I snickered, always knowing that Rufus had my back. “It’s going that good, huh? I mean, it couldn’t be no better than before, could it? I just don’t want to live my life on the edge, man, and I already feel as if I’m doing that here. I’d fasho have to bring Desmon with me and I can’t stand to have him brought up like I was.”
“Listen, a man gotta do what he gotta do. You know that my son and my daughter are both in the game. It’s the only way I know how and I ain’t mad about it either. Tomorrow ain’t promised to nobody. Whether you’re a dope dealer, stockbroker, minister, teacher…whatever. When it’s your time to go, it’s just your time to go.”
“I know. But going back to my previous lifestyle will be a setback for me. I’m not saying what you said doesn’t make sense but…”
“But…but you need to come on back home, Kiley. If I got to come to St. Louis to get you myself, I will. Basically, we all we got. I got love for some of these niggas, but not how I got love for you. You’d be in control of this game right along with me. It’s a low key operation and our chances of going back to jail are slim. I got the police on my payroll, and some of the best people are working closely with me.”
“What about killing people? You can’t tell me all that shit has stopped.”
“Hey, you know how that is. If it don’t shake and it don’t rattle, then we haven’t had to roll. It comes with the territory and you know that.”
“Right. That’s what I’m afraid of.”
“Kiley, stop trying to be somethin’ that you ain’t. I said it before and I’ll say it again, you will never change who you’ve been or what you are. You wanna know why?”
“A part of me knows why. It’s in my blood.”
“Exactly. You are what Pappa Abrams made you. Just think about coming home and getting back to reality.”
I paused for a while, thinking about his offer. “I will think about it. And don’t come for me until I ask you to.”
Rufus promised me he wouldn’t, and after he told me how sad Quincy’s funeral was, I was even more hurt. So hurt, that I went into a deep sleep and didn’t come out of it, until I heard a voice that was all so familiar to me—Anna.
I hopped out of bed and when I pulled open the already cracked door, I peeked out at her standing in the living room while talking to Ginger. Before she saw me, I closed the door. I heard Ginger’s voice come near the door. She opened it, as I’d already pulled the cover over my head like I was sleep.
“Kiley,” she whispered. I didn’t say nothing and she called for me again.
“What?”
“I want you to meet somebody. Get up.”
“I’m tired, Ginger. I’ll get up later.”
“Come on, now. It’s almost three o’clock in the afternoon and it’s time for you to get up. Besides, it’s Antonio’s aunt. She’s been dying to meet you.”
“I’ll get up in a minute.”
“Well, hurry up. She’s joining us for dinner so make sure you put some clothes on.”
I was silent and Ginger closed the door. Damn, I thought. How in the hell was I going to get my ass out of this mess. Ginger had already said my name and I wondered if Ana was already putting two and two together. I knew I should’ve been honest with her, but I wanted to do it when I was ready.
I laid there for about another fifteen minutes, trying to figure out what to do. The only thing that made sense was to get the shit out in the open. Now was the appropriate timing, since Desmon wasn’t here. He was still gone, but I figured he was okay.
I pulled the covers back and eased my way to the bathroom, since they’d already went into the kitchen. I took a quick shower, and just as I tried to slip out of the bathroom to put on my clothes, Ginger saw me with a white towel around my waist and called for me.
“Come here for a second,” she said.
“Wait,” I said with my back turned. “I need to go put on some clothes.”
“Just come here. The towel is covering you up, ain’t it?”
Without another delay, I headed to the kitchen. I held the towel around my waist and stood in the doorway as Anna eyes bugged with utter shock. Ginger stood with a wide grin on her face.
“Anna, this is Desmon’s father, Kiley. And Kiley, this is Anna. She’s Antonio’s aunt.”
Anna couldn’t get any words to come out of her mouth and neither could I. Trying not to be so obvious, I finally spoke.
“What’s up, Anna. Nice to meet you.”
I walked up to her, reaching out my hand to shake hers. Still not saying anything she stared at me and reached her hand out for mine. After we shook hands, I told her and Ginger I’d join them once I put some clothes on.
