by T. L. Hayes
“Rory and Maggie, I told you that. You’re my plus-one. I’ll be wearing a suit and looking fabulous, of course. I mean, I haven’t seen the suit yet, but how could I not?” She grinned at him.
“I’m sure you will. So I guess that means that if I want to look as good as my hot girlfriend, I have to wear a suit too. I haven’t had occasion to wear a suit yet. This’ll be fun. Thank you for inviting me, Rachel.”
“Oh, this isn’t an invitation. I’m just telling you where you’re expected to be.”
“Oh, I see. Of course, I will be wherever you think I need to be.”
“Mm, I can picture it now. You’re going to look so damn good in a suit. You’re going to outshine the brides, who are also going to be in suits,” Rachel mused.
Bobby laughed. “A lesbian wedding with my lesbian girlfriend, and I’m a trans guy who’s never worn a suit before. Doesn’t get any gayer than this.”
Rachel laughed with him. “The only way it would is if RuPaul showed up and sang them down the aisle to ‘Sissy that Walk.’”
“Wouldn’t the other one, the one about being jealous of his boogie, be more appropriate, considering what you said happened here before they left?”
“Oh my God, yes, that’s perfect! I’ll have to tell them!”
Bobby looked nervous once their laughter died down. Rachel got concerned and put her hands on either side of his face. “Baby, what is it?”
“Do they know about me?”
“That we’re dating? Yeah.”
“No, I mean…”
“Oh, yeah, of course. You have to know, I tell Rory everything.” Bobby raised an eyebrow in alarm. “Well, not everything, some things I keep to myself. But yes, they both know and they are supportive. They love me and only want me to be happy. If I vouch for you, you’re as good as in.” Rachel gave him a small smile and caressed his cheek.
“Okay. I just don’t want this being awkward for you.”
“No, it’s not going to be awkward for me. Will it be awkward for you, being around my friends? My real friends?”
“Maybe a little, but that’s something I have to get over. What if I have a beard by then? I’ve been on T now for several months and by the time of the wedding it’ll have been about a year. I could have facial hair by then. Won’t that look weird to them? Seeing you with someone with a beard, I mean?”
“Wait, we never discussed this. You want facial hair?” Rachel eyed him cautiously.
“Well, it’s probably going to happen whether I want it to or not.”
Rachel expelled a breath. “Okay, that’s true. I can’t be selfish about this, though I want to. Do you want a beard?”
Bobby shrugged. “I don’t know. A lot of guys let them grow to help cover up their girlish face until it starts to hollow out. Also, I just think some guys feel manlier with facial hair.”
“Do you feel that way?”
“Not really, you know? But I think I might want a beard just for the sake of it. Don’t worry, it would be kept trim and neat.” He grinned at her.
“Oh God, don’t tell me I’m dating a hipster! Anything but that!” Rachel threw back her head in mock horror.
“Rachel, you met me in a lesbian-owned coffee shop. How could you not know that about me?”
“What can I say, I was concentrating on other things,” she said seductively.
“Oh, like what?”
“Like how hot the blues singer was.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah. The only thing that mattered after that was getting his attention.”
“Well, you did. And you still have it.”
“Good. Now walk me back to my dorm and let me show you just how much you have my attention.”
“My pleasure.”
“Not yet, but it will be.”
* * *
Mumbling to himself, Bobby said, “It’s about me, not about you, that’s what she had said.” He quickly wrote that line on the notebook resting on his knees. He was sitting on his brother’s sofa, in jeans and a white sleeveless undershirt, what Rachel called his butch look. When he had insisted he didn’t think the word butch applied to him, since he wasn’t a lesbian, she told him that lesbians didn’t own butch.
Thinking of Rachel made him smile and he tapped his pen against the notebook as he continued to think. He scribbled some more, scratched something out, stared off into space, and then hit with inspiration, leaned forward to write again. Occasionally, he would sing a line out loud, pause, sing it again with a word change, shake his head in satisfaction, then write it down.
