by Howe, Violet
A groan escaped my lips. “I’m happy with where we are now. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to understand what happened then. I need to know how we went from you being happier than you’d ever been to needing time to decide whether or not you were happy. When exactly did you buy the ring?”
He sighed and looked away. “The day after I told you that in the pool house.”
I gasped. “You’re kidding me!”
“Look, Ty, I meant what I said that night. I’d never been happier. I didn’t want to waste another minute. We’d already planned to go to Paris, and I thought that would be the perfect romantic moment to pop the question. Obviously, that didn’t turn out like I had planned.”
My eyes filled with tears as I struggled to understand his actions and my own reactions. I thought briefly of how freaking incredible that would have been. To have Cabe with me in Paris. To experience that magical city together. To have him propose under the twinkling lights of the Eiffel Tower. Instead, I’d stood there with another man. My heart wept for what might have been.
Something didn’t add up, though. The snafu with Paris and the TSA had happened long after our relationship went haywire. He still wasn’t telling me everything.
“So the same day you bought me an engagement ring, you decided you didn’t want to marry me? And if so, why were you carrying that ring in your pocket at the airport?”
“Wow, you’re not going to drop this, are you?” He looked away from me and exhaled with a low huff.
Every muscle in my body tightened with anger at the question. “I think I dropped way too much already. If I’d pressed you for answers, if I hadn’t kept my mouth shut trying not to push you or upset you, then we wouldn’t have had such a hard time getting to where we are now. I’d have known about what was going on with Galen, your mom, and your other family and maybe Paris would have turned out a lot differently. Not to mention the months we’ve spent apart since then.”
I opened the car door to get out, but he put his hand on my arm.
“But don’t you see? We’re better off on this end of all that. Yes, I should have been open and upfront with you about what was going on with my family. We’ve already established that. Of course I wish Paris had turned out differently. I would much rather not have gone to jail and not have you see my favorite city with Jack.” He spat Jack’s name with such venom I flinched. “But we both grew up a lot during the time since that happened. I know I sure did. So when I did ask you to marry me, it was with no doubt whatsoever. Does it really matter when I bought the ring?”
I stared at it on my finger, sparkling there as he held my hand in his. It looked different to me. Tainted somehow. I didn’t want it anymore. Instead of a symbol of a bright future, it reminded me of the painful past and all its uncertainty. I pulled my hand from his and twisted the ring, over and over again. Trying to rewind the clock, I suppose.
The sane part of my mind argued that there was only a problem if I created one. Cabe loved me. Cabe had asked me to marry him. Cabe wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.
The crazy-making part of my mind would not shut up, though. If he’d changed his mind before, he could change it again. This was another example of him not being open and upfront with me. Something had changed his mind. Knowing that had changed something in mine.
I slid the ring from my finger, its heavy weight dragging across my knuckle with a heat like fire. I picked up his hand and turned it over, dropping the ring in his palm. He looked down at the ring then up at me, confusion seeping into the clear blue of his eyes. His brow furrowed together for a brief moment, and then the confusion morphed into anger as the full realization of what I’d just done dawned on him.
“Are you freakin’ kidding me? Seriously?”
The hurt in his eyes punched my gut, and my heart caught in my throat. I swallowed to force it back down and raised my chin.
“I don’t want it. You bought it, and then you changed your mind. You decided you didn’t want me.” The river of tears surged forward, and I got out and slammed the car door. I leaned against the car and crossed my arms. I cried because I was sad, feeling all hurt and rejected, and I cried because I was frustrated at myself for feeling all hurt and rejected when the man I loved had gotten out of the car and was standing right beside me, pledging his love and negating any reason for me to feel the way I did.
“Baby, baby, baby. Listen to me,” he said as he stroked my hair and my back, planting light kisses along my forehead and cheeks as he spoke. “There has never been a time I didn’t want you. Never. So get that out of that beautiful head of yours.”
I pushed him away and stepped toward the front of the car, trying to put distance between us. “Then why did you shut everything down? Why? You left me crying on my living room floor, and I never understood why. I just want to know what happened. What happened the last weekend of January that changed everything? And if you say to me it’s because of your anniversary with Monica, I may hit you.”
He sighed and walked a few steps away, clasping his hands together on top of his head. He stood there for a few seconds before turning back to face me. “Buttercup, I never meant to hurt you. I swear that’s true. How can I explain everything now without hurting you again?”
I tensed, suddenly unsure I wanted to hear his explanation. I might have just taken the ring off, but let’s be honest. I had no intention of breaking up with him or being un-engaged. I simply wanted answers and wanted him to open up about what had transpired. But if that was going to hurt and cause more problems between us, did I really want to know?
“Ty, I didn’t lie to you that night in the pool house. That was the happiest I’d ever been. I didn’t want it to end. You say you were scared? I was terrified. I’d waited five years to hold you in my arms. I didn’t want you to change your mind and say we should just be friends again. So I decided to strike while the iron was hot. Pop the question. Get something in place to make sure we were together.”
