“I’m sorry, I didn’t know how bad—”
“You wanna know?” His voice is at my ear, so close his heated breath is at my neck. “You really wanna know if I killed my family? Can you handle the truth of my life, Shyann?!”
I turn my head from his shouting and ask myself the same question. Can I? Can I handle any more of his truths?
“Y-yes.”
He moans low and ends on a deep chuckle. “So brave, my Shy Ann.” He wraps his hand around my ponytail and pulls my head back gently, but so far my neck strains at the angle. His lips move to my throat and he glides his tongue from my collarbone to my ear, slow and deliberate. “Mmm…I can taste your fear.”
I squeeze my eyes closed and pray for courage. “I’m not afraid of you.” My voice shakes as he continues the gentle assault of my throat with his lips. “I’m afraid for you.”
His mouth freezes at my neck and his hand shakes where he’s holding my hair, not a tremor of anxiety but of barely controlled rage. “Don’t be afraid for me, baby. You want the truth, you got it.” His breath is like fire ghosting my ear. “Yes, I killed my whore mother.”
I suck in a breath, but blow it out just as quickly.
“Happy now?” He chuckles and releases my head. “You gonna run, Shy?”
I twist my shoulders to see him, his stance rigid and ready to pounce. My eyes heat, but not with tears. With a furious possession and fiery anger that I’ve never felt before. Abusing her own babies, blaming innocence for the crimes of the guilty, making them literally eat shit.
A slow grin curls my lips and with his eyes narrowing on my mouth, he pales. “No, I’m not gonna run.” I push up and stand and for the first time ever I see a flicker of fear in Gage’s eyes. “Am I happy?” I take a step toward him and his hands fist at his sides. “Can you handle my truth, Gage?”
He doesn’t answer verbally, but tilts his head. Good enough.
“The bitch deserved to die, and who better to deliver her eternity in hell than you.”
Gage
Never in my life have I been shocked senseless.
I’ve seen things, bore witness to the torture of children, experienced pain and mental abuse no human could fathom. Been cast out, treated as trash and spit upon by the one person in the world who is supposed to protect me.
I never lost my head, never struggled for ways to fight back. Always remained in control. But as I stare wide-eyed into the hateful glare of the woman before me, I’m stupid.
Completely incapable of a response.
Not only does she not hate me, judge me, or at the very least pity me…but she also supports me. The concept in itself is insane. Women like Shyann, her big heart and tender soul, should see me as a plague. Run for her life and never look back. The fact that she doesn’t strips me raw and leaves me exposed.
“Tell me the rest of the story, Gage.” She stalks toward me and I suck in a breath. “The part only you know. The part you never wanted Lucas to find out about.”
“I…I can’t.” Fuck, I sound like a pussy.
She moves closer. “Did she kill your brothers and sister?”
Flashes of black blast behind my eyes and helplessness fills my chest.
I hold up my hand to stop her advancing both physically and with her words. “Stop!”
Her beautiful eyes narrow. “You were there; you would take over to protect Lucas. That day must’ve been worse than the others. Where’d the gun come from?”
I pinch my eyes closed, fighting the black. “I don’t…I can’t…”
“You can trust me. On some level you know you can. Don’t fight it. Talk to me.”
Tunnel vision squeezes in. I get dizzy and I squat to cradle my head. “Don’t understand what you’re doing, just…stop.” I press on my temples in an attempt to push back the impending darkness.
“What happened the day you killed your mother, Gage? Tell me!”
A pathetic cry slides from my throat.
The curtain falls.
Thirty
Shyann
Gage snapped.
One moment he was there and the next his eyes slid closed and his muscles went slack. I wrap my arms around him, unsure of who I’m holding.
I attempt to comfort the man in my arms, his big body leaning against me as if he’s lost all his strength. Lost his fight. My chest aches, my heart completely annihilated for this horribly broken boy.
Three words blare in my head as sure as my own name.
I love them.
Both of them.
God, and isn’t that what they’ve been missing their entire lives? It’s the absence of love that makes them guarded. The idea that they aren’t worthy of unconditional affection that holds them back. With every part of my being, I want to fix that, to prove to them that they’re exceptional. I don’t want to fix them, get Lucas help with the intent of ridding him of Gage; that would only confirm what they already believe. What they need is to believe their worth not for who and what they could become, but for exactly who they already are.
Chaos breaks loose in my soul as I try to consider what this means. What it means to love someone who never had a chance at a normal life. He’s so emotionally destroyed he can’t even recognize love. Is a relationship between us even possible?
Visions burst behind my eyes. Lucas carving a piece of wood by the river with a small boy staring up in awe and a big smile on his face. Me watching from the porch, my hands on my swollen belly and a gold band on my finger. My mom smiling down on me from heaven, grinning because she always knew I was meant for big things, and those big things had nothing to do with my career goals.
I was meant for this. To love the unlovable.
A sense of rightness and belonging overwhelm me.
Taking every bit of affection that was poured over me by my parents and covering Lucas with it. Accepting him, all of him, as well as his past. Even the depths of hell and all his demons. I hold him tighter, unwilling to let him go now that he’s finally found rest. The wind blows a soft moan through the trees and I close my eyes, feeling for the first time that I’m exactly where I belong.
