Glancing quickly around him, Jess noticed the walls were varnished pine, the ceiling low and supported by huge beams. Along with the bed and nightstand, there was also a chest, dresser and stuffed armchair. On the west wall, a paned window ran from ceiling to floor, but darkness shrouded the view. From the lay of the house, Jess figured daylight would reveal a rocky pine bluff.
“I hope this isn’t Ross’s room,” he said, a little amazed that she was setting him up so nicely.
“No. It’s a guest room. Ross stays in the opposite wing of the house.”
Pausing at the foot of the bed, he turned slightly as she came up behind him. “And where do you stay?” he asked, his gray eyes connecting with her dark green gaze.
Victoria swallowed as memories, hot and wild and delicious, skittered through her brain like the slow-motion frames of a movie camera. “I’ll be across the hall from you.”
So that meant even if Ross was home, the two of them would be more or less secluded. How the hell was he going to keep that out of his mind, he wondered.
“And I’ll have Katrina with me,” she went on, making Jess wonder if she could read his thoughts.
“Fine,” he said, then raking a hand through his hair, he turned his attention to the stack of clothes. Just glancing, he could see blue jeans, cotton chambray shirts and white boxer shorts. “If you’ll show me where I can shower, I’ll get out of these nasty things. I don’t imagine Marina appreciates cow manure being left all over her clean floors.”
“She won’t think anything of the manure. Ross and the hands are always tracking up the place.” She moved closer, her hands circling the fat bedpost as she regarded him thoughtfully. “I take it from your dirty clothes that you weren’t on duty today?”
“No. I’ve been helping Pa with roundup for the past couple of days. We aren’t finished, but close enough that he can handle the rest.”
A soft smile briefly touched her face. “How is your grandfather? I haven’t seen him in a while.”
Did she ever see Will or his grandmother, Jess wondered. If she did, his grandparents didn’t mention it. But then they wouldn’t. Not if they thought it would upset him.
“He can still sit a horse as well as me or any other man.”
She nodded with approval. “That’s good to hear. And your grandmother?”
“She hasn’t slowed down much either.”
“You’re lucky to have them. And your daughter,” she added, her voice dropping to a husky level. “She has to be a blessing.”
He shot her a sidelong glance and was immediately surprised at how much the shadows on her face got to him. Her mother had been dead for nearly five years now, her father for more than a year. And if Jess remembered correctly, both sets of her grandparents had passed on when Victoria had been a small child. Other than her brothers, Ross and Seth, she had no family now.
Jess had never wished such loss on Victoria. In truth, if it had been left up to him, he would have seen that the two of them had made their own family, together. But she’d not chosen that path. She’d chosen to make her life without him. And the fact was still like a knife twisting in his gut.
“Yeah. I’m fortunate to have them.”
Hearing the hardened edge to his voice, Victoria decided it was time to move away from the subject of family and get back to the matter at hand.
Stepping around him, she walked over to one corner of the room and opened a door that was made of the same pine planks as the wall.
“Here’s the bathroom,” she said, her back to him as she made a visual inspection of the small facilities. “I’ve left you towels, disposable razors, shaving cream and a few other toiletries I thought you might need. If you need anything else, just let me or Marina know.”
Jess walked up behind her and immediately felt himself quiver inside as he breathed in her sweet, feminine scent. “I won’t need anything else.” Except you, Victoria. The unbidden thought brought him up short and tightened his features with self-disgust. He didn’t know why, after all the years and all the pain that had separated them, he could still want her. But he did. And he hated himself for the weakness.
The nearness of his voice set Victoria’s heart to pounding. Slowly she turned to find him only a step away. He smelled of horses and cattle, dust and sweat and sagebrush. A scent that reminded her Jess was all man. A man she’d wanted like no other. The thought momentarily paralyzed her lungs as she tilted her head back and studied his face.
“I’m glad you brought Katrina to me tonight,” she said with open honesty.
Her finely honed features were softly lit by the muted glow of the lamp and his nostrils flared ever so slightly as his gaze slowly scanned their incredible beauty. “I suppose I should thank you again. I—”
The pent-up air whooshed from her lungs and without thinking, she stepped forward and touched her fingers to his lips. “Don’t keep thanking me, Jess. That’s not what I want from you. I never want you to feel beholden to me. For anything.”
Surprise, then something savage flickered and darkened the depth of his eyes. Slowly his fingers curled around her slender forearms, and then so quickly she didn’t know what had happened, he had her arms behind her back and her breasts were crushed against his dusty shirt.
“I’d like to know just what it is you want from me, Victoria,” he said gruffly. “Is it sex? Are you too proud to ask some of your rich male friends for a night in the sack? Is it easier with me because I come from rough stock?”
Wide-eyed, she stared at him. “You’re crazy!” she whispered accusingly.
One brow arched sardonically. “Maybe. Maybe not. But you’re forgetting that I know you, Victoria. I’ve seen that hungry look on your face before.”
She couldn’t breathe or think. Nor could she stop the wild, rapid beat of her heart. “What look?” she asked, trying her best to sound both casual and ignorant.
His lips curved to form rueful creases along either side of his mouth. “The one on your face a few moments ago. The one where you were asking me to do this.”
