by The Steve
Unfinished Musical
From the mind of The Steve
Copyright 2011
A terrible day
I wake up in the morning
And get out of bed
My brain full of ideas for the work day ahead
I have my coffee, light, with flavored cream
I exit my house and I’m full of steam
Today is the day
I will make it my own
I will be ever so cheerful when I answer the phone
I will be delightful and witty
And courteous and kind
And now matter what happens, I will not mind
I love my job, its different each day
Working at the 76th most popular theme park in the USA
But then I pull into that parking lot
And its like a scene from a war
And suddenly
I’m not so happy
Anymore…..
Cause
It’s a terrible day
A terrible day
A I should have stayed in bed with a 5 dollar hooker and a bag of meth day
It’s a terrible day
A terrible day
A I should have put a gun to my head and pulled the trigger day
A terrible day
Hi Jim
Hi Pat
Park attendance is 23000 today
Really?
Yeah, we only have half staff though….some sort of plague goin round
Plague huh
Oh and “the ICBM” is down again…poor people stuck upside down for over an hour
Yeah, not as bad as that food poisoning going on over at “the Detroit café”
What do people expect from a café named after Detroit.
Hi Jim
Hello Tanya
Look Jim, I need you to work until 9 tonight ok.
Its Monday, football night.
Yeah well I have a jenny craig meeting.
(mumbling) what you gonna eat her
Excuse me?
Its ok Tanya I’ll cover
(suspiciously) good
(walks to his counter and waves a guest over)
Next
(a large woman stomps up to him and slams her fists down on the counter)
Can I help you?
SOMEONE DONE GRABBED MA TITTIES!
It’s a terrible day
A terrible day
One of those days you wish the germans had won the war so you would never have been born days
It’s a terrible day
A terrible day
Oh why the hell didn’t my dad use a condom that night he got my mom drunk in the back of their Impala so I wouldn’t have to go through this terrible day!!
This terrible day!
This terrible day!!!!!!!!
Vicodin
You got troubles
And you always whine
About something or other
And hey, that’s fine
If you wanna go through life
Bein a bitchy, complainin mess
Then that’s your prerogative
But I must confess
That your dull and your dreary
And no one gives a damn
No one wants to hear it
Not Pat, Tanya, or Dan
But I can help, see
I got that magic bullet
So if you want the solution
Grab your ear and pull it
(spoken) take this
(swallows pill)
Cause
A day without Vicodin
Is like a day without the sun
Its cold and its dreary
And its never any fun
Its mean and its callous
And awful and cold
Where everyone is fat
And everyone is old
And no woman will screw you
And all the men have no hair
So let Vicodin take you
To that place where…….
Everyone is nice
And we all say HELLO
And we’re all young forever
Didn’t you know
A day without Vicodin
Is a day without love
A day without blessings
From heaven above
So go ahead and take one
Or two or three or four
Cause ONCE you want one YOU WILL SURELY WANT MORE!!!!!
Vicodin
My Vicodin
I love love love you Vicodin
You the answer to my problems
You’re the answer to my prayers
You’re the solution to problems
That
Aren’t
Even
THERE!!!!
(the vicodin dance)
A day without Vicodin
Is a day without the sun
Its sad and its lonely
And its never any fun
A day without Vicodin
Is a day without love
It’s a day of unhappiness
Where people push and shove
A day without vicodin
Is almost always bad
A day without vicodin
Is
A
Day
Ive
Never
Had!!!!!
