by Lily Zante
She felt the need right now to go back home and curl up again but knew she couldn’t.
So despite her desire to sit in her favorite chair and close her eyes and reminisce about Edmondo and Verona, she had made an effort to get dressed and make her way here.
She hoped that Tori would at least be bathed, fed and ready for bed in a few hours.
But as she slowly climbed out of the car and walked to the door, she heard a cry. She rang the doorbell and Tori’s wails reached her ears—followed by a sharp admonition from Rona.
Elsa’s heart sank.
The door opened and a crying Tori clung to her mother’s shoulder with a fistful of her hair. “Hey,” said Rona. She was made up, big hair and earrings, but her smile didn’t light up her face.
“I’m sorry I’m late, honey. I lost track of the time and —”
“Hey, mom,” Rona sounded despondent. “It doesn’t matter,” she marched back inside, leaving Elsa to close the door. Elsa swallowed and wearily followed her inside. “What do you mean it doesn’t matter?”
Rona bounced Tori around on her hip in order to hush her.
“What’s that on your dress?” asked Elsa, noticing the stain on her daughter’s dress.
“Poop. Brussel sprouts and poop. Or some liquefied form of it.”
Elsa looked at Tori apologetically. “Has my granddaughter got an upset stomach?” Cooed Elsa, all big-eyed and pouty lips.
“Your granddaughter’s fine, but her mommy isn’t.” Now it was Rona’s turn to pout.
Elsa looked at her.
“Carlos can’t get the night off. He forgot. Shhhhh, Tori,” said Rona and attempted to unfurl the baby’s fingers from her hair.
Elsa winced. That poor hard working man was always slaving away. She put her car keys into her handbag and laid the bag on the table.
“That’s too bad.” For a moment, Elsa wondered if her services were still needed. “Is he working until late?”
“Until the early hours of the morning. You know how it is.”
Elsa scratched her eyebrow. “What happened? Why did he forget?”
“He says tonight’s a busy night and he had already agreed to help. Then later he remembered we were supposed to be going out.” A foul stench, like boiled socks and underwear, infiltrated their nostrils at that moment, causing Elsa to sniff.
“I think you need to get her out of those clothes.”
Rona sniffed, copycat style.
“Gandma’s right. Baby is smelly. Come on, let’s go clean you up.” She marched off to her room and laid the baby on the changing station.
“I can do that if you want to go clean up.” Elsa offered as she followed her daughter into the bedroom. She might as well make herself useful now that she was here.
Rona moved aside and sat on the bed, untangling the tresses of her hair that Tori had pulled. Elsa coo-ed and smiled at Tori as the baby wriggled her legs in the air. “Let’s get you out of these dirty clothes.”
“He spends more time at that goddamn restaurant than he does at home with us.” Rona stared at the stain on her dress.
“He’s trying to do what he thinks is right—he’s trying to earn. He loves you very much. If he’s working this hard it’s for you and Tori.”
“Even the break we had in Verona—he came rushing back because they were so busy. What type of man does that?”
Elsa sighed. That had been unfortunate. Her daughter had been left in Verona and would often go out alone in the evenings—leaving the baby with her. Even to this day Elsa didn’t know what she’d been up to, if anything, but she understood her daughter’s desire to free herself and get out a bit more. Carlos doted on Tori—he loved that little girl more than life itself, but his long hours meant he wasn’t around as much.
Rona continued her rant. “What’s the point of working so hard if we never get to spend time with him? What’s the point? You always say you and dad had a great life together.”
“We did,” said Elsa, her voice suddenly quiet and distant. Until the fatal accident had snatched him from her, from the girls, from their beautiful little family. She’d been alone for twenty years. Memories of that time when they were a family were sprinkled with gold dust; they were beyond precious.
“He’s more worried about letting his father down than me,” Rona complained. Elsa had taken all of the baby’s clothes off. “I think she needs a bath,” she said, turning to Rona. She knew she couldn’t do it herself since bending down on her knees was hard.
