“Thanks.”
“Well to me you’re a terrible one,” he informed me, walking back over to the other side of the room. “But to her I’m sure she appreciates that you’re still loyal even if you don’t talk.”
That meant more than he probably knew.
“Plus, you can’t afford to lose me. Everybody needs a gay best friend, and I just so happen to be free Monday through Friday. And Saturday. And Sunday.”
“So…you have no life?” I guessed. “What about Diane? Aren’t you too friends? I’m sure she’ll be devastated that you suddenly have no time for her.”
He made a face, crinkling his nose like that was the worst thing I could have said. “The only reason I hung out with Diane was because I thought if I got her laid she’d stop being so frigid. I hear she kills the plants she works with just by looking at them.”
I laughed. “You’re terrible.”
He winked. “I won’t deny it.”
We finished unpacking the last boxes and walked to the backroom. I looked at the clock and grabbed my bag from my locker once I saw it was time to go.
“You still on for another hour?” I asked, swiping my card at the time clock.
He nodded unenthusiastically.
“Well then I guess I’ll see you tomorrow night.”
He smiled. “I’ll be the sexiest one there.”
“You clearly haven’t met Nate then.”
He eyed me. “That sounds like a challenge, and I’m going to have to accept that one. Nobody can beat me, Blair.”
I giggled.
We’ll see about that.
Ashley was at work when I got to their apartment after my shift. Tara was sitting cross-legged on the couch eating ice cream when I sat down next to her. She was crying as she watched an episode of some late night soap opera that I usually couldn’t care less about catching up on, but I was bored and wanted to talk.
“Did somebody die, cheat or lie about something?”
She sniffed. “Andrea just found out that her twin sister slept with her fiancé. She’s already pregnant with Derek’s baby, but she can’t stay with him after that, right?”
I fought back smiling. “She should definitely end it with him and find a better baby daddy. Cheaters always strike twice, believe me.”
She looked at me and frowned. “I’m sorry, Blair. I forgot about the whole Zach thing. He didn’t deserve you anyway.”
I just nodded.
“At least you weren’t pregnant with his baby,” she added, which caused me to freeze where I sat.
Did she know?
“Poor Andrea is heartbroken,” she continued, not noticing the state of alarm I was in.
I let out a quick breath when I realized she was as clueless as ever about the matter.
“Are you okay? You look a little pale.”
I gave her a small smile. “Just had a long day at work. I have a date tomorrow night. Actually, it’s a double date with Aaron and Katie.”
“Who with?” she asked excitedly, turning off the television.
“A gay guy and Nate.”
She stared at me for a minute. “That sounds like the perfect idea for a soap opera. How exactly did you get roped into this?”
“Through a lie,” I admitted.
She laughed. “Your life is totally a soap opera!”
I cringed because I knew she was right.
“So who is the lucky guy?”
“It’s Josh from work. You’ve met him before.”
“So you’re going on a date with him because…?”
“I told Katie that I was seeing somebody at work, and for some stupid reason Josh’s name popped into my head. They showed up at work when I was with him during my shift and I got roped into a dinner date. Aaron invited Nate along, which is going to end badly.”
She scooped ice cream from the pint. “So what are you going to do? You and Nate don’t talk a lot anymore, right?”
I shook my head. “I’m giving him space.”
She groaned. “I hate that word.”
“Me too.”
She offered me some ice cream. “This is the cure to your problem at the moment. You can guiltily work out with me at the gym tomorrow.”
“Do I look like I work out?” I asked, gesturing toward my thighs. “I don’t exactly have thigh gap.”
She rolled her eyes. “Thigh gap is overrated anyway. Do you know how much food my thighs catch because I don’t have the gap? When I was at the movies, I managed to save so much popcorn when I dropped it. Be thankful God made you like that.”
I laughed. “This is why I love you.”
She smiled. “I know. So back to your drama-packed life. What are you going to do about the date? Bail? I can call you with an excuse to come home if you want.”
I leaned back on the couch. “Josh thinks I should just be up front with everybody, but I don’t know. It’ll be easier if I just admit to everybody what I want. Who I want so I stop lying.”
“By everybody, you’re referring to your brother right?”
She knew me so well. “Yeah.”
“Continue,” she urged.
“That’s all I’ve got.”
She gaped. “You haven’t thought of what you’re going to say? If you’re smart then you should write something down. Make a speech. Make a scene. It’s your night.”
I groaned. “That sounds like work, and I’m lazy.”
“Well you can’t just wing it!”
Why not? “I’m good at that though.”
“Where has that gotten you, Blair? Remember last time you used that method it got you here. Don’t get me wrong, I love having you around, but winging it didn’t really get you anywhere except kicked out of your last place to stay. Lying never gets anybody anything but more drama. I’m an expert on that.”
I took her ice cream and ate some. “Watching soap operas doesn’t make you an expert, Tara.”
“It does to me, which means I win. So no winging it tomorrow night, okay? If you want your brother to know the truth then let it all come out at once. Don’t hold anything back.”
