Finally Tiernan nodded. “All right, Shive, I’ll give you until the end of the year. Come with me and I’ll show you all of the estate papers. I give you free rein in all things. I'll look things over every now and again, but for one year, I give this estate to you to run as you see fit. I ask only that you consult me if it is something really large that might affect the safety of the clan.”
“Thank you for trying to trust me,” Shive said, reaching out her hand to touch his.
Tiernan allowed his hand to rest briefly in hers before heading towards the door. “The desk is in my room, and we can leave it there for now so it doesn’t take up room in your chamber, which is smaller than mine.”
“Whatever you wish, Tiernan.”
He took her through the piles of papers, and then patted her shoulder. “I’ll leave you to get started, then,” Tiernan said as he moved towards the door.
“But, Tiernan, it’s late. If you wish to go to bed--”
“Nay, set to work. A year isn’t a very long time,” Tiernan murmured, closing the door behind him.
Outside in the corridor, Tiernan leaned his head against the cold stone wall. It took all of his will power not to go back inside and pull Shive into his arms.
“I can’t, she’s too young. What I’ve already done to her is bad enough,” he muttered, and went down to the great hall to seek oblivion in several flagons of wine.
Chapter Twelve
Thus Shive began to settle into a routine at Castlegarren, rising early with Ernin to stoke up the bakery fires and start the bread. Once the dough had been left to proof for the first time, she would go off to milk the cows and goats, and make cheese from the surplus milk.
Shive also leant a hand getting the cooking fires going and the hot water boiling in the kitchen, before returning to the bakery to knead the dough a second time and place it in the loaf pans in preparation for baking.
Shive and Ernin took turns stirring the huge vats of porridge which she insisted be made every morning, and then helped gather up the eggs from the poultry house. She assisted in serving up the breakfast when the men, finished with their chores and washing upstairs, came down to break their fast.
After a last trip to the bakery to help load the ovens, Shive then headed on to the carpentry workshops, where she and Cian and Mahon gave a hand to Seamus, the most skilled of all the craftsmen at Castlegarren. Under his watchful eye, chairs, tables, benches, coffers, chests, and all manner of household items including bowls and spoons were fashioned out of every type of wood. Shive was pleased to see just how skilled Cian and Mahon were.
Shive had also convinced Irial, Tiernan’s sergeant at arms, to allow her to train with the men from ten until midday. Once the bread was safely brought into the kitchens or sent off to the outlying villages or convent she had begun trading with, she engaged in hand to hand combat with the best of the O’Hara soldiers.
After the midday meal, Shive rested slightly by working at her loom, until training resumed again from two until five. While the men fought, Shive would lend hand in the kitchens, skinning rabbits and hares, plucking all manner of birds, and advising on the various dishes. She would keep an eye on the cooks and the pots bubbling away on the hearth while she sat with some mending or sewing project that she was carrying out for the further beautification of Castlegarren.
Shive sometimes managed to take her meals in the great hall, but with things so busy day and night, she had little time to have a leisurely meal with the men, who began to miss her bright, sparkling presence at the high table.
Another bout at her loom to keep the cloth coming in for Cian’s timber trade kept Shive going until nearly nine. Then Shive would check the books, and fall into an exhausted slumber, and would get ready to start all over again at five the next morning.
Through all of her chores, she saw little of her new husband. Even the few times they were in the same room together, Tiernan continued to avoid Shive. After a week of this seeming ostracism and disapproval, Shive could stand the tension between them no longer.
One snowy afternoon in January she bearded the lion in his den. On the pretext of hanging the new tapestry of the hart and the harp which she had made, Shive entered Tiernan’s chamber. After securing the hanging on its hooks, she declared, “My lord, I would speak to you on a matter which seems to have arisen between us, and which I think needs to be discussed.”
“And what might that be, Shive?” Tiernan asked with a frown as he looked up from his papers.
“My position in this house with regard to you.”
Tiernan cleared his throat. “What do you mean by position, exactly?”
Shive blushed and looked away. “You're deliberately making this difficult, my lord.”
Tiernan noted her response, and began to feel uneasy. “Really, Shive, say what you've come to say,” he ordered brusquely.
“All right then, my position with regard to being in your bed. Ever since New Year’s Eve you've treated me no better than all your other whores, one night, and then ignored. I need to know if that's what you expect from now on.”
Tiernan flinched at Shive’s use of the word whore , and growled, “I never expected anything from you, Shive. It just happened, much to my regret. I’m trying to ensure that it will never happen again by avoiding you, can you not see that?”
“I understand,” Shive said in a small voice, his rejection of her unmistakable.
Tiernan, noting her injured air, said sharply, “No, you don’t understand, child, or else you wouldn't be asking me the question. You’re very young, Shive. I should never have... And the last thing we need is to run the risk of a child binding us together irrevocably.”
