“Such as…?”
“Well, there’s my dad and then there’s Cole.”
“Your dad?” She exclaims in surprise.
“I came home last night and he was here. I knew him visiting had been mentioned but I really didn’t think he was being serious about coming to see me.”
“But that’s a good thing, right? I know you’ve always wanted to be closer to him.”
“I know it’s just… Cole acted so strange when he first saw him. It actually looked like he was going to faint. He took off on me and hasn’t been in contact since then.”
“Are you serious?”
“I haven’t heard from him all day and now I’m really worried.” I tell her, raking my fingers through my hair.
“Have you tried calling him?” She asks me gently.
“Lots of times. I’ve left him several messages as well.”
“I’m sure there’s no reason for you to worry about him. He’ll let you know what’s going and reassure you that everything’s ok. Cole is absolutely crazy about you, Serena. Anyone can see that.”
“How can he be when he treats me like this? He’s vanished and now he’s deliberately ignoring me.”
“What are you going to do?”
“If I haven’t heard from him by tomorrow night then I’m going to go over to his place. I know he wouldn’t want me to but I don’t feel like I have any other choice. I need to find out what’s going on.”
“Do you want me to take you?” She offers kindly.
“Would you really do that for me?”
“Of course I will. Just let me know when you want me to pick you up.”
“Thanks so much, Lisa. You’re a great friend.”
She ends up leaving around midnight and I stand at the front door so I can wave goodbye to her. The temperature outside is really cold tonight and the wind is powerful, causing the trees surrounding my house to creak and howl as the harsh breeze swirls around them.
I fold my arms across my chest and close the door against the darkness. I still haven’t heard anything from my mum so I guess she’s either working a late shift at the hospital or decided to stay the night with a friend. Either way, I have the house to myself and will have to spend the night alone.
It’s not something I feel that comfortable with but I’ve never really had a choice in the matter. I spent a lot of my childhood by myself, forced to stay alone and get myself ready for bed. The only difference now is I’ve become used to Cole being here and it now feels strange for me to be sleeping in my own bed without him.
I somehow manage to fall asleep right away, despite the agonising questions which keep whirling around inside my head. I put it down to exhaustion and only wake up when I hear a loud noise coming from downstairs. My heart is hammering inside my chest as I sit up in bed, trying to listen out for any other sounds which might arouse my suspicions. A part of me even wonders if I had been dreaming but that’s when I hear it again.
It sounds like someone just smashed one their fists against the kitchen’s backdoor and the violence behind such an aggressive sound forces me to reach for my phone. It’s a struggle to locate it in the dark but when my outstretched hand finally grasps it, I clutch it tightly. I’m praying for this terrifying moment to be nothing but a nightmare, desperate to erase every single thought I have of my current situation being something sinister.
The extremely loud and intimidating banging startles me once more, causing me to switch my phone on so I can call somebody. My first thought is to try the police but then I think of Cole. There’s no doubt in my mind that he would help me and he would also know what to do. I still don’t understand what’s happening between us but I trust him and instinctively know he’s the right person to call.
I dial his number and press the phone against my ear, desperate for him to pick up and answer. If Jonathan or any of his friends are trying to break into my house right now then I need Cole here. He’s the only one who can stop them and the only one who has ever been able to make me feel safe.
There’s no answer but I keep on trying, calling him over and over again as the noise outside increases. It sounds like someone is pounding against the kitchen door in an attempt to get inside. I remain frozen, paralysed by my fear as I plead with Cole to answer his phone and help me.
The banging stops suddenly, drawing my attention towards my bedroom window. I scramble off the bed and peek out of my bedroom curtains, peering out of them into the darkness. I can’t see anything for several seconds until my eyes begin to adjust and that’s when I realise I can vaguely make out someone’s silhouette outside my back door.
Cole.
It’s really him. He’s actually outside my bedroom window. This also means that he’s responsible for frightening me. I have no idea what he’s doing here at this time of night or why he’s been hammering on my kitchen door for the past few minutes but I need to find out.
I storm out of my bedroom and race down the stairs, flinging the back door open in anger. I try and control the fury which is building up inside of me, determined to find out the truth.
“Cole, what the hell are you playing at?! What are you doing here?”
He’s holding onto the doorframe, trying to support his weight as he sways back and forth in front of me. It’s obvious he’s been drinking because he can barely stand up straight and I can smell the alcohol on him. I really don’t want to let him inside but his strong frame prevents me from being able to close the door on him.
Cole is broad and athletic, reminding me that I’m certainly no match for his power or his strength. He’s glowering at me with so much hatred in his eyes, it causes me to tremble. I don’t recognise this man. He’s a stranger to me and I don’t want him here. Not like this.
“I need to talk to you.” He growls menacingly. “Let me inside right now.”
“What’s going on? Why are you here?”
“Step aside, Serena. I mean it.” He demands coldly.
“Or what?” I challenge him foolishly, instantly regretting it.
