He lifts an eyebrow, shifts me into position next to him. “What are you talking about—you look adorable!”
Before I can say anything else, he has slung an arm around my shoulders and I am being hugged from the side, and then his cheek is right there next to mine, his skin as cold as my own, but still the contact sends a shock of warmth through me. I hold my breath, do my best to smile as he holds his phone away from us, takes his picture.
I’m still not quite capable of speech as he checks how it turned out, stare at him with wide eyes as he grins widely at his screen.
“I’m having this framed,” he says.
“Let me see that first,” I insist.
He hands me his phone and I stare down at our two smiling faces and I—look really happy. Round-faced and with my cheeks and nose ridiculously red, but happy nonetheless.
“I like it,” I say quietly.
He takes his phone back, slips it into his pocket, bites his lip as he lowers his eyes. “I like you.”
“That’s um. Good,” I say, and gather all my courage. “Because I like you, too.”
“Can I try something?” he asks, blinking up at me from under thick lashes.
“What?” I want to know.
“This” is all he says, and before I understand what is happening he has put both his hands on my cheeks, one gloved and one bare, and suddenly I am being kissed.
“Oh,” I say, a little breathless when he pulls back a moment later.
He still has his hands on my face.
“Was that—was that all right?”
I swallow, think about it, manage to give a short, quick nod. My face feels warm even if it’s still below freezing out here on the porch. “I was definitely not opposed to that. If that’s what you mean.”
“Then it was okay?”
“Yeah. Um. Yes. It was—”
“Can we do it again?”
I exhale heavily, feel my mouth curve into a smile. “Absolutely. If you want to. We can do that.”
“I was hoping you’d say that,” he whispers, grins, and then leans in again.
And no, I think as I finally muster the courage to wrap my arms around his back in a hug, I am definitely not opposed to this turn of events.
Chapter 57
Meg
I DON’T HAVE TO BE anywhere before later this afternoon for our last performance, so I actually take the time to sleep in on Saturday, exhausted after a long and emotionally draining week.
Mom is watching TV in the living room when I come downstairs; she’s had a long week, too, and she’s just sitting there wrapped in a robe and eating cereal from the box, giving me a bleary-eyed look when I enter the room.
“You look as awake as I feel,” she says as a greeting.
I drop down next to her on the couch and let my head fall back against the backrest. “Ugh. Long week.”
“I know.”
I take the box from her to get a handful of cereal and check the TV screen while I chew. “Cartoons? How old are you?”
“Don’t judge me. It’s relaxing.”
“I don’t judge. Hey, no coffee?”
She sighs and shakes her head. “Too early to figure out how the machine works.”
“Fine,” I say. “I’ll make some.”
I get up and walk through to the kitchen, get the coffeemaker running, and then fish my phone out of my robe pocket to check my e-mail while I wait.
There’s no new mail, but I do have a text, ten minutes old, and from Linus. I hold my breath, and suddenly my heart is pounding. I don’t know what he could want, but we haven’t really talked all week and I’m a little afraid that it won’t be anything good.
The text simply says: Good morning!
I hesitate. Has he just texted the wrong contact? But what if he did mean me? Then it would be really rude not to text back and probably not help to mend fences between us. So I muster up all of my courage and text back: Good morning to you too.
I wait, the coffeemaker gurgling away next to me on the counter. It doesn’t even take a minute before my phone beeps with a response.
Are you doing anything today?
Just the play, I write back. Otherwise no, nothing. This is good, right? That he asks?
Can we talk? he writes. I think we need to.
I’m not sure at all that I’m ready for this because it’s still possible that all he wants is to tell me that he never wants to see me again. But yeah, I can’t really take this uncertainty anymore.
Of course. Do you want to come over before the play?
I’ll be there at three, he texts me. Do you want me to bring cookies?
I could almost cry with relief. I’ve missed him so much. And if he wants to bring cookies, then chances are that he’s not coming over to end our friendship. I really hope that this is good news.
Chapter 58
Linus
WE HAVE OUR LAST PERFORMANCE today and I’ve never been less nervous about going onstage. I am, however, a little bit nervous about talking to Meg this afternoon. But there’s no way around it; we simply need to have this conversation. And I don’t want to wait any longer. Exciting things are happening in my life and I want to share them with my best friend.
I hope she’s still my best friend!
Exams are over and the holidays are about to start so I don’t have any studying to do, and no homework for once. Which means I have the morning completely to myself.
I text with Meg and then I have nothing to do for several hours. That’s not really something that happens to me a lot.
Whenever I had nothing to do over the summer, I usually went to the coffee shop to catch a glimpse of Danny. I don’t really have to do that anymore now, which is a thought that makes me almost laugh out loud because it still seems so unreal. I’m so surprised that this is something that actually happened to me. It’s a good feeling, though.
And, now that I think about it, I still can go to the coffee shop to catch a glimpse of him anyway, can’t I? Because it just so happens that he’s working a half shift this morning.
“Mom?” I call into the living room as I’m walking down the hall to get my shoes. “I’m going out for a bit. I’ll be back in half an hour. Can I have the car?”
