Tiernan sighed and let one of the trunk lids fall with a bang. “And I've told you,” he stated in a firm tone, “I care nothing for money, nor for the niceties. I would not have you be made unhappy thinking you've disappointed me. Even if your family had done ten thousand horrible things to mine, you’re Fiachra’s sister. As such you have my loyalty and a claim to my protection. The only way to ensure that you were protected was to marry you, so when Ruairi suggested it, I accepted at once.”
“Why should you feel the need to protect me?”
She grew alarmed when Tiernan avoided the question by going into the next room and returning with a small pile of clothes and a large sheepskin rug.
Refusing to be put off, Shive said in exasperation, “Tiernan, what is going on? First Mahon and Ernin act strangely the whole time they’re here visiting, and now you say you married me to protect me! I’m no child any more, nor am I a fool. What’s wrong?”
“Did Mahon and Ernin say anything?” Tiernan asked, seemingly casually, but she could to detect the sharp gleam in his eye and the firm set of his jaw.
“I get the feeling something bad has happened, Tiernan, but you aren’t willing to tell me because you think I am too weak after my illness.”
Tiernan remained silent as he put his things down at the foot of the bed. Then he came over to the tub and sat down on a small stool beside it. “Shive, listen to me. You’re tired and weak. Please don’t let any uneasy thoughts enter your head.
“We’ve just had a bad snow storm, that’s all. You remember, on our wedding day. So we're all stuck inside and getting more and more impatient with one another. And with you being ill, well, everyone's a bit on edge. They boys have helped nurse you, as I have, day and night, and we’re all tired. In a few days we’ll all settle down into some sort of comfortable routine. For the moment I accept that everything must be new and strange to you, and that in itself is making us all uneasy. We all want you to be happy here, Shive. You know that, don’t you?”
Shive gazed up at his earnest expression, and nodded. “All right, I shall put all bad thoughts out of my head. But there’s no need to wait on me hand and foot. I can look after myself from now on.”
“Not until I’m sure you are completely well, and will not have a relapse,” Tiernan said firmly, pushing her hands away to lather her hair gently, and then helping to rinse it with a cup. He was careful not to get any of the strong soap into her eyes, and dabbed at her face gently with a cloth when he had finished, before toweling off the boyish crop as well.
Shive became breathless as their eyes locked, until Tiernan broke the spell by saying, “Lean forward, and I’ll scrub your back.”
Shive felt like a truly pampered princess, and gave in to the wonderful sensations Tiernan’s strong warm hands could produce.
Shive knew that by rights she ought to feel nervous and modest in front of Tiernan. But she knew he had seen her completely naked, could have even touched her even, and she never would have been the wiser. She blushed at the thought, but decided it would not be so dreadful a thing for her husband to caress her. He certainly didn't seem predatory or lewd. When she was with him, she had the oddest feeling that that was exactly where she belonged, by his side. True, she was a bit shy of him, but he seemed so natural, so without pretense, that her reserve soon melted away. Shive, usually a reticent person amongst strangers, found herself chatting away about what she remembered of the wedding. Soon Tiernan too thawed and began to relive the moment with her.
“The priest apparently enjoyed the celebrations so much they found him sleeping under the table unnoticed the following day when the servants went to clean up,” Tiernan laughed. “But now, a thaisce, if you think you’ve had enough wallowing for one day, why don’t you let me take you out so I can have my turn in the tub?”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I should have known you’d share the water with me,” Shive apologized quickly, ignoring his use of the endearment ‘treasure’ as she finished rinsing herself hastily. She would have jumped out of the tub if Tiernan hadn’t put a restraining hand on her shoulder.
“There's no need to hurry. I’ll scrub your back once more, and then dry you and set you by the fireplace in a bed gown.”
“I, um, well, I don’t have a bedgown either,” Shive admitted.
“In that case, I’ll be back in a minute. And don’t try to get out of that tub on your own,” Tiernan warned with a glance over his shoulder.
Chapter Six
A few minutes later, Tiernan returned to Shive’s chamber with two bedgowns. He held up the sheet with one hand, while with the other he assisted Shive to her feet. He wrapped the ends of the sheet around her and tucked the edge firmly into the back of the sheet, then lifted her weak and trembling body out of the tub and placed her on a chair by the roaring fire.
Turning his back on Shive, Tiernan hastily stripped off his filthy clothes and sat in the tub with a contented sigh. He poured in more hot and then began to lather himself all over. He picked up an finely honed knife, and feeling carefully, shaved himself expertly with it, leaving his mustache and beard, but scraping off the four day’s worth of stubble which threatened to make him look like a black bear.
Shive watched his deft movements closely, marveling at the supple strength in his broad shoulders and his manly but gentle hands. She had also noticed his long back and narrow buttocks as he had got into the tub. For the first time in her life she could begin to understand the nature of the attraction between men and women. It wasn’t simply companionship, spending time with one another and sharing common interests, as she had done with her cousins. What was missing was the spark of attraction, a kind of excitement one felt whenever the other person was near. Shive could sense it every time Tiernan looked at her.