“This? I don’t—”
Before she could get another word out, Jess had lowered his head and was murmuring against her lips. “Tell me you don’t want me to kiss you. To make love to you.”
She couldn’t admit to something so untrue. And furthermore he knew it. “Jess—”
The whisper of his name snapped Jess back to reality and he thrust her from him as though she were a hot coal scorching him with fire.
Turning his back to her, he sucked in several ragged breaths while mentally cursing himself for his reckless behavior. This couldn’t happen again. Even if she wanted it. Or he wanted it. He couldn’t make the mistake of loving her again.
More moments passed and he realized Victoria was still standing behind him. Waiting. For what, he didn’t know. Surely she didn’t think he was going to change his mind about her. Or the two of them making love.
“Don’t you think you should be leaving?” he finally asked.
Her face was expressionless. Except for her eyes, which seemed to be peering right to the core of his being.
“Is that what you really want?” she asked softly.
No. Damn it.
Aloud, he said, “The only reason I’m here is Katrina. And from now on, I promise you I won’t forget that.”
Her dark eyes continued to search his face and he could see she was trying to make sense of his words and behavior. After a while she must have realized he could give her no answers. She turned and left the room, leaving Jess to slump against the doorjamb and wait for the awful, aching need in him to ease.
Chapter Six
Jess had just dried off from a shower and was stepping into his jeans when someone knocked on the bedroom door. Quickly he dealt with the zipper, then shrugged into one of the chambray shirts.
Not bothering with the buttons, he slicked back his wet hair with one hand while opening the door with the other. The sight of Marina standing grim-faced on the othe
r side instantly pricked him with concern.
“What’s wrong?”
The longtime cook of the Ketchum family shook her head to reassure him that nothing had changed for the worse with his daughter. “Victoria says for me to feed you. Your meal is in the kitchen.”
At one time, Marina had liked Jess. She’d gone out of her way to be friendly with him. But that was before Jess had left for Texas. Apparently she viewed his leaving as a man deserting the woman who loved him. The old woman probably didn’t have any idea that Jess had practically begged Victoria to go with him, but that she’d chosen to remain here on the T Bar K and hold her daddy’s hand.
“Thank you, Marina. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
Nodding, she turned to leave, then glanced back at him, her expression sorrowful. “I’m sorry your little girl is sick. But Victoria will make her well again.”
The cook’s empathy surprised Jess and touched him more than he would have expected it to. For a long time he’d tried to tell himself that no one here on the T Bar K mattered to him, that they could all go to hell. But that had only been the scarred, angry part of him talking. Marina reminded him of his grandmother, who’d worked all her life for her family. The two women weren’t highly educated, but they were both ambitious, loving and full of the wisdom of life. He couldn’t help but respect and admire them.
“Thanks, Marina. And I believe you’re right. I believe Victoria will make her well.”
The woman’s narrowed gaze keenly roamed his face. “Is that the only reason you are here on the T Bar K? To get your daughter well?”
Jess thought for only a moment before he answered, “Yes. That’s the only reason.”
The older woman’s grim expression relaxed somewhat and her black eyes softened. “That’s good. I wouldn’t like for Victoria to be all hurt again.”
By him? Or by the law, Jess wondered. But he didn’t have the chance to ask. Already, Marina was walking away from him.
A few minutes later, in the kitchen, he’d just finished a bowl of stew and was starting on a piece of apple crumb pie when Victoria appeared in the room.
The sight of her made him immediately fear the worst. “Has her fever come back up?” he asked quickly.
Victoria came to stand beside the long pine table that filled up the center of the kitchen. It was scarred from years of use, but she preferred to take her meals on it rather than the expensive oak table in the dining room.
As small children, she and her brothers had spent many an hour here in the kitchen with their mother and Marina. Those precious memories always warmed Victoria. Too bad her memories of Jess weren’t as easy to digest, she thought.
“No,” she answered his question. “A few minutes ago I gave her another dose of fever reducer. And she managed to sip a bit of water.”
“Thank God,” he said quietly.
Victoria noticed he was dressed in her brother’s clean clothes, his face shaved clean, his sandy hair still damp and curled ever so slightly against the back of his collar. Fatigue shadowed his eyes and she wondered why that should bother her. Or why just looking at the hard line of his lips made her ache. Back in his room, he’d made it plain he wanted nothing to do with her. She should be glad. Relieved. Yet she felt empty and full of regret.
“I see Marina fed you.”
Nodding, he eased his stiff shoulders against the back of the chair. “She’s still one of the best cooks in these parts.”
Affection softened Victoria’s expression. “I hope you told her that. She doesn’t get enough praise for her work.”
“I did,” Jess said. “But I don’t think it scored any points with her. She’ll probably be glad to see the last of me.”
Barely concealing a sigh, Victoria pulled out a chair and sat down facing him. “You think everyone looks down on you, don’t you?”
“No. Just everyone on the T Bar K.”
“Maybe that’s just your guilty conscious rearing its head,” she couldn’t stop from saying.
His eyes narrowed as his fork sliced into the pie. “I don’t have anything to feel guilty about.”
