That moment had been the end to her younger feelings for him, making it possible for them to build their true friendship.
And now she’d betrayed that ... why?
The answer wasn’t comfortable, but it wasn’t too hard to find. She’d selfishly wanted a man’s body to respond to her as Grif’s had responded. She’d needed that reassurance. And maybe some part of her deep down had picked Grif because she knew he wouldn’t reject her.
Not like Dale had in the end ...
It was contemptible to use Grif that way, to abuse their friendship that way.
She had to make it right. Somehow.
* * *
“Ellyn?”
The pause on the other end of the line told Grif more clearly than words that she recognized his voice. And was uncomfortable.
He strung together mental curses that did nothing to improve his mood. And his mood was none too good to start with. He’d tossed and turned until he drifted into a restless doze that brought fragmentary dreams of a man in uniform kissing a woman he knew he had to leave.
“Hello, Grif.”
She sounded tentative, making him more grimly determined.
“Will you be available in the afternoon the day after tomorrow to go look at materials for rebuilding that path up the ridge? I’ll pick you up and – ”
“Grif, I haven’t changed my mind – ”
“I know. Nothing’s changed.” He thought he heard an indrawn breath on the other end of the line at his emphasis on the last two words. “But that path’s Far Hills land, and – ”
“Grif, let me say something, please?”
He didn’t want to hear it. Damn, he didn’t want to hear it. “Sure.”
“Grif, what happened yesterday ... I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have ... Marti and Fran have been after me for spending so much time alone, and I guess they’re right. But that’s no excuse,” she added hurriedly, “for abusing your friendship that way. I’m so sorry. All the years we’ve been friends and then to put you in that awkward situation... I truly am sorry that – ”
“Forget it.” It had been an awkward situation ... awkward for walking for several minutes after she’d disappeared. Awkward for his peace of mind.
“I hope we both can forget it and keep on being friends. I promise it won’t happen again. I’m so sorry it happened – ”
“We’ll be friends any way you want if you stop this damned apologizing.”
His harsh words brought silence.
“Okay, Grif.” She sounded strained. Perhaps peeved. “I’m done apologizing.”
“Good. Now, about the path. I talked to Marti, and we’ve agreed it needs to be fixed, and I’m going to do it. She and I also agreed you should have some say in how it’ll look when it’s rebuilt, since you’re living there.”
“Then I’ll pay for it.”
“Talk to Marti. I have nothing to do with the money.”
The sound he heard this time was definitely a snort. “I won’t be able to budge her, either, if she’s made up her mind.”
“You might be right. Either way, that path’s going to get rebuilt. The question is if you want any say in what it looks like. If the day’s not good – ”
“Day after tomorrow’s fine.” Her voice sounded surer. Brisk. “About one.”
“Okay. I’ll see you then.”
“Good-bye.”
“Good-bye, Ellyn.”
Forget it? She wanted him to forget how it felt to hold her, to have her body snug against his, her lips on his, her tongue in his mouth? The burn of desire threatened to jump all the fire walls he’d erected, and he’d take abuse like that gladly.
But from the moment she’d backed out of his arms, he’d known she didn’t feel the same – as if letting go might rip something open inside.
Yet, even as he cursed it, he knew it was for the best. Truly for the best.
This way he could continue helping Ellyn and the kids without letting loose emotions he was ill-equipped to handle.
* * *
Holding the kitchen window curtain aside with two fingers, Ellyn watched as Grif emerged from his rental car. It reminded her of the day he’d arrived in Far Hills.
Only this time, she knew he was coming, so she wasn’t exposed on the hillside, vulnerable to unresolved emotions. This time, she could watch him without being watched. This time he wouldn’t be a surprise soldier, straight and handsome, who’d come to the rescue of her son. This time she was ready for him.
Not like that first day, when her mind had so strangely obsessed on his casual touch on her drying clothes, and certainly not like three days ago at the school.
Now she knew the dangers lurking inside her. From those moments in the bathroom and her initial recognition of why she’d kissed him, she’d spent a lot of time setting herself straight. Those wayward longings wouldn’t ambush her again.
He moved more slowly than usual. His face looked as if he might have gotten too much sun. He must have been doing something strenuous outdoors yesterday. She hadn’t seen him all day ... not that she’d been on the lookout. But every other day of his visit she’d at least heard from him.
The knock on the door seemed a long time coming. It still made her jerk. When enough seconds had ticked by to pretend she’d come from another part of the house, she drew in a calming breath, and opened the door.
But when she stepped back to let him enter, she blurted, “I wasn’t sure you’d come.”
“I said I would.”
“Of course, and you always keep your promises. But really, Grif,” she added hurriedly, straining for a lighter tone. “I don’t need you to – ”
“I know you don’t. I know you’d do fine without me at all. But I said I’m doing this, and I am.”
“You haven’t changed from the time you were Ben and Meg’s age. You’re stubborn as all get-out.”
“I haven’t changed,” he said, the slow words oddly chilling. “I never will. But you have. You’ve changed Ellyn.”
