by M. S. Parker
I'd just never encountered anyone like Dax before.
I dressed almost automatically, choosing casual jeans and a high-necked sweater. I'd worn something similar to rehearsal yesterday, thankful that the weather was still cold enough that no one looked twice at my shirt choice. Only I knew the real reason behind my selection had more to do with the still-fading mark than it did with the temperature.
“Stupid son of a bitch,” I muttered.
I'd been fairly consistent in the curses I’d sent Dax's way over the past forty-eight hours. There'd been a fair few of them. At some point, I wanted to unload all of them to his face.
I double-checked my hair to make sure it was all contained before heading to the kitchen for breakfast. Gavin and Carrie had left early yesterday, so I'd eaten alone. This morning, however, they were both in the kitchen. Their backs were to me as I entered, and I stopped a moment to watch the two of them together.
Carrie was about five months along, her slightly rounded stomach a bit more pronounced than usual as she leaned against Gavin. She had one hand on his back, her head resting on his arm. I could hear the low murmur of their voices but couldn't make out any words. I didn't need, or even want, to know what they were saying. It was clearly a private moment between the two of them, and something inside me gave a sharp twist.
I was only nineteen, and I had picked a career that required a lot of focus and work. Intellectually, I knew that casual hook-ups were the smartest way to go. If I was already in a serious relationship, that would've been one thing, but trying to start something wasn't a good idea, and I knew it. I had plenty of time for that later, and if anyone had asked me about marriage and a family, my immediate response would've been to say that I wasn't thinking about either of those things and wouldn’t be for years.
Except in that moment, seeing Carrie and Gavin together, the longing that went through me was almost painful. I didn't understand it...or maybe I didn't want to.
I cleared my throat as I moved farther into the kitchen, and Carrie shifted to look back at me and smile.
“Good morning. How did rehearsal go yesterday?”
“Good,” I said as I poured myself some coffee.
Carrie and Gavin had both been asleep when I'd gotten back Saturday night, and then they'd been out with Dena, Leslie, and their significant others yesterday, so this was the first opportunity for questioning. I was just glad that Carrie hadn't started off with a question about Dax.
I decided to try to keep the conversation away from the one person I didn't even want to be thinking about. “Todd's meeting me here so we can go in together.”
“I like him,” Carrie said as she moved away from Gavin to take a plate of scrambled eggs over to the table. “The two of you certainly get along well.”
“We do,” I agreed. “To be honest, I was a little worried about what it would be like, going into auditions here, working with other people who were trying to do this professionally.” I topped off my coffee and took the plate Gavin held out.
“I thought you did this sort of thing back in DC,” Gavin said as he joined us.
“I did, but it wasn't the same.” I kept my voice bright, wanting to keep the conversation on track. I could feel Carrie's eyes on me, and I knew if I slipped the slightest bit, she'd want to know why. “Most of the people I knew in the theater circuit were either only doing it for fun, or they were already established in local circles. I knew when I came here, it would be a lot more competitive.”
“And it's not?” Gavin asked.
“It is,” I said. “But this cast is great. No divas. Everyone's all about coming together to make Collide the best off-Broadway production possible.”
The best part about talking with them about Collide was that I didn’t have to force myself to sound like I was enjoying it, or make things up. I really did love the cast, and they really were great people. Todd was my favorite, but everyone else was amazing too.
“Have you got to meet Todd's boyfriend yet?” Carrie asked.
I shook my head and grabbed two more bites before I answered. “Hiram doesn't get back from his trip until this weekend.”
A few minutes of silence fell over us as we all focused on our breakfast. I kept my head down, eyes on my plate. I needed my mind clear, my attention undivided. Our first read-through had been yesterday, and we were actually getting on the stage today. I couldn't let myself get distracted by anything.
“Are you planning on doing anything after rehearsal?”
Carrie's casual tone didn't fool me, so I played dumb. “Todd and I might go out to eat afterwards, but we won't be out late. It will be a busy week.”
“You're not planning on–”
Before she could get the question out, the buzzing of the intercom saved me.
“Todd's here.” I carried my things over to the dishwasher, then grabbed my bag and coat.
“Bryne.”
I turned back as Carrie said my name.
“You know you can come to me with anything, right?”
I nodded and gave her my best “I’m absolutely terrific” smile, avoided looking at Gavin as I walked out. I pulled on my coat even though I knew I had a ride waiting. I greeted Todd with a smile and a hug, then slid into the car. He was already talking about a conversation he'd had with Hiram last night.
“...so then Hiram tells me that one of his ex's called him to ask if they could work on a project together. Of course, Hiram said no, but then he said he felt like he had to call and tell me right away. When I asked why, he said that he didn't want to hide anything from me...”
Todd's voice faded into the background as the image of Dax and Cleo made its way to the front of my mind. Neither one of them had said that they'd dated, but I wasn't an idiot. It didn't matter that Dax had said he didn't want a relationship. Cleo hadn't been a one-night stand. Not if they had a “mutual friend.”
And that was when it hit me.
