by Angel Nyx
This morning she’d awoken from a particularly nasty nightmare that had left her shaking and filled with shame. It was from the day Ezra had kidnapped her. The memories were so strong they were almost overwhelming.
“Morning,” she mumbled when she found Emelise in the kitchen fixing Hailey an omelet.
“Morning. Kylie, I wish you would talk to me. I know you’re not sleeping right. It’s obvious. You might feel better if you got it all off your chest. If you won’t talk to me, then…maybe you should talk to a counselor, someone who specializes in helping victims of trauma.”
Kylie shook her head. “No, I wouldn’t. You don’t need the ugly images that are in my head, Emelise and I can’t…talk about this with a stranger. I’ll be fine. I think I’m going to head into the club early, get the inventory check in the VIP Lounge done.”
“You should eat some breakfast.”
“I’m not hungry right now. I’ll get something later.” She needed to get away from the questions and the concerned looks.
“Would you like a ride into New Orleans?”
“No, you’re getting Hailey’s breakfast. I’m sure someone is heading into the city; I’ll just catch a ride with another Pard member.” She beat a hasty retreat before Emelise could try to change her mind. Maybe if she wore herself out at work she would finally get some sleep.
Remy
Remy was sitting on his front porch drinking a cup of coffee and enjoying the morning air. It was a little cooler than it had been in recent weeks.
“I’m worried about Kylie.”
Remy had just set his cup down on the table beside him when Emelise’s voice reached his ears. He shifted in his chair to focus on her. “Why is dat, cher? What happened?”
“She’s not eating or sleeping, at least, not very much. I know she’s still having nightmares but she refuses to talk. When I offered to listen to her, again—in hopes of helping her to cope with what happened to her—just a little while ago she told me I didn’t need the ugly images that were in her head. I’m worried she’s going to end up having a breakdown.”
“Fuck,” Remy growled under his breath. “I’ll talk wit’ her. Is she hidin’ in da guest cottage?” It was where she’d spent most of the last few days, only leaving for work.
“No, she headed into New Orleans to the club. She said she wanted to get the inventory check in the VIP Lounge done. I think she’s using it as a way to hide from everything.”
“I tink you’re right about dat.” He set his cup aside. “I’ll go on in and see if I can’t get her to talk.” He wanted to see her anyway. She’d been keeping her distance ever since the fight with Ezra and he wondered if she was afraid of him.
Remy stepped into Scarlet Flux and made his way up to the VIP Lounge. He paused at the top of the steps to just watch Kylie for several moments before he approached her. “Mornin’, Kitten. I brought you some of dose breakfast sandwiches you like so much.” He watched as Kylie stopped what she was doing to frown at him.
“Thanks but you didn’t have to do that. I’m not really hungry right now.”
“Did you get someting to eat already?”
“No, I’m just not very hungry. I’ll eat later.”
“You need to take better care of yourself, cher. Emelise said you’re not eatin’ or sleepin’ but you won’t talk to her. Why is dat?”
He watched as Kylie set down the bottle she was holding before she turned her attention to him. “She doesn’t need to be stressed out over my shit. She’s already helping Hailey when she has bad dreams and she’s pregnant. She doesn’t need to bother with me. I’m fine.”
“Da hell you are, Kitten. You wouldn’t be goin’ without eatin’ or sleepin’ if you were fine. Talk to me, cher. You don’t want to upset Emelise, I get dat, but you don’t have to worry about dat wit’ me. So talk to me.”
“You know what, Remy? I don’t have to put up with your shit. Don’t you ever try to order me around again. I spent the last five years with an abusive, controlling asshole who barked out orders every second of the day. I will never live that way again. Lily and Emelise both said you were different, but right now I’m not seeing it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have inventory to get back to.”
Remy sat there staring at her. She’d turned and given him her back. He wasn’t sure how she could have taken what he’d said as him trying to order her around. He started to open his mouth to question her but closed it. He didn’t want to risk making things worse by saying the wrong thing. “All right, Kitten, I’ll go,” he murmured and left.