I pressed my lips against the cold spoon and thought about how horrible that’d go if I do what she was telling me. I get tongue-tied pretty easily under pressure, and if I messed up or forgot anything I’d be mortified.
“You’re thinking,” she stated. “What are you thinking about?”
“How badly I’m going to mess up.”
She hit me with a pillow. “If you’re just honest with yourself then you won’t mess up. It’s not like you have to memorize a speech for class. This is coming from your heart. It means something. I promise that you’ll feel better once the truth it out.”
I really hoped she was right, because I couldn’t think about what I would say to the guy that I had a million things to say to. How did that make sense? I thought about Nate a million times a day. There were things I kept telling myself I’d say to him one day, but now that day was coming I had nothing to say.
“I’m the cowardly lion, Tara.”
She laughed. “What?”
“I’m the cowardly lion from The Wizard of Oz,” I repeated in disappointment. “I seriously need the Wizard’s help if I’m going to do this.”
She thought about it. “Well I can hit you with a window like in the movie, but I’m not sure how I’d do that. I guess I could hit you in the head with something equally as heavy to knock you out.”
I opened my mouth to say something, but she kept talking instead.
“You’d probably just end up with a concussion though, so maybe that’s not such a good idea. The only way you’ll get any courage from any Wizards is if you’re on an acid trip and think Harry Potter is real or something.”
I burst out laughing. “You’re crazy!”
She laughed along with me. “I’m just trying to cover all bases. Personally, I think you’ll be fine. If you still want me to hit you in the head with like a book or something I can. I’d do that for you, B
.”
“How touching,” I teased.
She stuck out her tongue. “I’m a great friend.”
We fell quiet.
“Want serious advice?” she finally asked.
I perked up and nodded.
“Don’t let another day go by without telling Nate how you really feel about him, because he needs to know how serious you are. You guys have a weird bond that Ashley and I will never understand, and we both think it’s because you two were just meant to be in each other’s lives. If he doesn’t know that you love him, then he might not take you two into serious consideration.”
“But he does know.”
“You told him you loved him?”
Well…I thought it.
“You need to tell him, and in front of other people like your brother. They all need to know that you’re a big girl wearing your big-girl panties. You are the only person who can control your life, so take advantage of that. Nobody can really stop you from doing what you want.”
“They can try though.”
“True love prevails.”
“That was cheesy,” I informed her.
“Cheesy but true. It’ll happen if it’s meant to.”
“If it doesn’t?”
She shrugged. “Then maybe Nate was just a distraction from the guy that was really meant for you. Or girl. You have more girl friends than you do guy friends, so maybe you’re gay.”
“I’m not gay, but thanks for the theory.”
“Are you positive, because I remember once last year you were checking out that girl in the store when we went to New York City on vacation?”
“That was Jennifer Aniston! How do you not know who that is? She was right in front of us the whole time we walked down the street.”
“So…you might be gay?” she said slowly.
“For Jennifer Aniston, yes!”
“See!” she exclaimed happily. “So if tomorrow night doesn’t work out with Nate, you’ve got more options. Maybe you’ll see Jennifer Aniston again and you can get married.”
“If only,” I replied, rolling my eyes. “On that note, I’ll let you get back to watching whatever the hell you were watching. I need to get some sleep if I want to survive tomorrow night.”
She patted my back as I got up. “It’ll be okay, B. You’ve always got a couch to sleep on here if it doesn’t work out.”
“Thanks, Tara.”
She turned the television on. “That just means you’ll have more time to spend catching up on the latest scandals on late night TV.”
I waved her goodnight and shook my head. “I think I’ll just stick to Netflix during the daytime. I’ve got enough drama in my life to last me forever.”
She raised her ice cream. “I’ll eat to that.”
I just smiled to myself and walked to the bathroom to change for bed and finish off another lonely night.
9
I thought that the sound of my cell phone buzzing was only in my dream, but when it got louder I realized somebody was actually calling me. I reached out lazily for the phone, grasping it with tired limbs and picking it up without looking at the screen.
“Hello?” I mumbled.
“Blair?” Sam whispered.
I sat up quickly. “Sam? Are you okay?”
I looked at the time on the cable box to see it was only a little after two in the morning.
“I need to see you,” she told me quietly. “Are you working tomorrow?”
I yawned. “No, I have the night off. What’s going on? You didn’t tell me if you’re okay or not. I’ve been wanting to call, but—”
“Where will you be tomorrow night?”
Why did she want to know? “Sam, after last time, I don’t want to tell you so those guys can show up. I don’t trust them.”
“Then trust me,” she urged. “Please, Blair? You wanted to help me. I’m letting you. Please just tell me where to meet you.”
I put my face in my hands.
There had never come a time when I couldn’t trust Sam, but she was so different now. I couldn’t be sure if anybody would follow her if I gave her an address or not, and I wouldn’t put Tara and Ashley at risk by giving away my location now.
