by T. L. Hayes
Rachel watched him. The binder he had worn the first time they’d slept together had zipped up like a vest, but this one was different. This one was beige and wrapped around his chest like a bandage and Velcroed on the side. The end result was a flat, more masculine chest. Under an undershirt and a T-shirt no one was able to tell it was there. Rachel just couldn’t imagine the pain he must endure—all for the sake of appearances and peace of mind.
As she pulled on a pair of jeans, she cocked her head. “Hey, baby, why don’t I go stand guard at the girls’ bathroom like the straight girls do for their boyfriends? Not something I thought I’ve ever have to do, but, whatever.” She shrugged.
“You sure?”
“Yeah. You’re no different than those jerks. Okay, as I was saying it, I knew it was wrong. You are different than those jerks. You’re a sweet boy and you don’t smell nearly as bad as they do.”
“Are you talking about the pepperoni smell or the boy smell?”
“The boy smell. I hope that the longer you’re on T won’t mean the smell will get worse.” Rachel crinkled up her nose.
“Not sure. I’ve read that it might go away once my body adjusts to the hormones and I level out. Of course, since I haven’t had a hysto, I still have all these unnecessary girl hormones swimming around in me and they fight with the T, which means mood swings and bad smells. I’m sorry for both.” He shrugged sheepishly.
Rachel went up to him and touched his face and gave him a light kiss on the lips. “Baby, I was only teasing. I’m sorry. It doesn’t really bother me.” She hugged him.
“Are you sure? You can tell me.”
“Well, okay. I mean, you usually smell real nice and I love your cologne, but once in a while, you do kinda smell like a boy and”—she sighed and looked down for a moment—“it’s kind of a turnoff.”
“Hey, don’t feel bad. I know you’re not attracted to men and me smelling like one can’t be good for you. I get it. You know, science says we are attracted to someone by smell. It’s all about the hormones, baby.”
“Is that what it is? You mean, it’s not this hot body or those luscious lips?”
“Nope. That’s just window dressing. Gives our eyes something nice to look at while the rest of our body is reacting to the smell.”
“Well, I prefer what I’m seeing right now.” She kissed him again, pushing herself against him, causing him to moan. After a moment, he pushed her away.
“Baby, I gotta go. Come on and be my lookout.”
“Okay. Come on.”
They went out into the empty hallway. It wasn’t noon yet and Rachel figured most of her floor mates were still sleeping. She walked to the bathroom down the hall, gestured for him to wait outside, then went in to check if anyone was in there. The coast was clear and she waved him in, taking her place outside the door so she could catch any of her neighbors before they went inside.
No sooner had she taken her place next to the door than Lori had opened her door and came sleepily out into the hallway, dressed in what Rachel knew she always wore to bed, an oversized old shirt with their school logo on the front that she had taken from Rachel when they had been sleeping together. Rachel didn’t know why she still kept it; it was starting to look raggedy and worn. Lori glanced at her but said nothing.
“You can’t go in yet.”
Lori stopped in her tracks, looking confused. “Why not?”
“Bobby’s in there. Give him a minute.”
“You let him use our bathroom? Aren’t there rules about that?”
“Yeah, that the bathroom has to be guarded, which I’m doing.”
“No, I mean, shouldn’t he be using a gender-neutral bathroom or something or just go upstairs?”
“There is nothing wrong with him using this bathroom. Eddie uses this bathroom all the time.” Eddie was the boyfriend of one of the straight girls who lived on their floor. Rachel had seen Stephanie standing guard many times.
“Yeah, well, that’s different.”
“Seriously? Did you just seriously say that to me?” From behind her, Rachel heard the toilet flush, then a moment later the running of water.
“Yeah, you know why. Bobby’s not like Eddie and you know it.”
“No, you’re right, he’s a completely different human being. Good eye.”
“You know what I mean, he’s—”
Lori was interrupted by Bobby coming out of the restroom.
“I’m what?”