I headed to the bedroom, wiping the sweat from my baldhead and hands. By the look on Anna’s face, I could tell she was either pissed or probably more confused by my lies.
I hurried into my sweat pants and a wife-beater, then went back into the kitchen to see what was up. Ginger was by the stove putting some diced potatoes in a pot, while Anna sat at the table and listened to her go on and on about what went down at the club the other night. I took a seat at the kitchen table and quickly cut Ginger off to make conversation, since Anna stared at me.
“Ginger, have you heard from Desmon yet?”
“No, he hasn’t called. It is getting pretty late, so I guess I should call and check on him, huh?”
I glanced at Anna and reached for my cell phone on the table to call Desmon. Surprisingly, he answered.
“I’ll be there in a sec.,” he said.
“Where are you? What in the hell kind of homecoming did you go to?”
“Man, I’m still at the hotel. I’ll be there soon, au-ight?”
“Yesterday, I was Dad. Today, I’m back to being man, huh?”
“Okay, Dad. I’ll be there in a few. After I drop Antonio and his date off, I got some unfinished business to take care of and I’ll see you soon.”
“That’s better. Also, did you take your condoms?”
Ginger turned around and put her hands on her hips. Desmon laughed and then hung up.
Still trying to avoid Anna’s stares, I focused my attention on Ginger. “He’ll be home shortly. He said after he drops Antonio and his date off, he’s on his way.” I figured Anna was probably worried about Antonio, so that was a little FYI.
“Good,” Ginger said. “And I’m so surprised you and Desmon are getting along better.” She looked at Anna. “Girl, you should have been here when Kiley first came home from prison. Him and Desmon were at it day end and day out.” Anna didn’t respond.
Ginger opened the fridge and poured a glass of Kool-Aid. She placed it on the table in front of me. “Dinner should be ready in a few. If you don’t mind, Anna’s joining us. She came over so I could tell her how to go about applying for this job at a nursing home not too far from here. It’s the nursing home my girl Leslie works at and she got the hook up.”
Anna sat quietly, until Ginger sat my plate in front of me and leaned in for a kiss. She softly spoke, “I’m so proud of you for working things out with your son. You have no idea what it means to me.”
Ginger placed her lips on mine, sticking her tongue deeply into my mouth. When I saw Anna stand up, I backed away from Ginger.
“I…I really need to get going,” she said.
Ginger back away from me. “Anna, I thought you were gonna stay for dinner. Kiley and me get chummy with each other all the time. Don’t pay us no mind.”
Anna abruptly walked towards the kitchen’s doorway. Knowing that she’d probably never speak to me again, unless I cleared this up right here and right now, I reached out for her hand. Ginger’s brows went up and she backed further away from me. Anna snatched her hand away, looking so angry that she couldn’t even speak.
“Hear me out and let me explain this,” I said to Anna.
Ginger’s forehead wrinkled. “Explain what?”
“That I’ve been seeing Anna,” I said with my attention on her. “I lied to you a
bout who I was because…”
“Muthafucka, you what!” Ginger yelled. I couldn’t get my explanation to come out because Ginger’s loud voice was ringing my ears. “After all I’ve done for you, you’ve been have sex with her!”
Anna waved me off. “I’m out of here,” she said, making her way to the door. I stood to go after, but Ginger dug her nails into my chest and forced me backwards.
“I’m so sick and tired of arguing with you. Get out of here, Kiley! I’m not going to kiss your ass to be with me, but it burns me the hell up when a black man always got to run his ass to women of another race! After all black women do for y’all asses, what fucking nerve!”
Intending to leave anyway, I told Ginger an explanation from me wasn’t needed. I went to the bedroom, packing my things to leave. “I am in disbelief!” Ginger said, standing by the doorway. “How long have you been fucking around with her? And how long did you intend to keep making a fool of me?”
I remained calm as ever, knowing that I should have left a long time ago. “I’m leaving your place, so it don’t even matter.”
