by Mj Fields
“Fuck yes, it does,” he snaps.
“Hmm …” she says, lying down.
He says not a thing as he stands there, looking over at her. I’m glad for his sake that her back is to him and she can’t see the way he’s looking at her, but if I had a handheld mirror to shove in his face, I would.
“Is he still here, Truth?” she asks.
“Yeah,” I answer quietly.
“Do you need to come sniff me, Justice?”
“Why? Is your pussy—”
I push my hands against his chest and push him out the door. “Okay, goodnight.”
“Before you leave, Justice,” Gabby says from behind me, “your sister is in your corner one hundred percent. In fact, she’s only being nice to me to make things easier for you.”
“What the fuck is she talking about, T?” he snaps.
“Nothing.” And now I want to kick her ass.
“Tobias asked her to accept my apology.”
“You fucking him?” Justice asks her, and it shocks both me and him.
Gabby laughs. “He’s the only popularity pole I haven’t had to climb, so no. He’s like a brother to me.”
“Bullshit, you two never even talk.”
“Open your eyes. He doesn’t talk to anyone.” Anger shakes her voice, and I hear her get up.
I turn to see her walk toward us.
“He didn’t want this fight—you did.”
“Because of shit you did,” Justice snaps at her.
I start to explain, “Actually, she didn’t—”
“It was because of me. I own it. Don’t defend me, please. It wouldn’t mean a thing, anyway. Not to him or to me,” she says then looks at Justice. “He’s less than three months from being free of this shit. Do not ruin it for him.”
She turns and looks around. “Where’s the bathroom?”
“Right through there.”
“Thank you, Truth, truly.”
As soon as she shuts the door, Justice leans in. “You got some shit you’re not telling me?”
I look down to avoid his scrutinizing eyes.
“T, come on; this is us.”
I look up and nod. “I know it is. Nothing’s changed.”
“Why you trusting her?”
“I don’t know, okay? I just think things are more than they appear.”
“Never thought this was anything more than mean girls’ shit, T. But I’m telling you, trusting her is a bad idea. I feel it in my bones.”
“Yeah, well, I trust her more than the horsemen.”
“The what?”
I half-laugh at myself, because honestly, I am so confused by everything, including my emotions lately. “Tobias, Harrison, Miles, and Kai. I nicknamed them the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Doom and gloom shit. Conquest, war, famine, and death.”
“T, you need to step back after this shit tomorrow. You need to bring it back home.”
“I know.”
“I hope you do.” He palms the back of my head and kisses the top of it. “I hope you do.”
“Sorry, I really am.”
He smirks. “Aside from this shit tonight, I’m actually pretty fucking psyched about it.”
Gabby walks out of the bathroom. “Then maybe you’re the one who needs to bring it home.”
“ ’Bout ready to call Uncle Z and ask to borrow a ball gag,” he snaps as he turns and walks down the hall.
I shut the door then walk to the edge of my bed and sit.
Gabby rolls over and looks at me. “Three.”
“What?”
“Three horsemen.”
A chill runs up my spine. “Is it that bad?”
“Depends on how deep they drag you in.”
“Gabrielle?”
“Please don’t ask, for your sake and mine.”
“It’s just high school, right?” I ask.
She smiles sadly. “For those lucky enough for it to be, that it is.”
“Are you … safe?”
She nods and smiles. “I’m good, Truth.”
“Because we would help you.”
“Oddly, I believe that.”
“Do you need help?”
She laughs. “Your brother seems to think so.”
“Why do you take sleeping pills?”
The softness in her eyes starts to fade.
“I’m sorry. I know we aren’t there yet.”
She shakes her head. “Maybe someday.”
“Tired?”
“Have you ever taken a sleeping pill?” she asks.
I shake my head.
“Fucking exhausted.”
“Okay. Goodnight, Gabby.”
“Answer a question for me?”
“Sure,” I say, turning out the light.
“Do you like Tobias?”
Instead of asking, You mean, the boy I was grinding on earlier? I go with, “The guy who one minute is nice to me, and the next minute, he’s a tyrant?”
She yawns. “He wasn’t like that up until a few months ago.”
“So, was he mean all the time or …?” I laugh.
“Happy, content, still a bit of a loner, but the best kind of guy out there.”
“What happened?”
She sighs. “Not really sure.”
“Let me guess, he won’t talk about it.”
“Exactly.” She yawns again. “But that’s when we all felt the shift.”
“The shift?”
“No more fights, no more cards at his place, no more hanging out even. He changed.”
“Let me guess, it happened when we moved here.”
She’s quiet, really quiet, and then she finally says, “Never really thought about it, but I guess it was.”
My chest tightens as I wonder what that means, hoping it’s because he likes me and not that he despises me.
“He likes you, Truth, and for some reason, he trusts you.”
“Did he say that?”
“Not a talker, remember? But I can tell he does. Otherwise, he wouldn’t try forcing us to be friends.”
“Not to be rude, but I guess I don’t understand that, either. After this afternoon, I actually think he’s in love with you.”
