A boulder had lodged in his throat. “How could you think that when I was prepared to be your husband and take care of you? I swore I would protect you. Do you honestly think I would have let him or anyone else hurt either one of us?”
“He managed it the first time.”
Jarod’s features hardened. “Why don’t you tell me the real reason why you ran away from me? I’m warning you. I won’t let you go until I get the truth out of you.”
Tears rolled down her cheeks. “I have told you, but you’re so stubborn you refuse to listen.”
“You think I haven’t listened? Did Ned get to you, after all?”
“No!” She sounded wild with anger. “I couldn’t stand Ned. He revolted me.”
“But he told you about my father, didn’t he?”
She stared at him through the tears. “What are you talking about?”
“After all this time and all we’ve been through, are you still going to pretend you don’t know the truth?”
“What truth?” she cried.
“My mother and father were never married.”
Stillness fell around them.
“They weren’t? I swear I’ve never heard any of this. Ned used to call you a bastard and a half-breed under his breath, but I knew he was insanely jealous of you. He had such a foul mouth, my friends and I always ran from him when he followed us around.”
Sadie’s earnestness shook him.
“Jarod Bannock, are you trying to tell me you think I heard about your parents and was ashamed to become your wife?”
Jarod struggled to hide the guilt rising up in him.
“You do think it! I can see it on your face. How dare you think that about me!”
“That’s exactly how it was,” he returned angrily. “You were playing a game with me—the half Indian. But you were a teenager then, living through a lot of pain and turned to me. I was three years older and should have known better than to believe you and I shared something rare.”
“We did,” she whispered, her voice throbbing. “Can’t you understand that I was convinced my father would kill you?” Even in the semidarkness her face had lost color. “Listen to me, Jarod. I’m going to tell you something right now.
“Even if I knew about your parents, I was ready to live with you no matter what because I loved you. I was the one who begged you to take me away before I turned eighteen. Remember? I didn’t care. I would have hidden out on the reservation with you. That’s how deeply in love I was with you. So don’t you dare credit feelings and motives to me that were never mine.”
Gutted after what he’d heard, Jarod needed to get out of the truck. He started to open the door, but she grabbed his arm. “Oh, no, you don’t! We’re not through yet. I want to know why you never, ever told me the truth about your parents.”
Jarod realized he couldn’t avoid this conversation any longer. While he tried to find the words, she launched her own.
“It seems to me your cousin did a lot of damage I didn’t know about, otherwise you wouldn’t have held anything back from me. What did he tell you? That a white girl would never want you once she knew the truth? He got under your skin, didn’t he? Well, we’re alone now, so I want to hear the whole truth. You owe me that much before you walk away again.”
He deserved that much and closed his eyes tightly before sitting back.
“Dad was twenty when he drove to the reservation to look at the horses. The Crow loved their animals and knew good horse flesh. My uncle Charlo showed him around. While they were talking, his younger sister Raven came riding up on a palomino. Dad told me she looked like a princess. He was so taken by her, he forgot about the horses. From then on he kept driving over there and finally told Charlo he wanted to marry her.
“My uncle told him she was destined to marry another man in the clan, but by that time Raven was in love with my father. At that point Charlo took him to meet their mother. Her word was law. She said her daughter was old enough to make up her own mind. They spent that night together on the reservation. It meant they were married. There was no ceremony. I was conceived that night.”
“Oh, Jarod.” She sniffled. “What a beautiful story. Did they live on the reservation?”
“On and off. Dad took her home to meet my grandparents. They loved my father and welcomed Raven. When she discovered she was pregnant, she spent more time with her family. I was born on the reservation. But Addie had prepared a nursery, so I lived in both places.
“That winter my mother caught pneumonia, and though my grandfather paid for the best health care, she died within six weeks of my birth and was buried on the reservation. My father was grief-stricken. It was hard to take me out to the reservation as often after that because of all the reminders.
“My Bannock grandparents helped raise me. Eventually Dad met Hannah at church and they married, then Connor and Avery were born. That’s the whole story. Though secretly I knew Great Uncle Tyson’s family didn’t approve of what my father had done, they were never unkind to him or to me.”
“Except for Ned,” Sadie muttered. “He’s as intolerant as my father. The fact that you’re an exceptional man only makes your cousin angrier.”
“There’s more to it than that, Sadie. After my parents were killed in a freak lightning storm, Ned became more vocal about his hate for me and my background. He constantly tried to show me up. It grew uglier with time. But you were the crux of the problem. He wanted to go out with you himself, and I knew it.
“When I used to watch you compete at the rodeo, I knew Ned was in the crowd, wishing you’d go home with him after it was over. I loved knowing you and I had secret plans to meet later. I had too much pride knowing it was I you wanted.”
She shifted in the seat. “I lived to be with you. That’s why it kills me to think that Ned was able to undermine your faith in me once I left Montana. I had to write what I did in that note to sound believable to my father, but I can’t believe you didn’t read between the lines. I waited for weeks, months, years, hoping and praying I’d hear from you so I could tell you everything and we could make plans to meet.”