Imagine I
Imagine I
Was that guy
Who never left the seat up
No, not I
Imagine I
Was that guy
Who didn’t pass gas in bed
And never wanted head
Oh my
Imagine I
Imagine he
Would be good to me
Would never hassle me on my period
And leave me be
Imagine he
Would say to me
Honey, I don’t ever want to see you kiss another woman
Oh gee
Imagine he
Imagine I
Could be that guy
Who would put up with all your moods
And never ask why
Oh my
Imagine I
Could be that guy
Who finally made you have an orgasm
Oh so sly
I am that guy
Imagine he
Would give it to me
Every position nine times to Sunday
That’d be sweet
Imagine he
Hit the lottery
And bought me things that I didn’t need
Oh neat
Imagine he
Imagine us
Never making a fuss
About what makes the other one happy
It’s a matter of trust
Imagine us
A three ring circus
With kids we would never admit we didn’t want
Oh what a bust
Imagine us
Imagine us
Imagine us
Turkey leg blues
Some folks like their hot dogs
All wrapped in a bun
Some people do swear
That churros are fun
Hot mustard pretzels
Cotton candy surprise
But when I’m hungry
I just can’t disguise
I got those turkey
I got those turkey leg blues
I got those turkey
I got those turkey leg blues
That big red meaty deliciousness
Lord knows I can’t lose
Some folks do say
That burgers are king
And folks I know
Like da onion ring
Tacos burritos
Sausage and eggs
But what gets me the most
Are those big fat legs
Oh lord
I got those turkey
I got those turkey leg blues
I got those turkey
I got those turkey leg blues
Lord do help me
I aint got no excuse
(harmonica blues solo thing)
You can keep your fried chicken
I aint got no time for that
And you can keep your pulled pork
With all of its fat
When the hunger hits me
I just cant explain
I wish I could take a turkey leg
AND STICK IT IN MY VEIN
OH LORD
I got the turkey
I got the turkey leg blues
I got the turkey
I got the turkey leg blues
Oh lord forgive me
I aint got no excuse
You’re a sinner Jimmy Rogers
You’re a sinner Jimmy Rogers
And you’re going straight to hell
No matter how much you pray
The Lord aint buying what you sell
You done aint no good
You been a heathen man
The Angels aint takin you
To the promised land
You’re a sinner Jimmy Rogers
Always up to things no good
Like stealin your friends woman
And eatin fatty foods
You drink too much alcohol
And smoke those big cigars
By the time you in your grave
Your lungs be black as tar
You can try your prayin
But it aint gonna do you good
The Good Lord don’t hear you
But the Devil he sho’ do
(some sort of gospel music solo thing)
You’re a sinner Jimmy Rogers
Your soul is goin down
Like all those unsavory characters
You hang out with downtown
Your lyin and your cussin
That done sealed your fate
And don’t think the Good Lord don’t see you
When you masturbate
You’re a sinner Jimmy Rogers
And you’re going straight to hell
No matter how much you prayin
The Lord aint buyin what you sell
You too far gone to save now
So don’t even try
When you dead and buried
Aint no one here gonna cry
Oh Lord have mercy!
I wanna have your baby
When I see you
Sleepin so peacefully
My love so dear
What you mean to me
I cuddle up next to you
Being so quiet, so you can’t hear
I snuggle up to your face
And I whisper in your ear……………..
OH YEAH OH YEAH
I WANNA HAVE YO BABY
OH YEAH OH YEAH
I WANNA HAVE YO BABY NOW
You can shower me in diamonds
By Gucci or Dior
You can buy me a Lamborghini
And always be openin the door
You can pour me French Champagne
From a bottle of Don Perrigion
But when we get to grinding
You Better NOT put that thing on!!
OH YEAH OH YEAH
I WANNA HAVE YO BABY
OH YEAH OH YEAH
I WANNA HAVE YO BABY NOW
OH YEAH OH YEAH
I WANNA HAVE YO BABY
OH YEAH OH YEAH
I WANNA HAVE IT NOW
Finicky picky picky
I wanna go to Rome
I wanna go to Monaco
I wanna Paris home
Buy me a Picasso
It doesn’t mean that much
But if you don’t put a bun in this oven
I’ll get my panties in a bunch!
OH YEAH OH YEAH
I WANNA HAVE YO BABY
OH YEAH OH YEAH
I WANNA HAVE YO BABY NOW
OH YEAH OH YEAH
I WANNA HAVE YO BABY
OH YEAH YEAH
I WANNA HAVE YO BABY NOW
Gimme a baby I want it now I don’t care who and I don’t care how
Every other girl I know has a baby do you want me to be left out
Gimme a baby that I can dress up and take and show about
Gimme a baby before im an old grey and ugly hag
Gimme a baby that I can wear like my Brand new Gucci bag
OH YEAH OH YEAH
I WANN HAVE YO BABY
OH YEHA OH YEAH
I WANNA HAVE YO BABY NOW
(3x)
If it’s gonna rain, it’s gonna rain on me
If I had any luck
It’d all be bad
If I won a free tuxedo
It’d probably be plaid
If I found a million dollars
You can sure as hell bet
I’d immediately get hit by a bus
And wouldn’t get to spend a red cent
If I started coughing
I bet a lung would come out
If I found a therapist
Guarantee he’d just whine and pout
If I had a dog
It’d run away
And if I met the girl of my dreams
Sure as hell she’d be gay!!!
