I’ll just have to make sure to be there for her.
Chapter 29
Meg
I CAN TELL THAT LINUS is mad at me, and I know he has a very good reason. I know it wasn’t very nice of me to just invite Danny to lunch with him.
And I feel bad about it, but … it turned out all right, didn’t it? Because they had fun and they talked and that is progress, and progress is good. It doesn’t matter if Linus is mad at me for it. Not really.
Except—I do feel bad for making him uncomfortable. I really, seriously didn’t mean to. And I know he gets enough of that from everyone else who ever makes him feel weird and awkward, and I feel terrible for adding to that. But, I keep telling myself, it’s all for a good cause. Because, in the long run, he’s hopefully going to get something amazing out of it.
When I drive him home, he talks to me and seems cheerful enough, so at least I’m reassured that I haven’t screwed up too badly. I just wish I could stop feeling so guilty. But I don’t know how to apologize. Because as guilty as I feel, I still think that I’m right. With a little more nudging, I’m sure that he and Danny will end up together. That’s good, right? I mean, I don’t expect him to be thanking me, exactly, but—I don’t know. I’m still right about this.
“Drama club tomorrow,” he says, actually sounding a little excited about it even though I know it still makes him feel embarrassed to act and be silly in front of people.
“I’m really looking forward to the play,” I say.
“Are you thinking of auditioning for it?” he asks. “Because I really think you should!”
“I want to,” I tell him. “But—hey, you know what?” I actually manage to sound as if the thought has only just occurred to me. “You should do it, too!”
“Uh—do what, now?” He blinks at me.
“Audition,” I say. “You totally should! I’m sure you’d get a part!”
He laughs. “I most certainly wouldn’t. And also, that’s a terrible idea. I’m so not an actor. I—couldn’t. I just—couldn’t.”
“But why not?” I ask. “Come on. It’s fun! And it’s just a school play. It’s probably just going to be our parents in the audience. No pressure.”
“I wouldn’t get cast anyway.”
“Well, then there’s no harm in trying, right?” I grin over at him. “We could audition together.”
“Or you could audition by yourself and I can be there in the background to very quietly cheer you on.”
“Or you could do it with me,” I insist. “Come on, Linus! It’s our senior year! Let’s take some risks! Try new things! While we still can!”
He shakes his head at me. “I’m all for trying new things. I joined the club, didn’t I? And it was my idea to join in the first place, too. But this is just—”
“Too much?”
“A bit, yeah.”
I think about it. “You don’t have to actually take the part if they offer it, you know?” I try. “You could just try it out and see what happens. And file it away as a new experience.”
He shrugs. “I don’t know, Meg.”
I let it go for now, but I’m sure he’d actually do well if he tried it. I can’t make him do this if he doesn’t want to, but there’s nothing wrong with suggesting it, right? Plus, it would probably make me feel better if I didn’t have to do this by myself.
Chapter 30
Linus
MEG SEEMS IN A BETTER mood on Tuesday, so I trust that whatever was wrong yesterday has sorted itself out by now. Since she’s back to her usual cheerful self, paying attention in chem class and teasing me about Danny all the time, I don’t bring it up again, but I still watch her closely for any signs of sadness.
We have drama club Tuesdays and I do admit that I have been looking forward to it. Kind of a lot, actually. We only had that one meeting before and mostly we just all sat in a circle and confirmed that we were there and some people with more knowledge about these things than either Meg or I possess started bouncing around some ideas and putting people into groups for backstage stuff.
Meg and I are on our way to the auditorium when Danny suddenly jogs up to us, smiling.
“There you are! Hi!”
“Hey,” I greet him back, and Meg smiles at him.
“I’m glad you decided to come back this week,” he tells us, and I laugh.
“I told you. I had a lot of fun last week!”
He shrugs. “But you’re in, like, fifty different clubs. So I really appreciate that you’re taking the time to hang out with us. Otherwise I’d have to think about joining astronomy club or whatever.” He winks.
It makes my heart stumble in my chest for just a moment, but then I remember that he’s the new kid at our school and is probably eager to make friends any way that he can. That’s why he’s being so nice.
I shake my head at him. “I’m in three clubs. And it’s fun! I mean, if you do want to join astronomy, you’re welcome to tag along next time. But I know that it’s not everybody’s cup of tea, so—”
“I don’t know if I’m actually smart enough to hang out with you guys,” Danny says. “But I think it’s really cool that you’re interested in all these things.”
“You’re as smart as the rest of us,” I assure him.
“Says the guy who’s spending pretty much all of his free time tutoring me in math.”
“Being good at math is not the same as being smart. And just because numbers aren’t your thing, it doesn’t mean that you’re not smart or anything.”
“You really are too nice to me.” Danny smiles at me and I can’t look away.
“Linus is always really nice,” Meg chimes in. “But he’s also right, you know? I bet you could teach him a lot about literature and art. He’s creative, but he doesn’t have an artistic bone in his body.”
I give her a grateful look. “Exactly!”