“That works both ways, Sadie. I waited weeks for a phone call from you. Maybe now you can understand how devastated I was when you fled to your mother instead of marrying me.
“But after you’d gone to California and time passed, I realized you were right to escape me. Despite the Bannock name, I’ll always be treated as a second-class citizen by certain people. If you had married me, you would have been forced to deal with the kind of prejudice Ned dishes out on a daily basis.”
They’d reached an impasse. He opened the door. “Eight years have passed. You’ve suffered some great losses in your life and now have a child to raise. I only wish you the best, Sadie.”
Her features hardened. She wiped the moisture off her face. “If you can accuse me of being afraid to be your wife after all we shared, then you never knew me. I gave you a lot more credit than that. Have you forgotten the evening we met in the canyon and I told you about a lesson we’d had on the Plains Indians and the great Sioux Chief Sitting Bull?”
“Vaguely.” Jarod knew he’d always been so excited to be with her, he’d barely taken in everything she’d told him.
“That lesson changed my view of life, but it’s obvious you need a reminder of how deeply it touched me. Did I tell you our teacher made us memorize part of Sitting Bull’s speech before the Dawes Commission in 1877? I still know it by heart and got an A for it.”
Jarod had had no idea, but he nodded.
“Sitting Bull said, and I quote, ‘if the Great Spirit had desired me to be a white man, he would have made me so in the first place. He put in your heart certain wishes and plans, and in my heart he put other and different desires. It is not necessary for eagles to be crows.
“‘I am here by the will of
the Great Spirit, and by his will I am chief.
“‘In my early days, I was eager to learn and to do things, and therefore I learned quickly.’
“‘Each man is good in the sight of the Great Spirit. Now that we are poor, we are free. No white man controls our footsteps. If we must die, we die defending our rights.
“‘What white man can say I ever stole his land or a penny of his money? Yet they say that I am a thief. What white woman, however lonely, was ever captive or insulted by me? Yet they say I am a bad Indian.
“‘What white man has ever seen me drunk? Who has ever come to me hungry and left me unfed? Who has seen me beat my wives or abuse my children? What law have I broken?
“‘Is it wrong for me to love my own? Is it wicked for me because my skin is red? Because I am Sioux? Because I was born where my father lived? Because I would die for my people and my country? God made me an Indian.’”
When she’d finished, Jarod sat there in absolute wonder, so humbled he couldn’t speak.
“You don’t know how many times I wanted to face my father and Ned and deliver that speech to them,” Sadie told him. “I wanted to yell at them, ‘God made you men white and Jarod’s mother an Indian. So be thankful you were made at all and learn to live together!
“That speech made me love you all the more, Jarod. I can’t believe you didn’t know that. But as you said, it’s probably that pride of yours. It’s turned your heart to flint and stands in the way of reason.
“Do you know I’ve given you a second Crow name now that you’ve grown up? It’s Born of Flint.”
Born of Flint? That’s what she thought of him? Everything was over.
“I wish you a safe journey back to California, Sadie.”
Chapter Four
When Sadie walked through the back door of the ranch house Tuesday night, Millie was in the kitchen making coffee. She glanced at Sadie and said, “You look as bad as you did that night eight years ago. It can only mean one thing. Sit down and talk to me before you fall down, honey. Ryan’s asleep and Zane’s in his bedroom doing work on his laptop.”
“Oh, Millie...” She ran into those arms that had always been outstretched to her. They hugged for a long time.
“You saw Jarod.”
Sadie nodded and eased away. “I don’t think it was by accident.”
“No. He knew you were going to visit Ralph.”
“He followed me to the truck. We talked about that ghastly night eight years ago. He said he couldn’t come to the meadow until after dark because Ned had been stalking him in White Lodge. That’s why he was so late.”
“That doesn’t surprise me one bit. Ned was always up to no good.”
“But it was a revelation to me! When he thought it was safe, he started for the mountains but got broadsided by a truck.” She told Millie everything they’d talked about.
“Don’t tell me you didn’t believe him—” The tenderness in her brown eyes defeated Sadie.
“Of course I believed him,” she half protested. “But back then I was dying inside. Now it is eight years too late. Millie—” She scrunched her fists in anger. “All these years I’ve wanted to hate him for not trying to get in touch with me.”
Millie’s voice was gentle. “You didn’t reach out to him, either. It’s a tragedy you both lost out on eight years of loving. Ah, honey...you were so young, struggling with too many abandonment issues. When he didn’t come for you in California, the pain was too much for you.”
“You should have heard him, Millie. He...he thought I left Montana because I didn’t want to marry a part Indian. Did you know his parents got married on the reservation? But no one knew about it, certainly not Ned.
“I didn’t realize Jarod suffered so much from Ned’s taunting. He had to know none of that mattered to me. Can you imagine him believing I thought less of him because of his heritage?”
The housekeeper gave her a sad smile. “Yes. Jarod is a proud man like his uncle Charlo. But at twenty-one, everything was on the line for him. Don’t forget your father’s hatred of the Bannocks, let alone his hatred of anyone who wasn’t of pure English stock.