“Or I’ll make you.” He snarls, taking a step closer towards me.
He shoves me aside and steps indoors, slamming the back door behind him.
“Cole!” I exclaim loudly, astonished by his rage and the force he used to get by me.
He stumbles into my living room, holding onto the dining table so he can maintain his balance. Turning around to face me, his eyes wander up and down my body. I recognise the desire in them and it makes me feel uncomfortable. It ignites my own arousal for him and this angers me. I chastise myself for being so weak and decide to put some distance between us, needing to remain in control and keep my focus.
“I can’t take this anymore.” He groans loudly, cradling his head in his hands. “I… I have to know.”
“You’ve been drinking.” I state harshly, narrowing my eyes at him in disgust.
“So what if I have? What’s it got to do with you?”
“What’s happening to you? Why are you being like this?”
“Don’t do that.” He warns me. “Don’t act all innocent.”
“I just want to know what’s going on with you. What have you been doing and where have you been?”
“You really want to know?”
“Yes!” I cry out in desperation.
“I’ve been all over.” He admits, leaning back against the table behind him. “I’ve been drinking… fighting… visited to a few strip clubs. I don’t even remember how many of them I’ve been to.”
“You’ve been where?”
I ask him to repeat his question as my heartrate increases. An overwhelming sensation of envy starts to take over my body as my knees buckle. I almost collide with the floor beneath my feet, incapable of processing the words he just said to me.
“Strip clubs.” He confirms boldly, watching me closely. “Does that make you jealous?”
He’s enjoying this. He’s taunting me with cruelty and is actually getting some sick sort of thrill
out of it.
“Why are you doing this?! Why are you doing this to me?” I yell, turning my back on him when I can’t even stand to look at him anymore.
“Because you knew!” He roars in fury, striding across the room towards me.
“Knew what?”
“About him!” He shouts fiercely, grabbing hold of my shoulders so he can shake me roughly.
“Who?”
“Your fucking father.” He sneers contemptuously.
There’s a momentary silence as I try to process what he means. None of it makes any sense and I have no idea what my father has to do with any of this.
“You’re crazy. Why are you bringing my father into this? You don’t even know him.”
“You’re right. I don’t.” He replies coolly, maintaining the derisive and disdainful manner he’s been using since ever since he came inside.
“You’re not even making any sense.” I snap, shoving him backwards. “You’re drunk and you need to leave right now. Get the hell out and stay the hell away from me. Close that door and don’t ever speak to me again. I hate you.”
“You see, I’ve already tried that. For the past twenty-four hours I’ve tried hating you, forgetting you, resenting you… and none of it fucking works. It just made me want you even more. I couldn’t even keep away from you for one fucking day.”
“So that’s the reason you’ve been watching a load of strippers take their clothes off for you?” I challenge him, fighting against the sickening jealousy which is coursing through my veins.
“I needed to forget.” He explains sadly, lowering his defences for the first time tonight. “I’ve tried everything to get you out of my damn head since I found out the truth but nothing fucking works! I thought the strip clubs would help, I thought the parties and the clubs would help numb the pain but they didn’t. Not when you’re the only one I could see, the only girl I want to touch and the only woman I need.”
“Cole, you need to tell me the truth. Tell me what you found out.” I instruct him, speaking sternly.
I need him to realise how serious I am and that this is his final chance to confide in me. This is his one and only opportunity to make me understand what’s going on inside his head.
“You don’t know what you’re asking of me, Serena.” He whispers, stroking my hair back from my face. “Once you learn this... there’s no going back. It will never be the same again, we will never be the same.”
“Why?” I ask him once again. “What do you know?”
“It’s your father.” He murmurs softly, closing his eyes so he no longer has to look at me. “He’s… I mean… he’s mine too.”
I freeze as my whole world stops turning and my brain battles against the horrifying revelation I just heard. Observing him closely, I start to wonder if all of this is some sort of twisted joke or a hideous prank in an attempt to destroy me. It has to be. The alternative is far worse.
“W-what are you talking about?” I ask weakly.
“The guy we saw outside your house yesterday… he’s your dad, right?”
“Yes. I already told you that.” I reply despondently, feeling desolate and numb.
“Well, he’s mine too.”
“But… but he can’t be. How do you know that?”
“I know my own parent, Serena. I’m not saying that he’s played a huge part in my life but I know him. I only saw him a few months ago.”
“But he’s never mentioned you. I’m his only child and I always have been.” I argue, paralysed by the actual thought of my new reality if this is really true.
“You don’t think I thought the exact same thing?” Cole asks, sobering up before my very eyes. “He never told me anything about having another kid.”
“Look, this is ridiculous. This whole conversation is just wrong. You’re mistaken. You just have to be.” I proclaim defiantly, holdings my hands when he walks towards me, needing to keep him far away from me at all costs.
“Serena, I’ve been through this a thousand times and I’m not wrong. He’s your dad and he’s also mine. He walked out on my mum when I was just a baby, only choosing to get in contact when it was my birthday or at Christmas. I didn’t ask about his life or know anything about him. I didn’t care to find out… until now.”