Kylie
Kylie waited until she was certain he was gone before she let her legs give out on her. She sat on the floor behind the bar, knees bent, and wrapped her arms around her legs. She buried her face against her knees and let the tears flow. Her body shook with the force of them, and she had to muffle her sobs so they wouldn’t echo to downstairs.
She wasn’t sure how long she sat there like that before she pulled herself together, wiped her eyes, and got back to work. She tried to push thoughts of Remy, their argument, and her subsequent breakdown from her mind so she could focus on what she needed to do to get the VIP Lounge ready when the club opened later in the day.
Kylie was hard at work behind the bar when Emelise made an appearance in the VIP Lounge.
“Hey, Kylie. I’m surprised you’re still here. I thought, for sure, Remy would talk you into taking a break.”
Kylie tensed at Emelise’s words, but she took a deep breath and let it out before she turned and gave her friend, and boss, a forced smile. “He stopped by but I had things I needed to do so I told him to leave.”
“Kylie, I’m worried about you. You went through something traumatic and I don’t think you’re giving yourself time to work through it properly. I’m worried how it’s going to affect you in the long run,” Eme replied. “I still think you should speak to someone about what happened.”
“I’m fine, Emelise. Nothing to worry about.” There was no way in hell she was talking to some stranger about what Ezra did. She couldn’t even tell the people who were close to her. She was too ashamed. So, she pushed it down and ignored it as if it didn’t happen. If she ignored it long enough, maybe she would stop having nightmares.
She pushed the thoughts down and turned her attention to what she’d been doing when Emelise approached her. “I am glad you’re here though. I found a discrepancy in the amount of Johnny Walker Rye we have and how much was supposed to be delivered. We’re short three bottles.”
“That’s the third time this month. Thanks for telling me. I’ll have to figure out if it’s happening on their end or ours.”
“Don’t mention it. I hope it’s not anyone on our end of things.”
“That makes two of us.”
Kylie felt Emelise’s eyes on her. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Have you eaten yet?”
“No. I’m not hungry. I’ll eat something later.” She wished everyone would just leave her alone.
“I’m going to hold you to that, girl,” Eme told her. “I’ll be in my office if I’m needed.”
Kylie just nodded and watched her go. They had a couple of hours before the club opened and she just wanted the time to fly by so she wouldn’t have to think about anything.
Remy
Was he a glutton for punishment? Maybe he was. After Kylie summarily dismissed him earlier, he’d gone to his office to try to get some work done. He had a lot to still do for the drawings for the hotel and he needed something to show them in a week, but his mind kept going back to his mate. Something was going on with her. The hostility she’d shown wasn’t like her, at all. After trying, for the fifth time, to get a section of the drawing he was working on perfect, and failing, he sighed and admitted defeat. He knew there was no way he was going to be able to focus until he talked to her and sorted out what had set her off earlier.
With a sigh, he put the plans he was working on away, locked up the office, and headed back to Scar
let Flux. Along the way, he passed a vendor selling flowers and a splash of dark blue caught his eye. It reminded him of the hint of ink he’d seen on Kylie during the picnic. He quickly found a parking spot two blocks up and made his way back to her. “Dese are gorgeous; what are dey?”
“Those are midnight orchids,” the vendor replied.
“I’ll take all of dem.”
“All? Are you sure you want all three dozen?”
“Yes. All of dem. All tree dozen.” He didn’t care what the cost was. They made him think of his mate. He waited while the vendor got them wrapped for him, then handed her the cash, took the bouquets, and went back to his truck. He set them on the floor on the passenger side, then continued on his way to Scarlet Flux.
Sometimes, Remy really hated the city. Tonight was one of those nights. He’d hoped to find a spot closer to the club but he ended up having to park three blocks away. He made sure the truck was secure, then turned his attention to the club. He could tell from half a block away that it was packed. He knew Emelise had to be riding high on her success.
