by Jayne Blue
My body went rigid. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear her answer.
“I noticed you too. All the time. God, Brax. Do you realize what you were? What you are?”
I shook my head. “I was a thug, Nicole. A shithead. The guy all the teachers hated and all the parents feared. Even my own parents. By the time I was a senior both my parents had split. I was living in the back room at the body shop where I worked. I can just imagine what your father would have thought if he’d known I ever even looked at you.”
“No. Brax, no. You were a man. You were different. I can’t speak for any of the rest of the idiots in our class. But I noticed you. You tried to keep your head down and not draw attention to yourself in class but you were paying attention. What was your GPA? Be honest.”
I narrowed my eyes at her.
“Come on.” She slapped my chest. “Tell the truth. I’ve told you most of my secrets in the last twenty-four hours. Tell me one of yours.”
I looked up toward the ceiling and sighed. “I had a four point.”
She slapped me harder. “I knew it. You son of a bitch. You barely came to class. When you did you’d get called on. I remember you sitting in the back of Mrs. Bonneville’s algebra class and when she called on you, the whole class snickered. But then you solved one of her complex formulas. She thought you cheated somehow. You just smirked and let everyone keep on laughing. Like it was some inside joke. But you didn’t cheat, did you?”
I shrugged. It was as much an admission as I was willing to give.
“Well,” I said. “Sometimes it’s just a hell of a lot easier meeting expectations than it is to change them.”
Nicole’s eyes glistened. “I know. It was the same for me. I had everything. I know that. I know it’s easier being the person everyone likes and wants to be around. The Homecoming Queen. Sure. I liked it. Who wouldn’t? But when things happened with my mother, and then my father, it was all bullshit. No one stuck around. I got nothing but gossip and pity. All those girls who buzzed around me disappeared.”
“People are assholes.”
She laughed again and the light came back into her eyes. “They really, really are. And you said something to me. You accused me of going slumming that night.”
“Yeah. I’m sorry. Maybe that was a low blow.”
“It was. And sure, there was some truth to it. I was hurt and I wanted to lash out at that idiot Derek. But I don’t have so little respect for myself or you to use you like that or let you use me. That would have been too easy. The truth is, you interested me, Brax. Sure. It was all the things you said. You were dark and scary. But you were also beautiful and strong. I had this fantasy that you could handle things. You know?”
I pulled away from her a little. She was talking about some fantasy. She was right though. But my ability to handle things wasn’t some pretty fairytale. What I handled was dark and ugly. The kind of thing that should never touch a woman like Nicole.
Darkness settled around me. She might be a different person than I thought, but she still had mostly light inside of her. What would she think of me if she knew everything about who I was and what I’d done?
I straightened my back and pulled away. “You should get dressed. I need to get you back.”
“Brax? What did I say?”
I shook my head. She slid off the counter and came to me, reaching up to thread her fingers through my hair. God, she felt so good. She smelled so good. And that was the problem. No matter what shit her life had served her, it couldn’t touch her. She was still good and pure and she belonged far away from me. Except I wanted her.
“Don’t,” she said. “I know what you’re doing and I won’t put up with it. I’m a grown-up. I’m not an eighteen-year-old cheerleader anymore.” Then she winked and went up on her toes to kiss me again. She tugged my earlobe and whispered, sending a shiver up my spine.
“Although I do still have the outfit.”
She made that little squeal I loved when I swatted her ass again.
Chapter Eleven
Nicole
That morning, I figured out my second most favorite thing to do with Brax Anderson. I loved wrapping my arms around his waist, inhaling the spice-and-leather scent of his jacket while I straddled the back of his Harley. I held on for dear life as we flew through the winding turns outside of town. We took the long way around from his house back to my shop using looping roads that skirted Lincolnshire. I’d never even been down some of them despite living here my whole life. But with Brax’s strong back beneath my cheek and my thighs pressed against his, he helped me see this town in a new light. All the parts that were wild, rough, and beautiful. From the rolling hills of the dairy farms near the Michigan border to the high smoke stacks of the industrial parks and manufacturing plants as we neared downtown.
