He leaves the back door open behind him before he walks away, refusing to look back as his tall silhouette gets lost in the darkness. I stand there for several seconds, realising I’m going to need a few moments alone before I go back upstairs again.
Something in my world has shifted. It’s different now and I instinctively know that my life will never be the same as it once was. I don’t know whether this should make me happy or whether I should grieve and lament for the person I once was, the girl I used to be.
Before I met him.
I can’t help wondering if I will end up like Cole. Will I allow myself to be consumed by the same darkness that has taken him or will I fight it? And if I do find the strength to fight, does that mean I will be forced to leave Cole behind? Will I be strong enough to save him or will he drown us both?
The truth is, I just don’t know and if I’m being entirely honest… I really don’t care. If Cole is the equivalent of darkness, then darkness is what I choose and I realise there’s no turning back.
Not now, not ever…
Chapter Six
The next morning I have no idea how I managed to fall asleep the night before. I guess my exhaustion must have defeated me in the end because I slept soundly until my alarm clock woke me up just a few hours later.
I drag my tired body out of bed and get straight into the shower, choosing to stand underneath the warm water for several minutes as I mentally prepare myself for another harrowing and difficult day at school.
Regardless of what Cole says, I know there is a big chance that today won’t be any different from what I experienced yesterday and I’d be a fool to convince myself otherwise. Of course I still have Lisa who I know will stand by me but I really don’t want to keep on offloading all of my problems onto her. She has her own life to live and there are so many times where I feel like I’m holding her back and preventing her from making new friends.
I woke up to a brand new message from her on my phone which let me know that she would be picking me up on her way to school. I replied and told her it wasn’t necessary but she wasn’t having any of it and refused to take no for an answer.
I have to admit that I was somewhat relieved when she refused to accept any of bullshit excuses about being fine with making my own way into school this morning. At least now I don’t have to face walking through the main entrance by myself.
“You look awful.” My mum informs me as soon I make my way downstairs.
“Gee, thanks.” I reply drily, heading into the kitchen so I can make some breakfast.
“I’m just saying that you look tired. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“Whatever, Mum.”
“Wow, it’s good to see that you’re still nice and cheerful in the mornings.” She mumbles sarcastically, taking a sip from her steaming hot mug of coffee.
“How would you know? You’re never hear.”
“Ok, Serena. There’s no need to be so rude. You know how hard I work just to keep a roof over our heads. Everything I do is for you and your future after you graduate.”
Sure. That’s why you spend most of your time drinking at the local bar when you’re not busy working. I think to myself, trying to remain focused on the cup of coffee I’m making instead of her and her excuses.
“Maybe you wouldn’t have to work so hard if you didn’t spend all of your money on alcohol.” I say coldly, turning around to face my mother.
“If you think I’m going to sit here and listen to my seventeen year old daughter tell me what to do then you’ve got another thing coming.” She snaps, slamming her the mug that she’s been holding down on the kitchen counter beside me. “In fact, if I’m such a bad mother, why don’t you go and live with your precious father? He phoned last night so he could let you know that he’s going to be in town next month and would like to see you. I told him that would be ok.”
“Why did you say that when you know how I feel about him?!” I yell, mirroring her actions when I slam my own cup of coffee down beside her discarded mug. “That man is not my father and he hasn’t been since the day he walked out on me without a backward glance.”
“Yeah, well… we both know what he brings with him when he comes for a visit.” She reminds me, giving me a pointed look.
“You mean money?” I say incredulously.
“You said it. Now be a good girl and make sure that you’re polite when you see him. The sweeter you are, the more cash he will give you.”
“Unbelievable.” I murmur softly, pushing her to the side so I can get my things ready for school.
I’ve suddenly gone off the idea of breakfast and decide to wait for Lisa outside. Being in the same room as my mother is hard enough at the best of times but today, I feel like I’m being suffocated. I need some fresh air and some space to clear my head before Lisa picks me up and grab my school bag before I slam the front door behind me.
My phone lights up as soon as I step outside my house, announcing the arrival of a brand new message. I glance down at the screen, half expecting my text to be from Lisa, letting me know she’s on my way. The name I see instead causes me to inhale sharply.
Cole.
Wondering what he has to say to me this early, I open up his message. I know I won’t settle unless I read it now and figure out I will have a couple of minutes by myself before Lisa gets here.
Cole: Hi, Beautiful. I was planning on meeting you after school today but a member of staff reported me for being on school premises last night when I picked you up. I’ve been told I’m not allowed anywhere near until my suspension’s been lifted in a couple of weeks so I guess I’ll just have to wait a bit longer until I get to see you. Don’t worry about today though, I promise you that everything will be fine. Besides, I’m just a phone call away… if you need me, you know I’ll be there in a second.
P.S. I can still taste you on my lips. Cole x
His parting words to me make me blush, turning my cheeks crimson. I’m in the middle of reading his message for the second time when Lisa’s car pulls up, pulling me out of my deep contemplation.
