by T. L. Hayes
“Fine, let me amend it to something more befitting your situation. Because you like him. Do you need a better reason to talk to him and go out with him? Seriously, do you think I would be where I am today with the woman I love if I had stopped and overthought the whole damn thing? I just went for it. I chased her, romanced her, backed off when she wasn’t sure, but then I was back on her doorstep when she was really ready. Oh, man, I never told you this, but when I got that text that night asking me to come back, I was almost back to the dorm. I ran all the way back to her house. I didn’t want her to change her mind. I didn’t think about it, I just did it.”
“Aww. Well, I did not call you the queen of the big romantic gesture for nothing. But why isn’t he running to my door, all out of breath?”
“Maybe he doesn’t know you want him. You haven’t talked to him in three days. Maybe he thinks you don’t want to see him again. Maybe you should do something really drastic and, oh, I don’t know, call or text him. Just a thought.”
“Yeah, I know. Maybe you’re right.” Rachel sighed in defeat.
“Of course I’m right.”
“How can that be? I’m the one who’s always supposed to be right in this relationship.” Just as they were sharing a laugh, there was a knock on the door. “Hold on,” Rachel said, “there’s someone here. I’m taking you with to the door.”
“Wonderful.”
Rachel extricated herself from the bed and opened the door, half expecting Lori to be standing there and preparing herself for round two. She was totally surprised to find Bobby standing there with his usual cocky grin. He gave her a little wave.
“Holy shit,” Rachel said.
“Is it him?” Rory asked.
“Yeah, it’s him.” Somewhat confused at seeing him there, Rachel stared at him and asked, “What are you doing here?”
“Don’t ask him that, you moron!” Rory’s voice interjected. “Just ask him in. I’m going to hang up now. Good luck and don’t screw this up.”
Rachel took the phone from her ear and said to Bobby, “I’m sorry, that was rude. Come on in.”
“Thank you.”
Once the door was closed, Rachel said, “Sorry I haven’t texted you back. I really don’t even have a good reason, I was just thinking…a lot.”
“Well, no good can come from that.”
“Yeah, so I’ve heard. Look, I’m sorry for being so flaky. You deserve better than that. I really do like you, I do, I just, I don’t know if—”
Bobby cut her off in a crushing hug and kiss. It would have been the most romantic thing ever, if he hadn’t stepped on her foot in the rush to take her into his arms. They broke apart to Rachel’s giggles and Bobby’s embarrassment.
“Oh, geez, I’m sorry. Are you okay?” Bobby was turning red and he wasn’t smiling or laughing about it. He looked mortified.
Rachel stopped giggling and cupped his face in her hands and smiled at him. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why don’t we try it slower, hmm? Maybe more like this?” Rachel put both arms around his neck and reached up to him for a kiss. He gave her a small smile and obliged, then drew her to him, wrapping his arms around her waist.
“Yeah, slower is much better,” he said.
“Can we start over?”
“You can do that as many times as you like.”
Rachel giggled. “Oh, I will, but I meant you and me. Maybe really start this time? Maybe even go on a real date.”
“A real date? Like out in public and everything?”
“Yeah, stud, a real date. But not just yet. I kind of like having you all to myself right now.”
“Oh, you do, do you? And why is that?”
“Let’s just say you’re going to be busy. Or not. I might just torture you, then send you home.”
“Oh, that would be so cruel.”
“Not cruel. Delicious agony.”
Bobby groaned and lunged for her neck and began to work on the fading mark. Rachel laughed as she clung to him, enjoying the slight pain as he sucked on the hollow between her neck and her shoulder. At times it hurt, but at others, it felt so good. She moaned and clutched his hair in her hand. After several moments, she couldn’t stand it any longer and she pulled hard on his hair and brought him up for a hungry kiss.
Bobby let her set the pace. Though Rachel was as turned on as she had ever been, she wasn’t ready to go beyond kissing. She was normally not shy about sharing her body with someone but this time was different for her, and she couldn’t say why.
