by Hazel Kelly
F I V E
- Lily -
“Heyyy,” Vivian called when she heard me open the door.
“Hi.” I kicked my heels off and turned the corner into the sitting room.
She was painting her toes and drinking a glass of red wine in front of a Kardashians rerun.
“Which one is this?” I asked, cocking a hip and staring at the glowing box.
“The one where Kourtney says she’s had it with Scott and the whole family gangs up on him just to make him sweat.”
“That hardly narrows it down.” I made my way to the kitchen to get myself a glass. “May I?” I asked, lifting the open wine bottle in the air.
“Of course,” she said.
I glanced at the fancy label but couldn’t recall having seen it before. “Where did this come from?”
“A client.” She cast her eyes back to her toes. “Apparently it’s like eight hundred bucks a bottle.”
“You taking wine tips instead of cash now?” I poured myself a glass and stared out the picture window for a moment, admiring the way the soft light peeked through the buildings blocking the sunset.
“God, no,” she said. “But if we started, I bet we could get a pretty sick cellar going in no time.”
I lay across the recliner carefully so as not to spill my drink before bringing it to my lips.
“What do you think?” she said in answer to my soft moan.
“Delish,” I said, swirling the burgundy liquid in my glass. “You should definitely keep this guy around.”
“Already planning on it.” She handed me a jar of top coat with outstretched nails.
I twisted it open and handed it back.
“Best of all, he’s one of those Wall Street coke heads, so I never have to swallow when I’m giving him head.”
“Sometimes I think this job has warped your idea of what a silver lining is.”
She shot her eyes in my direction like she didn’t appreciate the judgement in my voice before looking back to her Porsche-red toes. “How was your lunch meeting?”
“Different than I expected,” I said, remembering how my whole body had tightened when Sebastian approached me, his chiseled face framed by the same unruly mess of dark hair he’d had as a teenager. I used to get high just from running my fingers through it, a memory that now seemed as pure and faraway as a fairy tale.
“How so?”
“He wants me to make his ex-wife jealous and untrusting of her new lover.”
“That’s an interesting challenge.”
“I don’t know if it’s worth the trouble,” I said. “Or the bad karma.”
“Lily.” Her voice grew serious, so I knew a lecture was coming.
I eyed the purple orchid on the coffee table as she got up and waddled on splayed feet to the couch.
“Your job is to do your job,” she said, sitting down. “Not to analyze other people’s personal problems.”
“I know. I just prefer to be a straightforward solution. Like, a guy needs a hot date. I show up. Deal done. This situation seems unnecessarily complicated.”
“How much is he willing to pay?”
“Six to accompany him to the gala and an extra four if I can get his wife to catch me with her lover’s hands on me.”
“That should be easy enough.”
I raised my eyebrows.
“All you have to do is bribe the guy at the coat check.”
“I’m listening.”
“You take her lover into the coat room with the promise of a no-strings-attached frisk.”
I felt dirty already.
“And the coat check asks the wife to come verify which coat is hers because someone’s messed up the numbers and they don’t want to give her coat to the wrong person blah blah. She sees you guys, and—bam—trust destroyed.”
I scrunched my face.
“Plus, if the guy actually agrees to go off with you, you’ll be doing her a favor.”
“You’re a bad person.”
“Sometimes I think that, too,” she said, dropping her head on the back of the white leather couch. “But then I remember how I rescued you from that dead-end call center job, and I feel pretty good about myself.”
I forced a smile, though, privately, I was in two minds about it. Yes, I was having a terrible time making ends meet when she met me two years ago. Yes, I had a nice place now, and I was able to move Paige into a facility where she was enjoying much better care.
Best of all, I was actually going to graduate without student loans. That alone was worth all the stuff I did that triggered my gag reflex, all the ass pinching that made my skin crawl, and all the feelings of emptiness the job entailed.
But I didn’t love it.
It was all right when I worked with clients who respected me—at least to my face. But I didn’t enjoy the work. Not like Viv did. She thrived on the attention, the money, and the opportunities her rich clients afforded her.
She never seemed to have moments like I did, moments when I dreamed about walking away from it all. I often imagined what it would be like to just wake up and be a normal person again, a person who didn’t use men as a means to an end or spend time wondering about the financial implications of different bikini waxes. A person with regular problems.
Then again, my problems had never been regular.
“Poor Scott,” Vivian said to the T.V.
“I think Scott’s doing just fine.”
“Maybe, but I wouldn’t trade places with him.”
I sighed. What I wouldn’t give for a few beautiful kids. Or to have a family again. “You have a job tonight, I presume?”
“You presume correctly.”
“Someone new?”
She shook her head. “No. The lawyer.”
“The one with the crooked dick or the one with the gold pinky ring?”
“Hard to say. They might both have crooked dicks. I haven’t slept with gold pinky ring yet.”
“Is tonight the night?”
“If he plays his cards right.”