“It matters to me, damn it! Just in case you forgot, I was there for you, nigga, when nobody else was! I put a roof over your head and fed you every day! Instead of giving that bitch an explanation, you owe me one!”
“I don’t owe you shit, Ginger. Maybe, a good ass kicking for fucking up my son’s life, and for stealing my damn money that didn’t belong to you. You’ve been repaid for your services, so shut the fuck up talking to me.”
Ginger challenged me and kept running her damn mouth. For the next half an hour or so, we went back and forth as I continued to gather my things to go. When she decided to punch me in my chest, that’s when she brought out another side of me she didn’t want to see. I punched her hard in her face, dropping her back on the bed. She charged at me again, and I gave her an even harder blow than the one before. That was enough to quiet her, as she held her eye, still screaming. This was too much for me, so I hurried to gather my things and go.
Ginger got up and went into the bathroom. She slammed the door and I could hear her sobbing. I pulled the suitcase from underneath the bed, and when I noticed more of my money gone, that sent me over the edge. I knew how many stacks I’d had, and when two bundles of five thousand dollars in cash were missing, I slammed the suitcase, hurrying to the bathroom door. I knocked hard.
“What in the fuck did you do with my money? You’ve been buying drugs with my shit?” I yelled. She didn’t respond. “Ginger, I will kick this damn door down…”
“I spent it, you bastard! Na! Get the hell out of here and go live with your other bitch!”
I put my foot on the door, kicking it as hard as I could. It broke off the hinges and wood flew all over the place. Without saying one word, I grabbed Ginger by her neck and shoved her out of the bathroom. She dug her long nails deeply into my arms, scratching my skin off. When we got to the bedroom, I pushed her on the bed and reached for my gun on the dresser. I aimed it at her and thought seriously about pulling the trigger.
“Bitch, I don’t care how you get it, but I want my damn money back! You got by next weekend to come up with it, or else I will blow your brains out—DO YOU UNDERSTAND!”
Just then, Desmon crept up from behind me. He placed the tip of his steel on the back of my head. “Don’t you ever put your hands on my mama again. I will kill you, nigga, and if she die, you die!”
“Shoot him!” Ginger yelled. “Kill his no good ass, Desmon!”
I spoke calmly to Desmon, feeling the gun tremble from his shaking hands. “Don’t be no fool. If she really cared, she wouldn’t have just told you to kill me. And if you do, that makes you like me. Remember, you don’t want to be like me.”
Desmon’s held his gun steady. “Get out,” he said calmly. He reached in his pocket and tossed my keys on the bed. “And don’t come back here again. We don’t need you.”
I nodded and moved myself forward, away from his steel. As I picked up my suitcase and threw my bag over my shoulder, Ginger sat on the bed crying and trembling as if she’d been beat-down for no damn reason at all. Desmon comforted her, and I left that day having no regrets.
ON MY OWN
Chapter Nine
For the next several days, I stayed at Al’s place. He owned some property on the Southside of St. Louis, and once he cleared out one of his houses, he agreed to let me stay there for a little of nothing. I kicked him out a lil something extra, and since I agreed to have the placed fixed up, we called it even.
Always wanting to have the finer things in life, I had the place fixed up to my likings. It was a brick house that started at the living room, worked its way through the kitchen and had two separate bedrooms in the far back. The master bedroom had a bath and there was another bathroom in the hallway right next to the kitchen. Shiny hardwood flooring covered the floors and light beige paint decked out the walls The house wasn’t nothing to brag about, but for now, it was surely a place I could call home. Once I had my Italian leather living room furniture delivered, my 72” TV and booming entertainment center, I felt better. I knew I wouldn’t feel completely at home until I had my bedroom in order, and after my king-sized gray and black marble bedroom set was delivered, I was pretty much satisfied. Now, the only thing I had to work on was getting Desmon to come live with me. I’d called him a few times but he wouldn’t talk to me. As soon as he heard my voice, he told me never to call him again and hung up on me.