A wan smile tilted her lips. “Then I guess you simply have a chip on your shoulder.”
Jess could see she was goading him. To pick up where they’d left off in the bedroom, he suspected. But he wasn’t going to play her game. Whatever that was. She was too tempting and he was a smart enough man to know she’d have him turned inside out if he gave her just the tiniest chance.
“Think that if it makes you happy, Victoria. But I won’t argue with you tonight.”
She’d not really wanted to argue with him or criticize him in any way. She simply wanted him to understand he’d not been hated or even disliked by anyone. Including her father. But that was all in the past, she thought wearily. She doubted anything could ever make Jess admit that their broken relationship had been partly his fault.
“I’m not in the mood for arguing either,” she said, forcing a brighter note to her voice. “And anyway, I need your help. I called Maggie a few minutes ago and she still has Aaron’s crib stored away in her garage. I need for you to haul it over here and set it up in my bedroom.”
She was going to a lot of trouble for his daughter and once again he wondered why. To be on his good side just in case the Ketchums were somehow connected to the unidentified body? Dear Lord, he couldn’t let himself think such a thing right now. Maybe later he’d be forced to deal with such a problem. But at this moment all he wanted was for Katrina to be well. Afterwards…well, he’d be a lawman again.
“Of course I’ll help you get the bed.” He tossed down his napkin. “Are you ready to go now?”
She inclined her head to his half-eaten pie. “You finish that while I go tell Marina to keep an eye on Katrina until we get back.”
Hugh Ketchum’s widow also lived on the T Bar K. The house, though modest in size and style compared to the main ranch house, would still be considered lavish by regular folks like Jess.
Being only a half mile away, the trip to Maggie’s took less than five minutes and was made in silence. By the time they arrived, Victoria’s sister-in-law had already opened the garage door. Jess and Victoria entered the darkened interior that was mainly used as a storage area and found the other woman wiping the dust off the intricately carved crib.
“Don’t worry about cleaning it now,” Victoria told her. “I’ll do all that after Jess gets the bed set up.”
Maggie, a petite redhead, chuckled wryly. “This thing hasn’t been touched since Aaron was three years old. There was so much dust on it, the wood looked more like pecan than dark oak.” She made a few more swipes across the footboard, then straightened from her bent position.
“Hello, Maggie, how are you?” Jess greeted her.
She gave him a warm smile, but Jess could plainly see the sparkle in her eyes was still missing. Six years had passed since Hugh had been gored to death by one of the ranch’s bulls. Obviously she still wasn’t over the death of her husband and Jess felt deep sorrow for her loss. Maggie had been one of the few people on the T Bar K who had never judged him for leaving San Juan County. Jess would never forget her kindness and he hoped that someday she would find happiness again.
“I’m fine, Jess.” She rubbed her dusty hands on the back of her jeans. “I’m sorry to hear your daughter is sick. Maybe the crib will help a little.”
“I do appreciate it, Maggie. Thank you.”
Maggie’s gaze swung curiously back and forth between her sister-in-law and Jess. No doubt she was wondering if the two of them had picked up their affair again, Victoria thought ruefully.
The notion filled her with uncomfortable heat and she cleared her throat, then said, “I guess it would be wishful thinking to ask if you had any crib sheets around.”
Her expression thoughtful, Maggie tapped a finger against her chin. “It’s possible. While Jess loads the bed, do you want to come in and help me search through the linen closet?”
Victoria
glanced at Jess. “I’ll only be a few minutes,” she promised. “And we do need the sheets.”
He waved a hand at her and Maggie. “Go ahead. I’ll load the bed and wait for you in the truck.”
Inside the quiet house, Victoria glanced around for her young nephew. “Where’s Aaron?”
“He went to a friend’s house this evening after school. They’ll be bringing him home soon,” she said as the two women made their way down a long hallway to the east end of the house.
Victoria wrinkled her nose with disappointment. She’d always been close to her nephew, but since Aaron had reached the ripe old age of nine, he was getting more and more involved with activities outside the ranch and that meant Victoria got to see him less and less.
“Well, maybe it’s best he’s not here right now. He’d want a hug and I’d hate to pass Katrina’s scarlet fever to him.”
“Don’t worry,” Maggie assured her. “I won’t let him come over to the big house until your little patient has gone home.”
They reached the linen closet, where Maggie opened the door, then turned a keen eye on her sister-in-law. “Jess still looks the same, doesn’t he? Except maybe a little more filled out. A little better.”
Victoria’s gaze fell to the floor rather than let her sister-in-law read anything in her eyes. “I hadn’t noticed.”
“Hmm. That would be impossible for any red-blooded woman not to notice. And you never were good at lying, Victoria. Everyone else might believe you’re over the man, but I don’t.”
Maggie was the same age as Victoria and from the very first day Hugh had brought her into the family, the two women had become like sisters. Maggie was well aware that Jess and Victoria had planned to marry and move on to the Hastings ranch. She also knew how deeply in love Victoria had been with Jess at that time. Even so, Victoria didn’t want to admit to Maggie, or even to herself, that she was still in love with Jess Hastings.
Should Have Been Her Child Page 7