Once inside, he maneuvered toward the stairs leading to the VIP Lounge. As he was passing Emelise, he just barely heard the server mention Kylie’s name and moved closer to the pair.
“She’s really struggling up there tonight, Emelise. Kylie is usually the bomb when it comes to mixed drinks, but she’s had to remake several already. I don’t know what’s wrong with her.”
Remy locked eyes with Emelise and nodded. “I’ll take care of dis,” he said loud enough for Emelise to hear him before he made his way up to the VIP Lounge.
Kylie
This day had turned into the day from hell. She should have known when she woke up, feeling like she’d not gotten any sleep, that it wasn’t going to get any better. Work was the one place she usually didn’t have to worry about her past haunting her. She was usually able to push it all away and focus. But not tonight. She’d messed up several drink orders already and they’d not even been open an hour. How much worse was it going to get?
Kylie set a glass on the counter in front of a customer and started to move away. She was stopped when he took a sip of his drink, then reached out and grabbed her wrist.
“Hey, what the fuck is this? I ordered a whiskey sour; this sure as fuck doesn’t taste like one to me.”
Kylie was frozen where she stood. The hand wrapped around her wrist morphed in her mind’s eye. When she glanced up, it wasn’t a stranger’s face she saw. No, it was Ezra’s. Her hands started to shake and the nearly full bottle of whiskey slipped through her suddenly numb fingers to shatter on the floor.
“Don’t move, Kitten.”
Kylie blinked several times. “What? How…when did you get here?” God, had she blacked out and lost time?
“Just now,” Remy told her as he moved around to the back of the bar to help her.
Kylie watched as he grabbed one of the bar towels and used it to push all the glass into a pile. She stared at him while he got the mess she’d created swept and mopped up. She stood there, as if frozen in place, while he turned to the guy who’d grabbed her wrist.
“You owe da lady an apology.”
The guy must have heard the blatant threat in Remy’s voice because as soon as he apologized for grabbing her wrist, he beat a hasty retreat.
“Why are you here, Remy?”
“I couldn’t stay away, cher, not wit’ da way tings were when I left. I tink you got da wrong idea from what I said and I wanted to fix it. You’re still shaking, Kitten. Please, let me take you home. Emelise will understand and someone else can run da bar for tonight.”
She should have told him no, but she couldn’t find it in herself to do that. “Okay.” Why oh why had she agreed so quickly? She let Remy guide her out from behind the bar. “Tara…”
“Go. It’s obvious you’re not feeling well tonight. I can handle the craziness for one night. I hope you feel better,” Tara, the other Drink Mixologist for the VIP Lounge said to her.
With that, Kylie had no other choice but to let Remy escort her downstairs. “I need to find Emelise and let her know I’m leaving.”
“I know, cher. We’ll find her.”
She felt drained as she walked beside him down the stairs and when he slid his arm around her she found herself leaning into him a little. She spotted Emelise and made a beeline for her. “Eme…I think I need to call it quits for tonight. I’m just having…a lot of issues tonight. I dropped a bottle of whiskey and broke it. You can take it out of my pay.”
Emelise shook her head. “Accidents happen, Kylie. Don’t worry about it. You just go get some rest. You’ve not been sleeping well and you’ve been really pushing yourself.”
“Thank you.” She nodded at Emelise and let Remy lead her out of the club.
“I had to park a few blocks away, cher. Do you want to wait here?”
Kylie shook her head. “No. I can walk to your truck, Remy.” She bit her lip as they made their way down the block. “I’m sorry I was a bitch to you earlier.” She heard him suck in a breath in response to her comment.
“You’ve been under a lot of stress, Kitten. It’s understandable someting would make you snap.”
“That doesn’t excuse what I said, Remy. You were trying to help and I got nasty with you.” When they reached his truck and he opened the passenger door, a soft sound escaped her. “Oh my God, those are…where did you find these?” she asked, picking up one of the bouquets of orchids.