I couldn’t believe after all of the progress I’d made with him, it turned out to be a waste of time. I knew he was more than angry with me for putting my hands on Ginger and I could only imagine what her face looked like after I’d punched it—twice. Thing is, I still didn’t have no regrets. The only thing I regretted was allowing my son to see me that angry. Ginger, though, she had it coming. For now, I’d hoped she was trying to figure out a way to get my back to me. If she didn’t come up with it by Sunday, she’d fasho have to pay again.
When Saturday rolled around, I knew Desmon’s school was in the playoffs. The game was at the Edward Jones Dome and I’d already gotten my ticket earlier on in the week. I didn’t care if he knew if I was there or not. I was anxious to see him do his thing so I had every intention of being there. I was also sure Anna would be there, but since I knew she was upset with me for lying to her, I intended not to pursue her. As far as I was concerned, the pussy was cool while it lasted. I didn’t have much more time to stress out over females and their bullshit. Being with them caused too much drama for me, and my number one priority was mending my relationship with Desmon.
It was chilly outside, so I wore my hooded sweatshirt, jeans and Timberlands. I looked at my gun on the dresser and hesitated to take it with me. I hoped nothing bad went down, but just in case, I slid it down inside the front of my pants.
On the drive to the game, my phone rang so I turned down the rap music on the radio to answer. It was Rufus. There was much static in my phone so I really couldn’t hear.
“What you’d say, Killer? I can’t hear you.”
“Nigga, I said that I’m in the Lou! Where yo punk ass at?”
I smiled, as I clearly heard him tell me he was in St. Louis. “I’m on my way to Desmon’s game. Why don’t you meet me there?”
“That’s cool. So, you and the kid still getting along pretty good, huh?”
“Naw, not really. But, just meet me in front of the Dome. I can’t wait to see ya. You know it’s been…”
“A long fuckin’ time!” he laughed. “So long, that I can’t even remember.”
“Shit, me either. I should be at the Dome in about fifteen minutes. I’ll call you back after I find a place to park.”
“See ya soon, partna.”
The parking lots were filled to capacity. I parked damn near a quarter of a mile away from the Dome and still had to pay twenty dollars for parking. Rushing, I hurried towards the front entrance and called Rufus to let him know I’d made it. After I gave him directions, he
said he was on his way.
Teenagers were all over the place. I waited patiently for Rufus, and when somebody came up from behind and poked me in the back, I knew it was him.
“This a hold up, nigga. Give me all of yo money.”
I turned around and smiled. “What’s up, Killer,” I said, giving him a hug. We embraced each other and Rufus gave me a few pats on my back. Shortly after, we let go.
“Man, I can’t believe it’s you,” he said. “Look at you, nigga. How in the fuck did you get so big?”
“The exercise yard while in prison. Look at yo ass, though. You than tightened up too. And, what’s up with that fro?”
Rufus patted his Afro that was at least eight to nine inches high. “Do you like? If you don’t, my girlees do.” He smiled and his front grill was solid gold. He was the oldest of the bunch, and almost thirty-nine, you’d never know it by the way he looked and dressed.
“So,” he said looking around. “How do I get a ticket?”
“Shit, I don’t know. I think you had to get them before the game, but let me see what’s up.”
I walked over to the ticket booth and the lady behind it said that no tickets were for sale. Wanting Rufus to watch the game me with me, I stopped this young dude outside and asked to purchase his ticket. At first he said no, but when I offered to give him two hundred dollars for it, he took the money and jetted. Rufus and me laughed.
“You might have changed and so have I,” he said. “But the power of money for damn sure hasn’t.”
“You got that shit right,” I said as we headed up the escalators to find our seats.
Rufus’ Afro was so huge that it was hard for us to go unnoticed. Everywhere we walked, people’s eyes roamed and many stared. Rufus liked the attention, and when we took a seat, this white man behind us joked about not being able to see the game. He offered Rufus his hat to put on and Rufus found no humor in his joke.
“Muthafucka you don’t know me,” he yelled. “Fuck naw, I don’t want yo damn hat! If you can’t see, take yo ass somewhere else to sit.”
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