Suddenly his body turns rigid in my arms. His breathing changes from that of sleep and calm to that of panic.
“Shy?”
I exhale and my muscles relax at the timid and confused tone of his voice. “Hey, Lucas.”
He pushes up and out of my arms and I hug my knees to my chest. Sitting on one hip, his hand braced behind him, he takes me in with confusion. His gaze swings around the forest and then back to me. “You okay?”
“I’m fine.” Better than ever.
“I’m sorry—”
I cover his lips with my finger. “Don’t be.”
A smile curves my lips and he watches in fascination.
He nods toward my grin. “Gage?”
“No.” I lean in and when I get close, he jerks, but only slightly. I give him a second to recover and then brush my lips across his. “You.”
He sucks his bottom lip as if he’s tasting and savoring my kiss all while staring at my mouth. I lean in again, using my lips to coax him to release it.
“You’re kissing me.” His voice is soft and breathless.
“I am.” I kiss him again, this time allowing my tongue to moisten his lips.
“I blacked out.”
“I know.” I sift my hand into the hair at his nape and pull him down to my mouth.
“Where are we?” His words feather across my skin.
Lost in Lucas, I’d almost forgotten. I turn toward the willow tree. “This is where we buried my mom.”
A few beats of silence pass between us and finally he grabs my hand. “It’s peaceful here. I like it.”
I absorb the comfort of his gaze as it communicates more compassion than any string of words ever could. My chest is tight, so full with emotion, and for the first time in as long as I can remember, not one of them bad. The muted light of sunset gives the forest an almost ethereal feel and I’m remin
ded of the best part of this area. “There’s something I want to show you.”
Hand in hand, we move past the willow tree just up over the ridge and through the thick copses of evergreens to a patch of wildflowers that leads to the edge of a rocky cliff. The view is its own introduction and I turn to watch Lucas’s reaction.
He stares in awe at nothing but untouched forest and mountain ranges. Sprawling hills covered in rock and green that seem to go on forever. The sun, vibrant yellow, sinks behind the purple-hued hills and paints the sky in a series of bright pinks and oranges. He blinks and squeezes my hand, then drags his eyes away from the view to set them on me. “It’s a masterpiece.” He blushes, as if the description came from somewhere deep inside, a place he’s not used to showing others. “I mean, it doesn’t look real.”
I try to see the view through his eyes, through the perspective of an artist rather than the impassive view of a resident. The colors explode across the sky, contrasting against the gray background of an incoming storm. It really is breathtaking.
“Shy?” He cups my cheeks and his hands shake subtly against my skin. He stares at my lips and seems nervous.
“What is it?”
His eyes dart to mine, then to the view, and back to my lips. “I want to kiss you.”
Running my hands up his chest, his muscles tense beneath my touch. “I want that too.”
His lips tick for a second before he dips down and presses them to mine. I push up on my tiptoes and tilt my head. He accepts the invitation, his arms wrapping around my waist as he deepens the kiss. My legs wobble and I fight to remain upright, wanting nothing more than to give in to the gravity of his kiss and pull him with me to the bed of wildflowers under our feet.
He closes his eyes and his kiss turns from tentative to urgent. I groan at the demand and the way his hands splay across my back in a possessive and powerful hold. The sound spurs him on and he slips under my shirt, his fingertips trailing up my belly to my breast.
I suck in a breath. For a fraction of a second, I panic that Gage has stepped up and thrown Lucas back into the dark. In the beat of another second I relax because I don’t care. Gage or Lucas. I’m in love with this man. All of him.
“I’m sorry. Is this okay?” His entire body quivers, even his breath.
“Yes, Lucas. It’s okay. It’s better than okay.”
The corner of his mouth lifts and he tilts his head to sink into a kiss that has my head scrambling and hips thrusting to make contact. His long, powerful fingers slide under my bra and he runs the calloused pads along my nipple. I squirm, searching for more, and his breath beats against my skin. “You like that.”
“So much.” I need more. “I love it when you touch me.”
His eyes flare and he steps back enough that cool air slides between us. “Lie down.”
Without breaking eye contact, we kneel together; then Lucas pulls off his sweatshirt and spreads it out behind me. He nods and I drop back on my elbows, only to have him follow as his body chases mine. Lowering me down to the ground, my head hits the cradle of his palm. Our mouths mold together at a leisurely pace that scrambles my head and ignites my blood.
The skin on my belly is painted in goose bumps as he drags his fingers up my ribs to my breast. He pulls back and gazes up and down the length of my body, watching me writhe under his attention. The sweet torture of his barely-there touch and his open appreciation for my reaction is a heady combination.
Slowly his eyes make their way back to mine and he tilts to deliver a soft kiss against my lips that sends lightning down my belly. “You’re so pretty. I can’t believe you’re letting me touch you.”
“I want more, Lucas.” I arch my back, searching for the friction of my jeans, something to cool the heat between my legs.
He slides his leg over my thighs, stilling me, and stares. Oh, if his gaze were a touch, I’d explode from the sensation. Those burning gray eyes, full kiss-swollen lips, and his apprehension works like an aphrodisiac. The solid length of his hard-on digs into my hip and I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.
