At first she continued to struggle, then suddenly went limp in his grasp. When at last he raised his head her eyes looked into his in icy derision. 'You're just like all the others,' she said contemptuously. 'There isn't a man alive who doesn't believe he can use sex to get through to a woman, to bring her round. But not this time. Not any more. You made your faux pas just a little bit too soon for that to work!' And she turned on her heel and strode purposefully away.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Veronica was standing in the driveway saying goodbye to other guests, -so Sara was able to take her leave quickly and get in the car. In order to get out into the road she had to first reverse, but when she went to move forward again she saw that Alex was standing in her path, effectively blocking the way.
Winding the window down, she said- impatiently, 'Will you please get out of my way?'
'When I'm good and ready. If you drive off in that temper you'll have an accident before you've gone more than a mile.'
'I am not in a temper!' she snapped in a fury that belied her words, 'And even if I was, I'd still be capable of controlling this car.'
He came round to the side and leaned his head right through the window so that she hastily backed away. 'You forgot these.' He dropped her hat and her sunglasses on to her lap. 'And I believe this is yours too.'
'Sara had thrown her hat on to the back seat, but now he held, out Nicky's flowers. The scent of the roses drifted up to her nostrils and she bent her head to feel the softness of the petals against her skin. For a moment her eyes closed as she let the rich fragrance fill her.
'Sara, give me ten minutes to pack and then I’ll follow you down the road. We'll stop somewhere along the way and have dinner—talk this out.' Alex's voice was as urgent as his eyes.
Slowly she raised her head to look at him, her loose hair and the softness of the roses giving her an ethereal . loveliness, but then her face hardened and she thrust the flowers back at him. 'No. You went too far this time. Now get out of my way or I’ll run you down.' Putting the car in gear she accelerated forward and Alex had to step hastily back to avoid having his feet run over.
For a mile or so Sara continued to drive fast, but then she slowed down as anger gave way to a feeling of unhappy frustration. To have been raised to such heights of dizzy expectancy and then to find that this man who had come to mean so much had cheated her! She drove a little further and then pulled on to the grass verge at the side of the road, her head throbbing so much that she raised her fingers to her temples to try to ease it. Only this afternoon had she fully realised just how-much she was attracted to him. He had said' that he'd thought about her while they'd been apart, and she had to admit that her thoughts had been equally full of him. There was a strength and certainty of purpose about him that she found completely overwhelming. At first she had tried to fight it, antagonised by his dominating personality, but today she had surrendered, and with the surrender had arisen a need that could only be satisfied by giving herself to him completely! She didn't know where the need came from, only that it was there, and that only this one man who had provoked it would be able to fulfil it.
She tried to tell herself that it was just physical, that by throwing herself into her work she would forget him, but reluctantly she had to admit that it wasn't so. She had tried to bury herself in her work during the last week and it hadn't been any use, so what was the point of fooling herself? After this afternoon she knew that she couldn't just drive away and never see him again. Her skin still burned from his touch, her mouth ached from the force of his kisses. She gripped the steering wheel until her knuckles showed white. This was crazy f She was a grown woman of twenty-six, wasn't she? Not some giggling teenager mooning over her first romance. But grown women of twenty-six could still fall for someone, couldn't they? And they were definitely old enough to take a lover.
Resting her throbbing head on the wheel, Sara tried' to come to terms with her conscience. She knew lots 61 girls who lived with their boy-friends; it happened-all the time, and often the relationships lasted for several years, until one of the partners got tired of the arrangement or found someone new. And then there were no messy divorces, no children to have their lives split in ' two. And let's face it, marriage among her contemporaries was definitely old hat; it was only the middle-aged and the very young, like Nicky and Richard, who stilt thought there was anything in it. Her mind rebelled against being tied down, and yet her body yearned for the closeness of Alex's. She wanted him as much as he' wanted her, and the choice was hers; to drive on or to go back. To carry on alone as before or to yield to this overpowering need of him that was stronger than anything she had ever felt for a man.
