“That is easier said than done my friend. I worry about everything now. I don’t sleep well because of it. I’m scared.”
“What are you scared about?” Max rubs the top of my hand to calm me like he did when I would start to panic when we all lived together.
“Being a bad parent; failing my child.”
“You will do that, more than once but you learn from it.” Reagan says coming into the room. “Abby hates that she is out of town with Cash and the baby but made me promise to take pictures.”
“You made it!” I jump down and hug Reagan. “Sorry I’m late; I had to wait until my replacement came in.”
“You’re here now and that’s all that matters.” I tell her. There is a knock on the door and Dr May comes in.
“Full house today. Reagan, I didn’t see you earlier.” Reagan and Dr. May talk a few minutes about the book store. “I want to get measurements going first and listen to the heartbeat before talking about the blood pressure.” Dr. May does some clicking and typing. She even printed them up for me, one copy for me and one for the father. “Everything is looking good and your daughter’s heartbeat is music to my ears. So, strong and healthy.”
“Yes!” I say through the tears.
“Now we need to talk about this blood pressure. The baby is completely healthy right now but if it continues to get worse, the baby might be in danger.”
“What do you mean danger?” Reagan asks as she sits on Max’s lap.
“I’ll have to deliver her before you are full term and that complicates the baby’s health by not being full term. I’m hoping it doesn’t come to that I’d like to put you on bed rest for a month until the next appointment to see if that helps.”
“Okay but can I still work? I design so I'm doing a lot of sketching and calling around places to see if they have what I need.”
“You can do it but be patient and no walking except to the bathroom. I want you to lower your stress. I’m sure being a designer you have deadlines to meet but don’t had the extra unnecessary stress. High blood pressure can be because of the food we eat, the stress we put on ourselves and changing different things in your life can help too. Reagan, Max do you think that you can help with this?”
“You bet. There are a lot of us here to help Sarah and we can make sure that she doesn’t overdue it or get bored.” Max smiles and he knows that I can’t even argue with him.
“Good, bed rest for a month so we can see if that helps. Make sure you have lots of books on your kindle. Now you can catch up on some reality television. It’s my guilty pleasure for when my husband is out with his cousin.” She laughs as she makes notes and helps me off the table. “Here are those pictures for you.” She hugs me and walks me out to the receptionist desk to get my next appointment. I breathe a sigh of relief when I walk out of the office.
“Feel better?” Reagan asks me as we walk to the elevator.
“I'm scared about the high blood pressure affecting the baby but, I’m glad that she is healthy.”
“We’re having a girl.” Reagan jumps up and down as we wait on the elevator to get here.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier but I knew you were coming to this appointment and I wanted you to see her for the first time. I needed to share it with you and you alone even though Max is here too.” We laugh.
“Sarah, I’m honored. I’m glad that you are letting me in.” We hug as we stand there crying like a bunch of hormonal women. “Do you want to go to the store and get some foods that you like plus anything else that will help get you through the first week?” I nod and Max heads to his truck while I go with Reagan. Reagan is talking a mile a minute about decorating the office into a nursery. Is that what I want? To be living with my best friend and his family. I sigh because I have a lot to think about but I do have a lot of time on my hands. I stare out the window as Reagan’s voice seems to drift away from me.
“I’m free at last!” I say as I walk through the pit to l eave.
“Are you sure about that?” Shannon yells back and I halt in my footsteps so I walk backwards. In my 6-foot boy frame, I bend at the waist to stare at her.
“Whatcha talkin’ bout Willis?” I do in my best Gary Coleman voice.
“We are still short a nurse and doctor for the late-night shift.”
“No, I triple checked with everyone and they all said they would be here. Who called off?”
“No one. I just wanted to mess with you.” Shannon starts laughing. I shake my fist at her. “Try it. I’m short so my fists are level with your dick.” Shannon winks and walks away.