“Sure,” she calls back. “Where are you off to?”
“Just have a craving for some caramel macchiato,” I explain.
I can hear her laughing. She knows why I really want to go to the coffee shop. Well, I can’t blame her. I’ve been talking about nothing but Danny since last night.
I drive carefully because I hate driving in the snow, and when I pull up into the coffee shop’s parking lot I can already see him standing there behind the counter. My heart jumps happily in my chest and I hurry to get out of the car, locking it behind me as I slip and slide my way across the icy walkway.
The way his face lights up when our eyes meet is all the reward I need for braving the snowy weather out there.
“Linus!” he says happily.
“Hi,” I say back, and walk up to the counter. The shop is as good as empty, and his coworker is very politely ignoring us, smirking as if she knows exactly what’s going on.
Well, and then she definitely knows what’s going on as I reach the counter and Danny leans over it to quickly kiss me hello. “Good morning,” he says softly.
I can’t stop grinning. “It’s a very good morning,” I agree.
He touches my hand and I’m just about ready to faint with happiness. “Let me guess,” he says. “Caramel macchiato?”
“You know me well.”
“I think I’m starting to,” he says, and looks very pleased about it.
I wait as he works on my drink and we chat about the performance later today and the party at Stella’s house afterward. I’m excited about the party. Not only is it going to be my first party ever, I’m also going with my boyfriend. Ask me how much I never thought this would ever be my life.
Danny turns his back as he busies himself doin
g something to my drink that I can’t see, and I take the time to quickly check my phone. I’m still a little worried that Meg will back out of meeting up with me later.
When Danny turns back to me and puts the coffee down in front of me, he looks kind of proud and a little nervous. “There you go. Especially made for you.”
I look down at the steamed milk foam crowning the top of my coffee and I feel my eyes widen. “I didn’t know you were into espresso art.”
“Just a little something I’ve been experimenting with,” he says, and blushes adorably.
I tilt my head at the picture drawn on my coffee. It’s a smiley face with two long sticks on top of its head. “Thank you,” I say. “This is so cute.”
Danny lowers his eyes a little, the tips of his fingers on the counter nudging against mine. “It’s supposed to be an alien. That’s why he has those antennae on his head. It’s lame, I know, but—”
“Oh my god,” I gasp, and I just have to laugh now. No one has ever done anything like this for me before. “Thank you!”
“You like it?”
“I love it.”
He takes my hand in his again and I hold on tight and can’t look away. How did I get this lucky?
Chapter 59
Meg
I HAVE THE COFFEE READY by the time I see his mom’s car pull into the driveway out the kitchen window, his short and sturdy frame emerging from the driver’s side door.
He hugs me hello by the door and I take that as a good sign—he can’t be too mad at me if he’s still willing to hug me.
“Coffee?” I ask.
He rolls his eyes at me, hands me the box of cookies he brought. “Do you even have to ask?”
We settle in the living room, he on the couch and me on my mom’s big, comfy armchair. I push the cookies toward him across the coffee table, then lean back and clear my throat.
“So.”
“So,” he echoes.
“I guess we should—talk?”
He nods. “I guess we should. Yes.”
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I know I owe you an apology. And I’ve wanted to talk to you all week, but I just didn’t know how.”
“Yes,” he says. “Same here. I’m so sorry, Meg. I never meant to go behind your back. I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t want to hurt you. That obviously didn’t work out so well.”
“It’s okay,” I promise. Because honestly, I just want this behind us.
“It’s not,” he argues. “I shouldn’t have done it. Or at least—I should have told you. You have every right to be mad at me.”
But suddenly, sitting here and drinking coffee together and seeing him look so serious and so sad and a little afraid, I just … don’t have any anger left in me. I believe him when he says he didn’t know how to tell me. And I know he would never have just ignored Sophia if she contacted him. That’s just not something he could ever do. Linus has to be nice to everyone. “I’m not mad,” I say. “But maybe you should be mad at me.”
“For the drama club stuff?” He shakes his head. “I was, at first. But—you know, maybe you were right. Maybe taking risks is a good thing sometimes. And it kind of worked out well for me, in the end.”
I lift my shoulders, opening and closing my mouth while I search for the right words. “It’s not just that,” I explain. “Well, it is, but it’s more like—I was using you. I was deciding for you, I was making assumptions about what’s best for you, and that’s not okay. And for that I am really, deeply sorry. And all that stuff I said to you last Saturday—I didn’t mean it. I’m so, so sorry.”
“Thank you,” he says. “It means a lot that you’re saying that. And I know you were trying to be nice. And hey, after all, it’s not like I’m not enjoying spending time with Danny!” He blushes furiously and lowers his eyes.
I sigh. I really just want to get the air cleared between us. This is important. I need him to understand how much I mean this. “I kept bailing on you. I promised we’d drive home together and disappeared. I ditched you during lunch. And all that stuff I said to you—I have no excuse. That was so not okay. You know I didn’t mean it, right? I don’t know what was wrong with me that day. A good friend wouldn’t do that.”
“Well, apparently they would,” he disagrees. “Because you’re my best friend, and you did do all of that.”