Chris came in and sat next to Bobby on the couch. “Whatcha doing, little brother?”
“Nothing. Just trying to get something out of my head.” He wrote something else down.
Chris peeked over. “I haven’t seen you write in a while. Glad to see it. Rachel’s influence?”
Instead of acknowledging his brother’s words, Bobby said, “What are you doing here? It’s Saturday, shouldn’t you be getting dirty or taking Marissa somewhere?”
“Mudding has lost its appeal and Marissa’s working today. I’ll see her later. What about you? It’s your day off. Why aren’t you making out in some dorm room right about now?”
“You think that’s all we do?”
“Actually, I try not to think about it. But for your sake, I hope so.”
“Why do you care if I get laid?”
“’Cause it means you’re not being a moody little asshole on my couch.”
“Fuck off.”
“Oh, your comeback—it burns!” Chris feigned pain and Bobby narrowed his eyes at him.
“Anyway, in case you haven’t noticed, it’s fall break. She’s spending it with her family. She won’t be back until next week.” Bobby knew he would miss her but he also enjoyed his alone time. Plus, she promised to call him every night and regale him with stories about the Crazy Coles, as she called her family.
“That sucks. Now I have to put up with you.”
“You trying to kick me out? You want to bring Marissa over or something?”
“Oh, I’ll bring her here whether you’re here or not. That doesn’t bother me. I don’t give a shit.” They were quiet a moment, and then Chris said, “I really am glad you found Rachel. I was tired of you whoring around.”
Bobby narrowed his eyes at Chris, trying to suppress his anger. “Whoring around? That’s what you think I was doing?”
“Hell, Bobby, you were like a kid in a candy store. You brought so many people home, I stopped asking for names.”
“Which I was glad of, after that one mistake you made.”
“Not my fault you were fucking people with similar names. After that, I either ignored them or just nodded. Not like they were going to be around long enough for me to care. I’m just glad you seem to be settled now. I’m a little surprised you’re dating a lesbian, considering your luck with them in the past, but not for me to judge on that. I haven’t met Rachel, but you seem happy and I’m glad. You little shit.”
“Thanks, asshole. Besides, Rachel’s different. I mean, at first, she had some issues to get over, about her own identity, you know? But she never put it on me, never made it seem like her questioning herself was in some way my fault. She actually felt guilty about it. No one has ever done that before. The other lesbians I’ve known got pissed at me because I made them question things about themselves. Rachel’s not like that. I don’t think she wanted to hurt me.” Bobby felt his face flush at the revelation of so much emotion and he looked down at his notebook and pretended to cross out a stray word, but really, he rewrote the same word on top of the old just to give himself somewhere else to focus his attention.
Chris coughed, maybe to cover his own embarrassment. “Well, good. I look forward to meeting her. I just wish you could patch things up with Mom.”
“Patch things up? It’s not like we had a difference of opinion. She can’t accept me for who I am and that’s just unacceptable.”
“You’re
right. I’m not defending her, just saying I wish things were different. This sucks.”
“You’re telling me.”
“But I guess I’ll just go on being the favorite until she stops being a bitch. ’Bout time I get to be Mom’s favorite. It was tough living in your shadow.” Chris said it with humor but his smile faltered a bit.
“What can I say? Doesn’t matter what gender I’m displaying, I’m still the cute one. What’s not to love?”
“You’re an ass—always have been, always will be.”
“Just trying to keep it consistent.”
“Whatever. Let me hear that when you’re done,” Chris said, indicating the notebook, before he stood up from the sofa and left the room.
Bobby smiled and shook his head. He pulled out his phone and sent a text to Rachel. I hope you’re having a good time. I miss you.
I miss you too, Sweet Boy. It’s crazy here. Wish I could see your sweet smile.
Bobby grinned, then turned the camera on and took a selfie, something he normally didn’t do. He sent it to Rachel with the message, This smile is only for you. Keep it safe.
You’re a dork, Bobby Layton, but an adorable one.
Bobby couldn’t keep the grin off his face as he set the phone down and went back to work on his writing.