“I'm going to get you back. I hope you enjoy working a shift on the day of your wedding.” I laugh and Shannon throws a stress ball at my head. I drive to my parents’ house and I’m smiling. I finally get to see my kids and enjoy time with them. I pull in to see the kids playing basketball.
“Dad!” They both yell as I get out of the car.
“Hey guys. I’m so glad to see you.” I run up to them to hug them. I know they are getting to the stage that they hate hugs and kisses from their parents but I need it tonight.
“I’m happy you’re home.” Jana says with a smile on her face.
“Me too. I’m going to go get a shower.” I tell them as I yawn. “Then let me know where you want to go for dinner.”
“Um, daddy.” Jana gets my attention, “Do you think we could order pizza in? I’m not really feeling like going out, maybe tomorrow night we can go somewhere.”
“Are you guys sure?” They both nod and I’m silently thanking them for letting me veg out tonight. “Okay, why don’t you see what grandma and grandpa want then order it online. Use my card.” I throw my wallet at the kids. “I want everything on mine including the kitchen sink.”
I run upstairs to shower while I hear them talk to my parents. It feels good to shower at home and here my children’s voices and give them hugs. I need them more than they need me.
After my shower, I head down to the kitchen and hear laughter coming from the living room. I haven’t been here for three days and it’s nice to hear them laughing instead of kicking each other’s asses.
“Well what is so funny?” I ask jumping over the back of the couch and making Jana bounce a little. She giggles and rolls her eyes at me.
“Jonathan is being funny. We are snap chatting each other.”
“What is snap chatting?”
“Dude, it’s when you take silly pictures with these filters that come with it. You can have a whole conversation with these. Look.” Bennett gets up off the floor and comes near me and now I’m a deer. I couldn’t help but laugh at the different filters. Jana and Bennett made me a snapchat so we can be silly together. The doorbell rings and I get to answer it. It’s the pizza delivery guy or rather girl.
“Hi.” The redhead with blue eyes says in a sultry voice. I smile at her.
“Why hello there.” I lean up against the door jamb. “How are you tonight?” I’m standing there with my wet hair, and black basketball shorts. I cross my arms so my chest and arms are flexed. She takes notice and stands there looking at my chest.
“Here are your pizzas.” She hands them to me and grabs the receipt on the top box to write down her name and number.
Candy
786-555-9908
Call me!
“Make sure you call me. We can have some fun together.”
“I will do that Candy. Have a great night.” I wink at her and she giggles as she walks away.
“Dad what is taking so long?”
“She must have been new because she forgot one of the pizzas in the car. Let’s eat.” I close the door with my foot and yell to my parents who are upstairs in their room that dinner was here. We eat the pizza and talk about our days since I haven’t seen them.
“Gram Gram, comes on Saturday. “My mom looks at me.
“Is there a problem?”
“She stays in the room that you are sleeping in.”
“I can move down to
the living room, there is a pull-out couch.”
“I’m sorry. I thought you would get mad that I'm kicking you out of your room.”
“Mom this is for Gram Gram. Now if it was Charlie, he could get the couch.” I laugh because Charlie is my mom’s brother who no one can stand. My parents made a bad investment when I was younger and lost everything. She called my uncle up to help a little bit and he laughed at her and told her to figure it out herself that he knows what a bad investment was and she was not worth the risk. They haven’t spoken in six years since granddad died. Now that Gram Gram, has chosen to come here for Christmases, he shows up for a few hours to torture my mom then leaves. He only brings my Gram Gram, presents. My kids always made him something and he always leaves it behind when he leaves. I hope he can pull his head out of his ass, because once Gram Gram, is gone, they only have each other.
“Is Uncle Charlie coming?”
“I don’t know honey, why?” My mom asks Jana.
“Sarah is helping me make presents for everyone and I needed to know who to make things for.”
“Awe that is so sweet of her.” My mom smiles at me, giving me a stare down for me to pay attention. I shake my head no. Jana takes a deep breath and looks at me.