“So, what you’re saying is that we’re all really smart?” Danny asks, grinning. “Because I can totally live with that.”
“We could take over the world anytime we want,” I confirm.
He bumps our shoulders together and nods enthusiastically. “Let’s draw up a plan for world domination after tutoring tomorrow. It shouldn’t take more than a few weeks, right?”
My insides keep fluttering and I’m feeling a little light-headed, but it’s a good feeling. He’s being so nice and I have a hard time keeping the insane grin that wants to spread across my face down to a smile. This feels so much like friendship. “A few days at most,” I answer, rolling my eyes at him. “Please. Like it’s going to be difficult!”
I am enjoying this. Talking with him. Joining drama club was definitely a good idea. I’ve never had anyone to talk to like this except for Meg and Sophia. But somehow, it feels different with him. And I don’t think it’s just because I like him. He’s just—amazing. He’s amazing and the fact that he actually does seem to be enjoying my company most of the time in some way makes me like him even more. I’m not used to this, but I really like it.
Chapter 31
Meg
“DO YOU THINK PATRICK STEWART did drama club when he was at school?” Linus asks as we set down our bags by the pile of everyone else’s bags in the corner of the auditorium.
I raise both eyebrows at him. “What? You don’t have that part of his biography memorized?”
He laughs and slaps at my arm. “Shut up! I was just wondering. You know? How early do most stage actors actually start acting onstage?”
I shake my head at him. “You’ll turn everything into a statistic if it stands still long enough, won’t you?”
“Probably.” He shrugs and grins at me. “But seriously. Now I really do kind of want to know how many Star Trek actors have drama club experience.”
“Oh, you should change that up a bit and write fan fiction about it,” I suggest. “Not with the actors, of course, but the characters? I’d totally read it. You know, an alternate-universe thing where Captain Picard and some of the others
all go to school together as kids. And they all have to put on a play together? Make it a Shakespeare play—that could lead to all kinds of hilarious drama and stuff.”
“You know I can’t write,” he says sadly. “But hey, if you find a fic like that, definitely send me a link, okay?”
“Maybe we can get Danny to write it.” I wink at Linus. “Of course, you’ll have to spend several afternoons introducing him to the characters first.…”
“Cut it out.” He waves a hand to shush me, lowering his eyes and biting his lip to keep the smile small. “Also, the rewatch is our project.”
I pat his shoulder and sigh loudly. “You know I’d gladly stop monopolizing you and give you a few afternoons off, right?” I say, but then I do shut up about it because I know he’s worried about Danny overhearing us, and I don’t actually want to make him uncomfortable. Besides, everyone else is gathering in a circle, so I guess we’re about to start.
We’re doing some kind of improv exercises in drama club today and I’m kind of amazed at how much fun it actually is. I can see why Sophia used to love it so much.
I like the idea of pretending to be someone else, but it’s not just that. These people are crazy. The warm-up exercises alone are insane and I’m honestly not sure why I haven’t tried this before; it is hilarious. We have to make all kinds of weird noises and jump around and shake out various body parts and do things with our faces like mimic various emotions someone shouts at us. It’s so much fun.
But as much as I love this, I can see that Linus is having a much harder time with all of it. He tries, but his face is already as red as a fire truck and he’s still standing a little awkwardly back in our circle of theater kids. I want to help him, but I have no idea how, so I offer him a little smile before we launch into the next exercise.
He gives me a tight-lipped, wobbly smile back, and very obviously resists the urge to run from the room as every single person there gets down on all fours to howl like werewolves.
Through my own howling, I can see Danny catching Linus’s eye across the circle and, while Linus goes even redder, Danny starts scratching at the floorboards before rolling over onto his back to flail his arms and legs like a puppy, howling twice as loud as the rest of us. And I can’t believe my eyes, but it seems to be working: I can see Linus relax just a little, his smile suddenly real, and some of the nervousness fading from his face.
Danny keeps this up through the rest of the warm-up, exaggerating his movements and just being extra silly, and Linus watches him in a way I bet he thinks is stealthy and smiles to himself. I’m sure Danny is doing it to help him, and I was so right about them. They are obviously good for each other.
Linus still spends the afternoon mostly trying to stay out of everyone’s way and be involved as little as possible, but he doesn’t look quite so panicked anymore. I could hug Danny for this.
I make more attempts at participating because I know I’m probably being extremely awkward and clumsy, but I don’t even care right now. Most of them don’t look all that elegant, either, doing any of this. And no one laughs at me, for which I’m very grateful. They’re all really nice here. Which seems to be just the way theater people are, I guess. The only theater person I was ever close to is Sophia, but I always did like her theater friends. Most of them graduated with her, at least most of the people we used to hang out with after school, but I always did feel accepted by this crowd.
Everyone is really helpful and patient with me, and with Linus, too. They let him stay in the back when he doesn’t want to try something and instead show him how it’s done by example until he feels confident enough to attempt it himself.
And me—well, apart from finding out that I’m really into all of this, I’m having so much fun watching them having fun. Seeing people enjoying themselves is always, always worth it. There are too many people in the world who focus on the negative. I like being around people who have no problem making fools of themselves just because it’s entertaining for themselves and others. It makes me regret never doing this with Sophia.