There was one possibility that I hadn't considered. Cleo could have been a one-night stand, and she could have an excellent reason for telling me to stay away from Dax. Their mutual friend might not have been a friend at all. I might've slept with Dax more than once, but I didn't know him. Not really. It was entirely possible that this friend was a child.
His child.
I let out a slow breath and blinked back the tears that burned my eyes. I needed to pull myself together and not worry about things that I didn't have the ability to deal with right now. And that pretty much summed up Dax entirely.
I forced a smile and turned to Todd. “Would you mind running through act one, scene three with me? I'm not sure I have the timing right.”
And with that, I put Dax out of my mind and focused on what I'd come here to do.
Chapter Seven
Dax
Two fucking days.
Two mother-fucking, long-ass days.
I hadn't seen or talked to Bryne since she'd walked back into the club without me Saturday night, and it'd been two of the longest days of my life. I'd spent Sunday at home with my mom, then worked a twelve-hour day yesterday. Today, I was scheduled to work a normal eight-hour shift instead of another twelve, and I was starting to wish I'd asked for the longer shift.
I couldn't stop thinking about Bryne.
And it wasn't just thinking about the sex either, though there was plenty of that, including a long shower last night where I'd let myself relive every naked moment we'd had together. I'd come harder jacking off to her than I had with any other actual woman I'd ever been with.
I would've tried telling myself that it was because she was so hot or because she was new, but I'd spent too much time thinking about her in non-sexual ways to be able to sell that lie.
Wondering what she was doing. What she was thinking about. If she thought Cleo and I were together. How I could reassure her that I wasn't interested in Cleo. How things were going with her play rehearsal.
And that, of course, made me think about Todd. While I hadn't gotten d
etails of what happened between the characters he and Bryne played, I knew they were the leads, and there was some romance. Which meant there was probably at least one kiss between them.
That particular thought was driving me crazy at the moment. Bryne told me that Todd was gay, but a little voice in the back of my mind kept whispering that Todd could've lied. He wouldn't have been the first man to tell a woman he was gay in an attempt to get in her pants. The whole “you could turn me” thing worked pretty well for some guys.
“Something wrong, Dax?”
My head jerked up to find everyone glaring at me. “No, I'm good. Keep going.”
The dirty look Georgie threw my way said he didn't believe a word of it, but he wasn't going to call me on it in front of the other guys. He may have been Booker's second in command, but he knew better than to try to push me around. It was always a toss up whether I'd ignore him or push back.
And he didn't want me pushing back.
“Like I was saying, we're going to be moving the product through the bikes we get in from the people Booker's got lined up.”
I resisted the urge to reach over and smack the back of Georgie's head like I had when we were younger. He needed to stop talking like that, or I couldn't be held responsible for what I did. Product. I almost snorted a laugh. Booker wanted to start moving coke, so I wanted to be discreet, but I knew Georgie. He'd be running his mouth all over the place about it, trying to sound like a badass. He was talking like this because he thought it made him sound big.
“How much we gonna have?” The new guy asked the question I was sure we were all thinking.
“Five hundred kilos.”
The guy we all called Force let out a low whistle and everyone else looked impressed.
I tried not to curse out loud.
Five hundred kilos of cocaine? What the hell was Booker thinking?
Except I didn't really have to ask that question. I knew what Booker was thinking. There was money in moving coke, and he wanted a piece of it.
“Where's he gettin' it all?” Force asked. “I don't know no one 'round here who'd sell that much to someone new.”
“Who said we're getting it from here?” Georgie shot back.
This was the part I knew I needed to pay attention to.
“Booker's got a cousin in Jersey. Julius something. He's a dealer with some serious connections.” Georgie reached into his pocket and pulled out a joint. He lit it, took a long drag, then leaned back in his chair. He was really enjoying himself.
“So we're gonna buy it from this Julius guy?” the new guy asked.
Georgie shook his head, and the slow smile that curled up his mouth set my teeth on edge. “Nope.”
That didn't sound promising.
“Booker's got us going around his cousin? That doesn’t sound too smart.”
I was glad Force asked it so I didn't have to. He was in the gang, so while it might not have been a good idea for him to question the boss, it was a hell of a lot better than me doing it. The less I involved myself in any of this, the better.
“Naw,” Georgie said. “Julius told Booker that he's got a seller sitting on five hundred kilos and wants to get rid of it at a discount. We're gonna buy it from him.”
Once again I was struck with the desire to hit him. He knew how this was all supposed to go, and he was dragging it all out on purpose. Part of me even wondered if he was doing it because I was here. He was always trying to one-up me. Had since we were kids.
Georgie had grown up on the same block as me, but he came from a shit family. I might not have known who my dad was, but Georgie had it worse with his dad around. I never got the full story, but I'd seen Georgie with enough black eyes as a kid to know that his old man was a piece of work, and his mom wasn't much better. Between that and the fact that most of our peers respected me but not him, things between us had always felt more like a competition than a friendship.
I knew half the reason he'd gotten me hired here was because that put him over me, and he could show how he had power in his gang while I didn't. Now that Booker had pulled me into things, Georgie would probably pull more of this alpha male shit like he had something to prove.