“Daddy, I need to talk you.”
“Do you want to do this just you and me?”
“No.” Jana looks to Bennett who is staring at her and nods, “Daddy I want to find mom. I think it’s time that we meet her.” I put my pizza down and lean back in my chair. My mom starts to open her mouth and I raise my hand.
“Jana, Bennett, mom, and dad,” I sigh, “Michelle came to see me about four days ago, she came into town to visit her grandfather. She wants to see you guys. She’s been married to a judge for the last ten years and has a seven-year-old son and five-year-old daughter.”
“She has kids?” Jana asks in a sad voice.
“Yes, but she hasn’t stopped thinking about you and the mistake of leaving you.”
“She doesn’t need us then. I don’t want to see her.” Bennett says as he shoves out of his chair knocking it over as he runs upstairs. Jana follows him in a less dramatic way. I get up to follow but my dad stops me.
“Sit down.” I listen to my father. “Why would you tell them about the kids?”
“I thought they needed to know everything, was I wrong?”
“No, they needed to know, but I think it needs to be handled in a unique way.”
“How do you break the news that your mom that left you when you were two has two more kids that she is raising? I have never lied to them and I won’t start now.”
“Those kids up there are looking for their mom because they feel like a sense of not being wanted or loved. We gave a lot of love to them but a mother’s love is something that we could never give them.”
“Why do I feel like I failed them?” I toss the crust of pizza onto my plate. I all of a sudden feel like throwing up.
“You could never fail those kids Jensen. They love you and know that you did everything right by them.” My dad starts to clear the table. “Go be with them. Watch a movie or talk.” I nod and heads upstairs to talk to my kids.
“Do you want to talk?” I walk into the room that room that Bennett is staying in when I heard them crying.
“How could she have kids?” Jana screams. “Why were we not enough for her?”
“Baby girl, this has nothing to do with you. Mom left me not you. She thought she was doing what was best for all of us and she regrets not being in your lives.”
“Do you believe her?” Bennett asks me. Bennett is the stronger one of the two and rarely shows his true emotions so knowing that he is sitting here crying his eyes out that he is heartbroken and looking for answers.
“I do. She sat in my office talking and she was genuine. I have known your mom since we were your age and she is a terrible liar. She wants to start a relationship with you. I told her that we would talk about it.” I grab the knee of Bennett as he sits with his back to the wall and knees close to his chest. “We will talk more about it when you have a chance to process it. I don’t want an answer tonight.”
“Okay dad.” Bennett says. “I'm tired.” I take that as my cue to get up and leave but not before kissing the top of his head. I remind them how much I love them. I know, Jana is going to sleep with Bennett. Whenever one of them is sad or scared, their bond gets stronger.
I leave the room feeling like someone ripped out my heart and stomped on it. I decide to call it a night and watch a movie so I can drift off to sleep. I get out of my clothes and put on my pajama bottoms. I put in, Taken, and lay down. I have Candy’s number in my hand with my phone. I start typing a text message.
Me:
Are you awake? It’s Jensen btw.
I open my cell phone when I hear it vibrate on my nightstand.
Me:
I’m awake. I’m working on some designs.
Jensen:
Feel like texting a man who could use a friend?
Me:
What's wrong?
Jensen:
I fucked up with the kids.
Me:
I don’t believe that
Jensen:
Jana told me that she wants to find her mother. Michelle came to see me about reconnecting with the kids.
Me:
That’s good, right?
Jensen:
I don't lie to my kids. I told them that their mom has two kids with her current husband
Me:
Oh, that’s what Jana was saying in my voicemail.
Jensen:
She called you?
I decide to call Jensen instead texting so I can work on some designs for the baby’s room. “Don’t like texting?” Jensen’s laugh into the phone makes my stomach flip flop.