Lori started to stumble in her words. “I…you’re…just get out of my way.”
Bobby stepped aside and Lori shouldered past him.
“How much of that did you hear?”
“All of it. This place echoes like crazy. It’s all right. Nothing I haven’t heard before.”
“Well, you shouldn’t have to hear shit like that.” She raised her voice and directed it into the open bathroom door. “Some people should be fucking nicer!”
Bobby grabbed her by the arm and steered her toward her room. “Come on, Wild One, let’s go get our wallets and keys and get out of Dodge.”
“Are you trying to prevent a fight?” She directed her next statement into the bathroom again. “’Cause I could totally have taken her!”
“I’m sure you could have. Come on, we should probably go.”
Rachel sulked. “You’re ruining my fun.”
“I’m sorry. Just trying to keep you out of trouble.”
Rachel, calmer now, snorted. “I hope you’re up for that challenge, dear boy.”
“Working on it, Rachel, working on it.”
* * *
“There’s a reason I call you Wild One, and this is why.” Bobby was laughing as he looked at her across from him on his brother’s couch. After he had pulled her away from yelling at Lori in the hallway, they had quickly gotten what they needed from Rachel’s room and left the building with no particular plans. Now that they were comfortable, he couldn’t stop laughing.
“What? When someone’s been a douche, I’m going to call them on it, that’s all. I make no apologies.” Rachel was reclining in the corner of the couch with her feet in Bobby’s lap.
“Oh, I’m not asking you to. I just don’t want you to put yourself in danger on my account.” Though he smiled at her, there was a clear note of seriousness to his tone.
“Thanks, but don’t worry about me. I’m mostly all talk, but I think I could hold my own if it came to it.” She gave him a secret smile and pretended to bat her eyes at him.
“Yeah, I know, but still. I don’t want to sound all harsh about it, but this isn’t a joke. Harassment against trans folks is very real and can be very violent. I know, so far when we’ve been together it’s just been your friends—”
“She’s no friend of mine.”
“Okay, ex-friend. But what if next time it’s not? Baby, I love that you want to fight for me, I do, I just don’t want you getting hurt doing it. Okay?” He tugged on her pants leg to make sure he had her attention.
She smiled in return. She could see how worried he was about her and she realized that it was time to tell him what she had been doing the day before. She sighed. “I’m not going to get hurt. Eventually, I’ll even know how to fight back if it comes to that.”
“What are you talking about?”
“The reason I was asleep when you came in last night was because of what I was doing earlier in the day.”
Suddenly Bobby looked curious and suspicious. “What do you mean?”
Rachel scooted toward him until she was practically sitting in his lap and ran a finger across his jawline. “It’s not what you think. I was with Dr. Silver.” Bobby’s eyes got wide and it made her laugh. “Oh God, no, that came out wrong. Not like that! I just meant that I asked her to teach me something outside of class that I thought might come in handy someday.”
Bobby put his hand on her thigh and smiled. “And what would that be?”
“Kung fu.”
“You are learning kung fu to protect me?”
/>
“Well, at first. But I found that I kinda like it. It’s fun.”
“I see.” Bobby looked down for a moment and there was a catch in his voice when he looked back up. “I don’t know what to say. Thanks doesn’t seem enough.”
Rachel put her arms around his neck and kissed him. “It’s okay. That’s plenty.” She gave him another kiss, this one softer and slower. His arms went around her and he pulled her closer to him.
“Oh, Jesus Christ.”
Neither of them had heard the back door open and didn’t know Chris was in the room until he spoke.
“This is not how I wanted to start my day.” When Bobby and Rachel pulled away from each other, startled, there was a huge grin on Chris’s face. “Well, hello, lovebirds. Why are you making out on my couch when you have a room of your own to do that in?”
“What are you doing here? Thought you were spending the day with Marissa,” Bobby asked. Rachel scooted off Bobby’s lap and went back to her corner.
“She got called into work. So I came home. Thought I’d spend the day with my baby brother. Get in some quality bonding time. But I see you’re already bonding.”