“Bath time!” said Rona in a sing-song voice that lacked real enthusiasm. She flung off her stilettoes, grabbed a hair tie from the chest of drawers, and tied her hair up again.
“Let’s give you a bath because mommy got all dressed up for no reason. Daddy is too busy.” Rona told Tori as though the little girl could commiserate with her. She turned to Elsa, “Who am I kidding? I’m home bound until she’s eighteen.”
She scooped Tori up in her arms and wandered into the master bathroom. Elsa picked up the baby’s dirty clothes and followed them in. “I’ll give these a rinse.” She began to fill up the sink.
“You’re not housebound until eighteen. You’ll have more time on your hands once she starts school.” But by then, hoped Elsa, they might have a sibling for Tori on the way.
“Feels like it,” Rona moaned while Tori squealed with delight at the soapy suds in the bath water. An assortment of brightly colored plastic farmyard animals consumed her attention.
Elsa felt sorry for Rona. Her daughter loved being sociable, loved looking good and going out. Elsa had wondered how the arrival of a new child might affect her. Work at his father’s restaurant kept Carlos busy and he had always been a hard worker. With Rona having stopped working to look after Tori, she’d seen Carlos work harder than ever.
“Why don’t you go out anyway?” she suggested, “You’re all dressed up, why spoil the evening?”
Tori got overexcited and splashed water everywhere. Elsa laughed. Bath-time was her granddaughter’s favorite time.
“Go where?” asked Rona. “We just had our girls’ night out last week. Nobody’s going to be able to go out at such short notice. This was supposed to be something spontaneous. Something different. Turns out Carlos doesn’t do spontaneous.”
“Rona,” Elsa wouldn’t hear of a bad word said against her son-in-law.
“What?” Rona swaddled Tori in a bath towel. “It doesn’t seem fair, mom. Sometimes, I want to forget that I’m a mom. I want to be me. I want to have fun and go out once in a while. Is that asking for too much?” She disappeared into the bedroom with Tori swaddled in a towel.
Elsa wrung out the wet clothes and held onto the sink with both hands. She hung her head and sighed. It seemed that no matter how much older she got, or the girls got, she would never reach a point in her life where she would never have to worry about them again.
She would always worry, or there would always be something to worry about. Even now, the thought of Ava and Nico getting married warmed Elsa’s heart at a time when Edmondo’s loss was still as raw as the day she’d heard the news. She didn’t show it to the girls, but she had difficulty sleeping at night time and the doctor had prescribed her anti-depressants.
“Mom?” Rona shouted.
“Yes, honey,” said Elsa in her best loud voice. She shook her head, pushing her thoughts and memories to the back once more. She walked into the bedroom to find Tori dressed in her baby PJs, a pair of shorts and a top. “Here, mom,” said Rona, and handed Tori to her.
The little girl willingly circled her arms around Elsa’s neck and gurgled. “Ganma loves your smell.” She buried her nose in the baby’s clothes and hair and inhaled the smell of fresh laundry, crisp green apples and lavender.
“I’ll put on her favorite film and you two can sit down and watch TV. You look tired, mom.”
“I am tired. If you’re not going out and if you don’t need me, I’d rather go home.”
“I think you should go to the docto
r for a check-up,” Rona advised. “You need a blood test at least. Do you want me to go with you?”
“Don’t you worry about me. I’m quite capable of taking myself to the doctor’s.” “If you insist, Mom. But you’d better do it soon, otherwise you won’t hear the end of it from me or Ava. Sorry for dragging you out, if you want to go home, you go. I’ll check on you tomorrow.”
“It’s okay, honey. I’ll stay a while.” It would be unfeeling of her if she walked out now, seeing that Rona was clearly unhappy. She picked the baby up and went into the living room.
Chapter 5
Elsa had turned on the TV and had Tori happily playing on the floor. She fast-forwarded to Tori’s favorite song in Beauty and the Beast. The little girl clapped her hands excitedly, as though this was the best thing that had ever happened to her. Elsa caught the moment and enjoyed it.
If only it were that easy to be content with life.
