be an evil overlord when he grows up?’
‘And me!’ said a shrill new voice. ‘You’re going to have me!’
Note to self: If we’re conducting top-secret meetings about the fate of global Christmas, we really need to remember to close the door.
4
Things you don’t have time for when you’re on a last-minute quest to save a holiday:
1. Changing out of your pyjamas
2. Checking on the bundle of nerves that your mother has become
3. Leaving detailed instructions for siblings to ensure that your house and mother’s mental health don’t collapse in your absence
4. Arranging for help more useful than elves with major personality disorders
5. Carrying a pile of books for in-flight entertainment
We turned to look at the newcomer. She was a young elf, dressed in that odd fashion the younger North Pole elves seem to prefer. One of anything is never enough for them. They have a habit of layering their outfits in bewildering ways—multiple skirts over pairs of jeans, T-shirts over full- length raincoats, or even a dozen hats building unsteady towers on their heads. The elf in front of me was covered with scarves. Her face was flushed with excitement and her pointed ears were twitching violently.
‘Who are you?’ I asked for the second time that afternoon.
‘No, Bean, absolutely not,’ Selena said firmly.
The elf called Bean made her way into the house, tripped on the doorway and fell over. ‘But Grandma!’ she protested from her sprawled position on the floor.
I did a double take.‘She’s your granddaughter?’ I asked Selena.
Selena nodded. ‘And she’s much too foolhardy to be going on this mission.’
‘Not to mention clumsy,’ Coral said, sniggering.
Bean got up on her feet and scowled. ‘He gets to go and Gilmore gets to go. I’m being discriminated against because of my gender! There are no girls on this trip!’
‘Excuse me?’ I felt like I had to object here.
‘Oh, girl elves, I mean,’ Bean said impatiently. ‘And anyway, you would much rather not go. Not only am I willingly volunteering for this trip, but I’m far braver than all three of you combined!’ She stamped her foot stubbornly and got it stuck in a loose floorboard.
As Bean struggled to detach her foot from my house, Selena argued with Austen. ‘She doesn’t think before she acts, Austen. She’ll be a liability and will most likely get them all in trouble. One needs to handle these matters diplomatically.’
‘Coral is hardly the pillar of diplomacy, Selena,’ Austen replied. ‘And yet he’s going.’
‘Only because he’ll be more helpful away from the North Pole than in it,’ Selena retorted.
‘If you don’t let me go with them, I’m going to follow them anyway!’ Bean threatened. ‘You’re not leaving me out of this adventure!’
‘There, you see,’ Austen said. ‘Anyway, she’s the best tracker we have. The chances of them landing on the wrong continent are higher if she’s left behind. Let your granddaughter go.’
Selena heaved a sigh of defeat. ‘Fine,’ she said. ‘But I refuse to be responsible for her actions.’
Bean whooped with joy. I rolled my eyes. Now I would have to babysit three dysfunctional elves instead of two. My only reward was that I’d be doing it on the correct continent. Whoop-de-doo.
‘Now as soon as Noel is off,’ Austen was telling Avery as they made their way to the door, ‘we can start getting a group together to look for Santa.’
‘Wait,’ I said. ‘We have to get going right this minute?’
‘Of course!’ Selena exclaimed, ignoring Gilmore’s cries of ‘We’re doomed! We’re doomed!’
‘We’re only a week away from Christmas Eve, Noel,’ Austen said quietly. ‘And we don’t even know how long it will take you to check up on all six factories and sort out their problems.’
‘Luckily for us, we needn’t worry about Antarctica,’ Selena said. ‘But that still leaves you with a lot of ground to cover. And we have to get a North Pole team organized as quickly as possible.’
‘So let’s get you on that sleigh,’ Austen said and hurriedly led all of us out to the stables.
The problem was that Dad had taken all the fastest reindeer with him and they were as lost as he was. Which meant that I was left with all the trainee reindeer who were thoroughly excited (if thoroughly inept) and the retired reindeer who were disgruntled at having to retrace past journeys when they would much rather be munching carrots at home.
Selena and Austen went into a quick group huddle with my three would-be companions and gave them a set of strict instructions. Predictably, Bean looked thrilled, Gilmore looked miserable and Coral had this demented ‘I’m-going-to-take-over-the-world’ grin on his face. Gee, I couldn’t wait to get to know these three better.
Selena must have noticed my dejected expression. She walked over to me and gave me a tight hug.Technically, she gave my right leg a tight hug, seeing how she only reached up to my knee, but I appreciated the sentiment nonetheless. ‘Don’t worry, Noel,’ she whispered. ‘The task seems intimidating. Hugely, fate-of-our-elfi it intimidating. But I know you can do this. And those three . . .’ She glanced at Bean, Gilmore and Coral. ‘They’ll be more helpful than we give them credit for. And you can handle all the opposition they offer.’
‘Thanks, Selena,’ I muttered, feeling overwhelmed. I was sort of glad everything was happening so quickly. If I had had the time to sit down and actually think about what I was being asked to do and what would happen if I failed, I would have just locked myself in the reindeer stables and r
efused to come out.
We recovered an old sleigh from the shed beside the stables. I stood silently next to Avery as Gilmore and Bean harnessed eight reindeer to it. ‘You think we’ll be okay?’ I eventually asked my brother.
‘We’ll be okay,’ he said. ‘And if you ever get too scared, just become a tree.’
‘How does pretending to be a tree solve any problems?’
‘It calms you down,’ he said confidently. ‘The only thing a tree’s got to be scared of is an axe, right?’
‘We’re ready,’ Selena called out. I walked over to the wobbly-looking sleigh and stood by it without uttering a word as she and Austen took us through the sleigh’s communicational and navigational features.
Selena then reached out her hand to squeeze mine. ‘Try not to strangle those three, okay?’ she said in an undertone. I almost smiled.
‘Ready?’ Bean asked brightly. She was already sitting in the front of the sleigh. Coral made a face at her and got in at the back. Gilmore shot the two older elves a last helpless look and sat in the sleigh too.
I sighed and settled down next to Bean. She adjusted the reins in her hand and the reindeer started moving restlessly.
‘Being struck by lightning,’ I told Avery. ‘Getting hit by a car. Earthquakes. Forest fires.’
‘What?’ He furrowed his brows in confusion as the reindeer took off and our sleigh began to move skyward.
‘There are lots of things that trees should be scared of, you idiot!’ were my parting words to my beloved brother.
5
Things they don’t tell you about sleigh rides:
1. A broken temperature-regulator means it’s permanently as hot as the sun inside.
2. Every time the reindeer decide to take a quick detour through the clouds, all the passengers end up soaked from head to toe.
When Santa Went Missing Page 2