“Since when do you and I bond?”
“Oh, brother, I’m hurt.” Chris sat on the arm of the couch next to Rachel. “Do you see how he treats me, his only brother? I don’t know you, and yet I can sense you’re too good for him.”
Rachel grinned at Bobby then looked at his brother. “Maybe, but he’s really cute. Good arm candy.”
Bobby snorted.
“Okay, gross.” Chris made a gagging noise.
“There wasn’t anything gross about what I just said. What would be gross is if I started making out with him again.” Rachel moved back to Bobby’s lap. They both grinned at Chris. “I have no qualms about sticking my tongue down his throat again.”
Bobby couldn’t help but laugh. “Don’t push her, Chris. She is nothing if not a woman of her word.”
“I had that feeling. Thanks for making room for me.” Chris sat down in the spot Rachel had vacated. Rachel, amused, put her face in Bobby’s neck and chuckled.
“Can’t you see I’m not in the mood to bond with you right now?” Bobby said.
“Can’t you see I don’t care? This is my house, little brother. My couch. Don’t let me stop you from leaving.” Chris picked up the remote control and turned on the TV.
Rachel stood up from Bobby’s lap and grabbed him by the hand. “Come on, Sweet Boy, let’s go make out in your room.” Bobby stood up, still holding her hand, and made to follow her out.
“She calls you Sweet Boy? She obviously doesn’t know you at all.”
“Ignore him,” Rachel said. “He’s just jealous that you’re about to get laid and he’s going to have to wait until later.”
“Oh yes, so jealous of my baby brother. What will I ever do?”
“Not much until later, apparently,” Rachel threw over her shoulder as they were leaving.
Chris had a big grin on his face. “Hey, Bobby?”
Bobby stopped. “Yeah?”
“Good job.” Chris inclined his head in Rachel’s direction.
Bobby smiled. “I know, right?”
Rachel tugged his arm. “Come on, baby, you haven’t shown me your room yet. I’ll show you a good job.”
“Yes, ma’am!” They were giggling as they made their way down the hallway to Bobby’s room.
“Just try to keep it down.”
“Bite me,” Bobby hollered over his shoulder before he went into his room and closed the door.
“That’s her job!” Chris yelled back just as the door was closing.
* * *
“Do you think we have too much sex? I mean, there are other things we could be doing with our time, you know?” Upon asking the question, Bobby leaned in and gave Rachel a slow, lingering kiss.
“Sure there are, but why? We’re young. This is what we are supposed to be doing. It’s what our parents think we’re doing, anyway. Do you want to be in your forties and think back to all the sex you missed out on in your twenties? I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to live in regret. Gotta take advantage of these hot bodies while we still have them.”
“Couldn’t argue with you there. Speaking of hot bodies, I was wondering something. Do you think your professor would mind if I came with you to a session? Kinda want to see you in action.”
Rachel hid her face in the pillow for a moment so he wouldn’t see her blush, then looked back at him with a smile. “It’s hard to have a conversation with you when you say nice things like that.”
“Really? That wasn’t even that nice. It’s not like I said anything about wanting to see how this perfect, compact body of yours looks when you’re learning to be a ninja, or anything.”
“Uh-huh, that’s enough out of you for the moment. In answer to your question, I can’t say—I’ll have to ask. She might be okay with it but I really don’t know. I get the impression that this is something she takes very seriously and follows tradition. I’m just not sure if it’d be proper. We’ll see. I’ll shoot her an email later. I should be asking why you would want to.”
“You mean, besides seeing how sexy you must look doing this?”
“Of course, because that’s always a given. What’s your real reason?”
“Well, maybe I’m curious about this professor. Don’t need you doing what your best friend did.” He grinned and Rachel pretended to be shocked. She playfully smacked him on the arm.
“That was so not funny! And Dr. Silver is so not my type. She’s too old and she’s not butch enough for me. She’s just a badass who’s teaching me to be a badass. I could only hope to be that cool someday.”