“No, definitely not.” She laughs.
“How do you know?”
She sighs loudly. “Your brother, although an asshole, wasn’t wrong.”
“About what?”
She chuckles. “The popularity pole.”
“Ouch,” I whisper.
“It is what it is. I don’t regret my decisions, just some of my actions. But Tobias was the first I tried to sink my claws into, so to speak. He flat-out said, not my type.”
“I can see that.”
“Ouch,” she says now.
“No, not like that. I’m guessing he likes blondes with tiny tits and narrow asses.”
She laughs. “Downward Dee?”
I laugh, too. “Yoga will never be the same.”
“So, are you gonna go after him?” she asks.
Turned down once already, no, thank you, I think.
“No.”
“How about Harrison?”
“If I was ever really into him, how do you think that would go over?”
She laughs louder now. “Wasn’t trying to eavesdrop at the game, but seriously freaking hilarious.”
“Yeah, they’re cool.”
“Better than cool, Truth Steel. You have a great family.”
“I’m sure yours is, as well.”
“Yeah,” she whispers.
After a few minutes of silence, Gabby yawns my name, “Truth?”
“Yeah?”
“Your parents don’t know about me or the video, do they?”
“No.”
“You seem really close, so why?”
“That would only tighten the leash.”
“Understood. Goodnight.”
“Night.”
Chapter Seventeen
Idiom
Get your act together.
What if it’s not an act?
I’m not a quiet waker-upper, but knowing I have a guest in the room, who doesn’t know how obnoxious I can be with my normal stretch and squeal routine or, God forbid, Mom’s “Love Myself” by Hailee Steinfeld dance party, I quietly stretch my arms over my head and do the best I can while remaining quiet.
When I look down, I realize that someone, probably Justice, removed the boot from my leg when I forgot from the overstimulation of the day and evening.
Tiny T, I think.
Don’t even think about it, Rocky, I scold myself as I feel my cheeks get hot. It was hard enough to fall asleep last night wishing I hadn’t read him wrong and basically tried to—no, actually did—mount him in my first, of many I assume, blotched attempts at seduction.
I pull my duvet over my head and pretend to scream into it before righting my head, sitting up, and looking at … an empty bed.
Walking upstairs to the kitchen, the smell of bacon wafting in the air, I expect to find Gabrielle but find pretty much everyone else all but staring at me.
“What?” I ask, knowing exactly what. Then, quick-like to cover my ass, I ask, “Where’s Mom and Dad?”
“Shopping,” Justice says, popping a piece of bacon into his mouth.
“So, is this the surprise Mom was talking about last night and you were all hush-hush about?” I ask, walking over and taking a piece of bacon off the platter, tearing it in two.
“What did you think it was?” Kiki asks. “An intervention?”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, right? She spent the night because—” I snap my mouth shut and shake my head. “Just because.”
“Okay, first, no; and second, hell no.” She scowls at me.
There are a million things I could say to her right now, things that would be hurtful and said out of anger. Things like you have no right to get pissed at me when you were hiding that you’d not only lost your V-card but were pregnant. However, in her defense, she didn’t know she was pregnant, until I made a joke about it.
Then she presses on, and I feel cornered.
“Look around, Truth, we all give a fuck and are worried.”
I shake my head.
“You don’t get to say no to your crew, T,” Justice says.
Him, I can be a bitch to. “And you don’t get to run your damn mouth about something you know nothing about.”
“T …” Patrick sighs. “He’d know if you’d be honest.”
“We all went to the party. I got stuck. No big deal,” I say, frustrated.
“She’s not wrong, Kiki,” Max says.
“Well, you all are for leaving her behind,” Kiki snaps, tears pooling in her eyes. “I wouldn’t have. Not ever.”
“And I love you for that, Kiki, but if you were there when the cops showed up, you’d have hid in a closet and waited them out, too. And you would have overheard them being assholes to a teenage girl who was worried they’d come back.”
“Well, she did have a party with underage drinking and—”
“Like we are tonight.” Amias laughs.
Kiki redirects the conversation. “I don’t trust her.”
I nod. “I was sober, I was fine, and Tobias was there, too, so I wasn’t alone.”
“What!” Kiki yells.
I look at Justice. “Left that part out, huh?”
Kiki again steps in. “The fucker Justice is fighting tonight because of your new bestie’s video?”
“I got no problem with him,” Justice says.
“Why’s that?” I ask, knowing damn well why.
“Told you last night; he seems like a good guy.”
“Yeah, so why is he fighting you then?”
“ ’Cause I agreed to fight …” Justice pauses.
“He didn’t ask to fight you, though, did he?”
“It was implied,” Justice answers.
“And how about Gabrielle? Did she ask you to fight him? Because I’m guessing not. As a matter of fact, she’s worried if shit goes down, he’ll be stuck here.”
“T”—Patrick grips my shoulder—“reel it in ’cause you’re kind of losing all of us in this.”