“Yes, Dale pointed that out numerous times, too.”
She snapped her mouth shut on the final word, caught off guard by her own tone. Stunned by her own feelings. Bitterness? Where had that come from? She hadn’t been bitter with Dale. Sad, frustrated, scared, heartbroken, disappointed, hurt and even impatient. But never bitter. So why on earth would bitterness surface toward Grif, of all people?
If he noticed the vinegar in her voice, he didn’t react to it, but continued looking at her steadily. “You’re stronger.”
She blinked in surprise, or maybe in shock at the warmth of underlying approval in his words.
“I didn’t have a choice. I had to be – for Meg and Ben.”
“No, I don’t suppose you did have a choice.”
He turned away with the stiffness she’d noticed when he got out of the car. “Grif, are you okay?”
He half turned back, slowly. “Sure. Fine.”
“Grif – ” She put a hand on his arm below his rolled back cuff, hoping to get a better look at his face. What she felt drove all other thoughts from her mind. “My God, Grif, you’re burning up.”
At The Heart’s Command: Chapter Nine
She moved around to in front of him and put her palm to his forehead as she would with one of the children. “You have a fever. Why on earth didn’t you call and postpone?”
He looked at her, and she realized how glassy his eyes were. “It’s warm out.”
She tsked once – at his stubbornness and her obtuseness, then she got busy, leading him to sit on the couch before she retrieved the thermometer from the medicine cabinet.
“I’m okay. We’ve got to get going – ”
“We’re not going anywhere. Sit.” In familiar territory now, she slipped the plastic cover over the digital thermometer. “Hold this under your tongue.” When he opened his mouth to protest, she slid the thermometer in – a ploy that seldom worked with the kids anymore. He was obviously new to this.
“Ellyn – �
�
He reached toward the thermometer, and she grabbed that arm, putting her fingers over the pulse point at his wrist.
“Be quiet so I can count.”
He subsided long enough for her to take his pulse – three times. The first time she was sure she had to be wrong that it could be that high. The second time she lost count when the thought that a rapid pulse could come from things other than illness blindsided her. The third time, sternly warding off all thoughts except counting the beats under her fingers, she came up with nearly the same number as the first time.
“Okay, that should be done.”
He gave her a look as she removed the thermometer that was probably meant to be intimidating, but reached merely doleful.
“Now can we get going? There’s – ”
She barely heard, all her attention on the thermometer’s figures. “Oh, my ... I’m calling the doctor.
“I don’t need a doctor. I’m – ”
“The hell you don’t, John Griffin Junior.”
“Don’t call me – ”
“I’m calling the doctor.” She overrode his words and any other objections he had. “You stay right there.”
She dialed the number of Doc Boyd, and got his head nurse, Laurel Vega, on the fifth ring.
“Laurel? This is Ellyn Sinclair. I’ve got a ... ah, friend here visiting. He’s got a temperature of a hundred and four.”
“An adult with a hundred and four? Better let you talk to Doc. But it might be a while – it’s a zoo here. You’re lucky anybody answered the phone. You want to hang on or wait until Doc has a chance to call back?”
“I’ll hang on. Thanks.”
She got the aspirin she kept in the cabinet by the sink, then filled a glass with water and took it into the living room to Grif.
“Here.”
He took the water, but balked when she held out two small white pills. “I don’t need those. I’m just thirsty.”
“Grif, you take these and don’t give me any grief about it, do you understand?”
He took the pills from her hand, but ventured another protest. “Ellyn, I don’t – ”
“You do. Take the pills and drink all that water.”
He grimaced as he popped the pills in his mouth, but swallowed them with water immediately. Then he kept drinking like a man who’d been in a desert.
With his head tilted back, she watched the rhythmic motion. The sinews and muscles of his strong neck at contrast with the vulnerability of his exposed throat.
“Ellyn? What’s this I hear about you having a patient? Not one of the kids, I hope.”
It took her a moment to adjust her mental focus from Grif to the voice on the phone. “Oh, uh, Doc. No, not the kids. Grif –uh, Colonel Griffin is a friend of the family. Marti’s nephew.”
“Mmm-hmm.” What did he mean by that? Had he heard something? Or –“Symptoms?”
His terse question settled her. She related the figures of temperature and pulse, along with her observations and what she’d given Grif. He asked a series of questions that seemed to eliminate his worst concerns.
“Has he been around Ben the past couple days? Ben or other second-graders. Say, the past two days?”
“The past two days? No. He gave a presentation to Ben’s class three days ago, but Ben hasn’t seen him since, and there wasn’t a lot of close contact even then.”
“Could be longer than two days if he’s otherwise healthy. How about you? Have you been around this Grif. Close contact.”
“No. I told you. We’re frie – ”
It wasn’t just a memory of their kiss that stopped her words, it was the full-blown sensation. Grif’s lips pressing against hers, his body around hers. Heat as high as his fever now, and sensations more potent than the most powerful drug.
Doc Boyd’s pragmatic voice snapped her out of her trance.