“I’ve always thought badasses were sexy.”
“They are, but honestly, I just can’t see her that way. I look at her and all I see is a teacher, not someone to be attracted to. I mean, she’s okay, I guess, but she’s no Dr. Baskin, that’s for sure.” She wiggled her eyebrows at him.
“Just how many of your teachers do I need to worry about, anyway?”
Rachel rolled on top of him, forcing him onto his back, and straddled his hips, then leaned down with her hands on either side of his head. Her blond hair and her breasts fell in his face and Bobby put his hands on her hips and made to bite her nipple.
She playfully pushed his face away. “Stop that. And to answer your question, none at all. But if you’re a good boy, I just might teach you a thing or two.” With that declaration, she gave him a long lingering kiss and his hands started to explore again. She let them at first but then she grabbed them and stopped their progress and chuckled. “Not now. Later. Now you’re going to take me to lunch. I’m starving for some reason. Time to get up.” She climbed off him and stood up.
He groaned in protest. “You are so mean to me.”
“Anticipation, my dear boy, is how I will keep your attention.”
“That’s not what keeps my attention.” He stood up and put his arms around her.
“Oh?”
“You don’t know?” She shook her head. “It’s everything.”
She sighed. “Dork.” She put her arms around him and hugged him, her head to his chest.
Chapter Thirteen
After spending a relaxing weekend together, Rachel had emailed Dr. Silver to ask if Bobby could attend her Monday session. She was surprised when Lou agreed. Since Bobby was only going as an observer, he was still wearing his street clothes. Before they left Rachel’s room, he teased her about her workout clothes.
“I’ve never seen you in sweats before. Very cute.”
Rachel smiled and faked a curtsey. “You think everything I wear is cute, but thank you.”
Bobby walked up to her and took the string of her sweatpants in his hand, tugging on it a little. “I’ve always wondered what the string is for.”
Rachel grinned at him.
He pulled on it a little more and she grabbed his wrist but came forward. “Ah, now I get it,” he
said.
“It has many uses. I always thought of it like a pull-start on a lawn mower.”
“That works too.”
“Get that look off your face—we have to go. I cannot be late.” She stepped away and grabbed his hand and led him out the door.
They left in plenty of time, but just the same, she quickened her pace just to be on the safe side. When they got to the room, she stopped him outside the door and said, “Okay, just so you know, you’re going to see a different side of me in there. It might be weird for you. Just promise not to laugh.” She looked nervously up at him and he smiled and caressed her cheek.
“Don’t worry. I’m not going to laugh. I’m going to stare in awe.”
Rachel exhaled, feeling somewhat better. “Of course you will. Okay, come on.”
She opened the door, pointed to a spot on the sidelines where he could wait and watch, then stepped onto the mat, where Dr. Silver was waiting. Rachel bowed as before. Dr. Silver returned her bow.
“Hello, Rachel. How do you feel?”
“Ready, Sifu.”
“Good to hear. Okay, we are going to start with the same dynamic stretching we did last time and that will continue for most of our sessions. Then we will move into punches and lastly technique. Depending on your progress and what I think you need at the time, this may change from one training session to the next. Okay, let’s begin.”
Rachel bowed and then began to do the exercises as Dr. Silver indicated. It didn’t take her long to shift her focus from Bobby and just concentrate on what she was doing. The warm-up took about twenty minutes and included all manner of calisthenics, and by the time Dr. Silver announced they were moving on to punches, Rachel was soaked in sweat and went over to Bobby before the next phase of the session began for a drink of water. It felt like she was going to her corner after round one in a boxing match.
For all the simplicity of the warm-up, it was definitely intense, and she was becoming aware of her body in ways she never had been before. Since Friday, her muscles had definitely come awake and several different areas had made themselves known to her. Her glutes and arms were sore but her abs felt tighter. It wasn’t as if she was terribly out of shape, but she hadn’t been treating her body very well and she told herself that she was going to change that.