I drained my wine. “We have to stop giving our client’s pirate nicknames. It’s starting to freak me out.”
“Really? I was thinking all we need is a Red Beard and we’ve got a whole crew.”
I laughed.
“You staying in?”
I nodded. “I have to finish a paper and catch up on some reading.”
“You inspire me.”
“I appreciate the support,” I said as a tweet sound escaped from my purse. “Should I wait up for you?”
“No. Pinky Ring will want to shack up at The Abbott.”
“Swanky,” I said, rising to go check my phone.
“I’ll bring you breakfast in the morning.”
“Sounds good.” I leaned against the counter and woke my phone screen, thinking nothing of the mystery number that popped up. But when I saw the message, a short gasp filled my lungs.
About to call the gorgeous woman I met earlier. Wish me luck. Xx S
S I X
- Sebastian -
Each ring of her phone felt longer than the one before, and I was surprised by the level of anxiety I was feeling.
How could I care so much after the way she ghosted me?
How could I still want her with such intensity after so many years?
And was that even what was causing this tightness in my chest? Or was I just haunted by the unfinished business we had, desperate for an explanation so long overdue it would be naïve to think it might come?
“Hello?”
My chest relaxed at the sound of her voice. “Lily.”
“Sebastian.”
“You answered.”
“I promised.”
Silence.
There were so many questions I needed to ask, but none of them approached the tip of my tongue. “How are you?”
She laughed.
It was a sound I missed, and I leaned forward on the couch in the hope that I might feel closer to it.
“In what way?” she asked.
“Generally.”
“Generally I’m good.”
I nodded.
“You?”
We’d never needed small talk before, but our former familiarity had frozen over, making us strangers again in so many ways. Were we still us? No. Obviously not. But something in my heart made me feel like maybe we could be. Maybe. “I’m good, yeah. Busy.”
“Busy is good.”
I could hear the hesitation in her voice and wondered if she even wanted to know me again, but it was impossible to guess. All I knew was that I couldn’t come right out and tell her how much I missed her, how hard I searched for her, how not even close to fucking over her I was.
My pride wouldn’t allow it for one thing. Besides, letting her know how I felt about her didn’t keep her around before. And that was when I thought I knew her.
Therefore, I had to figure out what she wanted before I could promise that I could give it to her. “Have dinner with me.”
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“Why? You think your boyfriend will have a problem with it?”
“I don’t have a boyfriend.”
“Thank God.”
“Pardon?”
“He’d be insanely jealous of what I have planned for you.”
“What are you talking about?” she asked. “What plans?”
“Well, there are the plans I have to sweep you off your feet and then the plans I have for after I succeed.”
“I think you’re getting ahead of yourself.”
“Only because you haven’t agreed to dinner yet. I’ll meet you at square one as soon as you occupy it.”
“I’m not the girl I used to be, Sebastian.”
Her voice had a thread of sadness in it when she said my name, which felt undeserved considering I’d never done anything but try and make her happy. Of course, it was her melancholy edge that drew me to her in the first place.
I was seduced by her brooding expression, heavy eyeliner, and disinterest in all things bubblegum pink. She had the allure of a woman even as a teenager, and I wanted her with every pathetic pubescent bone in my body. I still did. Only now my body had hardened, and I knew what to do with it. “That’s irrelevant.”
“I don’t think it is,” she said. “A lot of time has passed. I know it would be fun for our past selves to catch up, but we’re not those people anymore.”
“I’m aware of how much time has passed, Lily.” I lifted my eyes to the ceiling and tried to count back from the last time I saw her. It had been over five years now, three since I stopped counting how many days she’d been gone. “But I’d still like a chance to meet whoever you are now.”
She sighed. “So you want to go to dinner as friends?”
“I can never be your friend, Lily. But if you want me to pretend I’m capable of that, I’ll do it for you.”
“Sebastian, I—”
“Don’t. Just think for a second.”
“You don’t even know what I was going to say.”
“I know I haven’t asked you for anything in a long time,” I said, clenching my jaw. “And I know you owe me an explanation.”
Silence.
I scrunched my face.
“One drink.”
A smile lifted my cheeks. “When?”
“I’m free Sunday.”
Sunday. Jeez. She must be busy, too. “You want me to pick the place?”
“Have you been to The Blue Note?”
“Love it.”
“You know it?” she asked.
“I go to their Thursday happy hours all the time.”
“Weird.”
“Why is that weird?”
“Because I go there all the time,” she said, “and I’ve never seen you.”
“Perhaps you stopped looking for me.”
“That’s not it.”
“I didn’t, Lil. You need to know that. I was never going to stop.”
“You should’ve.”
“I should’ve done a lot of things.”
“I know the feeling.”
I ran my hand through my hair and got chills when I remembered how she used to do it, how she used to drag her nails to the base of my neck so my whole body came to life. “I’ll see you at eight, and you can explain everything.”