I shove my phone back in my bag as I head over to the car, hoping it will help me to conceal my embarrassment.
“I guess you must be getting used to driving into school by now, huh?” I say to her the moment I close the car door behind me.
“I love it.” She replies exuberantly. “I seriously can’t get enough of driving and I now realise what an idiot I’ve been worrying about it all this time.”
“That’s the spirit.” I encourage her, buckling up my seatbelt.
“Anyway, enough about me and my car. Tell me all about you and Cole.”
I try to remain focused on the road ahead of us in an attempt to avoid eye contact with my best friend. If I look at her she will know that something’s wrong. She’s always been able to see right through me and I’m not sure if I’m ready to open up to her about everything that’s been happening lately.
“What about us?” I ask, feigning ignorance.
“Serena, I know something’s going on between the two of you but what I don’t understand is why you weren’t honest with me in the first place. I’m supposed to be your best friend.”
I sigh heavily, hating myself for making my best friend feel like this. A part of me longs to confide in Lisa and ask for her opinion but there’s another part of me which instinctively knows that I need to keep what happened between me and Cole to myself.
“Lisa, you are my best friend.” I assure her. “You’re the best friend a girl could ever ask for. It’s just… I still don’t know where to start. Everything’s so complicated and it’s all happened so fast.”
“Is he pressurising you?” She demands, glancing at me in concern. “Are you sure he’s not forcing you into anything you’re not ready for?”
“Look, I have a really big day ahead of me and I’m not exactly looking forward to what I’m going to have to face at school in just a matter of minutes.” I confess, tugging my fingers throug
h my hair as my apprehension builds.
“I understand, Serena. I just want to be here for you and support you when you need it. That’s all I want you to know.”
“I swear I’ll try and explain it to you when I’ve managed to figure it out for myself.” I promise her sincerely, offering her a weak smile.
“Ok.” She acquiesces, taking hold of my hand before squeezing it tightly. “Until then… you know I’m here.”
“Thanks, Lise.” I whisper, suddenly overwhelmed by my best friend and her kindness. “You know I love you, right?”
“I love you more.” She says, smiling warmly.
My knees are trembling as I make my way into school, horrified by the fact that I still have to use my locker with the word ‘Whore’ scrawled all over it. I was half expecting it to have been cleaned by the time I came in this morning or at least have been allocated a different locker until my old one was replaced. Unfortunately, that’s not what happens.
My locker is still a complete mess, covered by the same graffiti I had to contend with yesterday and there’s no indication that I’ll even be granted to a new one.
Bastards.
“Serena, you shouldn’t have to use that locker.” Lisa says, glowering at it in contempt. “I can’t believe no one has done anything about it by now.”
“I can’t believe they’ve left it like that.”
“Listen, you can share mine, ok? And we will carry on sharing until your old one is replaced.” She declares earnestly, guiding me away from my own.
“Thanks so much.”
“There’s no way I would let you use that thing, Serena. No way in hell.”
I truly thought that the rest of my day was going to be just as bad as the day before. I was absolutely convinced I’d have to go through it all again and had mental prepared myself to be on the receiving end of everyone’s cruelty like before.
What I did not expect was what happened at dinner time.
I was making my way down the main hallway, rummaging inside my school bad for one of my books when I saw it. Two of Jonathan’s friends trying to clean the front of my locker. They had a bunch of cleaning stuff with them and a couple of cloths in a desperate attempt to remove the vulgar graffiti.
“What are you doing?” I asked, approaching them with caution.
“Shit, Serena.” One of them exclaimed, whirling around to face me. “I’m really, really sorry about this. We’ll make sure we get it all off, don’t worry.”
“Yeah and if we can’t remove it, you can take my locker until they get yours fixed.” The second one added, silently pleading with me to accept his offer.
“B-but why are you cleaning my locker? Who told you to do it?”
“Cole did.”
“We said we’d make sure we got it off during our dinner hour so we best get back to it.” The second guy spoke hastily and switched his attention right back to the task at hand.
“Like I said… we’re sorry.” The first one apologised once more, mirroring his friend as he got back to work.
I was baffled and completely stupefied by their actions, wondering how on earth Cole had even managed to find out about my locker, let alone persuade them to clean it for me. I entered the cafeteria and found Lisa, joining her at our usual table while we ate. I told her about the cleaning session I had just witnessed and couldn’t understand why she found it so funny.
“Why are you laughing?” I questioned her, wondering about her strange sense of humour all of a sudden.
“Because Cole obviously threatened them for you and terrified them into submission. It’s hilarious and no less than what they deserve. They’re probably the ones who put it there in the first place.”
I paused for a moment, allowing myself to process what she had just said. Would Cole really do that? Would he really risk his suspension for the sake of making those guys fixed my locker?
“How could he threaten them when he isn’t even in school?” I asked her, taking a nervous glance around the cafeteria.
It was as though I half expected to see him nearby, watching me intently or ignoring me completely.
“Who knows? I’m just saying I can imagine someone like Cole would find a way around it. He’s crazy about you and I think you’re the only one who doesn’t see it.”
