by Hazel Kelly
“A friend of Primetime’s needs a date to a fundraiser for kid’s cancer or something. Apparently he’s a really nice guy. Sort of a missionary type. Primetime said he doesn’t have a kinky bone in his body. Anyway, I doubled your rate, and he still agreed to take it so—”
“I have plans Friday.”
“Yeah, plans to make six thousand dollars for a good cause.”
I shook my head. “You’ll have to find someone else.”
“He likes Italian girls.”
“I’m not Italian.”
She waved my objection away. “You know what I mean. Besides, I already agreed.”
“Not my problem. You should’ve asked me first.”
“You’re seriously going to turn down six thousand dollars when all you have to do for it is have a bit of missionary for charity?”
“That’s what I’m saying.” I took a sip of my water, reveling in how good it felt to pretend for just one minute that my company wasn’t for sale.
“What the hell are these other plans?”
“I’m going out with my friend again,” I said, wishing I could refer to him as more. But again, there was no kiss so… “On a real date.”
“A real date, as in all you’re going to get out of it is a free meal?”
“Actually, it’s my treat since he bought tonight.”
She looked confused. “Why would you do that to yourself?”
“What?”
“Why would you even pretend to entertain the idea of having an actual relationship?”
Because I’m worth it, I thought, wondering whether I believed it as much as L’Oréal.
“They’re so messy.”
“So is life,” I said. “And I intend to experience it, okay?”
“Even if it’s only for a few hours?”
“It might turn into something more.”
“Do you really believe that?” she asked. “Do you really think any self-respecting man wants a woman who’s done the kind of things you’ve done for money?”
“No,” I said, my heart sinking. “I don’t.”
“So what’s the point of stringing him along?”
I leaned against the opposite counter and folded my arms. “I guess I feel like I owe it to him.”
“What?”
“He’s the only reason I know what love is actually supposed to feel like.”
“Love is for people with no ambition,” she said. “There’s so much more to life.”
“I disagree.”
“How can you say that?” She spread her palms through the air. “Look at everything you have because you haven’t let yourself be distracted by that Hollywood bull.”
“You seem to forget that I took this job for love, Vivian. I took it for Paige. So she could have a quality of life high enough that I could sleep at night.”
“Sounds like a selfish motive to me.”
“Maybe, but I also took it so I could finish my degree.”
“That may be why you took the first job,” she said. “But you’ve stayed for the lifestyle. For the freedom it affords.”
“I’d trade it all for love,” I said, scared of the tightening in my chest. “In a heartbeat. I’d walk away.”
T W E L V E
- Sebastian -
When I looked up from my watch, Javier was wheeling through the door.
I’d already moved the extra chair at the table, so I stayed seated and waited for him to park across from me, the smile on his face a perfect reflection of my own.
“Sorry to keep you waiting,” he said.
“Trouble down at the station?” I asked, my stomach growling as a Philly cheesesteak drifted past our table.
“Nothing out of the ordinary. Just the usual junkies and assholes.”
“Sounds like my office.”
He splayed his hands on the table. “So what’s new?”
I spotted a few gray hairs, which surprised me since he was younger than I was, though I’d heard having an infant at home could do such things. “Nothing and everything.”
His lips twitched. “Start with nothing.”
“What can I get you handsome boys?” Bernie asked, her wrinkles lifting with her smile.
I shook my head. “I wish you wouldn’t flatter us, Bernie. It goes straight to our heads every time.”
“Your handsome heads.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Two Philly cheesesteaks and—” Javier raised his thick brows at me. “Fries?”
“Not for me,” I said, sliding my menu behind the napkin dispenser. “I’ll only fall asleep at my desk.”
“That’s the plan I’m on,” Javier said, lifting a finger. “Just one order of fries then.”
She scribbled on her notepad. “What about drinks?”
“Two suicides,” I said, knowing Bernie would be delighted. She’d been mixing soda for us since we were ordering off the kid’s menu and neither Javi nor I was willing to give up the tradition.
“Okay, so nothing because…?” my brother said after Bernie went to place our order.
“Because Tiffany’s still doing my head in.”
He scrunched his face.
“But at least we’re not dating anymore.”
“Yikes. How did she take it?”
“Better than I thought.”
“Think you’ll ever see her again?” he asked.
“She’s sleeping in my office, so chances are good.”
His neck lunged forward.
“It’s temporary, but I couldn’t boot her out with nothing. She needs help.”
“What kind of help?”
My eyes swept across the diner. “You know the lady who hangs out with the seven dwarves?”
“Jesus Christ,” he said, letting his head fall back. “You gotta be kidding me.”
“I wish,” I said. “But on the plus side, she’s been going to meetings every day this week.”
“You sure about that?”
“I might be tracking her phone.”
“Fuck, Sebastian. Don’t you have better things to be doing?”
“Sure, but she’s vulnerable, and she needs help. Plus, I feel responsible.”
“How could you possibly?”
“Because I should’ve realized she was in trouble sooner. And she’s a good person. Or at least, I sincerely believe she can be a good person again once she deals with her demons.”
“How long are you willing to wait?”
I shrugged. “I figure if she gets better, great. If she falls off the wagon, I’ll send her to a full-time treatment facility. That’s as far as I’m taking it.”
“That’s too far, in my opinion.”
“Well, maybe I’m a total schmuck, but I have a conscience, and I don’t want her life story to be that things were going really great until she met me and got kicked when she was down.”
He leaned back in his wheelchair.
“Why are you making that face?”
“No reason. Just impressed that Saint Sebastian is so determined to live up to his name.”
I groaned.
“But you know I don’t get why you’ve stuck by her this long anyway—”
“Because I’ve been settling.”
“No shit.”