“I do want to help you,” I finally answered. “I just want to know what you need from me before I agree to meet with you. What’s wrong?”
She was quiet for a long moment. “I need advice. You used to tell me that you’d hear me out no matter what. Are you still willing to do that?”
“What do you want to talk about?”
She gasped. “I can’t talk long. Please give me an address, Blair. Or come to me. I can tell you where to find me.”
No way! I could be walking into a trap.
“I’m eating at the diner on Main Street tomorrow night with my brother. Meet me there at six and we can talk.”
There will be witnesses, I wanted to add. Before I could say anything she hung up the phone, leaving me in the silence of the apartment.
I looked at my blank screen before putting it back onto the table. I was officially wide awake, which meant that I was going to be dead tired tomorrow. I could only imagine the comments that Josh would make of the dark circles that were bound to show at dinner. Something told me he wouldn’t hold back, which made me ten times more nervous.
The light flicked on, making me wince. When my eyes adjusted to the blinding light, I saw Ashley walking around in her underwear and bra, searching the refrigerator.
“What are you looking for?” I groaned, covering my face with my pillow.
“What are you doing awake?”
“I asked you first,” I said in a muffled voice through the fluffy material.
“I’m thirsty, what’s your excuse?”
“Sam called.”
There was a pause. “You’re a good friend, you know that? If somebody put me through the shit that she’s putting you through, I’d never talk to her again.”
I didn’t say anything, because I didn’t feel like a good friend. If I could choose to avoid dealing with the drama Sam was involved in, I would. Problems always had a way of catching up with people though, so there was no place to run.
The couch dipped down at my feet. I moved the pillow and saw Ashley looking at me. She was drinking a glass of water and waiting for me to say something.
When I didn’t, she sighed. “You’re thinking about something. You look like you’re constipated when you’re thinking too hard.”
I crinkled my nose. “I do not!”
“How do you know what you look like when you’re overthinking things?” she questioned. “Take it from me, babe. You look like you haven’t shit in days.”
I covered my face with the pillow. “You’re such a lady, Ash. I don’t know why you don’t have a boyfriend yet.”
“Those are fighting words, girl.”
I rolled my eyes and smiled.
“What are you thinking about?” she asked, patting my leg.
I looked at her with a blank expression on my face. She wouldn’t understand just how much being a good person meant to me. Trying to be somebody that didn’t resemble my mother shouldn’t have been hard, but the one thing she was good at was being reliable. That was before Dad died though. Being better than who she was back then meant the world to me. It was like a lifelong challenge that I couldn’t fail. Being that kind of person meant giving Sam a chance…trying to help her.
I didn’t want to risk what she was into though. If she was involved with drugs, I was just roping myself into her mess. What if I got hurt because I was trying to not be my mother? Being around drugs made me just like her.
You’re not using.
I swore I’d never be around anybody who used any type of drug because I was afraid. I saw a lot of horrible things that my mother did, and I repressed most of those memories so it was easier on me.
“Nothing,” I lied.
“Just tell me.”
I stayed quiet.
“Stop being a little b
itch,” she complained. “It’s late and I’m tired. Just tell me what you’re thinking about so I can tell you that you’re wrong and convince you otherwise.”
That was the reason I wasn’t interested in telling her. She would just tell me to stop overthinking things and go with my gut. I didn’t know what my gut was telling me though.
“I’m tired,” I told her casually.
“So am I,” she agreed. “If you tell me what you’re so worried about then we can both go to sleep soon.”
“Goodnight, Ash.”
She shook me. “I’m trying to be a good friend!”
“You are a good friend,” I assured her. “You’re letting me stay here because I have nowhere else to go. Not everybody would do something like that.”
She frowned. “I want to be here for you though. You’re always closed off, and I feel like it’s getting worse lately. Did something happen?”
I shook my head. “Nothing happened. I’m just trying to figure some stuff out, and I need to do that on my own.”
“You do realize that Tara and I are here for you, right?”
Of course I did! “I know.”
“You don’t have to be alone,” she added.
I reached out for her hand. “I know that I’ve got you guys when I need you. You know me, though. I’m a stubborn pain in the ass who is determined to be independent so…”
“You don’t turn into your mom?”
I pressed my lips together.
“You don’t have to try, B. Your mom never had the determination you do, and I’m not saying that is a bad thing. It means that you’ll never be like her. You’re a completely different person.”
I fought back tears. “I don’t feel like it, Ash. I loved her so much, and watched her ruin her life like it didn’t matter anymore. It just took one thing for her to lose her mind. What if I find that one person who makes me lose my mind?”
She squeezed my hand. “This is about Nate,” she finally realized. “First of all, you’re already crazy over this guy. I mean that in the best way possible, too. I may not know what exactly you went through with your mom, but I do know that Nate will never make you go more psycho than he does now. You’re such a good, hard working person, B. That alone is more than your mom ever was.”
A Safe Place to Fall (Places Book 1) Page 12