“Wanting to marry you was a daring dream for any man, but as we both know, Jarod was always his own person. In his fearless way he loved you and reached out for you. But when you left Montana before he got out of the hospital, all those demons planted in his mind by your father and Ned caused his common sense to desert him for a while.”
“I see that now,” Sadie whispered, grief stricken. “But I was afraid my father would kill him.”
“Don’t you know about the great wounded warrior inside him? He needed you to believe in him, to believe he would protect you.”
“You’re right.”
“Did you tell him tonight that you’d wanted to marry him more than anything in the world?”
Sadie wiped her eyes with the palms of her hands. “Yes, but he didn’t listen. Do you know what he said? In that stoic way of his he wished me a safe journey back to California.”
Millie studied her for a moment. “Perhaps he thinks you and Zane are romantically involved. Have you forgotten that fierce Apsáalooke pride so quickly? According to my daughter, Zane Lawson is the most attractive man she’s seen around these parts in years.”
“No, Millie. I cleared that up with Avery the other day when she asked about Zane. She’s close to Jarod and would have told him.” But Ned had been brazen enough to ask her about Zane.
Millie shrugged. “Maybe Jarod thinks you’re involved with a man in San Francisco and are looking forward to getting back to him.”
“It never happened.”
“All I can say is, if you’re going to be neighbors with the Bannocks again, it wouldn’t hurt to mend a fence that doesn’t need to stay broken. Don’t you agree? After all, Jarod’s involved with another woman right now.”
Pain pierced her. “I know. Apparently it’s more serious than his other relationships.”
“That doesn’t surprise me. He’s not a monk and he is getting to the age where a man wants to put down roots with a wife and children. Honey? Since you’re not going back to California, perhaps you could tell him there is no other man in your life the next time you see him. If either one of you had done that eight years ago with a phone call or a letter, you might be the mother of one or two little Bannocks by now.”
Except at that point in time, Millie hadn’t known that Daniel was the person behind Jarod’s accident, and still didn’t. Sadie’s father had talked to her outside where no one else could hear them. The horror of knowing her father would kill Jarod with little provocation was another secret she’d wanted to keep from the Hensons.
But the mention of one or two little Bannocks had Sadie swallowing hard. She’d entertained that vision too many times and suffered the heartache over and over again.
Sadie thanked Millie and said good-night. She tiptoed into the bedroom. Ryan was sound asleep, snuggled beside his blanket.
Good old Millie. Her sage advice nagged at Sadie as she got ready for bed. To mend that fence by telling Jarod there was no man in her life meant turning over the next stone. If she did tell him, she didn’t know if she had enough courage to deal with the rejection of the grown man he’d become.
“Honey?” Millie peeked in her room. “I need to give you something. Now that you know the truth about that night, you should have this back.” She handed Sadie the beaded bracelet Jarod had given her the night they’d made love and planned their future.
Sadie stared at the bracelet in disbelief. “I thought I’d lost it. You kept it?”
“Of course. I knew there had to be an explanation why he didn’t meet you, but you were too wild with pain to hear me. When you took that bracelet off your wrist and tossed it across the room, I picked it up and put it away for safekeeping.
&
nbsp; “Don’t you know he would never have given you a gift like that if he hadn’t loved you with all his soul? Jarod’s a great man, Sadie. After you left, I cried bitter tears for both of you for years.”
Sadie stared at the woman who’d been her mother through those difficult years. “What did I ever do to deserve you? I’ll love you and Mac forever.”
“Ditto. We couldn’t have more children. You were a blessing in our lives, a sister for our Liz. We all needed each other.”
Yes. Sadie wouldn’t have made it without the Hensons.
She pressed the bracelet against her heart and fell asleep reliving that night in the mountains. Jarod...
* * *
SO SHE WAS leaving the ranch. The Sadie he’d once known had gone for good.
Jarod stood outside the ranch house for a long time. The sound of Sadie’s truck engine echoed in the empty cavern of his heart, the one she’d likened to flint.
When he’d checked on his grandfather and found him asleep, he’d told Jenny he was going to drive out to the reservation to see Uncle Charlo and would be back by tomorrow afternoon. Again it meant putting Leslie off, but it couldn’t be helped.
He’d met the good-looking, redheaded archaeologist from Colorado through Avery. The two women worked at the dig site near Absarokee, Montana, run through the University in Billings. They were unearthing evidence of Crow history. Leslie’s looks and mind had attracted him enough to start dating her, but seeing Sadie again made it impossible for him to sort out his feelings.
The reservation crossed several county lines with ninety percent of the population being farthest away in Big Horn County at the Crow Agency. However his uncle resided in the small settlement on the Pryor area of the reservation in Carbon County, only an hour’s drive from the ranch.
If Martha needed anything, she could call his uncle Grant. But if there was a real emergency, he could come right back.
In a Cowboy's Arms (Hitting Rocks Cowboys) Page 6