The problem was of course, that she never imagined that Tiernan could possibly feel the same way about her, gauche and unsophisticated as she was, with a wardrobe of men’s clothes as well.
“You’re very quiet, Shive. Is your throat still very sore?” Tiernan inquired from the tub.
“I’m a little tired, that’s all,” Shive lied, avoiding his concerned glance.
Tiernan was already getting better at reading her expression. “Dishonesty from you already? What do you think is so bad that you can’t just tell me the truth?”
Shive rubbed her forehead, astonished at how he seemed to peer into her very soul every time he looked at her. “It’s nothing, really, my lord. I just don’t want you feeling you have to fuss over me, that’s all.”
“If you’re not ill, why do you look so dejected?”
“I was just thinking about what you said about all this being new, and my trying to make a success of my role here. I suppose I was just thinking I hadn’t got off to a very good start, being sick and so on,” Shive said as honestly as she could.
“Your becoming ill was not your fault, do you hear? I won't have you reproaching yourself for being a burden to me. As I said, while you're here, I am your protector. I would lay down my life to save yours.”
Shive saw the fury in his gaze. At the back of her mind she knew his anger was not directed at her even though he was staring straight at her.
She opened her mouth to speak, but saw that now was not the time. Tiernan lathered his long raven hair vigorously, and scrubbed himself with the sponge as though trying to rid himself of some invisible contamination.
As the silence lengthened, Shive finally said, “I am sorry if I’ve annoyed you again. I seem to make a habit of it.”
“You haven’t annoyed me, child. The circumstances I've been forced into annoy me, not you,” Tiernan said gruffly.
Well, what can I expect as the unwanted bride, Shive reflected sadly as she saw Tiernan’s face close up again.
He was so absorbed in his own thoughts that he failed to notice her hurt expression.
Shive sat moodily staring into the fire making a list of resolutions as to how she could help around the estate so that Tiernan wouldn’t find his un
welcome wife so burdensome to him.
Tiernan suddenly stood up from the tub, and Shive’s breath caught in her throat. She had seen naked men before, having grown up in a household full of boys, but Tiernan exuded an earthy, raw power which was mesmerizing. She looked away just before he caught her staring open-mouthed, and he saw nothing but her refined and elegant profile silhouetted by the fire.
Shive looked so small and delicate that he felt himself a cad for being so careless of her young feelings. He considered her to be a refined, fragile blossom. He was determined to treat her as such, despite the fact that this image of her, left over from the time he had last seen her five years before, was at odds with the reality staring him right in the face. She was no longer a feminine thirteen year old dressed up as a doll for her aunt’s pleasure, but a fully grown woman with ideas and desires of her own.
Tiernan dried himself quickly and slipped on one of the bed gowns. Then he brought the other one over to Shive and helped put her arms though the sleeves. He picked up a comb and began gently trying to unknot her short shock of riotous curls. But though he tried to tell himself she was still only a child, there was something movingly intimate about combing her hair and helping her to dress. He had removed a fair number of women’s clothes in his manly years, but never before had he helped anyone put them on.
Shive looked up at him when she felt his hands fumble with the fastenings of the bedgown. Her violet eyes locked tenderly with his blue ones once again.
“I can do it myself. I’m sure you have other things to attend to.”
“No, no, I was just thinking you should remain here by the fire until your hair dries. If I go to bed with wet hair I always seem to wake up the next morning with a stiff neck,” Tiernan said quietly, stroking her wet hair back from her forehead.
“Do you think I should go straight back to bed? I’m so stiff from having been there for so long.”
“There’s no sense in overdoing things. You’re probably more tired than you realize after your bath. If you’re feeling better tomorrow we can let you get up for a short time. But it’s already dark now, so there doesn’t seem much point in your expending the energy to get dressed only to go to bed again in a short while,” Tiernan argued logically as he continued to stroke her silky hair.
“You’re right, of course. I’ll get up tomorrow for a short while,” Shive breathed, leaning closer to him to revel in the warmth of his huge frame as he towered over her.
A tap at the door brought Mairead with a tray of food. They broke apart to look at what she had brought, both blushing.
There was freshly baked bread, and beef soup with the meat and the vegetables all finely chopped especially for her.
“Oh my lady, your hair looks lovely. We were all so worried about you. Master hasn’t slept a wink for the past four days, and those poor cousins of yours. What this man of yours here went through, forcing that medicine down you--” Mairead gushed, only to be cut off abruptly by Tiernan.
“Leave the food and go, girl. And don’t be tiring out your mistress with your excessive chatter,” he growled angrily.
Mairead practically dropped the tray on the table and scurried from the room.