“Lisa, he barely spoke to me before yesterday and he ignored me for three weeks before that.” I reminder her impatiently. “I’m now supposed to believe that he’s been mad about me all along? It doesn’t even make any sense.”
I groaned with frustration, rubbing the centre of my forehead to ease some of the tension that was building.
“Well, did he explain any of his behaviour to you when you spoke to him about it?” Lisa enquired, taking a drink from her water bottle.
“Sort of.” I replied evasively. “But it still doesn’t make any sense to me.”
“I’m sure you two will sort it out. Just give it time.” She consoled me, squeezing my hand once more to assure me.
“I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.” I murmured gloomily, struggling to consume more than a single mouthful from my plate of food.
The sound of my phone ringing captured my attention, dragging both of our gazes towards the school bag at my feet.
“You might want to answer that.” Lisa advised me, nodding towards it.
“I don’t know who it is.”
“So answer it and find out.” She said, rolling her eyes at me.
I unzipped my bag with trembling fingers as I rummaged through my belongings in search of my phone. I instinctively knew who was calling me and I couldn’t do anything to ignore the alarm and apprehension this stirred up inside of me.
“Hello?” I spoke into the receiver, sounding nervous and on edge.
“Hey, gorgeous. How are you?” A deep, masculine voice spoke back to me, oozing confidence and self-assurance.
“Cole?”
“Who else?” He chuckled lightly, clearly bemused by my wavering uncertain. “How’s your day? Is it going well?”
“Um, my day is going ok, I guess.” I answered simply, shooting a nervous glance across the table towards Lisa.
“Just ok?” He prompted me. “Has someone said anything to you? I swear to God if they have-”
“No! No, everyone has been… nice.” I replied hastily, desperate to prevent him from completing that sentence.
“What about your locker?” He asked. “Has it been cleaned yet?”
“I just saw a couple of Jonathan’s friends trying to get rid of the graffiti on it but they weren’t having much luck when I last saw them.” I answered, remembering how frantic the two of them were in their attempt to clean my locker. “How did you even know about what they did to it? I never told you about that.”
“It doesn’t matter how I came to hear about it. What I want to know is if you’re still using that locker? If you are, go and get your stuff out of it right now and put it in mine instead. I don’t want you anywhere near that thing until it’s fixed.”
He spoke firmly, giving off the impression that his decision was final and I had no say in the matter whatsoever.
“I’ve just been sharing Lisa’s locker. She didn’t want me using my old one either.” I told him, recalling the kind gesture my friend made me earlier this morning.
At the mention of her name, my friend looked up, raising her eyebrows up at me in curiosity. She obviously knew who I was speaking to and was loving every minute of my visible discomfort.
“Use mine.” He instructed me, resolute and decisive.
“You want me to use your locker?” I asked incredulously, unable to conceal my surprise at his suggestion.
“Why not? You know which one it is, right?”
Of course I knew which locker was his. I’ve been obsessed with that thing since Cole first started here. His locker is one of the only places I get to see him besides the cafeteria and there have been some occasions when I would deliberately walk by it, hoping to catch a glimpse of
him in-between classes. Pretty pathetic, huh?
“But I won’t be able to get into it, it will be locked.” I said lamely, realising how dumb that made me sound.
“Nah, I don’t bother locking it. No one would dare touch any of my shit anyway. I want you to use it until I get back to school, Green. Don’t use anyone else’s locker but mine, not even Lisa’s.”
“Wow, erm… thanks.” I mumbled, trying to speak quietly.
My response was timid, longing to be somewhere that was more private so I could finish my phone call in peace. Half the people in the cafeteria were observing me, their watchful gazes drawn towards me and my discreet conversation.
“You won’t even have to move any of your stuff out of it when I get back.” He promised. “We can share one from now on if you have no problem with it.”
“How about we talk about this later? I’m in the cafeteria right now.” I informed him, eager to postpone our discussion until we could talk in private.
“I know.” He replied, lowering the tone of his voice.
It’s as though he did it on purpose, giving off the indication that he could see me and that he knew where I was and what I was doing.
“How do you know that?” I demanded, turning around in my seat so I could search the large dining hall and all the faces of the students inside it. “Are you here? Are you watching me?”
“Serena, its lunchtime.” He reminded me. “It’s not difficult to work out where you would be right about now.” He laughed lightly, causing me to feel embarrassed and foolish about my paranoia.
“Good point.” I sighed, reluctant to acknowledge the fact that he was right.
“Has Louise spoke to you yet?” He asked, deliberately changing the subject.
“Louise? Why would she want to speak to me?”
“She’s going to apologise to you at some point today so I just thought I’d better let you know about it beforehand.”
“God, Cole… that’s the last thing I want her to do.” I wailed, shaking my head at Lisa when she frowned at my sudden outburst.
“Tough, it’s going to happen.” He retorted unsympathetically. “She owes you an apology and that’s all there is to it.”
That Summer (Part One) Page 11
