by Hope Ford
Travis arranged everything, and it only took three days for him to get me to walk down the aisle to him. I know he pulled some strings. I know there was a mention of the governor being involved, but somehow the license went through, and now here I am, standing in front of the man I love, about to be his wife.
The only people in attendance are my coworkers and friends from the library and Madge’s friends. It’s a really small ceremony, but I don’t care.
I look up at him, love shining in my eyes as he tells the preacher, “I do.”
When the preacher turns to me, I barely let him get the words out before I’m telling him “I do,” which causes Madge and her friends to giggle.
As soon as he announces us as husband and wife, Travis puts a simple kiss to my lips, the first time he’s touched me since the day on my couch.
I’m about to drag him out of the church and to my house, but he stops me with a laugh. He leans down to kiss me, and then whispers in my ear, “Honey, I’m excited as you are, but Aunt Madge wanted to surprise you with a reception. Everything is set up in the conference room.”
I blush hotly, because I know it’s obvious to everyone watching us that I want to skip all this and go straight to bed with him.
I latch on to his arm, and when he opens the door, it looks like half the town showed up for the reception. Everyone is standing in a line and as we walk by, we get well wishes and hugs. Everyone except the sheriff. When he reached for me, Travis tucked me under his arm and shook the man’s hand.
We eat cake and even though Travis isn’t the dancing type, he still held me in his arms and swayed to the music. Finally, when enough time had lapsed, we say our goodbyes and head home, hand in hand.
Travis
I can make it until we get in the door. I keep telling myself that over and over, but seeing Bethany in her white dress and the way she’s smiled up at me all night, well, my nerves are frayed and I’m ready to take her. But I know I need to at least get her in the door first.
Hand in hand we walk from the church to her house. It’s only two blocks, but it might as well be two miles. Bethany is holding her dress up and trying to keep up with me, but she’s struggling. Instead of slowing down, I pick her up in my arms and carry her the rest of the way. She’s laughing at me, but I know she feels the same. She didn’t even want to stay for the reception.
As soon as I get her in the door, I’m stripping her dress and underthings off her. I barely give her a chance to catch her breath before she’s standing before me, naked.
I run my hands over every part of her body, committing each curve, each dimple, everything to memory. I’ve worried the last three days that I would scare her because my need for her is out of hand, but it seems she’s going to give as good as she gets. She’s pulling at my clothes and when I kick my shoes off, I shove my pants down my legs and then walk her to her bedroom. The bed is tiny, probably too small for the both of us, but I didn’t want to embarrass her by buying a new bed in town before the wedding. But tomorrow, I’ll be getting a bigger bed.
I toss her down and she lifts up on her elbows. “What about those?”
She’s pointing at my boxer shorts and I left those on on purpose. I know this is her first time and I don’t want to scare her or make her worry. I’m more endowed than the common man. I’m not arrogant about it, but also I know I need to be careful so I don’t hurt her.
I press my weight onto hers, pushing her into the bed. “Don’t worry, baby. I’ll take them off.”
I kiss her then, and even though I’ve been excited to finally plant myself inside her, I still kiss her, focusing on her mouth and giving her pleasure there. When she’s moaning and moving her hips, I kiss down her body. With each gentle touch of my tongue, her body jerks and it becomes like a game to me as I move around, touching and tasting every part of her.
When I get to her mound, I push her legs apart. I could sit here all night, just staring at her untouched pussy, relishing the fact that she’s mine now. I’m the only one that will ever be here.
9
Bethany
He stares at me for the longest time, but I don’t care. He has my whole body on edge and he can do whatever he wants to me at this point. When he dips his head down and licks me in my most private area, my hips come off the bed. His hand was there the other day, but this is completely different than that. It’s much more personal and I can’t take my eyes off him as he pleasures me.
He takes me to the edge and then backs off. He does it again, over and over until I’m so far gone I don’t know what to do but beg him for mercy. “Please, Travis, please, I’m dying.”
He crawls up my body and I feel his long hard shaft against my leg. I lean up and look down at him, gasping. “There’s no way…” I start.
He stops me with a kiss. “It’ll fit. I want to feel you pulse around me. I want to be inside you when you come.”
I nod my head, opening my legs even more to him.
He centers himself and pushes in slowly. I start to shake my head, to tell him to stop, when his hand slides down between us and his fingers start to thrum over my clit. My body reacts and he slides farther inside me. I start to move with little thrusts, and my hands slide up his chest. But one sweep across his nipples and he’s grabbing my wrists and holding them over my head. “If you touch me, this isn’t going to last.”
I can see the strain on his face and the sweat on his brow. Planting my hips on the bed, I lift my hips, pushing him deep inside me. I told myself I wouldn’t flinch, but the pain is unbearable. I start to push him off of me, but he holds me steady, not moving anything except his fingers over my clit.
When the pain mostly goes away, I try again, and when it’s not hurting as bad, I make more rapid, more sure, thrusts of my hips. He moans then, and I smile, knowing that I did that to him. I’m bringing him pleasure. I meet him thrust for thrust, his eyes on me the whole time. I can’t look away. The emotion is too much, and I should hide from him how much I love him, how much this means to me, but I can’t. I bare my soul to him with just a look.
