“Do I tell Tristan? I mean, if I ever talk to him again?”
“Depends on how you want your relationship to go if you have one with him in the future. Would you want him to tell you?”
“Yes. I wouldn’t like it, but I wouldn’t want him keeping things from me.”
“Then there you go.”
“I’m fucked,” I said. “And I’m so mad at him still. I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel. What I’ll do. Fuck, I’m such an idiot.”
“But an endearing one.”
Tristan
Instead of looking for some antidote in my lab to forget Maya, I found myself walking toward Maya’s apartment. Before I knew it, I was at her front door.
What are you doing, fool?
I rang the bell.
“You forget something?” Maya asked as she opened the door, but then her mouth dropped. Her face contorted into all sorts of emotions—surprise, joy, anguish, rage—I couldn’t keep up.
“You were expecting someone else?”
“What are you doing here?” she spat.
“Can I come in?”
“For what?”
“To talk.”
“If you’re here to explain how we’re so wrong for each other, how it was a mistake, I don’t want to hear it again. I get it. It’s over. We’re done.”
“Please. Just let me in.”
Her breathing was rapid as she swung the door open to let me enter. She then slammed it shut. As she stood there with arms crossed, the soft light around her now pinged with a flaming red border. I was so mesmerized by seeing color around a person for the first time that I almost forgot why I was here.
“Who did you think I was?”
“Nike, not that it’s any of your business. She just left.”
“Your friend Nike who you told me about?”
She ignored my question. Through clenched teeth, she said, “Go on. Speak.”
“Please don’t talk to me like that. I thought you deserved better than me. Someone without all my baggage to contend with. I would do anything to be normal, to be able to go out with you in public and not feel horrified by shadows slinking around people. But I’m a freak. And I can’t get rid of these visions. So I can’t be the companion you deserve. As much as I want to be that person, I’m not. I did what I thought was best—for you.”
“What you thought was best for me? Who gave you the power to decide what’s best for me. I’m an adult. I’ve been in my skin a long time. If I didn’t want to be with someone, if I didn’t think I could handle their quirks, I wouldn’t be with them.”
“Maya, I—”
“No, I’m not done. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I enjoyed trying to help you? That maybe not only was I attracted to you, but that I liked to feel needed? That I’m not just a firefighter because I’m a freak with a connection to fire, but that I actually enjoy helping people? How dare you presume to know me and what’s best for me!”
She crossed her arms and pouted in a sulky manner.
“I asked you not to speak to me like that! You’re right. We are adults. So stop shouting and sulking like a child and speak to me like an adult!”
When I realized I was now the one shouting and how tense my body was, I knew I had to calm down. Why was she getting under my skin like that? I had to regain control.
“You know what, Tristan. If you don’t want the crazy, don’t push my crazy buttons. I hate it when people try to make decisions for me. Try to control me. I moved here myself, built a career, have a decent apartment—I think I can pretty much fuckin’ take care of myself.”
“I am not trying to control you, Maya.” I unclenched my fists and held one hand out to her in a conciliatory gesture.
She shook her head. “Just forget it. I have nothing more to say to you, Tristan Stone. We had some fun together. That’s all it was—just fun. And that time is obviously over. I don’t want to have some discussion to end this with ‘closure’. And I don’t want to ‘still be friends’.”
“Are you kidding me? Treating me as if I’m some guy you picked up in a club for a few hot nights?” Her eyes darted off. “Don’t play with me like that, Maya.”
“That is all it was, wasn’t it? We fooled around. We did stupid shit pretending to do spells and all that crap. What were we thinking?”
“Goddammit, Maya. Do you know how infuriating you are?” I marched over to her and looked into her eyes, which were now blazing with anger. “Don’t put up this mask, steeling yourself against me. I know what you’re doing. You can’t fool me with this brave front. I know you better than you think.”
Her blue eyes burned with tears of both rage and sadness. “Then do you know how badly you hurt me? I let you in to my heart, I shared my secrets with you, I shared my body and soul with you. And you just threw it all away because things didn’t go the way you’d planned. If anyone is acting like an immature, spoiled brat, it’s you!”
She moved to walk away, but I grabbed her by the shoulders. “Look at me.”
“No. Leave me alone.”
“I said, look at me, Maya!” My tone startled her enough that she finally relented. “You don’t think I feel this too? That I’m heartless? A robot?”
She looked away again, trying to struggle out of my grasp. “You’re just some guy. No different from the rest. I should’ve stayed away from you that night I first met you. I never believe the shit guys say. I mean, come on, I work in a firehouse with all guys. I hear all the shit they say. I should know better. But something about you made me think you were different. I was wrong. So fuckin’ wrong. I’m such an idiot! Let go of me.”
“No. I’m not going to let you run away and avoid me. Let’s deal with this now.”
She seethed, but stopped struggling to escape my grasp. “Fine.”
“You weren’t wrong. The things I said—they were all sincere, not some lines. You know how I felt when I saw you and you know I had no intentions of seducing you. My feelings for you were real. No, they are real.”