“I see,” Shive repeated numbly, feeling as though she were about to be sick. “You’ve clarified the point for me admirably, thank you. I shall stay out of your way from now on.”
Shive moved towards the door, and would have left had Tiernan not hastily called her back.
Tiernan looked at her stricken face, and suddenly realized just how badly he had hurt her. It had taken all of her pride and courage to challenge him. He could see it was not due to her wanton nature, but rather a desire to make him happy which had prompted her to do so.
He knew he had fulfilled her that one incredible time they had had together. It had been the most marvelous experience of his life. Would it be so wrong to live with her as a husband, to try to make her happy in return for all she had done for him ever since she had started making her small but necessary changes around Castlegarren?
But then Tiernan reminded himself bitterly that he didn’t believe in marriage. In any case, he was doing it for her own good. Shive was much too young for him, over ten years younger. It was unfortunate that Shive was no longer a virgin, but when she met the man she truly wanted to marry, he would have to let her go.
“Shive, please, surely you must see it’s for your own good. This marriage was meant to be in name only. I fell asleep and got carried away by a vivid dream. I'm sorry if I robbed you of that which will make you more marriageable to another man later. But what has been done cannot be undone no matter how much I wish it to be.
“I've told you, Shive, if you wish to marry another, all you have to do is announce your intention to the clan. But for now, it’s best to leave things as they are, with you here safe and protected. That must include your being protected from my ravening lusts. So it will not happen again. But nor do I wish you to feel that you're to blame. It was my fault, mine entirely.”
“Is that all, my lord?” Shive asked in a tight voice, eager to get away from his piercing gaze.
“Yes, I suppose so.” Tiernan nodded, dismissing her before he did broke every word he had just given to her.
Shive turned and fled from the room. She ran down the hall to her loom, where she took out her deep unhappiness upon the cloth. She was crushed by her sense of her own inadequacies, and wondered what she had done to offend Tiernan.
But one look at the simpering Orla,
dressed in the most elegant silver gown she had ever seen, told Shive that she could not possibly compete with the likes of a worldly woman such as she for Tiernan’s adulation.
Let’s face a few unpleasant truths here, Shive told herself. Tiernan called you a child. Compared to Orla, you're still in swaddling clothes.
Shive sat at the table for a few minutes longer picking at her food. As Orla grew more and more bold, Shive excused herself from Cian, Ernin, and Mahon, and returned to her loom to be alone with her wretched thoughts.
But once again, the spirit of competition burned fiercely within her. Shive was determined she would make herself into a wife Tiernan could be proud of no matter what it took. If only she had someone who could advise her on the way to a man’s heart.
Her wish was granted the next day in the shape of Cian’s fiancee, Ailbhe, who was like a breath of fresh air to Shive, so honest and forthright was she.
“Cian has been telling me all about his rather difficult brother. I think I can probably give you some good advice.” Ailbhe smiled gently, patting Shive on the hand as they sat side by side in front of the fire in Shive’s workroom.
Ailbhe was small, dark, pretty, and rather plump, if the truth be told, but she was nothing if not attractive to men, whose heads turned every time she walked down the corridor. Shive could see why Cian had chosen her. Her cherry red lips seemed full of smiles, and promised delights which most men would have been foolish to refuse.
“If only I could be like you, Ailbhe, more confident about my attractions,” Shive said wistfully, letting her embroidery drop into her lap for a moment, before picking it up again with a sigh.
Ailbhe laughed good-naturedly. “My dear girl, the trouble with you is that you have so many attractions, men are afraid of you!”
She never had any doubts about Cian’s love and loyalty for her, but she was sure that her husband-to-be completely worshipped the ground Shive walked upon.
“If Tiernan is being standoffish, seek him out on some pretext or other. Talk to him about what he's interested in. Ask his opinion or advice even if you don’t need it. Try to flatter him. Make Tiernan feel like he's the most fascinating and exciting man you’ve ever met.”
“But he is the most fascinating and exciting man I’ve ever met,” Shive admitted.
“Wonderful!” Ailbhe grinned. “Then you won’t have to play-act, which is just as well, since I’m beginning to believe you're incapable of deception of any sort.”
“I’m sure that isn’t true,” Shive said uneasily.
“I’ll wager you anything that that's how Orla ingratiated herself into this family circle in the first place. The trouble with women like that is they always have an ulterior motive. It’s like nursing a viper in your bosom. I'd be very careful of her if I were you, Shive. Can’t you least try to get rid of her?”
“How can I, when she's here as a guest?”
“But Tiernan is the head of the household. If you indicate that she's overstayed her welcome, he might drop her a hint, or tell Lasaran to get rid of her as politely as possible.”
“I suppose I could try,” Shive agreed.
“But the best method is to fight back on your own terms. I sincerely believe that once she realizes you're here to stay, and more than a match for her, she won’t waste her time trying to supplant you any longer. She has Lasaran eating out of the palm of her hand, so that should content her.”
