I couldn’t help but laugh at how upset Rufus was. “I thought it was a starving artist, playa.”
“That nigga a starving druggist. He’ll be broke by the end of the year. If not, dead.”
We both laughed.
“Ain’t shit funny,” he said, laughing his damn self. “How much more time we got?”
“Give me a month. By then, every thing should have calmed down and nobody will suspect nothing.”
“One month from today, I’m on my way to the Lou. I’m not even gon let you know I’m there, but my presence will be known. No later than two days after, I’ll see you back in LA.”
“You gon throw me a party?”
“The biggest one you’ve ever seen.”
“See you in a month, Killer.”
He hung up and shortly after called back. “Did you forget something?” I asked.
“Naw, you did.”
“What?”
“Nigga, get that pussy off your mind and go get that bitch purse.”
“You need to hold it down on the bitches. I told you how much I’m feeling Anna.”
He snickered. “Are you telling me pussy comes before partna? Our motto has always been to never put pussy before partna.”
I hesitated, knowing how much I felt for Anna. “Rufus, you know you—
“I want you to think about something. The night you met Anna was Dominique there?”
I thought back to the first time I met her. “Yeah…yeah he was. He was there with Candi.”
“Okay, now rewind the tape again. When we saw Dominique at the club, wasn’t Anna there that night as well?”
“Yes. Yes she was.”
“Good. Now, my last and final question…when you were getting the living shit beat out of you, who was there? Not only that, but at anytime, did that bitch pick up something and try to bust a muthafuckas head clean open for you? I don’t know much about love, but if you love somebody you’d be willing to die for them too. In the situation you were in, the ho should’ve helped!”
“Man, you grasping at straws. She ain’t even like that.”
“Jada would’ve helped. Any time we went to blows, she was right there with us. There wasn’t nobody who made it to you, unless they went through her. I’on like that bitch either, but at least she had your back.”
“That’s because she’s fucking ghetto. Anna ain’t like that. And for yo information, she did help me.”
“And let me guess…she walked away from the whole damn thing with maybe a minor scratch on her face.”
“Somebody did hit her,” I said, in Anna’s defense.
“What’s the SS number?”
I’d already had Anna’s purse in my hand and searched through it. I called her SS number off quickly to Rufus and he laughed.
“You my nigga,” he said, and then hung up.
The house was still quiet, so I crept slowly to my room to check on Anna. She was still in her jeans and shirt from yesterday and was knocked the hell out. Desmon’s door was closed so I didn’t want to bother him. Instead, I went into the kitchen and poured a bowl of milk and cereal. I took it back into the living room and turned on the TV. Seeing some rump shakers in a rap video, I sat back and watched.
When Anna came into the room, I was all into it. She actually cleared her throat to get my attention. I dropped my spoon in my bowl, placing it on the table. I then picked up the remote and turned off the television.
“Good morning,” I said.
“I already said good morning, but you didn’t hear me. It’s a bit early to be watching porn, don’t you think?” She sat in the chair and bent her legs up to her chest.
“That wasn’t no porn. That was a rap video.”
“Call it whatever you’d like, but it looked like porn to me.”
I left the situation alone.
Anna looked down at the floor and I could tell she had something on her mind. I waited until she was ready to say what it was. Soon, she did.
“Is Jada prettier than me?” she asked.
“No,” I answered without hesitation.
“Than Ginger?”
“No.”
“So, she just has better sex with you than I do?”
I hesitated and then answered. “No.”
“I thought I asked you not to lie to me anyone.”
“Okay, then yes. Jada and me have good sex together.”
“Better than you and me?”
“You just asked that question. I answered, and baby, it is what it is. I’m not wanting you to be Jada, though. I want you to be yourself. I love you for who you are.”
She placed her feet on the floor and stood up. She came over to where I was and lay on the couch while resting her head on my lap. She looked up at me.
“When is the last time you told someone you loved them?”
“Five seconds ago.”
“I mean, before that.”
“Last night.”
She let out a sigh. “Before then.”
“Almost a week ago.”
“Who?”
“Desmon.”
“What about a female?”
“It’s been so long that I can’t remember.”
“So, you never told Ginger you loved her?”