I throw my hands in the air. “I don’t know, okay? But from what I gather, it’s his asshole friends who get off on this, not him.”
“He could say no,” Patrick says in a calming tone.
“Well, whatever this is, Justice, it’s a one and done fight. Because that bitch, as you called her last night, seems to be worried you’ll get wrapped up in it, too.”
Tris asks, “Anyone ever consider that’s their intention?”
Silence.
“This is crazy,” Max says, looking around the rental as we put away a week’s worth of groceries for a one-night crew-cation that our parents agreed to allow us to have, away from their watchful eyes. We did have to agree it was just us in the rental property, that we would keep the partiers across the street at the beach, and that we’d stay away from any illegal shit that went down. The insurance that we would play by their rules? It was rented in Momma Joe’s name, holding her liable.
Apparently, Mom talked to Dad and Momma Joe about my breakdown, and then they all got together and decided if we’d be living in the midst of this lifestyle, as they apparently had at our age, then we should be given some leeway.
This here was a lot of leeway to be given by our over-the-top protective fathers.
Evidently, Justice pushed for us to have tonight and also mentioned that the eight of us, together, are more responsible as a crew than they were. We’ve proven it. Obviously, they didn’t know we bent a few rules and broke a few laws last weekend when Brisa, at fifteen, was driving around Jersey and kissing on bikers, but whatever. And they obviously didn’t know about the fight tonight and that would be the real reason Justice, my perfect brother, pushed for tonight, because he wasn’t sure what his face would look like later, and he didn’t want to freak Mom out.
I didn’t tell him that I ensured his face would be fine.
“Anyone hungry?” Amias, who was always hungry, asked, opening the cooler with steaks in it.
“We eat after the fight,” Patrick says, kicking it shut.
“You better let him eat something,” Tris warns. “Boy gets hangry AF.”
“I’ll be fine.” Amias nearly pouts.
“Want some of my nuts?” Max jokes, holding out a can of almonds.
“Sick fuck,” Amias says, snatching it from him.
“Don’t worry; manscaped them bitches. You won’t be picking hair out from between your pearly whites like Nina did the other day.”
“Max!” Kiki yells. “Gross.”
“Which is why I shaved,” he says, ducking when Kiki chucks a throw pillow at him, then finishes with, “my nuts.”
Laughing, she launches another one.
I watch them out of the corner of my eye as I look up all the things a boxer should do before a fight.
“What time’s this thing start and when will it be over?” Kiki asks from the couch.
“Haven’t gotten the alert yet,” Brisa, who’s been staring at her phone since we got here, says.
“Won’t last long.” Justice smirks then tosses some berries in his mouth.
“Which is bullshit, because you need to hydrate and piss like crazy and stop drinking water an hour and twenty before the fight.”
“Was it like midnight last time?” Patrick asks, plopping down beside Kiki and pulling her legs up onto his lap. “There’s no way you’re going, anyway, Mrs. Falcon.” He pulls one shoe off then the next, tossing them on the floor, and then begins to rub them.
“Have I ever told you you’re my favorite cousin, Tricks?” she says, lying back and sighing.
My phone lights up, a message from an unknown caller.
- Don’t spread this around, wanted JT to have the same heads-up I have. We’re doing this at nine, same place as last week. Go to the main lot this time, follow the driveway around back. Park
there. Use the back door.
My heart races a bit as I type back, hoping I know the answer but wanting to be sure.
- Who is this?
I see the message has been read but, after a few seconds, my anxiety is through the roof.
When the message finally pops up, I smile as I read it.
- Tonight’s entertainment
Without thinking, I type back:
- Are we okay?
- What do you mean, we?
I feel like I’m going to throw up as I message him back, but after what Gabrielle said, how I feel, and what I know about him, I don’t want to play games anymore. I want … him.
When I’m about to hit send, a message from him pops up.
- Your father thinks I pissed my pants because there was a wet spot on my jeans. I didn’t correct him and tell him his daughter left it there. After tonight, we’re even. No favors owed by either of us, and WE go back to how WE began. You don’t know me, and I don’t know you.
If hearts were balls, I’d know exactly what it feels like to be kicked in them right now.
Attempting to delete my embarrassing AF text, I hit send.
I die a little inside when I see it’s been delivered, but when I see it’s read, and I see him replying, I feel a tinge of hope.
I close my eyes and send up a prayer. I know it’s selfish, but I truly feel like there is something between us. It’s been gradually building since the night he was a dick about me being at his place. Further proof was in the dark last night. He was rock hard for me and holding back. I’m sure that was for me, too. I know he likes me … more than likes me. And after what Gabrielle said, I’m sure it’s up to me to push it along.
I open my eyes and read the screen.
- Not. Ever. Gonna. Happen
As if deleting the entire message chain will make it go away, I do just that.
Unfortunately, I still feel it, and it freaking hurts.
I clear my throat as I look for the bathroom, or somewhere to escape, as I announce, “Nine o’clock. Same place as last week. Different parking lot.”
“Fuck yes!” Patrick cheers.