“You’ll see me at eight, and I’ll have one drink.”
“Deal.”
I hung up and stared at my phone, knowing full well I was playing with fire. After all, this woman had broken my heart like it was nothing. Yet, at the same time, she was the only reason I knew what a heart was for in the first place.
Granted, mine had atrophied, rusted, and learned to settle for less since she disappeared from my life, but it was her heart I wanted to know about now.
Had she given it to anyone since me? Had I ever really had it to begin with? Did I have what it would take to win her back? Would she even let me?
I slumped on the couch and cracked another beer, sitting back up when my phone rang a few minutes later.
“Hello?”
“Sebastian?”
I furrowed my brow. “Who is this?”
“It’s Tracey.”
She was shouting into the phone, but I could barely make out her words over the background noise. “What’s going on?”
“Tiffany’s pretty fucked up. I think you need to come get her.”
“Where are you guys?” I jumped up and went to put my shoes on.
“Club Zero—no wait.”
I listened as she argued with someone else. “Tracey!”
“Club Zero, yeah.”
“I’m on my way,” I said, grabbing my keys. “Stay with her until I get there.”
I flagged down a cab as quick as I could and asked the kind-faced driver to step on it before squeezing my jaw and hoping with everything that she wouldn’t be as bad as she was the last time this happened…just eight days ago.
In the beginning, she was a blast to go out with. I loved that she was unpredictable and didn’t take herself too seriously. But over the last six months, I was starting to feel more and more like a fucking babysitter, and I was sick of watching her miss jobs (because of hangovers) and choose drug-fueled dance parties over working on the fashion blog she wanted to launch.
But most of all, the drama was killing me. I knew lots of guys who thrived on the shit, guys who were happy to fireman-carry their girlfriends home every night they went out, but I wasn’t that guy.
I’d tried to be. I really had. But my patience was wearing thin, and I didn’t want to be in a relationship with chaos anymore.
I needed a change.
I needed a woman who was as anti-drama as I was, a woman who was actually ready for a mature relationship, a woman who felt I was all the excitement she needed.
S E V E N
- Lily -
I’d never been so nervous to meet a man. Playing a role for a paycheck was one thing, but being myself was a much tougher challenge…though I was determined to try.
I owed Sebastian at least that much. After all, what I did to him was horrible, even though I’d had no choice at the time.
His dad said I needed to go, and he was the only adult I trusted back then. And I was right to put my faith in him. The fact that I was still walking the streets was proof of that.
I just wished I had some way of knowing how Mr. Rodriguez would feel about me meeting Sebastian now. What if he found out and decided I’d broken my side of our bargain? What if he decided to do the same?
No. He would never. He was a good man. All the Rodriguez men were good men. Especially Sebastian, who still seemed to care about me, God knows why.
He was waiting at the bar when I walked into The Blue Note, and my throat closed up before I even had a chance to inhale the scent of cigars that always lingered in the air there. I didn’t know why it smelled that way. Smoking inside had been illegal for years, but even as a non-smoker, the mysterious musk seemed to m
ake the live jazz that came on every night at nine sound even better.
I wore a little white dress with a ruffled bottom that made me feel feminine and girly. I thought it might help me channel the fun girl I was when he last knew me. Sebastian liked me best in red, but that seemed too obvious. I didn’t want to give him the wrong impression.
He stood from the bar as soon as he noticed me, and when he checked me out, I felt like a teenager again. It was as if his piercing brown eyes sank into my skin, as if he wasn’t just admiring me, but studying me, too.
I squeezed my clutch in my hand and leaned forward so he could press his cheek to mine. He smelled like a man. He’d clearly swapped the Axe body spray of his youth for something more expensive, and it suited him. Being older suited him. The shallow lines around his eyes were proof that he’d smiled a lot during our time apart, and that made me happy. His smile alone used to be my world.
“I hope you haven’t been waiting long,” I said, leaning an elbow on the bar.
“Not at all,” he said, lifting his fingers to get the bartender’s attention. “Unless you count the first five years.”
My heart sank.
“What’ll you have?” Sebastian asked when the bartender arrived.
“Hendricks and tonic,” I said. “With a cucumber slice, please.”
The bartender nodded before raising his eyes at Sebastian.
“Same,” he said. “But I’ll have lime instead of cucumber.”
I slid onto the barstool and dragged my eyes up his toned body, wondering who all the trouble was for and how he’d look without his tailored clothes on.
He turned to me, and his eyes smiled.
My heart broke at how handsome he was.
“My dad is going to flip when I tell him I found you.”
“You haven’t told him?”
“Not yet.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t,” I said. “I don’t think he ever liked me that much.”
Sebastian’s face twisted. “Are you kidding? He’s been looking for you since you left.”
It pained me to imagine Mr. Rodriguez lying to comfort his heartbroken son.
“He didn’t have the jurisdiction to ask for your records, though.”
Oh God.