“I love texting when I’m not drawing.” On my bed, I have different nurseries from different designers to see what they do for clients since I haven’t done a lot of nurseries. I have my iPad Pro laying on my legs as I use my Apple pen to draw to keep the inspiration flowing through me. I'd like to text Abby, Reagan, and Nicarra with what I just drew or thoughts of that would be perfect.
“Oh, and what is the talented designer working on now?” I chuckle at Jensen’s horrible British accent.
“The nursery. I’m due in April so I want to start shortly after Christmas plus I need to decide if I am going to consider buying a house of my own or stay here with Reagan, Max and Jonathan.”
“I haven’t been in their place but from what I understand that apartment is pretty big.”
“it is! The room I am in is twice the size of my old room in Pennsylvania and the nursery would be in the room next to me. There is a studio apartment upstairs that I was staying in until I fell and now that I am on bed rest for the month, it makes it nice not to be alone.”
“Why are you on bed rest?”
“My blood pressure is high and my doctor wants me to be on bed rest to see if I can get it down. I'm scared of the possibility of something being wrong with me or the baby.” I sniffle.
“Who is your doctor?”
“Dr. Steel. I love her.”
“May is a great doctor. She is the godmother to my children.”
“Small world.” I hear Jensen sigh in the background, “I wanted to let you know why Jana called me.”
“I heard your voice and completely forgot about it.” I smile into the phone. When I hear Jensen’s voice, my heart skips a beat. “Why did she call you?”
“She was upset that she had another brother and sister. Jana and Bennett feel cheated.”
“I can’t imagine what they are feeling and going through. I want to protect them. When I see them crying, it's like a stab to my heart.”
“Jensen, your kids love you.”
“I know and I love them. Are they going to see Michelle?” I’m not sure why he is asking me but he might be trying to gage how much I know.
“I think they are but not with you.” I cr
inge when I say it even though he can’t see my face.
“Why not with me?” Jensen’s tone is an angry one and I’m afraid I over stepped my boundaries.
“They want to do this on their own. Bennett wants a face to face with her so he can move on from her. Jana has a million questions and she is worried that you will step in to protect them or argue with Michelle.”
“I probably would do that.” Jensen chuckles, “Do you know when?”
“After the new year. Ow.” I grab my side.
“Sarah,” Jensen’s voice is full of worry, “are you okay? What's wrong?”
“My side. I need to call Dr. May and get Reagan. Can I call you later?” I strain out through the pain. I hang up not waiting for an answer.
“Reagan!” I scream out in pain. “Max!” They come running in to my room.
“What's the matter?” Max is on the bed faster than I can blink. “Sarah talk to me.” Max is begging me while I try to catch my breath.
“Max let her calm down first.” Reagan is on the floor next to me doing some breathing techniques with me. I breathe in and out.
“My side.” I whisper through the pain. “Hurts to breathe.”
“Okay, let me help you up so we can go to the ER.” Reagan tells me in her reassuring voice, “Max go get the car.” Max runs to get dressed while Reagan helps me walk. With every step and breath, the pain gets worse. Jonathan is helping Reagan then Max decides to just do it the easy way; and picks me up to carry me. Max doesn’t even break a sweat as he gently lays me in the front seat while Reagan gets in the driver seat. Jonathan is in the back with Max as he touches my shoulder for reassurance. The four of us drive to the hospital while I keep breathing slowly.
When we get to the hospital, people are waiting outside for us and one of the nurses tells us that Jensen called ahead. Ushering Reagan and I right back into an examining room. “Why did Jensen do that?” Reagan asks curiously.
“I was on the phone with him when I got the pain. I hung up on him.”
“When did you two,” I scream out in pain and the nurse comes in and starts taking blood, vitals and they hook me up to the baby monitor. “Breathe.” Reagan pushes my hair off my face and kisses my forehead. “It’s going to be okay.”
As Long As You Love Me (Love Me Series Book 4) Page 8