* * *
“Then my dad said, Why doesn’t that hot redheaded friend of yours come by anymore? And my mother was like, Maybe she got tired of you leering at her like you always do.”
“Your dad’s a letch?” Bobby was lying back on his bed later that night, listening to Rachel’s stories. She had a way of making the horrible sound humorous.
“Oh, yeah, always has been. I mean, he’s usually discreet about it to the point only Mom and I notice. Rory never has. At least, she’s never said anything about it to me.”
“Can’t imagine that’d be an easy thing to talk about. Has he come on to your girlfriends before?”
“No, because he’s never met them. I make sure of that.”
“Honey, I’m sorry you have to deal with that. That’s shitty.”
Bobby could almost hear the shrug in her voice when she said, “I’m used to it. At least both my parents accept me as I am. Now that’s shitty.”
Bobby got quiet. “Yeah, I’m used to it.”
“You shouldn’t have to be though. Expecting your child to be who you think they should be, then getting pissed when things just don’t work out that way? It’s about control, plain and simple. She wanted to have control over your life and hates that she can’t.”
“I never thought of it like that before. I just thought she was a bible thumping bitch.”
“Well, I can’t speak to that.” That made Bobby smile. “But I know not all parents come around. Rory told me that her future mother-in-law refuses to meet her because she can’t handle Maggie being gay. Totally different from Rory’s parents. They’re awesome people. They pretty much adopted Maggie on sight, apparently. Me too, really. But there’s no accounting for taste.”
“I think it shows good taste.”
“It’s okay for you to say that—you’re besotted with me. But I can’t say it without sounding egotistical.”
Bobby laughed out loud. “Can’t argue with any of that.”
“You would be wise not to. I really do wish there was something we could do to get her to come around.” Her voice had turned serious. “But I know we shouldn’t force it, either.”
“Yeah. It’d be good if my dad wasn’t a wimp but I don’t see him changing.” Bobby sighed and ran his hand through his hair.
“It’ll be okay, baby. Hey, parents aren’t everything, you know? So we weren’t blessed with the best parents, who the fuck cares? They don’t control our lives. We make our own way in this world. Whether we succeed or fail from here on out, it’s up to us. What do we need them for? Okay, I need them to pay my college tuition, but besides that, not a goddamn thing. They can all just suck my dick, for all I care.”
Bobby couldn’t stop himself from laughing out loud and holding his sides. “Oh my God, you’re awesome. I love you.” He threw the words off casually, not fully realizing what he had said or the impact the words would have until Rachel went silent. “I mean, I, uh—”
“It’s okay, I know what you meant.”
Recovering, Bobby said, “So, um, tell me more about your family. Despite your dad being a letch, they gotta be better than mine.”
“Oh, I guess they are in some ways. When you put the whole leering-at-my-friends thing aside, he’s not a bad guy.”
They talked some more, making each other laugh, both steering clear of anything that might hint at the word Bobby had casually let slip out.
After hanging up, Bobby, still smiling, picked up the notebook from his nightstand and began to scribble again, rocking back and forth the whole time to the tune in his head.
Chapter Ten
The following week, when Rachel came back from her parents’ house, she called Bobby and said, in no uncertain terms, “If you don’t get your sweet ass over here in ten minutes, I’m going to have to find another hot pizza delivery person to warm my bed.”
Bobby rushed over to her dorm, and when Rachel met him at her door, before he could open his mouth to say anything, she had her arms around his neck and her tongue down his throat. When she finally pulled back for air, she said, “God, I missed these lips.”
With his arms around her waist and a smile on his face, Bobby asked, “Only my lips?”
Rachel played with his hair and echoed his smile. “No, of course not, just especially.” Rachel removed herself from his embrace, then grabbed him by his belt buckle and pulled him into her room.
He grinned slyly at her and as soon as the door was closed behind him, he pulled her to him and attacked her mouth just as furiously as she had attacked his. She couldn’t help but chuckle some at his urgency.