* * *
For their first official date, Rachel and Bobby chose to have a picnic at the pond, because, as Rachel said, she really just wanted to be with him somewhere without a lot of distractions, where she could just enjoy his company.
“You mean it has nothing to do with not wanting to be seen with me in public?” Bobby asked, with the hint of a smile, though Rachel saw through it.
“Bobby Layton, I will not tolerate any self-pity or whatever you want to call it. Has it not occurred to you that maybe I just want you all to myself? So I can make you blush. So I can make you squirm.” As she said it, she trailed her fingers up his arm and he shivered. She laughed evilly. “Yeah, like that.”
Bobby narrowed his eyes at her and said, “Careful, I have no problem making a scene.”
“You mean like making out in public?”
“Yeah. Or pushing you into the water.” He laughed and his chocolate eyes danced.
“You wouldn’t dare!”
“Try me.”
After staring him down, Rachel said, “Maybe later you can get me wet.”
Bobby narrowed his eyes at her, but instead of picking up the sexual gambit she threw, he said teasingly, “Chicken.”
“I’m definitely not chicken.” With that declaration, she grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him to her for a kiss. What started as quick and forceful became sensual and languorous, until she moaned and had to push him away. “Damn, you’re good at that.”
“I’m glad you think so.”
“I’m sure I’m not the only one.”
“Ah, are we about to get into our respective dating histories? If so, I’m okay with that. What do you want to know?” As he talked, Bobby put the remains of their lunch back into the cooler he had packed their food in.
Rachel stretched out, resting on her elbows, and crossed her feet at the ankles. “I don’t need to know about all that crap, as long as you were safe. I’m the last person to get hung up on ex-girlfriends.”
“Or ex-boyfriends?”
Rachel eyed him for a moment then shrugged. “Eh, past is past. Were you safe?”
Bobby stretched out next to her, turned on his side, and rested his head on his hand. “Every time, Rachel, every time.”
She mimicked his posture. “Well, I’ve never slept with guys, but let’s just say, when it was necessary, I was safe. This is boring, I don’t want to talk about this stuff.”
“Okay, what do you want to talk about?”
“Tell me more about you. Tell me about your music. You want to be famous?”
Bobby laughed. “I just want people to hear my songs and like them. I don’t need fame and fortune, just an appreciative audience.”
“So you would be happy delivering pizzas for the rest of your life, as long as you got to sing in front of a crowd?”
“Well, maybe not pizzas, but in a way, yeah. I mean, for me, it’s not about making tons of money and living like a king. I don’t want to be chewed up and spit out by an industry that’s going to make me do music I don’t like, simply to make them money. I want to do what I want to do, even if it means I won’t be able to buy shiny things.” Bobby smiled and shrugged.
“I get it, you have integrity. I respect that. And just so you know, I’m not the kind of girl who likes expensive shiny things, so don’t worry about that. That is, if you were.”
“I wasn’t. I could tell that about you, Rachel.”
“Really, how?”
“You just don’t seem t
o be into material things all that much. Plus, I’ve had girls turn me down when they find out what my job is. They think a singer is romantic but a pizza boy is white trash or something and they don’t want to be seen with me.”
“Some girls only want boys who buy them the shiny. They make the rest of us look bad. I only want you to be real with me and treat me like a person.”
“I can do that.” Bobby leaned in and placed a small kiss on her lips.
When he pulled away, Rachel smiled. “I really like you, even when you’re being a dork.”
He laughed. “I really like you too.” He paused then asked, “So, what else do you want to know about me?”
“You told me on the first day that you changed your name to distance yourself from your family. Do you not speak to them at all?”
“Well, I live with my brother and he’s okay with things. Said he always wanted a brother. My parents—well, they’re assholes.” Bobby shifted his gaze and inclined his head.