“So we're going to Jersey to buy this coke, bringing it back here, and then putting it in car and bike parts so we can get it to Booker's dealers?” Little Eddie, the quietest of the bunch, put it all together in one question.
“We gettin' paid to get it?” the new guy asked. “Cuz if we get caught runnin' that much shit, we're fucked.”
I didn't say it, but I was thinking the same thing. Booker hadn't given me much detail, only that if I wanted to keep my job, I was going to do this. There'd also been the implication that living was also one of the things on the line if I backed out.
“Yeah, we're getting paid,” Georgie said, his voice sharp.
He didn't like being questioned, especially when he was in charge of a job. He wanted people to follow him like they did Booker. No questions. Unwavering loyalty. The sort of respect that made people not want to cross him. The problem was, he wasn't a leader. Booker wasn't a good guy, but he was a leader. He had the type of presence that made people pay attention when he walked into a room. Georgie had never been like that. He was a hot-head. Liked to run his mouth but could rarely back anything up if it required more than beating the shit out of someone weaker than him.
“How much?” the new guy asked.
I didn't like the glint in Georgie's eyes. Last time I'd seen him give someone that look, the guy had pissed blood for two weeks, and his hand still didn't work right. Like I said. Hot-headed.
“Enough.” He dropped what was left of his joint on the floor and ground it out with the heel of his boot. “Booker's got it all worked out what we all get. If you want exact numbers, you can ask him.”
The kid's eyes widened. Looked like he had some brains after all.
I still wanted to know exactly how much, but I did know enough about Booker to know that he didn't rely on violence for everything. He had no problem paying his people enough for jobs that they stayed loyal.
A sick feeling settled over me. I liked to think of myself as someone who couldn't be bought. Sure, I did some stupid shit, but it was always my choice. And, yeah, sometimes I had to do things I didn't like, but there was always a good reason. I just hadn't considered money a good reason to do anything this stupid.
As much as my mom and I struggled, I'd promised myself I wouldn't do anything that would take me away from her, no matter how pissed I was or how tight things got. But then she got hurt, and money became even more of a problem. Working at Club Privé had kept our heads above water, but now I didn't have that coming in. I hadn't told my mom yet that I’d gotten fired. Carrie was working hard to get my mom what she deserved from her no-good boss. I didn't want Mom getting after Carrie and finding out about Bryne. Not like that.
Getting paid for moving some coke from one place to another didn't sound like such a bad deal. It wasn't like I’d be out selling it to neighborhood kids or anything like that. If I didn't go, the other guys would do the job anyway, and I'd miss out on the money without changing anything.
I knew I was trying to justify accepting the job, but knowing it didn't stop me. I didn't need an exact number to know that it'd be more than I made here. More than enough to fool my mom into thinking I was still at the club, for a while anyway. I didn't know exactly how much everything cost because my mom wouldn't tell me – she said she didn't want me to worry – but I wasn't blind. I could read “late notice” on almost every bill that came in the mail. We couldn't afford to fall any further behind.
“How come Booker don't have us dealing it? Seems like it'd be cheaper.” Force scratched his chin, a thoughtful expression on his face. “And we wouldn't need to mess with any of the bikes or cars.”
I was wondering the same thing, but for a completely different reason. Force and the other guys were probably thinking they could make more that way. I didn't want to give Booker any i
deas. Becoming a dealer was way too risky.
Besides, if I got caught, it'd kill my mom.
Even as I thought it, another face came into my mind. Bryne. She knew I didn't come from a good background, and she'd overlooked our differences so far. I couldn't even imagine what she'd do if I got arrested for dealing cocaine. She'd probably hate me for making her look bad. She had big plans for her future, but none of them included scandals. Especially not from someone like me.
I didn't think I could do this.
The realization shocked me enough that I almost missed Georgie's answer.
“Booker says it's safer this way. No shit kept around here for long. Money goes through the business so it all looks legit.”
“And if we all quit working here, and Booker has to hire a bunch of new people, it's gonna look suspicious,” Little Eddie said. “I got a friend in Chicago who got his whole meth operation busted because he wasn't careful.”
“When are we going?” Force asked.
“Maybe tomorrow, day after at the latest,” Georgie said. “We're making it up to look like we're going to the junk yard to find spare parts.”
Shit. My stomach lurched. Part of me had hoped we'd have a week of planning so I'd have time to figure a way out of it. I had to be smart about it. Come up with a good reason for Georgie to tell me to stay back. But if this was happening in the next day or two, I’d have to flat-out refuse, and I knew Georgie would never take that for an answer. He'd make me go see Booker.
The smart thing would be to do it. Keep my head down, take the money, and then tell Booker that I was out. That I couldn't risk something happening to my mom.
It wasn't Mom I was thinking about though. She loved me unconditionally. It'd hurt her if she found out about any of this, but I'd never lose her love. Disappointment was bad, but she wouldn't turn her back on me.
Doing this meant risking Bryne. I had no claim on her, nothing to hold her to me if things went south. I already knew I wasn't good enough for her, and I kept hoping she wouldn't realize it. If I got caught with coke, she'd know it for sure, and nothing I could do would bring her back.