“I hope so, Ailbhe, but I’m still worried that a woman like Orla O’Rourke would never settle for a husband who was second best. She's very ambitious, just like the rest of her family.”
“You’re learning quickly, child.” Ailbhe winked.
Shive shrugged. “The past five years have taught me some pretty hard lessons about ambitions and desires.”
“Yet at the same time you're married to Tiernan now. Surely you ought to allow yourself to trust him. Confide in him your fears about what Orla is really doing here.”
“It would only seem like petty jealousy coming from me. What I don’t understand is why he's tolerating her here. I doubt he's really interested in her in that way. Unless of course they have already, er, well, and she's trying to win him over again, not realizing when he says only once, he means only once.” Shive blushed.
“Again, if he desired you enough that first time, use your attractions to get him back,” Ailbhe insisted.
“Cian seems to think there’s more to it than simply casting me on the pile as another discarded mistress. I’m not so sure. All I know is, I don’t understand his motives for marrying me or acting the way he does at the moment. But I’m tired of being treated like a child. Ever since I became ill he keeps mentioning how his only desire is to protect me, which now seems to be the reason why he is keeping away from my bed.”
“Lure him back in there, then. A few make-believe nightmares, a few nocturnal visits to his room to consult with him about the accounts...” Ailbhe spread her hands wide.
Shive frowned. “It just seems so dishonest somehow.”
“Shive, you want him. Why don’t you just come right out and tell him, then?”
“I couldn’t possibly!”
“Well, then, if you won’t be honest, what other choice do you have? What I have suggested isn’t dishonest. It’s just more subtle than declaring you burn for him.”
“I want to please him too, you know, but at the same time if I act too eager--”
“Just pretend then that his every touch fills you with delight.”
“I don’t have to pretend. It’s like being on fire whenever he comes near me,” Shive confided.
“Lucky girl. My first husband was very hungry in that department, but not very, well, exciting. Whereas Cian is....”
Shive covered her ears with her hands. “I don’t think I want to know.”
“An excellent companion, gentle, kind, young and enthusiastic, but he certainly doesn’t set me on fire.”
“Have you, er, well...” Shive blushed again.
“We have, indeed, often. He's a good man, the best. I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with marrying a good friend. But if I were you, Shive and I had a man like Tiernan, whom I felt as strongly about as you do, I would grab him with both hands and hang on tightly. Touch him, kiss him, and don’t be shy about your body. You're the loveliest young thing I’ve ever seen. I can only pray you'll have the sense to use your assets to win him over.”
“But I’m so innocent in the ways of men. What do you advise me to do in bed to please him?"
“Shive, experience doesn’t always count for that much, as I said. There's something rather arousing about innocence to a man, however much he might not want to admit it. At any rate, do whatever feels right to you. Your own emotions are the best guide to right and wrong in these cases.”
“All right, I shall take your advice tonight. Once in my bedgown, I'll find an excuse to consult with Tiernan, and see what happens,” Shive promised.
In the end however, Shive did not have to go to him, for Tiernan came to her. She'd taken Ailbhe’s other piece of advice and talked to him whenever she had the opportunity that day, though always in the company of others.
But she had missed out on supper because of a bolt of cloth she was finishing for Cian, and so late that night, just as she was finishing her daily accounts with a view to showing them to him, Tiernan entered her room.
He too was dressed in his bedgown, and carried a candle. “You weren’t at the evening meal, Shive.”
“I had some work to finish on the loom, so I had something in the kitchen and came up here.”
“I hope you are not overdoing things, wife.”
“No, my lord, I'm well.” Shive smiled up at him then, her violet eyes shining. Her heart skipped a beat. Really, he was the most handsome of men, she reflected.
“I, well, I saw the candle light under the door and wondered why you were up so late. No nightmares, I hope?”
“No, none recently. I was just finishing this stac
k of accounts. Here, come look at these items for me. I can’t make out Cian’s writing,” Shive invited, sliding over on the bench to make room for him to sit beside her.
Tiernan sat down next to her and smelt her clean crisp perfume, like roses, but more musky. He could not help toying with a stray auburn lock that fell down over her brow as she worked.
Shive held her breath, and looked Tiernan full in the eyes. Before she even saw him move, Tiernan’s mouth covered hers in a forceful kiss. She could feel herself being lifted and brought over to the bed. He paused only to blow out the candles on the table before untying her gown and shedding his own, all the while covering her face and throat in torrid kisses.
Shive did not need to pretend an avid response. Her blood surged through her veins in a giddy rush. Her fingers frantically clutched at Tiernan's shoulders as he parted her thighs to caress her intimately. Shive instantly could feel herself soaring upwards and pulled her mouth away to cry out his name. She could hear his heavy breath rasping in his throat as he entered her. Suddenly it was as though time stood still for both of them.
The Hart and the Harp Page 14