Her blue ears were filled with such pain, I just wanted to pull her close and make it go away. What killed me was that I was the source of the pain. By caring for her and trying to protect her, I had caused her all this anguish. For someone who didn’t know much experience with male/female relationships, I was finding out the hard way how difficult and complicated they could be.
“I was good for you, I know it,” Maya replied, blinking back tears. “And you were good to me—for me. Then why did you have to be such a dumbass and throw away something good?”
“I don’t know! Don’t you think I ask myself that question every day?”
“No. How would I know that?”
“I haven’t stopped thinking about you.”
“Don’t feed me lines, Tristan. I’m not a game to be played, I’m a human being.”
“Not lines, Maya. No games. I want you back in my life. Dammit all to hell if I’m being selfish. But. I. Want. You.”
The struggle she felt on hearing those words was clearly shown through the expressions playing out on her face. From what I interpreted, she wanted to believe me and come back to me. But she also had to be tough and protect herself.
“No, Tristan. I may have been a fool once, but I’m not going to be fooled again. I’m a big girl and that means taking care of myself. So I have to protect myself from situations—and people—who can hurt me. And you hurt me.”
“Look me in the eye, Maya. I would do anything to avoid hurting you again. I would inflict countless wounds on myself before I ever let any harm come to you.”
Her eyes flitted all over the room, avoiding mine.
“Maya, look at me. You know me better than anyone else. Hurting you kills me, tears my very soul apart.”
Her brave front was weakening, her lips quivering. Her eyes still darted as she tried to regain control of her warring emotions.
“Look at me.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because as much as I want to believe you and try to start fresh, I know it’s impossible. I did something stupid. And I’m afraid to tell you.”
“Tell me.” I clenched my fist, knowing I wouldn’t like what was coming next.
“Are you sure you want to hear it?”
I nodded without looking at her.
“Honesty over hurting your feelings?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
“Even if it’s brutal honesty?”
“Damn it, Maya. Just tell me. The more you delay it, the worse things I think.”
“Okay.” She took a deep breath and spoke quickly. “I slept with someone else.”
“You what?!” The horrible speculation that my imagination had concocted had merit. My worst fears were realized.
“I was trying to forget you. It didn’t work.”
“With—who?”
“That guy you saw me dancing with the other night.”
“You slept with that, that—meathead?”
She shrugged. “Yeah. And it sucked, by the way.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want to hear the details. Hearing you say it is bad enough.”
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking right. And I just wanted to get you out of my head.”
“You slept. With him?”
“But it didn’t work. I kept thinking about you and how much I missed you and how you broke my heart. And how much I wished he was you.”
“You slept with that guy?”
“Tristan, you’re not listening to me! I’m telling you how it was a mistake. I was trying to forget you. You hurt me and I lashed out. I wanted to hurt you too, I guess. I don’t know what I was thinking—I was thinking so many crazy things. I didn’t feel anything for him. I just didn’t want to feel any more for you.”
“I bet he felt a lot of you.”
She recoiled when I said that and I instantly regretted it.
She said, “I’m sorry.”
The more she spoke, the deeper the knife went in. My chest constricted and I found it difficult to breath. “I’ve heard enough. I have to get out of here.”
I stormed out her front door.
“Tristan, wait.”
I raised my hand up to stop her, without looking back. “No more, Maya. No.”
How could she do that to me? With him? Only hours—not days or weeks—after we’d broken up and she slept with someone else?
I walked along the shore, barely aware of the biting cold coming off the Atlantic tonight, but tightening my trench coat anyway.
His lips kissed hers, his hands touched her body, his cock—how could she let another man inside her?
She was mine!
If I saw him right now, I would rip him apart. He’d probably return to the club one day. I’ll watch for him, waiting. He knew she was mine and yet he still went after her.
He took what was mine. He had to pay.
I couldn’t get the images of them together out of my mind. Sure, Maya had lovers before me, but seeing one of them, talking to him, knowing that he fucked my girl? How could I ever forget that?
My cell phone rang. It was Maya.
I couldn’t hear her voice right now. Just earlier the same voice confessed an act that ripped through my soul.
When I listened to her voicemail, it said, “Tristan. I was wrong. I’m filled with regret. I’m so sorry.”
I hurled the phone into the Atlantic and kept on walking. When I passed the cemetery, I refused to look inside, refused to feel any sort of longing for her.
She betrayed me.
How could she do this to me? What did I do to deserve her cheating on me?
I should go back to Vamps right now and pick someone up, bring her back to my loft, and violate her in fifty ways. Let’s see how Maya would feel about that. Let’s see how she would feel knowing that someone you care about betrayed you by sleeping with someone else.
She would feel hurt. Like I am now.
She’d know this pain burning through me.
But wait—she was already hurt before she did this. It’s why she did it.
I hurt her.
No! I loved her and she broke my heart! How can I ever forgive her for what she’s done to me?
And yet, I expect her to forgive me for what I’ve done to her.
Fuck. Did I just think—I love her?