Travis
I don’t know what I was thinking. She gave me a blow job after I showed her what I liked. I took her two more times and she never complained once. I know she was sore, especially after that third time, but I couldn’t stop myself. I’m addicted to her. A part of me thought I could fuck her, and it would be okay. We could bring each other pleasure. We could be married and there not be any emotions involved. But this was more than fucking. Each time, my walls came crashing further and further until they were almost completely down and I’m now lying here underneath of her, trying to figure out what the hell I’m going to do.
The frumpy, innocent librarian has tilted my world on its axis.
I told her I couldn’t love her. I believed that to be true. I told her I don’t do commitment, but dear God, all I want is her, and I know I’ll never look at another woman as long as I live. She’s found her way into my heart and I don’t know what to do about it.
I lie awake all night looking at her, watching her sleep. She’s exhausted. Her body is lying over mine and she had worried about squashing me, but when she tried to move, I held her against me, keeping her right where she is now.
I’ve never felt this type of connection before, not even with my wife. I squeeze Bethany’s hips and she moans against my chest. I know I hurt her when I told her I couldn’t love her. I’m pretty sure she believes that I still love my wife, but it’s not like that.
I run my hand through her hair. I would die if anything happened to Bethany. I wouldn’t be able to live through it. I know it. My mind instantly goes to my wife and how it felt to lose her. We were young and it was more lust than anything, but in losing her, I lost part of myself. I thought I lost the capability to love again, but obviously that’s not true. And then the thought of something happening to Bethany fills my head. My body starts to sweat, and my heart starts to race. It’s almost like a panic attack is about to happen, and
I slide out from underneath her and run to the bathroom, emptying the contents of my stomach. I rinse my mouth out and stare at myself in the mirror. My eyes are wild and I still feel like I can’t catch my breath. I can’t do this. I don’t want to love like this. I can’t do it.
Without even thinking, I brush my teeth, get dressed, pack a bag, and grab my phone. I stand over Bethany, knowing that I can’t leave without at least telling her bye.
“Bethany.” I nudge her shoulder.
She lifts her head and looks around for me before flipping onto her back. The sheet had fallen down and my mouth waters looking at her bare breast.
When she sees I’m dressed, she sits up, pulling the sheet with her. “What’s wrong? Is Aunt Madge okay?”
She starts to get up, but I stop her. “Yeah, honey. Madge is fine. I got called in. I have to go.”
She rubs at her eyes. “Called in? Go where?”
I shake my head. “I can’t tell you that.”
“Can you call me?”
I look everywhere but at her eyes. I can’t lie looking into her trusting eyes. “I’ll try to.”
I lean down and kiss her on the forehead before slinging the bag over my shoulder. I get to the bedroom door before I hear her whisper, “Be careful, Travis. Please come back to me.”
Her request guts me. I want to climb back into bed and hold her, tell her I love her, but I can’t. She’s all innocent and pure and I’ve been to hell and back and experienced all of life’s shitty handouts. I’m so fucked up, in my head, my heart, all of it, and I can’t believe I’m doing this to her, the day after her wedding, but I walk on out and I’m pretty sure that I hear her sob as I’m closing the front door behind me.
10
Bethany
Pregnant. I look at the stick in my hand and then pick up the other two on the bathroom counter. All three of them say the same thing. I’m pregnant. I look in the mirror and staring back at me is a ghost of the woman from before. I could cry. I can feel the emotion welling in my chest, but I know I won’t. I’m pretty sure I’m cried out and now all I am is numb.
He left three weeks ago and I’ve been through every stage of grief and denial. At first, I tried to talk myself down. He had told me that sometimes he has to leave on a moment’s notice. I knew what he did for a living, and I was willing to marry him anyway. I convinced myself that this was part of it. That this is what happens being married to a man that serves our country.
Then when I didn’t hear from him for a day, then a week, I knew something was up. Surely he could have called me. He could have at least let me know he was okay. Probably what the kicker was, is when I went to read to Madge the second week after he left and she told me he was okay. She was surprised I hadn’t heard from him. Her words still run through my mind. “He’s been through so much, Bethany. He’s lost so much. I know he cares for you.” And I remember the exact feeling that went through me when she said he cared for me. She didn’t say love, she said care. And it was then that I knew I would probably live my entire life loving him, but he could never love me back. He told me that; he told me he wouldn’t love me, but there was a part of me that hoped it would change. And knowing he could call Madge, but obviously he didn’t care enough to want to talk to me, well, it convinced me that we don’t have a future, not one I can live through. Did he go through all of that to get me into bed with him? He didn’t seem like the type, but obviously I’m a fool. To him I’m just a country bumpkin and I fell right into his trap. How could I have been so stupid? He seemed so honorable. I was willing to give myself to him without getting married. Why did he go through with it?