“You know that’s not what I mean.”
“I was mad at you, it’s true,” he concedes. “But—I do know you, Meg. And I know you would never hurt me on purpose. You were going through a tough time.”
“That’s not an excuse.”
“No. It’s not. But you were pretty mad at me about the Sophia stuff,” he points out. “I have no excuse for that, either.”
“Well, I mean. Now we’re even. That’s good, right?”
“Yeah, I don’t know about that.” He drinks some coffee, frowns. “I know it seems that way, but do you think that’s how friendship is really supposed to work? You hurt me, I hurt you back, and then we move on? Because that’s not us, Meg. I don’t want that to be us. And I don’t want us to be even. I don’t want us to need that. And I didn’t talk to Sophia to get back at you for pushing me to talk to Danny. Because I know you didn’t try setting me up with Danny to be mean to me, but also because I don’t believe that hurting you back would fix anything if that had been the case.”
“I definitely didn’t want to be mean to you,” I confirm. “Definitely not! I just—”
“You pretended to know my own life better than I did.”
“Yes. But I didn’t want to be condescending. And I didn’t mean to go crazy. I don’t know what happened. It seemed like a good idea at the time. A harmless distraction.”
Linus nods thoughtfully. “And how do you feel now? Do you still want to be distracted?”
It seems to be a valid question and I take a moment to really think about it. It’s like I’ve been carrying this weight of sadness around with me for so long, but … I think it’s gotten lighter without me noticing. I still feel a little sad, but this sadness is about what happened with Linus, not about what happened with Sophia.
“I’m okay,” I say, lifting a hand before he can interrupt. I know I’ve been using these words very liberally lately. “No, really. I am. I’m—I’m better. I’m just sorry that I hurt you. And I’m sorry about the way I dealt with being sad.”
Linus smiles at me. “Look, you were right,” he says. “It was harmless. Well, the drama club thing could have been seriously disastrous, but … you might have pushed me a bit more than was comfortable but I still didn’t have to audition. It was my choice in the end. And I actually had fun. But the thing is, I don’t think you did.”
I shake my head. “I’m glad I joined drama club. I am. Even if I was pretty miserable for most of it. I think I would have been miserable either way, you know? That wasn’t only the club’s fault. And this way, at least good things happened for you, and I’m glad about that. And also, I’m still sorry. I only meant to help, I swear.”
“So did I.”
“We both just wanted to help each other out, huh?” I take a cookie, start picking out the chocolate chips. “We went about it in a really clumsy sort of way. And I was the one who went crazy. Not you.”
“You did make me hang out with Danny more. And … well. Um. That was … good.” He blushes again and bites his lip.
I think about it. “I guess—” I eat a chocolate chip and shrug at him. “I guess there is a really fine line between helping someone and sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong.”
“Seems that way.” He grins at me over his coffee cup and I grin back.
“I promise to never do it again.”
He puts down his mug, beams at me. “And I promise to be honest with you. Always.”
“Okay.”
“Speaking of honest—” He lowers his eyes again, and his smile is so wide he barely gets the next words out. “Danny and I, uh.”
I sit up a little straighter. “What
about Danny and you?”
“We…” He sighs, shrugs, laughs adorably. “He asked me out.”
“Oh my god!” I bounce a little in my seat. “I knew it. Oh my god. This is so exciting! When are you going out with him?”
“In fact,” he says, “we already did. Last night. We saw a movie and he took me to dinner, and, and…”
“And?” I prompt, leaning forward in my seat; I can barely contain my joy at hearing this. I was right all along!
Linus sucks in a breath, eyes finally flickering up to meet mine, and he looks so happy. “He kissed me.”
I squeal loudly and jump from my seat to throw my arms around him in a tight hug, almost causing both of us to topple over onto the floor. “Finally! This is so great!”
He laughs and hugs me back, his face red like a fire truck when I pull back. “It’s pretty great, yeah.”
“You have a boyfriend,” I say proudly.
He nods and smiles and puts both hands over his face. “I guess I do. I can’t quite believe it yet.”
“I can,” I tell him, and I absolutely mean it.
* * *
Linus and I drive over to the school together and walk side by side to the auditorium. I’m really happy that we’re at least doing this final performance as best friends. This is how it should have been the entire time.
We hug before I send him off to get ready with the rest of the actors while I go backstage to help Alyssa set things up for the first scene and check the lights and the props and get everything in order. Today, I’m enjoying this. More than I ever thought possible. It feels important. I’m contributing and I’m kind of even making new friends along the way.
“What’s going on there?” Alyssa asks, suddenly appearing next to me and bumping our shoulders together conspiratorially, nodding toward the entryway where the actors are slowly trickling in for their obligatory show circle in which they always include us nonactors. Two of them are hanging back, however, hands linked between them, talking with their heads close together, big smiles on their faces. Danny and Linus.
“Oh,” I say happily. “Yeah, that’s apparently finally happening now.”
“Oh thank god,” Alyssa groans. “I was about to staple them together by the forehead until they stopped being stupid.”
Meg & Linus Page 24