Do I love her? Is this what love feels like? From unimaginable ecstasy to wrenching pain?
If so, do I have to break both of our hearts to figure this out?
I walked for hours, my soul tearing itself apart. It was surely darker than any of the ones I’d ever encountered.
In honesty, how could I blame the guy for sleeping with her? Who could resist her charms? Her beauty?
She didn’t cheat on me. I broke up with her. I let her go. She was free to be with whomever she wanted.
Maya was right. I was a dumbass. And I threw out the best thing that ever happened to me.
I have no one to blame but myself. All this pain, this torment—I did this to both of us.
My mind was still restless, but my feet were weary so I headed back to my loft. I didn’t know what to do at this point. How could I fix something that I’d fucked up so utterly?
There, sitting on the stairwell in front of the entrance, was my light, my angel, wiping away tears. And then there were no more questions. The solution—the key—was right before me.
“Maya? What are you doing here?”
“Tristan.” She stood up. Her blue eyes were filled with so much pain and regret, a look I never wanted to see in them again. “I don’t know why I did that. It was so stupid. I was so hurt and I just didn’t want to feel the pain of losing you.”
“Shhh. Don’t talk right now.”
I opened my arms and she rushed them. I pressed my lips on hers. The taste of her soft lips reignited my passion for her I’d been trying to subdue, only now it roared with a renewed intensity after being denied for so long. I ran my fingers through her hair, remembering that herbal scent.
“I missed you so much, Maya. It was unbearable. How could I have been so stupid to let you go?” I slid my hands down her body, wanting to touch every inch of her.
“I missed you too. So much.”
Take her upstairs. Throw her on the bed. Fuck her senseless.
No. Slow it down. Take it easy.
Reluctantly, I pulled away from her heavenly lips and wiped away what remained of her tears.
“As much as I want you right now, we should slow it down. We hurt each other. Everything’s happened so fast with us, it was bound to burn up in flames. I want to take it slow. Do it right. Are you okay with that?
Her eyes hooded, she looked up at me. “Yes.”
“Good. I’m sorry I hurt you, Maya. If I learned anything from it, it’s that I never want to let you go. I never want to hurt you again.”
“I’m sorry I hurt you too.”
“I’m going to call you a taxi, before I take you upstairs and do what my body is aching to do. But will you meet me later tonight?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t even know why I came here tonight.”
“Yes you do.”
Her blue eyes focused on mine. “You’re right. I do.”
“Vamps. We won’t start with any of the old lab shenanigans. But how about we start again slowly with a drink? Maybe a dance.”
She looked away as if trying to stifle a smile threatening to cross her face. When she looked back at me, the twinkle in her eye made me guess what she was thinking.
“I’m not promising anything.”
However, the naughty little expression set up high expectations in my mind.
Chapter Ten
Maya
The emotional roller coaster left me unaware if I was coming or going these days. Had I ever gone through the whirlwind of emotions that I’d experienced lately? From exhilaration to despair and back to cautious optimism. I don’t even remember such wild mood swings when I was an
angst-ridden teenager trying to figure out why I was so different from everyone else.
What I did know is that I was looking forward to meeting Tristan tonight, more than I ever thought I’d feel for another man.
I put on a sexy, tight, black number. Funny how many of these dresses I had in my closet. This one was long-sleeved and fitted from the tops of the shoulders down to around the knees, where it flared out down to my ankles. Very feminine. Yet very sexy. It showed off my curves in a flattering manner.
I took a cab to the waterfront area and walked down the alley between the warehouses, smiling to myself as I thought about the promising night ahead. Why did I ever think this alley was creepy? It led directly to my happiness.
We were starting up again. Starting it right, going slow.
In my anticipation of seeing Tristan again, I was early for once. Super early. But maybe having a drink and dancing would help me relax a little bit. Decompress to get rid of some of the negative energy I’d had festering inside me when I thought we were through.
Just don’t do what you did last time.
After chatting with Byron for a few, I went to the bar. Maddie and Roderick, the couple I’d met before my breakup with Tristan, were sitting at the bar watching the crowd.
“Hi!” I said, unable to contain my excitement at meeting Tristan.
“Maya, what a pleasant surprise,” Maddie said. “How have you been?”
“Oh. You know. Things are crazy as usual,” I said with a wave of my hand. “You?”
“Fine, thanks.” She looked at me for a second or two before continuing. “We were hoping to hear from you.”
“Sorry. Like I said, things have been pretty hectic. But I think they will be getting back to normal.”
“Glad to hear it,” Roderick said. “Can we get you a drink?”
“Sure.”
“Tempting Fate, isn’t it?” Maya asked.
“You remembered.”
“Yes, I’m drinking one now. You were right, it’s really good.”
After Roderick handed me my drink, Maddie asked, “Are you meeting your boyfriend?”
I nodded while I sipped the decadent drink through the straw, so quickly I almost had brain freeze. “Yes. But I’m really early. He probably won’t be here for a while.”
Fiery Nights Page 13