If it’s gonna rain
Its gonna rain on me
God sure has a sense of humor
I wish he’d let me be
It always rains on me
A total downpour
My wife is a drug dealer
And my daughter’s a whore
Rain rain go away
And leave me alone
Oh great
Whats that sound?
Yup, another broken bone!
I wish
I would get run over
I wish
I would get eaten by a shark
I wish
A cobra would bite my ass
I wish
I would run out of gas
Right in front
Of an oncoming speeding train
That’s fast, wouldn’t feel any pain
This is silly
Why are you down on yourself
Look on the bright side
You could be someone else
You could be
Homeless and out on the street
With no clothes
No job and nothing to eat
Bitch bitch bitch
That’s all I ever hear you do
Im about
Ready to take my shoe
And shove it
So far up your ass
That youll
Walk like you have constant gas
Ug
If it’s gonna rain
It’s gonna rain on me
Wont someone somewhere
Come and rescue me
(spokek) looks like a downpour headed your way
Maybe
I dunno what I’m doin here anymore
Its ok
No, I mean it. Everything I write turns to junk
You’re being too hard on yourself.
Am I? My mind feels…so disorganized (lays down on couch)
Sigh
You don’t really believe Rome was built in a day
Or that the best laid plans
Can sometimes go in a different direction
And you don’t really believe
That those pills, will bring you satisfaction
You can spend your life spinning your wheels
In the mud soaked road
Leading to your destiny
Or you can lay your head
Upon my shoulder
Maybe you should come on home
Maybe you never should have left
Maybe you should j
ust pick up that phone
Maybe you should let me love you to death
Maybe I dunno why
You can shut everyone out
And build a wall
3 miles high
You can stand on your roof and shout
Hey world
What do you owe me
You can hang your heart out to dry
But when it rains
It’ll just get wet again
Maybe you should come on home
Maybe you never should have left
Maybe you should just pick up that phone
Maybe you should let me love you to death
Maybe I dunno why
You can blame everyone
For the things
That only you did
You can curse those who stayed with you
When for youself, you ran away and hid
You can say its me
Blame it all on the one who loves you
But that won’t make me go
Because I’ve seen you, and only I know
Maybe you should come on home
Maybe you never should have left
Maybe you should just pick up that phone
Maybe you should let me love you to death
Maybe I dunno why
I luv u
Well I love kitties
And I love cats
I love puppy dogs
And I love bats
I love so many things
I admit this is true
But the thing I love most
Has got to be you!
Oh
I love how you walk
I love how you run
I love how your hair shines
In the golden sun
I love how you tickle me
Ha ha right there
And I love how you’ll stay with me
Anytime anywhere
Oh I must admit
I love pro rasslin
And Monday night football
And drinkin tonic and gin
But I’ll watch Lifetime
When you’re movie’s on
And I’ll even shut up
When American Idol is on
Oh
I love how you cook
And I love how you drive
I love how you make me feel
So darn alive
I love how you laugh
At all my stupid jokes
And I love how you don’t complain
When we have to visit my folks
I loved you in 3rd grade
And I loved you in 5th
I loved you in high school
You’re the only one I was with
I loved you in college
And someday I say
I’ll love you
When we’re both old and grey
Oh
I love how you walk
And I love how you run
I love how your hair shines
In the golden sun
I love you forever
You’re my triple overtime
I love you my dearest
I’m so glad that you’re all mine.
Ain’t got no
Ain’t got no springtime
Ain’t got no flowers in bloom
Ain’t got no summer
Ain’t got no weddin in June
Ain’t got no autumn
Ain’t got no leaves to fall
Ain’t got no winter
Ain’t got no snow at all
It’s the season
The season for the blues
It’s the season
The season for the blues
Pack up your bags