“Never. And that’s because I didn’t. When I say those words, I mean them.”
Anna turned on her side, staring in front of her. “I’ve never said I love you to anyone before, other than to you and Antonio. I truly mean it from the bottom of my heart and I hope you do as well.”
Again, I kept quiet. I knew for damn sure that I didn’t say “I love you” to anybody unless I meant it. Thing is, though, I wasn’t going to spend my entire morning trying to convince Anna that I did.
“Have you noticed I haven’t been to work since I’ve been here with you?”
“I didn’t even know—
“I got that job Ginger told me about at the nursing home. I’m sure by now they’ve fired me.”
“Who cares,” I said. “I got plenty of money.”
“How do you get it?”
I didn’t answer, as our conversation was starting to sound all too familiar. I had flashbacks from Candi’s and my conversations.
“What’s up with all the questions this morning?”
“I’ve just been thinking—a lot. Thinking about how can you love me and you know so little about me.”
“I guess the same way you can love me and know so little about me.”
“I’m just trying to get to know you better.”
When Desmon walked out of his room, he saved our conversation from going any further. He limped into the living room like his leg was in dying pain. He stood up and rubbed up and down his leg.
“Don’t come in here trying to make me feel sorry for you,” I said. “You might wanna call and cuss Gabrielle out for not leaving here until damn near two in the morning.”
“Her moms had to work late. She couldn’t come get her until she got off work.”
“Then, I suspect that all the overtime you put in must be why your leg hurt.”
“You might have a point,” he said while nodding his head.
“Both of you are crazy,” Anna said. “Have you talked to Antonio, Desmon? I didn’t get a chance to talk to him yesterday.”
“Yeah, he’s been over Michelle’s house since you told him not to go home. I told that fool he might as well move in because he don’t never go home.”
“Never,” Anna said. “I told him the same thing.”
“What’s a young man to do when he’s in love? Antonio’s been digging her since they were in third grade.”
“He sure has. And she’s a nice girl too.”
Desmon cleared his throat, as if the statement Anna made wasn’t true. When Anna pressed for more info, he pretended his leg was hurting from standing up and left the room.
“You two have a lot in common,” she said.
Before I could respond, the phone rang. I didn’t get a chan
ce to see who it was, before Anna grabbed it. She didn’t recognize the name so she handed the phone to me. It was Rufus.
“Hello,” I said.
“What did I tell you?” he yelled.
My heart raced as Anna continued to lie on my lap. “About what?”
“About your bitch, nigga!”
“What about him,” I said, trying to play it off. I was so ready to break Anna’s fucking neck as she lay on my lap.
“I told you to watch yo back, didn’t I?”
I raised my voice. “Just get to the point!”
Rufus laughed. “She all good. But, baby-girl used to be a BOOSTA! Way back when, she did two days in jail for shoplifting but for the most part she cool. She also got a warrant out, though, for some unpaid tickets. And lastly, my brotha, she did not finish high school.”
“Straight,” I said. “That nigga got a good head on his shoulders, though.”
“I do, don’t I. Sometimes, dropouts like myself might have it like that.”
“You the man,” I said. “You are no doubtfully the man. Thanks.”
“Much love, Daddy O. I’ll see ya in a bit.”
Rufus hung up, and no doubt, I felt relieved about Anna.
I had much to prepare for and little time to do it. Since I had every intention of moving back to LA., I still had some unresolved issues with Ginger. In addition, I wasn’t sure how I’d break the news to Desmon or Anna. I wanted both of them to come with me, but I had a feeling it wasn’t going to be that easy.
Anna was in the kitchen cleaning up, and Desmon had asked me to take him over to Michelle’s house where Antonio was. I’d broke the bad news to him about his raggedy ass car and he had the nerve to ask me to buy him another one. Even though I wanted to, there were so many other things I had to do with my money.
Before we’d left the house, Desmon called Ginger to holla with her for a few minutes. He stayed on the phone with her for about ten minutes, and then, passed the phone to me.
“Speak,” I said, after placing the phone on my ear.
“I hope you’re happy that you’ve taken my son away from me.”