Shive looked at Tiernan closely, but he was giving nothing away as he placed the low table in front of her, tucked a cloth into the collar of her bedgown to protect against spills, and handed her a spoon.
“You must be exhausted after nursing me. You should have an early night too,” Shive said quietly, before taking a spoonful of the soup, which proved to be excellent.
“I’m very good at staying alert at night. It comes from long campaigns, I suppose. I sleep lightly as well, so if you need anything during the night, you have only to call and I’ll be by your side in an instant.”
“Thank you for the offer, my lord, but I’m sure I’ll be fine from now on, especially once I’ve eaten all of this excellent soup.”
“Then, since you are feeling so much better, Shive, do you suppose you could stop calling me ‘my lord’? Tiernan was good enough for you in the olden days. I would have you say it now.”
Shive sighed. “I’m sorry. It’s just that, well, these aren't the olden days of freedom and happiness, now are they?”
“Would to God they could come back,” Tiernan bit out, throwing down his own spoon impatiently as he stood up and mopped his mouth roughly with his napkin.
“I’m sorry, my lord. I’ve said the wrong thing again, haven’t I?” she said, once again looking forlorn.
Tiernan began to pace the room angrily. He went over to the window and threw open the casement. A blast of wintry air entered, causing the candle to flicker and the fire to smoke.
Tiernan took a few deep breaths, then shut the window and moved over to the bed. He took up the sheepskin rug and went over to place it on Shive’s lap.
“I’m sorry if I seem to be angry with you all the time, Shive. I don’t mean to be. Please believe that. I know you probably won’t understand this now, and I pray God you may never have to.”
“Understand what, Tiernan? Please, try to tell me what it is that is troubling so. I can see it in your eyes, so don’t bother to deny it,” Shive said, stroking his softly cheek as he sat back down close to her side.
Tiernan reached up and took her hand in both of his own huge ones. He sighed deeply. “The day we wed, I looked out of that window, and saw one view. Now you've come here, and it’s like the entire landscape is foreign to me. I honestly don’t know what to do about it.
“In fact, what makes it worse is that I don’t think I can do anything about it. Not without causing more hurt to everyone concerned, and that's the one thing our marriage was designed to prevent. I’ve never felt so powerless before. For the first time in my life, I have to admit I'm scared. Really frightened of losing everything that means anything to me.”
Shive did not understand all he was talking about, but she could see his anger and confusion, and squeezed one of his hands comfortingly.
“I’m sorry our wedding has created so many problems. If you want me to go, my lord, I can always take refuge in a convent.”
“Out of the question,” Tiernan practically shouted. Then, more calmly, he stated, “No, you will stay here with me, Shive, and that’s final. You are my wife in name now. Until such time as this problem resolves itself, you will remain my wife. But I tell you this now, so you will be clear about our situation. If you do find someone else you're in love with, you have only to say so and I will release you. I know we were married by a priest, but you need only declare in front of the assembled clan that you wish for a divorce, and you shall have it.”
Shive, hurt beyond words that he would be willing to dismiss her so lightly, stared at the fire, and dared to ask, “And you, my lord? What if you decide to divorce me ?”
“And bring disgrace on your family? Nay, Shive. So far as I'm concerned, we're wed, and that's final.”
“But what if you were to meet someone else, my lord? Mayhap there's already someone special,” Shive grew bold enough to say, remembering what Ruairi had told her about Orla O’Rourke and her hopes of marrying the eldest son and tanaist of the clan.
“Shive, I am no coy virgin, but nor am I a satyr. I have women as a temporary solace, and then only if they are willing, and only for one night. I was entrapped, enchanted once, but it will never happen again,” Tiernan said firmly, looking away from her limpid violet eyes.
Shive nodded, and covered her embarrassment by turned her attention to her soup again, though it nearly choked her. Only one night...
It certainly effectively prevented intimacy. Tiernan struck her as a man who never allowed anyone except his nearest kin to get close to him in any way. Well, at least there was no danger of Orla any other female entrapping him.
But how do I get closer to him myself? Shive found herself wondering.
The obvious answer was to deal with Tiernan on an equal footing. That would not be too hard, since Shive was used to the very masculi
ne world of her new home. It was not dissimilar to her uncle’s household at Skeard where she had spent most of her time since she was ten when her father washed his hands of her and given her to her aunt in order for her to be groomed for a suitable marriage. Lord knows her aunt Afric had tried her best, with elegant dresses and homemaking lessons. But the lure of the hunt and the fight had been too much for her, and in her kindness her aunt had eventually let Shive have free rein.
Suddenly Shive put down her spoon and wiped her mouth thoughtfully. Why would I want to compete, with men or women? she wondered. She sat silently pondering this question as she watched Tiernan pick at his food glumly. In the end Shive could not find an entirely satisfactory answer, except that she wanted to prove herself worthy of all the effort Tiernan had expended on her behalf, taking her even though she was without, friends, family connections, or even health.
The Hart and the Harp Page 8