Rachel gently nudged his chin so he was looking her in the eye again. “You can tell me. This is the part I want to know. Take your time—I’m not in a hurry.”
Bobby put his hand on her waist and said, “Not much to tell. I came out as bi in high school and they ignored it, didn’t take it seriously. Then, when I came out as trans four years ago, that’s when they said they only have one son and one daughter and it didn’t matter what I called myself, I would always be a girl. And if I kept up this nonsense, then I was out of the family. So I guess I’m out of the family. At least as far as they’re concerned. They don’t know I’m living with Chris. If they did, they’d probably disown him too.”
“Fuck those assholes. They may be your parents but they aren’t your family and they don’t get to have a say into who you are. Your family is what you make it.” Rachel caressed his cheek.
“Yeah, you’re right. The hell with them.” Then he kissed her. They lay there kissing for quite some time, until Bobby realized what time it was and that he had to go to work, but not before walking her to her door and giving her a nice leisurely kiss in her hallway.
She stepped back and pushed him away. “Go away now, go on. Go deliver pizzas. Make some dough.”
He rolled his eyes. “I’ll see you.” He waved then walked to the elevator.
Just as Rachel was unlocking her door, Molly came out of the bathroom. “Hey, Rachel.” She smiled.
Rachel had always liked Molly. She just thought the girl clung too much to whatever Lori said, instead of doing her own thing and thinking her own thoughts. She returned her smile. “Hey, Molly.”
“Hey, Rach?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks.”
“For what?”
“What you said the other day about it being okay to be attracted to someone, no matter what. Okay, that’s not exactly what you said, but I’m just glad you said it. Sometimes Lori gets to be too much, you know what I mean?” Molly was practically whispering, which was understandable, considering how much sound carried in their hallway.
“I know what you mean and that’s putting it mildly.”
“Right. I mean, if truth be known, I’m not a lesbian, I’m bi, but she hates it when I even mention it. I don’t know what her problem is.”
“Me neither, but I think you and I need a better class of friends. I gotta go, but hit me up if you want to hang out without whatshername.”
“I will. Oh, and Rach?”
“Yeah?”
“He really does have awesome eyes.”
“God, I know, right?” Rachel nodded to her now open door. “You want to come in and gush?”
Laughing, Molly said, “Sure.”
“Good. I can tell you all about the sweet boy with the sexiest eyes you’ve ever seen.”
Chapter Seven
A few nights later, Rachel sent Bobby a text that left no room for argument. You are taking me out for a hamburger. You get no say in the matter. Pick me up, ASAP.
Bobby and Rachel were sitting across from each other at the old fifties-themed diner on the east side of town that only a small scattering of students ever went to. Most of the clientele were what Rachel thought of as old-timers, who more than likely had been going to the diner since it opened. She was more than okay with there not being a lot of students there, because when it came to how she wanted to spend her time, she was increasingly moving more toward Rory’s way of thinking: the less people around at one time the better. She wished Rory were here now to share in her new relationship but she couldn’t be and there was no point in dwelling on that fact. Instead, she wanted to enjoy the moment with Bobby and spend as much time with him as their schedules allowed.
She sat across from him now with a plate full of the best burger and fries she’d ever tasted, along with an old-fashioned root beer float. She pulled the cherry off her drink when she knew she had his attention and slowly sucked the cherry off the stem, keeping her eyes locked with his.
He grinned and chuckled somewhat uncomfortably. “You always this mean to your dates?”
She threw back her head and laughed evilly. “You think this is mean, wait until you see what I can do with this cherry stem.” She held the stem up for emphasis but before she could put it in her mouth to demonstrate her point, he snatched it out of her hand and put it on his side of the table out of her reach. She laughed again. “Now who’s chicken?”
Bobby leaned in and lowered his voice. “I’m not chicken either, but unless you want me to leap across this table and make a scene that would more than likely get us thrown out, you’ll stop torturing me.” Then he gave her a small kiss on the lips and Rachel smiled at him before he sat back.