“A street vendor was sellin’ dem. She only had tree dozen or I’d have gotten more.”
Kylie blinked. “Three dozen? Are you crazy? That couldn’t have been cheap.”
“You’re worth it and so much more, cher.”
She felt her cheeks warm as she let him help her into the truck so the beautiful flowers weren’t damaged. Would he still think that when she told him everything?
“I’ll help you get settled at da house. I’ll even stay if you want me to.”
She glanced over at him. “I-I don’t want to go there tonight.”
“All right den, Kitten. I’ll take you to my house. We can sit on da porch swing all night, if you like.”
“I think I’d like that.” She watched the city pass by outside her window. She was so deep in thought, she didn’t realize they’d reached the docks until Remy touched her arm.
“Are you all right, cher?”
“I don’t know.” It was an honest answer and the only one she had at the moment.
“Come on. Let’s get back to da compound.”
Again, Kylie was quiet the entire way. Her mind kept going over everything that happened in the rest-area bathroom. For days now she’d been fighting an internal battle with herself over it. On one hand she felt he deserved to know the kind of person he was claiming as his mate, but on the other hand, she was afraid to tell him because she didn’t want to see the disgust she was certain would be in his gaze.
Once they were on the boat, Kylie closed her eyes and listened to the sounds of the swamp. She heard the buzzing of insects, the cries of barred owls as they hunted for food, and the croaking of what many mistook for frogs but was really alligators. If she tuned out the lapping of the water against the boat she could even hear the moss swaying on the trees. She used to think the White Mountains in Maine were gorgeous, but compared to the bayou, they were downright plain.
“Penny for your thoughts, Kitten.”
Her eyes opened and she looked over at Remy. “I was just thinking about how plain the area I grew up in is compared to the bayou.”
Remy chuckled. “Dere’s definitely no place like dis. I know what you’re tinking: I haven’t ever left here, how would I know dere’s no place quite like da bayou anywhere else in da world? Dat’s simple, cher. I don’t have to leave N’Orleans to see photos of da rest of da world.”
“You’re right, there isn’t. When I was on the run from…Ezra, I traveled through several different states, and I couldn’t help but think they all looked
the same to me. But New Orleans is different. There’s just something about this city. Maybe that’s why it’s such a hotspot for tourists; the city is unique.”
Once they reached the docks at the compound, she let Remy help her out of his boat and leaned into him a little when he slipped his arm around her to escort her to his home. When they reached it, they didn’t go inside. Instead, they sat on the porch swing where Remy tucked her against his side. Kylie could admit, at least to herself, that it felt nice.
“Talk to me, Kitten. Please. Keepin’ all dese tings locked away inside, it’s only gonna hurt you. Let me in, cher, let me help you.”
Kylie pulled her knees up to her chest where she sat tucked against him. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “You deserve better, Remy. You deserve better than a mate who is ruined.”
“You aren’t ruined, cher.”
“Yes, I am. The thought of ever…being intimate with anyone again makes me feel sick. But, I don’t know, maybe I can work past that.” She swallowed before she continued. “That’s not the worst of it.” She shifted to put some distance between them. “You don’t…you don’t know what happened. When he took me.”
“Yes, I do. He bragged about forcin’ hisself on you. He bragged about rapin’ you.”
The growl that slipped from him made her heart flutter briefly. “Is it really rape when you don’t fight back? Is it really rape when you don’t tell them no? When you do what they say and undress for them,” she whispered.
“Oui. You were afraid of him; he made sure of dat. He knew habit would have you doin’ what he wanted.”
Kylie sat there, shaking her head. “You don’t understand, Remy. You don’t know all of it.” When he reached for her she flinched. “Don’t. I don’t want to feel your disgust when you know…” She closed her eyes because she didn’t want to see the look she was so certain would be on his face with her next words. “He put me on my knees and used my mouth, not just my body. You deserve a mate who isn’t so weak, one who wouldn’t just let another male use her body any way they wanted. You deserve better.”