“I’ve never done this before.” His eyes search mine. “Show me what you like.”
I nod and slide my hand down to pop the button of my jeans. He watches and his hand quakes against my breast. He lets me lift my hips just enough to slide down the denim and silk panties.
“Oh—” He bites his lip as he stares openly between my legs.
“Give me your hand.”
He rips his gaze from my body and meets me with wide eyes before pulling his hand from my shirt. He doesn’t break eye contact as I bring him, so warm in my grip, to where I need him most.
His eyebrows drop low as I cup his hand to me, allowing him to get used to the feeling of my body.
“Okay?” I whisper.
“Yes,” he whispers.
His hand centered, I press his middle finger deeper and drag his hand up and down. His lips part and his expression morphs from nervous to awestruck. After a few passes, he bends his fingers, delving between my legs. I gasp at the sensation, and he flexes into my hip.
“I want that, Lucas.”
He groans and drops his forehead to my chest while I continue to teach him how to pleasure me. My heart pounds behind my ribs, my insides throb to be filled, and Lucas is a barely contained animal at my side.
“What else? Show me more.” His voice is like warm molasses, dripping with promise.
I pull up my sweater to expose the breast he had his hand on and arch my back, offering it to him. His eyes slide to mine and he dips his head and sucks my nipple into his mouth.
I cry out. The hand guiding him between my legs loses purchase and I grip the earth at my side. Thankfully he continues to explore and seconds later sinks one long finger deep into my body. The silken moisture of his tongue circles my breast in delicious ways as he learns how everything he does affects me. I’m on the edge, barely held together. My legs strain to fall open but are imprisoned by my jeans. Greedy, I roll my hips with every thrust of his fingers, reaching to fall over the edge. His teeth rake against my nipple and I’m gone.
Stars burst behind my eyes and my body convulses around him. He moans, a vibration so deep against my delicate skin it extends my orgasm in euphoric waves that endlessly crash over me. He doesn’t let up until I’m squirming and oversensitized.
Stunned, he pulls back, his eyes on mine before a brilliant smile curls his lips. “You really liked that.”
I giggle and nod, slightly embarrassed before I remember that with Lucas nothing is hidden between us. Every new experience we share is cherished.
His eyebrows pinch together and he frowns.
I cup his jaw. “What is it?”
“No Gage.”
My thumb absently runs along his lower lip. “Nope. No Gage.”
“Why?”
I shrug. “I think he’s finally come to trust me.”
Lucas grins, but I only catch a glimpse before he kisses me so deeply and reverentially it makes missing the grin worth it.
Besides, I plan on many opportunities to make him smile again.
Lucas
I can’t believe she’s here, sprawled out before me and showing me how she likes to be touched.
By me.
Not Gage, but me.
I search my mind for him, seeking out the fog of black that hangs at the edges of consciousness, but there’s nothing. He gave me this moment with Shyann, and if what she said is true and he really does trust her, then…we can be together.
The thought sends a thrill down my spine and my chest expands with a joy I’ve never felt before. I sort through it, trying to figure out what it is and all I can come up with is hope.
Hope for a future. A normal life.
A town I can stay in for longer than a few months, surrounded by people who know about me and want me anyway. A job I can excel at, and…a girlfriend.
It’s almost too much to hope for. More than I deserve, but still…God, how I want tha
t.
Shyann wiggles beneath my leg as she tries to pull her jeans back up.
My hand stills hers and she blinks up at me.
“Let me.” I push to my knees and drop a kiss on her forehead, the tip of her nose, her lips, before moving down her body and pressing my lips to her breast before covering it back up with her bra and sweater. I slide farther down and practically explode at the feeling of her warm soft body between my legs. I pepper her flat belly with kisses. I’m hard and throbbing as I dip lower, overwhelmed by her scent. Gripping her hips, I press a kiss between her legs.
She gasps and pops her head off the ground.
“I’m sorry. Was that wrong?” I can’t explain it, but I’m overcome with the need to taste her everywhere and not leave a single inch unexplored.
“No, it wasn’t wrong. It’s just…” Her cheeks flush. “If we’re going there, we need a bed, in a room, with a door, because I won’t be able to stop myself from tasting you too.”
Her words shoot straight between my legs and I groan as the image of Shy’s mouth on me makes me dizzy with want.
I pull her panties up her toned thighs and back into place, followed by her jeans. “Ya know, I have a bed, in a room, with a door…”
The light sound of her laughter makes my heart pound. I stand and grab both of her hands, hoisting her off the forest floor. She brushes herself off and redoes her hair that fell loose around her face while I snag my sweatshirt and pull it over my head.
I rub my fingertips together, still able to feel her on my skin and remind myself this isn’t a dream. This beautiful woman wants me. Every single piece of me.
She stands there silent as I stare at her, wondering what on earth I ever did to deserve her. Even if we leave this place and things go back to the way they were, this single moment makes me forget the pain of my past. Makes me believe that miracles are possible.
“Lucas?”
I blink down at her and smile. “Yeah?”
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