Rachel got an evil glint in her eye. “I double dog dare ya.”
“Why do I get the feeling that it’s always going to be an adventure with you?”
“Would that be so bad?”
“Nah. But I don’t know how often I’m going to have enough cash on me for bail money.” He grinned and she laughed at him.
“Take it as it comes, my boy, take it as it comes.”
Bobby sighed. “I’m really glad you keep calling me but I have to ask you something.”
“What’s that?”
“Do you ever let yourself get serious? I mean, every time we get on the verge of a serious conversation, you back away from it. I’m not criticizing you—I was just curious.” He reached for her hand across the table and squeezed it. She squeezed back and gave him a small smile in return.
“So you’ve noticed that, have you?”
“Yeah, I have. I haven’t said anything because I really don’t like to make an issue of things, but I just hope that you feel comfortable enough with me to talk about important stuff. You’re really good at turning the conversation back to me. Is it because there are just some things you don’t feel comfortable talking about or don’t know how?”
“Oh, my sweet boy…you really are sweet. And no, I wasn’t turning it around to you that time, just speaking the truth.” She sighed. “I’ve just never been good at self-disclosure. We don’t do much of it in my family. Hell, we don’t talk much at all in my family. Rory can get me to talk sometimes, but not always. I guess I feel that everyone has their own problems, and they don’t want to hear mine, so why don’t I just suck it up and deal with my shit and try to help people deal with what they can’t deal with. But if you ask me direct questions, I’ll do my best to answer them, how’s that?” She looked away, grabbed a fry, then looked back at him questioningly. He was still holding her hand.
“Okay, I guess I do have a question.” He knew how harshly the words themselves might be taken, so he was careful to keep any accusation from his voice. “Why did you call me that first time if you’re such a die-hard lesbian?”
Rachel looked startled at the question. “Oh, that.”
“Yeah, that.”
“Well, I did have to think about it some and talk to Rory about it some but”—she shrugged—“I just like you. That’s what I
realized. And I don’t care what anyone else has to say about that. I’m me, I know who that is, and anyone who thinks they know me but really doesn’t, who makes assumptions about me, can just piss off. It’s about me, not about them.”
Bobby grinned. “That sounds like a song.”
“Well, then write it.”
“Maybe I will.” After a moment, he said, “I have another question.”
She let go of his hand to pick up her drink with both hands, one hand on the straw. “Go ahead.”
Bobby leaned back against the seat and asked, “Did you ever date Rory?”
Rachel choked on her drink. She coughed, set the drink back on the table, and grabbed a napkin to wipe her mouth. “Wow, what a question.”
“As I said before, it’s okay if you have feelings for her other than friendship. I just want to know.”
She challenged him with her eyes. “Why would you want to know that?”
“Because I want to know if you will ever care about me as much as you care about her.” There was no smile on his face. He was completely serious.
Rachel paused so she could choose her words carefully. When she spoke she spoke softly and looked him directly in the eyes. She wasn’t afraid of this honesty. “I do love Rory with all my heart. I have from the moment we met in an acting class as undergrads. We hit it off spectacularly and I thought we were on the verge of dating, especially when she started kissing me after we wrapped Rent. But she backed off and let me down easy. I couldn’t be mad about it. Knowing she’s in love with Maggie hasn’t diminished how I feel about her but I wholeheartedly want her to be happy and have love in her life—and she is, and she does. My feelings for her won’t go away. I’ve accepted that, but I believe they will change in time. There is room in my heart to fall in love with someone else and I’m open to it. You shouldn’t worry about that. That is, if you were.” She put her hand palm up on the table and curled her fingers, asking him to take her hand, which he did.
“I’m glad. I didn’t want to have to compete with a ghost.”
“You’re not competing with her or anyone. This is all about you.” She leaned in and he met her halfway with a kiss.