When Alex drove along the road a quarter of an hour later, he saw Sara leaning calmly against the side of her car which was still parked on the verge. He pulled up in front of her and strolled back. Her hair was still loose about her shoulders, bat she had replaced the sunglasses. 'What happened?' he asked her.
Sara shrugged. 'The engine just suddenly cut out.'
'Can't you fix k? Don't tell me yon forgot to take car mechanics when you graduated in Women's, Lib,’ he said derisively.
'If I could fix it I wouldn't be here,' she rejoined tartly.
Taking his time, Alex slid behind the wheel and tried the engine. It was completely flat, lifeless. 'You'd better come with me and I'll give you a lift to the nearest garage.'
He got out and Sara retrieved her bag before locking the car and walking beside him without speaking to the Aston Martin. She stayed silent as he drove along the road, taking off the glasses to look studiously out of the window at the trees which were just starting to glow with the greenness of new leaves, at the little streams that tumbled whitely down the hillsides towards the distant blue of the lakes. They must have been driving for nearly ten minutes before Alex suddenly cursed under his breath and swung the car off the road and down a farm track before pulling up with a jerk.
'This is ridiculous!' He leaned-over and drew her to him. 'Sara, I'm damned if I'm going to let your stubborn pride come between us any longer. You've driven me mad long enough!' And then she was in his arms, his muscles tightening to withstand the opposition that never came. Slowly he relaxed, looking at her questioningly and finding in her face a reassurance that took his breath away. He laughed softly, the light of triumph again in his eyes as he cupped her chin in his /hand. 'You minx! I'm crazy about you, do you know that? You make me so furious with you that I want to take you across my knee and spank you like a child, but then you look at me half afraid, half trusting, and I-'want to -hold you close and comfort you. But when I get you in my arms, comforting you is the fast thing F want to do.'
'Oh? What do you want to do, then?’ Sara asked innocently.
He grinned, sure of her now. 'Don't pretend you don't know or I might be tempted to show you-’ Then more seriously, 'There's no going back now, my darling. You're mine, and I intend to claim you just as soon as I can. Oh, my dearest girl, I love you so much.'
His head came down to kiss her, but Sara pulled a little away from him, eyes wide in her startled face. 'What—what did you say?’
Alex smiled in amusement. 'Don't look so surprised’. I've been in love with you ever since that day I let yen believe that Nicky was-pregnant. It was when I saw how much you cared about her that I realised just what all those crazy emotions I'd been experiencing really were. I'd known how much I wanted you all along, of course, but it wasn't until then that I knew I couldn't live without you.' His lips found hers and traced their outline in little kisses that left her breathless. 'For once, my love,' he said half-mockingly, 'you seem bereft of words.'
Tremblingly she raised her right hand to touch his face, letting her hand explore the planes of his cheeks, the firmness of his lips and Strong chin. He turned his head slightly to kiss her palm, then looked at her questioningly. 'Sara?'
She knew what he wanted, of course; he wanted her to tell him in turn that she loved him, but his avowal had comp
letely astounded her, thrown her thoughts into a turmoil: Did she love him, or were these feelings inside/her purely physical, to be assuaged and then forgotten? She had thought herself in love before and it had come to nothing, and she was afraid now to commit herself, to make a statement that she wasn't sure was true. So instead she smiled rather mistily and said, 'Just think, if that lorry driver hadn't backed into my car so that we had to travel together this might never have happened.'
To her surprise Alex looked slightly shamefaced. 'Ah, yea, the lorry driver.' He took her hand and began to play with her fingers. 'I'm afraid I have a confession to make about that.'
'Confession?' she asked in puzzlement.
'Yes. You see, I bribed the driver to back into you, I had no intention of sitting in some hotel waiting until you saw fit to get in touch with me, so I decided to make sure you didn't leave me behind.' As he spoke he watched her warily, ready to catch her hand if she tried to let fly at him.