He stopped talking for a moment, and I thought perhaps he had finished, but then he cleared his throat and continued. “Now, this is where it gets a little complicated, and I want you to promise me you are only going to hold me responsible for my actions and not be mad at anyone else.”
Fear and apprehension exploded within my chest. “What does that mean? Who else was involved?”
“Settle down. It’s nothing like that. I just don’t really know how you’re going to react to this, which is the reason we haven’t discussed it before.”
My knees wobbled and I leaned against the car for support, wary of what would come next.
“I bought the ring that morning and showed it to Mom, which definitely caught her off guard. I mean, in my head, I’d been waiting five years to give you that ring. But to Mom, it had only been a couple of weeks since our relationship had changed. She worried about us moving too fast and it blowing up in our faces.”
He shrugged and paced a couple of steps, running his fingers through his hair.
“She reminded me that it had only been a year, almost to the day, in fact, since I’d stood in front of someone else and pledged marriage vows. The date hadn’t even dawned on me. I’d been so caught up in us finally being together that the timing didn’t register.”
He sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. “As much as I didn’t want to, I had to admit everything was happening too quickly. So I backed off. Or tried to at least. Obviously, I sucked at it.”
My mind spun as I tried to process all he’d just said and what it meant in relation to that weekend and to us now. And to me and his Mom.
Hurt and rejection twisted my stomach as I realized neither of his closest relatives supported our relationship. I swallowed down the ache in my throat so I could speak.
“So is this why you haven’t told her we’re engaged? Because you know she doesn’t want us to be together?”
He turned to face me and shook his head. “I haven’t told her because our schedules have been crazy
and I want us both there. I have no doubt she will be happy for us. Mom loves you.”
I arched my eyebrow and cocked my head to make it clear I wasn’t buying that. “She loves me, but she didn’t want you to marry me?”
“That’s not it, babe. She never said I shouldn’t marry you. She said if you were worth the wait all that time, you’d be worth the wait to take it slow.”
He came and stood inches from me. His fingers brushed my cheek and dropped to caress my neck. “She was right. You were worth the wait. I can’t go back and change how all this happened. But I can tell you that I’ve always loved you, and I always will.”
I didn’t resist when he pulled me to him or when his lips touched mine. Tentatively at first—asking, seeking—then more demanding.
“So why’d you have the ring in your pocket at the airport?” I said when he lifted his head.
He leaned back with his arms still around my waist, shifting his weight away from me a little.
“When you told me the night before our trip that Mom had tried to talk you out of Paris, it pissed me off. I was fed up with her and Galen interfering and decided to hell with it. I figured I’d ask you in Paris and show them they didn’t have any say-so in my life. But I knew that wasn’t the right reason to ask you.” He looked past me, and I could tell he was seeing a different scene in his mind. “I wanted to, though. I had this vision of how that would be. Getting engaged in Paris.” He looked back down at me, his eyes cloudy with painful memories. “I wonder what it would have been like if I’d made that flight. If we’d seen Paris together. If I’d asked you then, without everything blowing up the way it did.”
It was my turn to shift uncomfortably. We both knew what happened when he didn’t make that flight, and the choices I made stung even more in the light of this new information. I took in a deep breath and considered all that had happened between us. I needed space, and I pushed my weight off the car and out of his arms.
“How do I know you’re not going to change your mind again?”
He pulled the ring from his pocket and knelt before me. He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed my ring finger before sliding the diamond back in its place. “Because when I gave you this ring, I promised you that I’m all in. I told you I’m committed to do whatever it takes to make this work. To spend the rest of my life with you. Please tell me you haven’t changed your mind.”
What could I say to that? I was pissed. I was hurt. But I also knew that at the end of the day, I loved him with every fiber of my being. I had no desire to walk away. Our past is what it is, and I can’t change any of it. I just hope I can let it go and focus on our future.
Wednesday, June 25th
Some people are gluttons for punishment.
Priscilla called today. It’s been five months since her groom, Neal, caught a cab to the airport and left her stranded at the altar. Well, it wasn’t an altar really. It was a man-made beach on a lake, and she was waiting in the ladies’ room for him to arrive. But she was left stranded all the same.
Seems Neal has had a change of heart and a burst of renewed commitment. They’ve decided to try again.
“So do you offer any kind of repeat customer discount? I mean, technically, we paid for a bunch of stuff last time that we didn’t get to use, so I was just wondering if maybe we could get a break?”
To be honest, I’m a little shocked she called us again. I mean, I’m thinking if that happened to me, I would’ve found a different coordinator the second time around. For one thing, it’d be a wee bit embarrassing to come back after getting jilted.
I also don’t think I’d want to do anything the same way the second time around. Wouldn’t want to jinx it.
But not Priscilla. She’s making it easy for me to pull it together by using the same songs, same flowers, and same officiant. The only change she’s making is the location. This time she’ll have the ceremony at the hotel where they’re staying, eliminating any need for a getaway car—I mean, limo.
So we just have to make sure the groom makes it down the aisle this time.
I guess I’m not the only one who believes in second chances. Hopefully, Priscilla and I will both get our happy ending.