“And how can you be certain?”
“I phoned him this morning.”
“You did what?”
“I had to know for sure.”
“And what did you say to him?”
“I asked him outright. I said I needed to know if he had fathered anymore kids when I was younger. I told him I couldn’t explain the reason why I needed to know and he accepted that. His silence spoke volumes and that’s when I knew. He came out with it eventually and told me all about you, he even told me your damn name. He forgot to mention the fact that he’s in town to see you because the bastard knows he’s never made any effort to see me. He doesn’t even know I’m living in the same place as you with my mum. He knows nothing.”
I try to even out my breathing, turning my back on him as I now cradle my own head in my hands. The silence between us is deafening, heightening the intensity between us as we both make an attempt to deal with this in our own way.
“My God.” I whimper. “My God, this can’t be happening. Why is this happening?”
“I don’t know why but it is.” He responds coldheartedly, sustaining his cold façade.
“What do we… what do we do?” I ask him, pleading with him to give me answers.
“How the fuck do you expect me to know?” He snarls bitterly, glowering at me in contempt. “You think I have a solution to this because I found out about it before you did?”
“I don’t know. I just… God… the things we’ve done. It’s sick! It’s disgusting. It’s illegal!” I cry hysterically, tugging on my hair in torment.
“I know! I know all of that but we didn’t know about this at the time! Neither one of us did.” He yells, taking hold of my small wrists in his hands so I don’t hurt myself.
“W-who do we tell? Do we go to the police? Do we tell dad?” I ask him, imploring him with my broken eyes and heart to tell me what to do.
I need him to save me. I want him to rescue me and make it all go away. He has to heal my pain like he has done before. If he doesn’t… who will?
“Hell no.” He concludes decidedly. “We don’t tell anyone about this and I mean that. Not your mum, not Lisa, not our fucking useless, piece of shit father and certainly not the damn police, ok?”
“But why? Why can’t we tell anyone what we’ve found out? You’re right when you said that we didn’t know, we haven’t done anything wrong.”
“How naive are you, Serena? You really think that other people are going to see it like that? You know how miserable they made your life at school for sending one photo. Can you imagine how they’re going to react if they find out you’ve been in a sexual relationship with your half-brother?”
He’s right. Of course he is. However, that doesn’t mean I want to hear it. The devastation that his last statement causes me is nothing short of soul-destroying. It makes me want to crumple to my knees and sob for an eternity.
“Cole, don’t say it. Please.” I beg, shaking my head at him.
“What? You don’t want me to say that we’re related?” He taunts, forcing me back against the wall behind me.
“No!”
“Why not?”
“Because… because it makes me feel ill. It makes me feel cheap, nasty and dirty. Everything I don’t want to feel when I think of you.”
“And why is that? Is it because you still want it? Because you still want me?”
“Of course not.” I claim vehemently. “How could I?”
“Because you still remember.” He whispers, brushing his lips against my ear. “You remember how I made you feel, you remember how incredible it was between us and you know you could have it all again.”
“You’re crazy! You’re sick. How the hell can we still hav
e it?! It’s against the law!” I scream, shoving my hands against his solid chest.
“No one knows! I haven’t told anyone and I don’t intend to.”
“You can’t be serious? You want us to carry on like before and pretend like we don’t know this?” I claim incredulously, unable to believe he would actually expect me to go along with this.
“It’s not what I want. It’s what I need.” He groans in agony, curling his fingers around my hair so he can force me to look up at him. “How am I supposed to exist without you? How can you expect me to go a single minute without you when you’re already so deep inside my head?”
I start to sob silently, covering my face with my hands as Cole circles his arms around me, pulling me against him.
“It’s going to be ok, I promise you. I’ll take care of this and I’ll take care of you.” He soothes me.
“How?” I wail, burying my face against his chest.
“This can always be our secret. We don’t have to tell anyone and no one would ever find out.”
“How is that even possible?” I whisper, horrified by his startling suggestion.
“Because it can stay between us. The only person who would ever know is him.”
I know he’s referring to our father and I can tell by the way tone of his voice. The revulsion he feels towards him is apparent. Cole despises him and I don’t think I realised how much until this very moment.
“You mean dad, don’t you?” I enquire timidly.
“Don’t call him that.” He seethes furiously. “When has he ever been worthy of being called our father? When has he been here to support either one of us?”
“I know but…”
“But nothing.” Cole states firmly. “We just won’t let him see us together. We don’t need him in our lives and we don’t even have to see him again. So long as he never finds out about us then it will all be ok.”
“Cole, even if we do manage to keep it from him, we just can’t be together, not like that. Not anymore.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m your sister.” I reply coolly,
“Don’t say that.” Cole instructs me, grabbing hold of my face with both hands. “Don’t you ever say that to me again, do you understand?”
That Summer (Part One) Page 19