And now, looking in the mirror, I know I can’t keep going like this. I have someone that depends on me now and I have to put our baby first. I walk around the house and pull off the wall all the wedding pictures that I had framed. I put them upside down in a drawer. I look on my phone for a divorce attorney in the next town over and make an appointment for next week. I refuse to think about how the town is going to react when they find out. I can already imagine the stares and whispering, but that’s the least of my problems.
I need to be okay. I need to be healthy and happy to take care of this little life I have inside me. So I shower and get ready for work, determined to put the memory of Travis out of my mind.
Travis
My panic attack seemed to get worse the farther I got away from Bethany. As soon as I got to base, I asked to be put on a mission. There were no questions asked, because I’m always needed. But as soon as I got out on the field, all I could think about was Bethany and her asking me to come back to her. I love her. I know I do. And it’s not the young love I’ve experienced in the past. It’s the all-consuming, makes me giddy one second and scared and shaking the next kind of love. And I left her. I left her the day after our wedding. No explanations… no nothing. I should have stayed, I should have confessed to her, but I ran. God, and I know that something could happen to her, but not being with her, not having her in my life and holding her through life’s storms, well, that’s not even an option. I may have the fear she’ll one day leave me, but I’ll have to live with that. Because there’s no other choice. Now all I can do is hope she forgives me.
I almost call her, but everything I have to say to her I need to say to her face. But it seems once I’ve come to terms with it, I can’t keep it inside. I write her a letter. Every day, I write a letter to her. Some of them are just talking about the wedding and how beautiful she looked. Some of them I’m talking about our plans for the future. And then some of them, I’m begging her and hoping she forgives me for being so stupid.
I try to go home, but I know I can’t leave mid mission. There are lives at stake and I have to stay here until I can get everything wrapped up. But even though I don’t call her, I try to take care of things from here. I call my Aunt Madge and swear her to secrecy. She’s worried about Bethany and I promise her that I’m going to be home soon and make everything right. I ask Madge to do a few things for me and it makes her day because she knows that Bethany is going to love it.
Just doing that brings me closer to home and to Bethany. I put myself through the wringer and when finally it all gets taken care of, we saved the hostages and brought them home, I get on a plane for twelve hours, praying it’s not too late.
11
Bethany
As soon as I pull into the driveaway, I see his truck and then him sitting on my porch. I stare at him through the windshield, taking him in. He hasn’t shaved, his hair is longer, and his eyes look haunted. But he’s alive. I still myself against the emotion. I’m not prepared for this, but it looks like I don’t have a choice.
I grab the yellow envelope from the passenger seat and get out of the car. I walk up to him and have to hold myself back from running into his arms. Get it together, Bethany. He left you.
I take a deep breath. “I’m glad you’re here. I didn’t want to give this to Aunt Madge to give to you.”
I hold the envelope out to him, and he takes it. “What is this?”
But I don’t answer him. Instead I continue on and unlock the front door. Walking in, I try to shut it, but he walks in behind me, stopping me. He pulls the papers halfway out of the folder and then shoves them back in. He tosses the envelope across the room and they land on the couch. “No. We’re not getting divorced.”
I laugh then because of the absurdity of it all. “Yes. We are. You don’t want to be married to me. You made that apparent when you left for a month without calling me and don’t tell me you couldn’t, because I know you’ve been talking to Madge. I can’t stay married to you, Travis.” I walk over and pick up the papers and walk back toward him. I keep a safe distance between us because I know that I’m too weak to be near him. Holding it out to him, I plead with him. “Please, sign the papers.”
He shakes his head at me and closes the distance between us. “I love you, Bethany.”
I gasp, wanting to believe him but knowing I can’t. I step back,
shaking my head. “No. I was stupid before. But not again. I can’t do this again, Travis.”
He moves toward me again. “I’m not lying to you. I freaked out after our night together. I honestly thought I could never love again. But I do. I love you, Bethy.”
“Don’t call me that. Don’t say that to me. Your love died with your wife. You told me you could never love again. Don’t lie to me.”
He reaches out for me, and I feel it. My stomach starts to rumble and nausea tickles at my throat. I run then, racing to the bathroom and falling to my knees, losing my lunch. I rest my head on my hands. The doctor told me about morning sickness, but this is the first time I’ve experienced it.
I can feel Travis at my back and it takes all I can muster to get up. I rinse my mouth out and brush my teeth, hoping the mint will settle my stomach. When I turn to him, my hand is subconsciously cupping my belly.
“You’re pregnant.”
I drop my hand, but it’s too late. “Yes. I’m pregnant. And I’m keeping it.”
“Fuck yeah, you’re keeping it. Did you think I would want you to get rid of it? God, you have to think awful of me. What have I done?”
I push my way out of the bathroom and straight to the front door. Holding it open, I point outside. “I can’t do this right now, Travis. Please leave.”
“I’m not leaving until we talk this out.”
I put my hand over my belly. My voice is broken in between the sobs that come out. “Stress is not good for the baby. Please leave, Travis. Later. We can talk later.”
I can tell he wants to argue with me, but when he looks down at my hand and back to me, he nods his head.