Thursday, June 26th
Cabe had asked Maggie where she wanted to go for her birthday, but she insisted she’d rather have us over to her place and cook for us.
I was a bundle of nerves just thinking about seeing her now that I knew how she felt about us. I wondered what her reaction would be when he told her we were engaged. Would she be happy? Would she pretend to be happy? Would I be able to tell?
I changed outfits ten times. Maybe twelve. Nothing seemed to fit well. Everything felt too tight. Too constricting. Too short. Too provocative.
“Babe, what are you doing? What happened to the purple dress?” Cabe rolled his eyes at the pile of clothes on the bed as he leaned against the door frame.
“It just didn’t feel right. I have nothing to wear.”
He walked over and slid his arms around me, pulling me up to him as he planted a kiss on my lips that left me breathless. Or maybe that was the skirt.
“Hold on,” I said, pushing him away. “This skirt’s too tight. I gotta change. I’ll be out in a minute.”
He caught my hands and chuckled. “The skirt’s fine. The dress was fine. The last ten were fine. We’re just going to Mom’s for dinner. Why are you stressing?”
I closed my eyes. “I don’t know.”
Cabe leaned down until our foreheads touched. “Hey, look at me, babe.”
I opened my eyes and struggled to focus at such close range.
“Mom loves you. She’s going to be happy for us.”
“Yeah, right.” I shoved away from him and unzipped the skirt, adding it to the pile of discarded clothing. My shirt quickly followed.
He moved behind me and slid his hands around to the front, his hips grinding against me in unbridled appreciation for my nearly nude body. “I could call her and tell her we’re running late,” he whispered against my neck as he trailed kisses behind my ear and tasted his way down to my collarbone.
Goose bumps rippled across my skin, and the familiar ache stirred deep within me, the tingling burning like fire on my frazzled nerves. I swayed back against him, arching my back to give his hands full access as he caressed my breasts.
“Baby, you have no idea what you do to me,” Cabe groaned.
He pushed me forward slightly, pulling my hips back against his as he bent to trace his tongue up my spine. He slid his fingers inside the edge of my lace panties as he licked tiny circles across my back, his hips nudging me forward onto the bed. He wasted no time in sliding the black lace down my thighs and off, rolling me over and pushing me further into the pile of discarded clothes as his knee nudged my legs apart. Sensations exploded within me at the flick of his tongue between my legs and his teasing pinches on my nipples. I moaned into the white silk shirt I’d been wearing moments before.
All thoughts of his mother and any condemnation on her part disappeared from my consciousness. Any stress over clothing issues or dinner conversation completely evaporated as he worked his magic to push my body to climax, my muscles contracting and releasing as the tension ebbed away.
Cabe kissed his way up my bare stomach as I lay there trembling, and he fit his body beside mine on the bed. The swelling in his jeans was hot and hard against my hips.
“Damn, girl. Whose crazy-ass idea was it to wait?”
He sucked at my earlobe as I laughed and moved against him in what I am sure was pure torture.
“I believe that was your idea, Mr. Shaw. But I’m ready and willing if you want to change your mind. I’ve told you I think it’s silly to wait if we’re going to fool around in every other way.” I rolled to face him, chuckling at the groan that escaped his throat. “Whaddya say?”
“I say you’re evil. Here I am, trying to save myself for marriage, and you’re like a temptress, leading me astray.” He bit my lower lip as he said
it, and the kiss we shared proved without a doubt he was not the innocent being he was making himself out to be. ”I could so easily plunge right into you and be in heaven. Maybe we could do just one. Just one thrust. One good thrust.” He playfully slammed his hips into mine as he spoke, his left hand back at work between my legs and his right hand cupping my rump to pull me tighter against him.
“Are you waiting for me to say no? ‘Cause this is not the way to make me say no. This is the way to make me scream your name and beg for more.” I laughed as he exhaled sharply.
“I can’t wait for you to do just that. But right here, right now, on top of your clothes while my mother is watching the clock, is not the way I want to do it. I wanna take my time and make it last. No one-time shot when we finally give in.”
He got up and offered his hand to pull me to standing. His voice deepened to a more serious tone. “You’re okay with us waiting, right?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Sometimes, no, but for the most part, yeah.” I smiled at him and slid my arms around his waist.
He held me and kissed my forehead. “I just want us to have something…special, I guess. You know, to mark the occasion. It’s not like either of us are virgins, but I want there to be something when we get married that makes it different.”
“I know. You’ve explained this before, remember?” I stood on tiptoes and kissed him.
He pulled back and smiled down at me. “I know it probably doesn’t make much sense, especially since we’re already intimate in so many other ways. It’s just a crazy notion I have. Something to look forward to on our wedding night.”
I moved my arms from his waist and curved one hand around his neck as I teased inside his waist band with the other hand. “I think it’s sweet. A little weird. Unconventional, to be sure. But sweet. And it is something I most certainly look forward to.”
He inhaled sharply as I dipped my fingers a little deeper within his waistband. His voice dropped to a whisper against my ear. “As do I, my love. As do I.”