“He’s going to be home late, Mom. It’s just you and me for dinner. What do you feel like?”
“Nothing, honey. I ate before I came over.” She looked at her daughter still in full make-up, with her hair scrunched up again and dressed back in her usual yoga pants and a tee-shirt. “Why don’t you and Carlos rearrange for another night?”
“What for?” Rona cleared up the books and toys that were scattered on the sofas. “He’d only forget again, or find something else to do at the restaurant.”
“Come on, Rona. I’m sure it was a genuine mistake. I know it’s not easy for you being at home with Tori, or working, and that seems to be your world right now. But this time, with Tori being so young, it will never come back. You enjoy it, and don’t be so hard on Carlos. His working all those hours means you don’t have to go out and get a nine to five job yourself. Ava is going to experience the same thing soon.”
“Not Ava,” snorted Rona, “I’m sure Nico will get her a nanny, and she doesn’t have to cook and clean, does she?”
Elsa was alarmed at the touch of malice in her daughter’s voice. She picked up Bella the Bunny from the floor and ran her fingers along its crinkly ears. “She’s not going to live in the hotel, honey. They’ll still have a home, and it will require cleaning.”
“Nico will make sure she doesn’t have to lift a finger.” The note of jealousy in Rona’s voice was not lost on her. But her daughter was right about Nico. He’d doted on Ava ever since he’d found out she was pregnant with his child; she suspected he would dote on her anyway, whether she was pregnant or not.
“She works too,” replied Elsa trying to view the whole thing objectively.
“And I don’t?” Rona gave her a steely stare. “I’m helping her, Mom. And I’m also looking after Tori. You know she can be a handful.”
I also look after Tori while you’re at the apartment working. But Elsa wisely chose not to mention this.
Rona continued her rant. “Does anyone think of me? And I don’t even have a fancy, shmancy hotel or mansion or the whole new romance and adventure thing going on.”
So that was it.
“What adventure?” Elsa asked, curious.
Rona walked in with a bottle of wine and two glasses. Lately, it seemed that Rona needed a drink most evenings, whether she was going out or not. “Not for me, honey. I have to drive back.”
“You might as well stay, Mom. Carlos is going to be late. You can keep me company.”
Elsa shook her head, determined to get to the bottom of this sisterly rivalry. “What adventure?” she repeated.
“Verona, a new city, a new country. A new love affair.” They’d had an amazing time there, certainly, thought Elsa remembering the trip. She’d fallen in love with the country and had seen more of the sights than a regular traveler would have, thanks to Edmondo.
“It might seem like an adventure to you, but to Ava I imagine the whole thing is slightly unnerving,” offered Elsa. Her daughter had hidden her pregnancy from them all, including Nico, for a while. She’d been unsure of the future; not knowing what it would bring. She was sure Ava hadn’t seen it with the same rose tinted glasses that Rona seemed to view it.
“Nico is a multi-millionaire; he owns a string of hotels. He’s wealthy, some might say good-looking? Though I don’t think so. And yeah, my sis sure landed on her feet after falling on her ass.” She took a gulp from her glass.
“Bell! Bell! Bell-bell-bell,” squealed Tori. The little girl rubbed her eyes as she stared at the TV.
“Do you want to get me her milk? She might just fall asleep soon,” said Elsa. And maybe then she could go home.
Rona nodded but stayed put at the table, watching her mom and daughter on the floor. She took another sip.
“Rona, slow down. What if you need to drive out later tonight for some reason? You’ll be above the limit.”
She snorted. “You always think of the worst, mom. Besides, I’d just call you over.”
Elsa rolled her eyes. It was the sort of thing Rona would do.
“Honey, you have everything. You just seem to have lost sight of the things you should be grateful for—a man who loves you and adores you, a beautiful, healthy child, a home, and friends.”
“Sometimes mom, it’s not enough.”
“You can’t judge Ava, surely, for having found happiness? You too have a man who loves you very much.”
Rona snorted. “A man who puts his father’s restaurant before me.”
“He’s doing it for you.”