Indignation did kindle in Sara's eyes for a moment, but then she gave a gurgle of laughter. 'I suppose I ought to have guessed! It's just the kind of trick you'd pull to get your own way, but I didn't know you well enough at the time to realise it.’ She bent down to pick up her bag and took something from it. 'As we seem to be at confession time, I suppose I'd better own up too.' Looking up at him mischievously, she opened her hand to display something wrapped in tissue paper.
Intrigued, Alex took it from- her and opened the tissue to find a rather greasy metal nut.
'It's from the battery of my car,’ Sara explained. 'I took it off so that I'd have an excuse to wait for you,'
'Supposing .'I'd decided to stay at Appleberry and not followed you?'
Rather unsteadily she answered, 'That was a chance I had to take.'
'But if I hadn't come along—would you have gone back to Appleberry? Would you. Sara?' he asked insistently, his eyes searching her face.
She looked away. 'I—I don't know.' Then she smiled. 'But it doesn't matter, because you came.' Leaning across, she kissed him gently on the mouth. His lips fastened on hers compulsively and the kiss that had started out so tenderly ended with Sara clinging to him as the world slowly stopped spinning around her.
'Darling.' Alex's voice was uneven in her ear. 'I'm going to have that nut gold-plated and set with a diamond so that yon can wear it as an engagement ring.'
Sara tensed beneath his hands. 'An engagement ring?'
He put a long finger under her chin and tilted her face so that he could see her. 'Of course. We're going to be married just as soon as it can be arranged.’
'Married? But I thought you only wanted to…'
'To what?' His expression changed to one of astonishment. 'Good God, did you really believe that I only wanted to go to bed with you? What kind of man do you think I am? No wonder I've had such a hell of a time pinning you down! No, my lovely little idiot, my intentions are strictly honourable. We're going to be married, and not in some five-minute ceremony in a registrar's office.’ he added firmly. 'We're going to have a white wedding with all our friends and relations there to wish us happiness. I want everyone to know how much you mean to me.' With a gentle hand he stroked the side of her face so that she quivered with awareness.
'And after the wedding?' she said unsteadily.
'We'll go on honeymoon—a month at least. Perhaps to the West Indies; you must choose. And when we gel back we'll look round for a house. My flat's quite large, but we can live in yours till we find somewhere if you'd prefer it.’
'And my job?'
'You'll give that up, of course. I'm not exactly a millionaire, but I have enough for both of us.' He spoke emphatically, certain that she would be happy to fall in with his wishes, almost as if he was doing her a favour by taking away the one thing, other than Nicky, that had really mattered to her for so long.
Slowly she straightened and sat back in her seat, her face grave but determined. Trying to be reasonable, she said, 'Alex, my job means a lot to me, I've worked hard for years to get where I am and I don't want to give it up.'
'But, darling, I've already said it isn't necessary for you to go on working. I want you waiting for me when I get home at night,' he added firmly.
'Please try to understand, Alex. I need to work,' Sara said urgently. 'I'm used to the stimulus; meeting people, being creative.'
'And do you think you won't find that in marriage?' he interrupted brusquely. 'Of course you will. You'll find that there won't be enough hours in the day once we find a house and start a family. Sara, look at me,' he commanded when she quickly turned her head away. 'I want a full-time wife, Sara, not someone who's tired out in the evenings and can think of nothing but the problems she's got to face the next day. I've seen relationships like that and they seldom work out.' His voice hardened. 'I suppose what it comes down to is whether you care more for your job or for me.'
"Would you give your job up for me?' she asked defensively.
'Yes, if I had something else to take its place. But it's different for a man.'
'Is it?'
'Of course it is. He's the breadwinner,' he said tersely.
'Only because tradition dictates it. But I'm not asking you to give anything up, it'‘ the other way round. And I'm afraid the price is too high.' She sat silently for a moment, but when she raised her face to his her eyes were determined. I’m sorry, Alex. I've been fighting for that job for six years, you I've only known for a few weeks. I'll live with you, but I won't live through you.'
'And just what is that supposed to mean?'
'It means that I'll move in with you, live with you, if you still want me, but I won't marry you on your terms. My work and independence mean too much to me for that.'