Brax seemed to own the road as he took a hairpin curve. I think he did it on purpose so I’d have to squeeze him even tighter. He threw his head back and laughed when I squealed. The churning waters of the Maumee River far below frightened me as we crossed the Liberty Bridge. I’d driven over it a thousand times, but had never felt connected to it like I did now.
By the time we finally made the turn toward the town square, I was breathless. My hair wild and my skin flushed. He pulled his bike into the alley behind the parlor and cut the engine. I peeled off my helmet and set it on the seat as I dismounted, feeling rubber-legged.
I went into his arms and it felt as natural as if we’d been together our whole lives. “You smell good,” I said, pressing my cheek against his chest. Brax was leather and soap with the sharp, crisp smell of bleach from his white t-shirt. There was that hint of male musk beneath all of that. He made me feel safe, protected. It should have shocked me how much I wanted to be with him. I’d thought giving into it last night would get it out of my system. It didn’t though. It only made me want him more.
“You sure you’re okay?” he said, kissing the top of my head.
“Mmm. I’m just thinking about how much I wish we could have just stayed in bed.”
The vibration of his sinful laugh skittered against my ear. Quick as a snake, he had his hand inside my dress again, tweaking my sore, well-used nipple. “Not a bad plan. Unfortunately, we’ve both still gotta work for a living. I’ll pick you up this weekend though.”
It was a statement, not a question. I smiled at the hint of lust flashing in his eyes. A whole weekend with Brax Anderson and I might not be able to walk for days. He laughed again and I swear it was like he could read my mind.
“Don’t ever play poker,” he said. “Everything you’re thinking comes across in your eyes and the way you hold your mouth.”
“Oh really?”
He took my chin with his thumb and tilted my head to kiss me. “Yeah. I kinda like the way you hold your mouth.”
I blushed from the roots of my hair to the tips of my toes. He’d gotten the pleasure of my mouth more than once last night. I slapped his chest. “Maybe I have plans this weekend, Mr. Anderson.”
His face grew serious. “Change them.”
I thought about teasing him more, I liked when he went all alpha male on me. Before I could though, he leaned down and kissed me again, driving all other thought out of my mind but yes, oh yes and more please!
“The weekend is three days away. You sure you can live without me that long?”
Brax groaned and it sent a new flash of heat through me. “It’s going to be rough. I won’t lie. But unfortunately, yeah. My prez is coming back into town and club business is going to keep me pretty busy until then. In the meantime, though, watch out for yourself, okay? I don’t think Daryl Hodges is dumb enough to bother you again. Now that he knows I’m sort of involved. But I don’t want you taking any chances. If Doug calls and asks you to meet him somewhere, don’t go. You call me first. Promise?”
I nodded. “I promise. And I know. I won’t do anything stupid like going to The Shires by myself again. I learned my lesson.”
“Good girl. And
don’t give him any money, for God’s sake.”
I saluted. “Not much chance of that. Everything I have is tied up in this shop. I’m not exactly flush with cash. That’s the thing Doug has never been able to grasp. He thinks there’s this secret stash of loot somewhere. Whatever savings I did have I used to pay the note on the building.”
Brax nodded. “Okay. I’ll see you in a couple of days then. As long as you promise to call me if you need anything.”
I went up on my toes and kissed him. Then I smoothed a long strand of blond hair out of his eyes. He gave me another playful swat on the ass and revved the Harley. Mmm. I liked the sound of that too. Strong, male, Brax. I waved as he drove away. I went inside only after he made the turn on Main Street and went out of my line of sight. I could still hear the rumble of his engine long after that though.
I made it two steps into the kitchen before I stopped cold. Melinda stood with her arms crossed and a knowing smile on her face. The breath went out of my lungs as I realized she’d watched everything from the window and there was no point trying to make up a story.
“Busted,” she said, in case I still planned to try.