“I’d rather spend time with him.” She turned away, and Elsa wasn’t sure if she heard bitterness in her voice.
She’d been so wrapped up in her own sadness and memories that she hadn’t paid much attention to Rona. She hadn’t paid attention to much around here and had retreated into herself, choosing to stay away from all kinds of social interactions. Even her friends and Faith, her neighbor had left her in peace for now.
She heard the clank of pots smashing in the kitchen and got up to have a look. A pan of water, with pasta, stood to boil on the stove.
“I wish you and your sister would get along,” she said, stirring the pasta.
“Don’t worry, mom, I’ve got it.” Rona took the wooden spoon from her mom. In a pan by the pasta, she heated some milk.
Chapter 6
It had just turned ten o’clock when Elsa left, soon after Tori had fallen asleep.
The TV was off, the house was silent and the bottle of wine was half empty. Her empty glass lay on the coffee table beside her as Rona lay sprawled out on the sofa contemplating the meaning of life as it pertained to her current state of being.
It was far easier to think about things when she’d had a few glasses of wine. Carlos wouldn’t be back until long after midnight. She decided it was better that way. It would be better if she was already asleep by the time he walked in. That way they wouldn’t have to talk about things.
So much for reigniting the spark of their marriage and getting their communication back.
These were the very things she’d spoken to Ruben about.
Ruben.
Without meaning to, she’d found herself becoming emotionally attached to him at a time when Carlos hadn’t been there for her. And sometimes, even now, she found herself reminiscing about those days. She wondered, in her half hazy state, what he would be doing now? A man like that wouldn’t stay single for too long. Lucky woman, whoever it was that got him.
The sound of the phone ringing rammed into her thoughts and memories of Ruben quickly vanished. She turned her head towards the phone, knew she had to get it quickly before Tori woke but as she lazily reached out for it she knocked her wine glass over. It fell onto the soft deep piled rug, still in one piece.
“Rona?” It was her dear sister. What did she want, calling at this hour?
“Hi.”
“Is Mom with you? I called her place but she’s not picking up.” The real reason for her call presented itself.
“Can’t you sleep?” asked Rona, annoyed. “It’s what—six or seven in the mornin
g at your end?”
“Six.”
“What’s wrong?” She could barely get out of bed before nine when she’d been pregnant with Tori.
“Nothing’s wrong. Nico’s leaving for Ravenna and I got up so we could have breakfast together.”
How sickly sweet, thought Rona. She’d rather lie in bed. “She should be home by now,” Rona replied, her voice thick as she sat up on the sofa. “She left. I didn’t need her after all.”
“Why?” asked Ava. “What happened?”
“I didn’t go out.”
“Why? Is Mom okay?”
“She’s fine,” replied Rona defensively.
“She doesn’t seem to be her usual self. I’m worried about her. Could you maybe take her to the doctor’s and get her checked out?” Ava asked. “She hasn’t been the same since Edmondo.”
“I told her to get a blood test,” said Rona. Was it her ears or did Ava’s voice sound a little nervous?
“If you could maybe go with her? You know what mom’s like—she’ll leave it until something happens.”
“I’ll see if I can fit her in.”
“It’s nice that you can count on Mom to help you out with Tori,” said Ava.
“I need Mom’s help, seeing that I don’t have the services of a nanny, or a maid or a cook. If I did, then I probably wouldn’t need to rely on her so much.”
The conversation had taken a spiral dive like a plane freefalling out of the sky. “I didn’t call you to fight, Rona.” Her sister obviously didn’t want to get into any bickering now. “So how come you didn’t go out?”
“Carlos couldn’t get the time off.”
“Maybe you can rearrange.”
“He’s always at the restaurant.”
“He’s a hard worker. Nico’s been busy too. All the legal stuff around Edmondo’s estate is sucking his energy and what with the new hotel opening in November and my due date.”
“There shouldn’t be any complication around the will, should there?” asked Rona, surprised and completely forgetting to mention anything about Ava’s baby. “He’ll stand to inherit all of it, won’t he?” What a charmed life beckoned for her sister.