There was a short, shattering silence. 'What the hell kind of offer is that?' Alex asked fiercely.
'It's not one I'm in the habit of making,' Sara replied rather tartly.
'I want a wife not a mistress, Sara,' he said bluntly.
She winced at his choice of words, but stuck to her guns. 'I'm sorry,' shaking her head.
There was a bitter look of hurt rejection in Alex's eyes and his mouth twisted in cruel irony. 'It's almost funny, isn't it? The first time I've ever offered marriage to a woman and I get it thrown back in my face.' He sat back in his seat and reached for a cigarette, drawing on it viciously.
Unable to look at him, Sara could only stare unseeingly through the windscreen, her hands clasped tightly in her lap. She longed to comfort him, to take that look out of his eyes—and it would have been so easy to do, so easy to say she hadn't meant it, that she'd do what he wanted. Digging her nails into her palms, she forced herself to stay still, to let him be the first to speak.
'So you want us to live together,' he said at last. 'Want me to live in the knowledge that if anything happened to upset you there'd be nothing to hold you back from walking out on me. That I could come home at night and find you gone.'
'No, I wouldn't do that to you, Alex. I care about you too much to just walk out.'
He looked at her then, his eyes dark, unreadable. 'Care—but not love?'
Slowly she hung her head, unable to look him in the eyes.
'And what if I say it's marriage or nothing?'
'Say nothing,, then,' she answered huskily.
He looked away from her, his face bleak. 'All right,' he said grimly after a moment, 'so we'll do it your way. But I'll move in with you; that way you won't be able to just pack up and leave. And there'll be no need to wait. I'll move in tomorrow,'
Tomorrow! Sara looked at the firm set of his jaw and decided to keep quiet, her mind a welter of mixed emotions : a sort of incredulous pleasure because she'd won, dismay at the speed with which he wanted to take up her offer, and a growing apprehension at what tomorrow would bring. '
Alex drove her back to her car, replaced the nut on the battery and waited while she tried the engine. When it fired he said casually, ‘I’ll bring my gear round about eight tomorrow evening. See you then.' And he
turned and strode calmly back to his car. ‘
A distant church bell chimed eight times just as Sara zipped up her skirt. Frantically she pulled on a soft lamb's wool sweater before recombing her hair and making sure her make-up wasn't smudged. Then she went to throw the three different outfits she had rejected back into the wardrobe anyhow, but remembered in time that Alex would be sharing it and hastily picked them up to put them away properly. She still wasn't completely happy with what she was wearing— what did one wear on an occasion like this, for heaven's sake? But there wasn't time to change again anyway, he might be here at any minute.
As it was Sunday she had spent the whole day cleaning the place up and making space for Alex's things, and she had left dressing until after she'd put the dinner to cook in the oven. But there were still a thousand things she wanted to do, that kept occurring to her. He would probably have books and records, but her shelves were already bulging. Perhaps she ought to dear some of her, things into Nicky's old room. She started to sort some books out when she noticed a cookery book and panicked because she hadn't turned down the oven. Frantically she ran into the kitchen and almost burnt her hand in her haste—but it was all right, she must have done it before she changed.
This was crazy! Sara forced herself- to sit down in the kitchen to try to relax. Her heart was hammering in her chest and she felt almost sick with anticipation. All day she'd been rushing around, going out to find shops that were open on a Sunday to get food for dinner, taking her washing to the launderette to get it out of the way. The smell of the food caused her stomach to make protesting noises and she realised that she had been too tense and bet up to eat all day, after an extremely restless night and the long drive back from the Lake District yesterday. Going back to the sitting-room, she replaced the books in their shelves; if Alex brought any with him they could arrange them together. Deliberately she tried not to think of what was going to happen, although her wayward mind seemed to return to it every five minutes. The reasons for and against she had gone over and over and felt completely justified in what she was doing. So why did she feel as if she was going to commit a crime? And why, did she keep wanting, to run out of the flat and hide herself away somewhere?
Sally Wentworth - Liberated Lady Page 13