Bobby rested his forehead against hers, his arms around her waist and closed his eyes. “I’m glad I didn’t have to work tonight.” Suddenly, he hesitated, as if not sure how to say what was really on his mind. He stole a glance into Rachel’s eyes, then studied her smile. “I just, I want…I…” He blushed adorably, but then he broke his gaze with her again.
Rachel put a hand to his cheek and caressed him there. “Shh, it’s okay. I know. Me too. Come on.” She stood back and took him by the hand and led him to the bed, where she gently pulled him down next to her and she put her arms around him and gave him a soft, gentle kiss on the lips. She whispered, “Don’t tell me, show me.”
Thinking he might suddenly start crying at her gentleness and thinking how unmanly that would be, Bobby hid his face in her neck, where he first began by kissing in the hollow between her neck and her shoulder, very lightly. Then he moved up to her ear, the whole time his fingers softly exploring her body, not yet removing the barrier of their clothing, just enjoying the sweet, slow exploration. When she moaned against him, it excited him, sure, but it also made him want to take it slower, enjoy every inch of her, extend her pleasure.
They spent the next several hours in such peaceful repose and occasional slumber that a few hours later they were lying peacefully in each other’s arms. Bobby was almost asleep when he sat up in bed with a start.
“Fuck, I almost forgot about the gig tonight. Shit, I have to go.” He frantically began looking for his discarded clothing and binder and began to get dressed.
Rachel, splendidly naked beside him, sat up more slowly and asked, “What gig, baby?”
“The one at the café. They’re having a benefit tonight for Al’s sister’s cancer fund. I told them I would sing tonight. You want to come?” Bobby stood up to pull his jeans up and buckle his belt, then went on the hunt for his shoes, finding one under her bed, the other kicked across the room under Rachel’s desk. He retrieved them and sat on the desk chair to put them on.
Rachel gave a mock sigh. “You mean, put clothes on and leave the room?”
Bobby grinned. “Pe
rsonally, I don’t care if you’re naked, and Tiff and Al might enjoy it also, but I can’t speak for everyone. Besides, you might get chilly.”
Rachel stood up, walked over to him and pulled his face to her bare belly. He kissed her there. “You could keep me warm,” she said seductively.
Lost in the moment, Bobby put his hands on her hips and began a slow kiss up to her right nipple. Rachel put her head back and moaned as Bobby’s lips found purchase and he began to suck her breast into his mouth. Rachel swayed forward and Bobby’s arms went around her and her fingers entangled in his hair. Bobby was about to trail his fingers down to her wetness that he knew was waiting for him, but pulled away, since he knew they didn’t have time to start again.
He kissed her above her heart and smiled and said, “We have to go, but I promise to finish this later.”
With her fingers still entwined in his hair, Rachel yanked his head back playfully and said, “Oh yes, we will, yes, we will. But it was cruel of you to get me so worked up just before we walk out the door.”
“All part of my evil plan to leave you wanting more.”
“Hmm, well, it’s a good plan.” She sighed and backed away. “Okay, I guess I will cover this fine body with clothes, all for the purpose of being seen in public with you. You better sing a song for me.” Rachel backed away and started to retrieve her own clothes that had been scattered hither and yon as Bobby had undressed her.
“We’ll see, we’ll see.”
* * *
Rachel sat at the same table as the night when she had first seen Bobby up on that stage, singing the blues. She felt foolish now for thinking at the time that he was a dyke. How stupid she felt. She still wasn’t quite ready to let herself off the hook for that one. She couldn’t take her eyes off him as he conferred with the house band about the songs he was planning to sing. She smiled to herself when she noted how rumpled his clothes were, having been haphazardly and quickly discarded earlier in the day. She also knew that if he were to take off the long-sleeved shirt he wore unbuttoned with the sleeves rolled up, everyone would be able to see the large hickey she had given him just above the neckline of his undershirt. She bit her lip at the memory of the salty taste of his skin and the way he had moaned when she was leaving her mark, the way he had put his hand on the back of her head to push her farther into him.