I smiled and threw up my hands in surrender. “Sorry. I mean I’m really sorry for leaving you high and dry last night.”
Melinda laughed as she heaved a large cardboard container of Rocky Road on the counter. “Are you kidding me? He looks worth every minute of it. Is that who I think it is?”
I shrugged. This was an odd development for me. I’d grown so used to keeping my private life private, I wasn’t sure how to answer her. In fact, if I were honest with myself, I had no private life. I had this business. Melinda and the rest of the staff were the only people I dealt with on a day-to-day basis besides Doug. It had been so much easier that way after everything that happened with my father. They say hard times like that show you who your real friends are. In my case, that had been starkly true. The investors my father had swindled had been the parents of some of my closest friends. Though no one blamed me personally, he’d ruined some of their lives. So I got painted with the brush of his sins and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. The money he’d taken was long gone and I could never repay it.
And my father hadn’t been the only man who’d ever let me down. What I told Brax had been the truth. Derek Moyer had just been one of a long line of men who’d betrayed me since and including my father. Being alone was safer and easier.
“Nicole?” Melinda put a hand on my shoulder, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“What? I’m sorry. Oh. You asked me if that was who you thought it was?”
“Right. You’re dating a Great Wolf?”
I opened my mouth to answer then froze. Dating wasn’t really the term for what Brax and I did. In fact, it almost seemed absurd. But I hesitated a fraction of a second too long and Melinda’s face split into a knowing smile.
“Dayum, Nicole. I’m impressed!”
“What? Oh. No. God. It’s not what you think. Brax and I are just . . . old friends really. I’ve known him since high school.”
Melinda nodded her head and raised a brow as she restocked the next flavor. I would have said more but the day shift started to pile in. Chris was back, followed by Wendy and Steve. We had three more high-school kids coming in later but Tuesdays were usually a fairly slow day.
“Well, I approve! I hadn’t realized it until just now, but I don’t think I’ve seen you smile like that since . . . um . . . well, maybe ever. It looks good on you.”
It was in me to cover like I always do. Minimize. Shield. But for once I didn’t. Melinda had become the closest thing to a friend I had lately and so I said, “You know what? Thanks. I actually did have a good time last night. I’m sure I’ll end up paying for it one way or another because that’s just how the universe works for me, but yeah. It felt good.”
Then Melinda did something that nearly knocked me off my feet. She crossed the distance between us and hugged me. Hot tears instantly sprang to my eyes as I stiffened from the embrace. I blinked them away and tried to get a hold of myself before Melinda pulled away and could see, but I wasn’t fast enough.
“Nicole, you deserve a little bit of happiness. You get that, right?”
I took a step back. My throat ached as I tried to swallow. I pasted on the smile I used to protect myself and flapped a dismissive hand.
“I’m serious. I see you. I mean . . . I see you. You’ve been holding on so tight for so long it’s good to see you let loose a little. I must say though when you do let loose it’s just . . . wow.” She pointed back toward the alley with her thumb.
Then I laughed, a deep, genuine belly laugh that chased away the awkward feeling and lump in my throat. The moment passed and a part of me was a little bit sad for it. I’d gone so long without having someone to share good news with. I’d also gone far too long without having someone to share bad things with.
Something dark flickered inside of me as I stood in front of that ice cream case. Old patterns really are hard to break. It felt good to unload everything on Brax last night. But he’d shouldered it. I couldn’t pretend to know who he was or what he’d done in the last fifteen years. I wasn’t naïve. I knew the reputation of the Great Wolves M.C. And he wasn’t wrong: in a different time, my father would have lost it if he’d known I’d spent any time at all with Brax. But my father had long ago lost the right to pass judgment on anything I did. Still, trusting Brax may have been the most dangerous thing I could have done. Not because of the club, but because I’d just given him the power to hurt me and let me down. If my track record were anything to go by, then he definitely would.
“Relax,” Melinda said. And maybe Brax was right. All my thoughts were written all over my face when I let my guard down. “I mean, he’s not proposing marriage or anything, right? You’re just having a good time. Enjoy it.”