Danny stays glued to Linus’s side the entire time, offering help and advice and partnering up with him and just watching him occasionally; he has that look on his face when he’s sure that Linus isn’t paying attention to him. I can see that he likes him. The more I observe them together, the more I’m convinced that I’m right about this.
Alyssa finds me when we’re taking a little break, excitedly bouncing over to where I’m having a sip of water.
“Do you like our little club so far?”
I smile and nod quickly. “Yes! This is so much fun,” I tell her. “I mean, it is going to take some getting used to, but I definitely want to get used to it, I think. I should have tried this sooner.”
“Yes, it’s probably a little weird if you’ve never done anything like it before.” She laughs. “And hey, you’re trying it now! Never too late to try something new, right? And from what I can tell, you’re doing more than okay.”
“Oh.” Well, that is nice to hear, that I’m not making a complete fool of myself. “Thank you!”
“I think you’re going to like it here,” she says.
I laugh. “I think I already do.”
“Oh, by the way, if you ever need any help with anything, come find me.” She pats my arm. “I mean, if you want to. But I’m always happy to help.”
“Thanks,” I say. “That’s really nice of you.”
She grins. “Well, you’re one of us now.”
“Thanks!” I lean back against the wall behind me and she turns to stand next to me as if we’re old friends already. Her eyes land on the group across the room where Linus is leaning against the wall, with Danny bending his head toward him to whisper something in his ear that makes both of them break into a fit of laughter.
“Well, those two seem to be really getting along, don’t they?” she comments.
I manage to not punch the air in triumph, but I immediately like her a little more than I already did a moment ago. If she can see it, too, then that means I am not delusional; there is something there between those guys.
And now it seems I have a new friend who agrees with me. This is great.
Chapter 32
Linus
SOMETIMES I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW slowly time passes when you’re embarrassed. And I’m feeling so embarrassed this afternoon. Mortified, even. Drama club is fun, but it’s also, well, embarrassing. I’m not really good at any of this and I don’t really like people looking at me and in here I can’t shake the feeling that everyone is staring at me. And everyone who even just glances at me will be able to tell how absolutely awkward I am at all of this.
It’s not really all bad, though. No one is laughing at me and I don’t think they’re actually judging me, and also … there’s Danny.
Danny is being very helpful, making me laugh and offering advice, and I’m so, so eternally grateful for that, because I don’t really know what I should be doing a lot of the time.
“Don’t worry about that,” he tells me, when I voice my concerns to him. “Today is all about having fun and getting used to one another. Just do what feels right and have fun with it—no one expects you to spontaneously start reciting Shakespeare or whatever.”
That is good news because I don’t really have any Shakespeare lines memorized. So I try my best just having fun with it and not second-guessing myself, and I think this could really be something if I just give it a chance.
By the time the club ends I’m really tired, but I’m still just a tiny little bit sad that it’s over. I’m very happy that I can stop making weird noises and jumping up and down all the time, but as uncomfortable as that part of it was, I really liked this feeling of kind of maybe bonding with Danny a little more. He’s just so nice. He didn’t have to help me out like that, and now that I feel safe from spontaneous embarrassment again I really do feel very happy about the way this afternoon went.
Meg is packing up her things in the opposite corner o
f the room and she’s kind of beaming—I could tell how much fun she was having with these exercises and I like seeing her in such a good mood. She deserves it after everything she’s been through.
“Hey,” I say, walking over to her, bouncing on my feet a little. I can’t help it, I’m still kind of buzzing from all the talking and hanging out I got to do with Danny, even if it didn’t mean a thing. “This was nice, wasn’t it?”
She nods. “Yes! I liked it. I think I could get used to it.”
I’m glad that she didn’t hate it. I would stay in the club even if she decided to leave, because I’ve made a commitment and also Danny is here, but it’s going to be more fun if we can do it together.
Danny walks over to us as the club slowly disperses, bag already slung over his shoulder. “So, what’s the verdict?” he wants to know. “You both coming back later this week?”
I nod quickly. “Definitely! Yes! I wouldn’t miss it for the world!”
“Absolutely,” Meg confirms. “This is a nice counterbalance to all the dry academic stuff, and probably just the boost my college application still needs. I’m in!”
“I’m glad to hear it,” Danny says. “Anyway, I guess I should get going.” He smiles at me. “You don’t have a car, right? Need a ride home? I just got mine back from the garage yesterday!” He looks very happy about it.
“I—uh—” I have no clue what to say. Meg is going to drop me off at home as always and I don’t want to bail on her. But … it’s Danny!
Meg checks her watch and frowns—we still have homework and she is probably impatient to get going, and I’m just about to politely decline Danny’s offer when she sucks in a breath and looks up, waving her wrist with the watch on it at me.
“Oh, shoot,” she says, eyebrows drawn together. “I totally forgot that I have this eye doctor appointment this afternoon. I really have to get going, I—”
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