“You’ve had him for over fifteen years. I’m sure these several weeks ain’t been the end of the world for you.”
“This place has been too damn quiet. Now, I ain’t gon lie because I have enjoyed it, but I miss my baby too.”
“Hmm…” I said, keeping it short.
“Listen, I got some more of your money. It ain’t much, but it’s something. If you want to stop by later on to get it you can.”
“I just might do that. I need to talk to you about something else anyway.”
“About what?” she said. Since Desmon was still close by, I walked into my room and closed the door.
“You can keep the money, if you tell me the truth about something.”
“I know what you’re getting ready to ask me and I have told you the truth. Myles is not Desmon’s father! Why can’t you get that through your thick head!”
“Ginger, I saw a picture of him. There are some resemblances.”
“So what, nigga! I know who my baby daddy is.”
“Do you really expect me to take your word for it? I just wanted you to know I’m gonna open up a can of worms real soon. Ginger, you better not had lied to me.”
“Come get your damn money,” she said, and then hung up.
Desmon was still messing around in his room, so I headed towards the kitchen with Anna. She still seemed a bit uneasy, so I didn’t walk up and kiss her like I normally did. Instead, I stood in the doorway and told her Desmon and me would be back.
“Would you bring some detergent back with you so I can wash your clothes?” She stood at the sink washing the dishes and wouldn’t turn around.
“Yes, I’ll get some detergent. I’ll wash them, though. You don’t have to. Do you need anything else while I’m out?”
She moved her head from side to side. I felt bad because it was obvious she was still on edge out what had happened. Not only that, but I knew she was feeling insecure about Jada and about not being able to please me like she wanted to. I walked up from behind and put my arms around her. Not saying a word to her, I kissed her cheek and down her neck when she tilted her head to the side.
“Don’t look so sad,” I said. “We got a lot to look forward to.”
She nodded and I backed away from her. Desmon yelled that he was ready, and feeling as if Anna didn’t want to be bothered, I left.
On the ride to Michelle’s house, Desmon kept complaining about the splint on his leg and said that he wanted it off. I reminded him that his leg hadn’t healed yet, but he insisted it was time. I told him about the time Jada cracked my wrist and how I cut the cast off with a knife. He laughed and said sooner or later, the splint would be history. Knowing that removing it would probably do more damage to his leg than good, especially since he still wanted to play football, I told him that was not a good idea. But, did he ever listen to me? Hell, no. I was sure the splint would be off by the end of the night.
I pulled in front of Michelle’s house and Desmon couldn’t wait to get out.
“Can I get a thanks or something,” I said.
“Aw,” he said, holding onto the door. “Thanks. And, ask Moms to give you my navy blue and white tennis shoes.”
“I will. But, remember that you got school tomorrow. Don’t stay over here all night.”
“I might. I might catch a ride to school with them in the morning. If I do, I’ll call you.”
I didn’t argue with him because Anna and me needed some time alone. Instead, I reminded him to call again and he said that he would.
Ginger’s place wasn’t too far away, so I turned up the CD player and made my way there. It was such a beautiful day outside and it was obvious that many other people thought so as well. Kids were hanging out, as if there wasn’t any school, and grown-ups were chilling on porches and corners.
When I pulled into a parking spot in front of Ginger’s townhouse, these two young punks were making a transaction right in front of me. I started to scare them by telling them I was five-o, but instead, I left well enough alone.
I knocked on the door, standing for about two minutes. She didn’t answer, so I knocked harder. Since I’d talked to her less than a few hours ago, I knew she was there. I figured she was probably inside getting her fuck on.
I banged for a few more minutes, and feeling frustrated, I turned the knob on the door. It was unlocked, but before I went inside, I pulled my gun out from inside of my pants. I didn’t know what was up, but I had a feeling something wasn’t right. A set-up? Maybe. I wasn’t sure, and I wasn’t taking any chances.
Either way, I slowly pushed the door open and walked in. I immediately called for Ginger, but she didn’t answer. I called again, still nothing. My eyes quickly searched the living room, and soon after, I made my way to her bedroom. There was no sign of her, so I walked past the dining room, making my way to the kitchen. Still, she wasn’t there. After searching around for a few more minutes, it was evident that she wasn’t home. I guess she’d left and forgot to lock the door. Feeling as if my paranoia was starting to get the best of me again, I sat down in the kitchen to calm my nerves. I took a few deep breaths and placed my gun back down inside my pants.