Smiling, I took the ice cream scoop out of Melinda’s hand and jabbed it into the Peppermint Swirl.
Chapter Twelve
I slept like the dead that night. Our normally light Tuesday turned into something different when a busload of wrestlers on their way home from the state tournament turned into the parking lot. After an entire season of cutting weight, I had thirteen very hungry boys, their coaches, parents, trainers and the town’s cheering section lined up for seconds and thirds. We were out of Peanut Butter Fudge Brownie less than an hour into the dinner rush. It was good though. Busy was just what I needed to keep my mind off Brax and Doug and all of the swirling emotions that threatened to unsettle me. But when I locked the door and flipped the open sign to closed, I felt spent and bone tired. I had just enough energy to haul myself up the stairs to my apartment. I went to sleep in my pink polyester dress with Cherry Razzie stains down the front.
Later, I’d wonder why I didn’t hear the alarm beep from downstairs alerting me to someone opening the back door. Or why I’d chosen that night to turn my phone to silent. But it wasn’t until the first stab of sunlight poked through the slats in my window blinds and fell across my eyes that I finally woke up. It was an hour past when my alarm clock should have woken me. I sat up in that panicked state you get when you can’t remember if it’s night or day.
I’d forgotten something. Left the lights on downstairs? Forgot to lock the front door? Whatever it was, that nagging feeling of something unsettled seeped through my skin. I shook it off. Maybe it was just the fact that for a few hours the day before, I’d actually forgotten to be worried. Brax had allowed me that. If nothing else happened with him, maybe I could be grateful for just that little bit.
Yawning, I showered quickly, put on a fresh uniform, twisted my hair into a bun and headed downstairs. This time, I planned to get the jump on Melinda. I didn’t want her to get the idea that I was off my game. Her, I trusted. The rest of the employees were young and needed me to set a good example. Having their boss show up late with sex hair as a routine wasn’t going to be good for business.
I turned on the coffee
pot and went to the ice cream case. We usually pulled the containers from the front service cooler and stored them in the back freezer. I wore a thin white cardigan and pulled it close around me, not relishing the prospect of stepping into the cooler without at least a steaming mug of coffee ready for me. But Melinda would be in any minute and I wanted to get things going.
Wiping the sleep from my eyes, I tripped on something on the floor near the cooler door. Three things registered at once but none of them made sense until a second or two later. Pain in my ankle from hitting something solid. A gap where the freezer door stood ajar. A blast of cold air. I looked own.
“Oh my God!”
He was lying face down, his legs and torso were still inside the walk-in freezer, his arms outstretched and hands an ominous shade of purple.
“Doug!”
I dropped to my knees and tried to turn him. He was freezing. Hot fingers of panic snaked their way up my spine. But he moaned. Thank God. He moaned. I got him turned, pulled his head into my lap and then the ground threatened to open up and swallow me.
His eyes were swollen shut and caked with blood. He had ugly, blackening bruises around his neck and a split lip. His left ear hung off, shredded at the base. Those were the injuries I could see. There was more. There was worse. He screamed when I tried to pull him the rest of the way out of the cooler.
“Doug? Doug. Wake up. What happened?”
He moaned and tried to say something but his lip was badly cut and he shivered so bad I’m not sure he could have formed words if his muscles were working properly. But I had to get him out of the freezer. He was so heavy.
One second became an eternity as Doug looked up at me. Even through all the gore he looked like he did when he was just a baby. In that instant time melted and I saw him as I had the very first time. I’d held him like this too, cradling his body in my lap as my mother gently placed him there, cautioning me to be careful of his head. His head. Swollen. Mottled. Misshapen. But he was still Doug. Baby Doug with his brilliant blue eyes and bee-stung lips. A tuft of blond hair that never quite lay the way I wanted it too. I took his hand in mine and clasped it to my chest. All his life I’d held his hand. Crossing the street. Teaching him how to ice skate. Walking him to school for his first day of kindergarten.