“Well, that’s probably how he got it,” he said, apparently reading her aborted denial with unerring accuracy. “Sounds like the strep infection that’s got half the second grade in my clinic. You’ll get a note from school with Ben this afternoon.”
“But Ben’s fine – I feel fine.”
“Sure,” he said cheerfully. “You’re carriers. You’ve built up immunity to lots of these germs from having your kids bring them home. But sounds like this colonel of yours – ”
“He’s not mine.”
“ – hasn’t been around kids. Right?”
“Not for a while,” she confirmed.
“So he doesn’t have much immunity. Come to think of it, with a fever like that, he doesn’t have any immunity to this bug no matter how healthy he is normally.”
“I’ll bring him right in and – ”
“Whoa, there. That’s not a good idea. This clinic is teeming with kid germs. Not only the second grade, but the kindergartners. Some virus is going through them like a hot knife through butter. This is the last place you want your colonel. Way I see it is you can take him up the hospital in Billings – ”
“The hospital!”
Grif roused himself enough to say sternly, “No hospital.”
“ – or you can take him to the base. But they’re not any better than here, since those kids have the same stuff. Or – ”
“I’ll go. BOQ. My room.” Grif leaned forward as if to rise.
“Stay still.” She pushed on his shoulder, and he fell back against the cushions like a rag doll. “Doc, he’s so weak ... Are you sure I shouldn’t bring him in – ”
“Not unless you want to load another disease on this one while his immune system’s kerflooey. He’s better off there, as long as you can keep an eye on him. He shouldn’t be alone, and he sure as hell shouldn’t be driving with that kind of a fever. You’d better keep him at your house.”
“My house! But how can I – ”
“Best place for him. Make sure he gets plenty of rest. Drinks lots of fluids – especially water. Keep an eye on that temperature If it goes up, call me back. I’ll write a prescription for antibiotics. Allergies to any medicines?”
His impatient interruption hadn’t answered her objection, but even if he’d let her finish, Doc wouldn’t have had a solution to the concerns swirling through her mind.
She relayed the question to Grif, and his answer to Doc.
“No, but – ”
“The prescription will be waiting for someone to pick up at the Market. But don’t leave him alone – get someone else to pick it up. Watch that temperature! If it doesn’t start dropping, call and do what you’d do for the kids.”
With that he was gone. Leaving her to contemplate giving Grif a cool bath the way she did for the kids if their temperature shot up.
“Oh, Lordy.” The whisper did little to block out the image, but it did remind her of her immediate problem.
Having Grif here. No, there had to be another solution.
Of course! The home ranch.
After three rings, Marti answered, sounding weary – Emily had the virus, which was making the rounds of the babysitting co-op as well as the kindergarten. Matthew had also been exposed and Kendra wouldn’t know for a couple days if he was contagious, too.
But at least the call solved one problem.
“Fran’s bringing out medicine and other supplies about two, so call and ask her to pick up Grif’s prescription,” Marti suggested.
With a fatalistic sigh, Ellyn did.
“Might as well pick up clothes for the kids while I’m there, and I’ll have ‘em stay with me here in town for a few days,” Fran said. “You wouldn’t want to risk exposing them all over again to this bug.”
It sounded so negligent to even consider having the kids stay home when they had a place to stay with Fran that Ellyn couldn’t think of a good argument that didn’t involve admitting she was wary of being alone with a man – this man – even this sick.
After hanging up the phone in the kitchen, she returned to the living room to find Grif with his head back and his eyes closed. But not
ready to admit defeat.
“Give me a minute, and I’ll get out of here, Ellyn.”
“You’re in no condition to drive.”
“I’m fine. I’ll go to my quarters. Stay in bed.”
“Doc said you shouldn’t be alone. Somebody’s got to watch your temperature, take care of you.
“I’m not going to stay here – ”
“Oh, yes, you are.” Funny, the more he argued, the more determined she was that he wasn’t getting out of her sight. “I thought Marti could ... but Emily is sick, too. Doc Boyd said staying here was best, and that’s what you’re going to do.”
Only, where was he going to stay?
She pushed her hair back with both hands. Meg’s bed was barely big enough for her. Grif would be miserable. Ben’s room ... she closed her eyes as she considered the state that reigned within those four walls. The guest room had no furniture. That left the couch, which wasn’t long enough for him, besides being decidedly lumpy. Or her bed.
“C’mon, Grif.” Before she could consider the ramifications, she took him by the hand and tugged. He stood without needing much help from her, but he weaved a bit with his first steps. She wedged her shoulder under his arm, and draped it around her, then looped her arm across his back, grabbing a fistful of waistband at the far side so she’d have a good hold if he started to go down.
“Ellyn, this isn’t – ”
“Hush. And keep walking.”
He said nothing more as they negotiated the living room, hallway and into her bedroom.
She eased him down to the side of the bed. He sat there, his eyes opened, but not focused. His skin flushed. If she asked him if he needed help undressing, he’d deny it if he had to use his last breath.
She scooched down and pulled off his shoes and socks, then straightened. Telling herself this was no different from dealing with Ben, she started unbuttoning his shirt.
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