As I’d sat in deep thought, I was kind of upset that Ginger told me to come get my money, but then, had the nerve to leave and not call. It also surprised me that her place was cleaner than I’d ever seen it and nothing seemed to be out of place.
I sat for a while longer, then walked back into her bedroom to see if she’d left my money on her dresser. My money wasn’t there, but cocaine residue was visible on her dresser and on the table next to her bed. I shook my head and headed downstairs to get Desmon’s tennis shoes. I flicked the light switch at the top of the stairs, but the light didn’t come on. I could see a sliver of light coming from the small window in the basement, so that allowed me to find my way down the steps. As I made it to the bo
ttom, I saw Ginger lying across Desmon’s bed.
“Didn’t you hear me call your name,” I said. She didn’t answer, as she appeared to be sound asleep. “Ginger,” I yelled, and then pulled on the light string from above my head. When the light came on, Ginger hadn’t moved. I kneeled on the bed and turned her body over. It was limp and her eyes were rolled to the back of her head.
“Ginger,” I yelled, while shaking her. Panicking, I felt her body for blood and looked to see if someone had strangled her. It wasn’t until I saw an empty prescription bottle on the floor when I’d realized what she’d done.
Realizing it, I pulled her body to the floor and pumped hard on her chest.
“Damn you, Ginger!” I yelled. “Breathe!” I pumped harder and opened her mouth. I felt inside for anything that I could feel, but nothing was there. I arched her neck and took long deep breaths into her mouth. “Breathe!” I yelled, blowing my air into her lungs. Nothing came of it, so I started to pump her chest once again.
“You are not going to do this to my son!” I gritted and pounded her chest harder.
After trying to revive Ginger for about fifteen minutes, I knew it was a lost cause. Sweat dripped from my forehead as I sat up on the floor with her head resting across my lap. I tightened my eyes and heavily breathed in and out.
“Why did you fucking do this?” I said, talking to myself. “Damn!”
I sat silently for a moment longer, and then, slowly placed Ginger’s limp body back on the floor.
This shit was starting to be too much for me to handle and I couldn’t believe there seemed to be no light at the end of the tunnel. I’ll be damned if history didn’t just repeat itself. I knew how I felt when my mother committed suicide, and now I had to put Desmon through the same excruciating pain I experienced when Papa Abrams had to break the news to me.
I thought about why Ginger would do something so stupid and reached for the sheets on Desmon’s bed to cover her up. When an envelope dropped to the floor, I reached down to pick it up. The front of it had Desmon’s name on it, so I opened it up.
“My beloved son,” it read. “I’m sorry I had to do this, but I felt as if the time was right. You have Kiley now and after many years of failing you, I failed myself too. I know that a big part of you felt as if I didn’t love you, but I truly did. I loved you how I wanted to, and at times my love wasn’t good enough. Yes, I could have done things differently, but I was so wrapped up in my own life that I didn’t have time for you. When I started using drugs two years ago, I began to hate myself even more. I allowed them to take over me and over the priorities in my life. I hurt you by letting my men misuse you and I know you’ll always hate me for it. It’s something I can’t explain, but my stupidity prevailed. Lastly, my baby, I owe you the truth about something that has always been heavy on my mind. I know Kiley told you about him possibly not being your father. And like I said, I’m the one who owes you the truth. Kiley is the daddy that you will know and will always know. A man that I dated by the name of Myles Stein was your real father. He was killed when you were only two years old, and since I wanted you to have a father, I continued on with my lie. I never wanted you to know the truth as you grew up because Kiley was the father that I wanted you to have. He had money that I knew could take care of you, so therefore, I had to do what was best for you. I wanted the best life for my baby and I knew with him being your father you’d someday have it. Now, you’re where you need to be and where you should always be, with him. I’m where I want to be and please don’t hate me for it. Grow up and be a good man and never look back at this horrible lift I somehow managed to create for you. Love, Mama.
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