“Seriously,” I said, smiling at Bernie when she dropped off our fountain drink blends. “I think I’ve been so fortunate career-wise that I figured I’d have to settle in my personal life because nobody gets lucky across the board.”
“And you’re done settling?”
I nodded. “Turns out I’m the luckiest son of a bitch on Earth.”
He pointed at me. “Don’t talk about Mom that way.”
“Get off your high horse. I’m being serious right now.”
“That’s a dick thing to say to someone who’s never going to ride a horse again.”
I furrowed my brow. “When did you ever ride a horse in the first place?”
“Never.”
“Okay, wow. I am a dick
. My bad.”
He did a slow clap like he’d been waiting twenty years for my admission.
“I found Lily.”
His face dropped. “What?”
“Well, I didn’t find her. I ran into her.”
“In the city?”
“At The Atrium.”
The whites around his eyes grew. “And?”
“I think I might still love her.”
He laughed.
I didn’t.
“You don’t mean that.”
I slid my drink closer. “I know it sounds crazy, but it’s possible, right? It’s not like we ever broke up.”
“Just because you had no closure doesn’t mean you’re still in love.”
“I know that, but my feelings for her are still there.”
“After the way she blew you off?” He shook his head. “She put you through the ringer, man. Like your feelings were nothing.”
“It felt that way at the time, but it wasn’t personal,” I said. “Her dad got murdered, Javi. She panicked. It’s understandable.”
“I know, but it wasn’t your arms she ran into.”
“We were kids! How can I not at least try to forgive her for that?”
He stroked his jaw with one hand.
“Seriously, we have no idea how traumatic that must’ve been for her. Losing both her parents in the space of a few years? And then suddenly being responsible for Paige? Can you even imagine?”
His head fell to one side.
“Surely the least I can do is cut her some slack when life sure as hell hasn’t.”
“I get what you’re saying,” he said, laying a hand across his chest. “And you know she was like family to me, too. But you weren’t the only Rodriguez she turned her back on.”
“I thought you’d be excited.”
“I’m relieved she’s okay,” he said. “I’m relieved she’s alive and well.”
“I feel a but coming on.”
“The but is that she didn’t run to you, Sebastian.”
I swallowed.
“You were supposed to be her person, and she didn’t turn to you when the unthinkable happened.”
“What if it was a freak accident?” I asked. “What if it wasn’t personal for whoever killed her dad? It could’ve been our house surrounded by police lights that night.”
“It wasn’t, though.”
“Thank God.”
“And even if it had been, you would’ve turned to her. I know you would’ve.”
“So what?” I asked, my chest tightening. “You think I shouldn’t even try to get to know her again? That I shouldn’t even try to understand what she was thinking back then?”
“I can’t tell you what to do. All I know is that you can tell a lot about a person by the way they deal with trauma.” His face always took on a stern expression when he referenced the horrors of war, even indirectly. Even after all the time and distance that had come between him and the front lines.
“I know.”
“And she ran away,” he said. “Not to you. Just away.”
I clenched my jaw.
“Do you really want to invest in her when you know that she could do that to you again anytime?”
“She wouldn’t. Those circumstances were extreme.”
“So was her reaction to them.”
I took a sip of my drink. It was mostly Dr. Pepper, but Bernie had definitely splashed some Fanta and Coke in there.
“Look,” Javier said. “I’m only playing devil’s advocate because I can tell you’re excited.”
“Of course I am.”
“But I urge you to tread carefully,” he said, holding my gaze. “Because she broke your heart, and that’s just about the worst thing you can do to somebody.”
T H I R T E E N
- Lily -
I wore red for him.
In fact, not only did I wear red, I wore the sexiest red dress in my closet. It was a strapless, floor-length, body-hugging gown with a slit on one side that went halfway up my thigh.
Just in case I was too subtle on taco night.
And it was totally worth it for the way his eyes popped out of his head when he saw me. He composed himself as soon as he registered his own shock, but the micro expression lasted long enough to give me a much needed boost.
“Just as well I’m not taking you for tacos tonight.” He leaned in and pressed his cheek to mine, lingering for a moment as if he was as caught up in my scent as I was in his.
“Is it too much?” I asked, looking down to give him permission to admire me further.
He lifted his chin. “Give me a spin.”
I ignored the people milling around the hotel lobby and swung my hips slightly as I turned, remembering how self-conscious I was of my walk that first week he followed me home from school.
“I don’t know about you,” he said, “but that dress is doing wonders for my appetite.”
“If wherever you’re taking me is half as good as Underground Tacos, I’m starving.”
He smiled, and my heart did a backflip.
“Right this way,” he said, touching my arm and pointing towards the elevators.
I followed him, admiring how put-together he looked in his tailored blue suit pants, which he’d paired with a crisp white shirt that made his tan complexion pop.
“Please excuse the odd start to this date,” he said as the elevator doors closed.
I raised my eyebrows. “You mean the whole asking me to meet you in a hotel lobby and then immediately guiding me to the elevator?” I hoped he’d never know how many of my “dates” had started that way.
“There’s a rooftop restaurant here.”
“I had no idea.”
“All for the best,” he said. “It’s virtually impossible to get a reservation.”
“For mortals, you mean?”
“I know a guy who knows a guy.”
One side of my mouth curled up. “Who knows a guy?”
“Something like that.”
When the doors parted, I nearly gasped. Fortunately, I was used to faking it in polite company, so I held it together while I admired the hidden oasis, starting with the cloudless blue sky which looked close enough to touch.
When I lowered my gaze, I appreciated the romantic view created by the contrast between the structurally rigid buildings and the loosely hanging white curtains draped around each candlelit table.
“Lily,” Sebastian said, interrupting my reverie and nodding towards the maître d’.
“Where are we going?” I asked. “All the tables are that way.”
“There’s a VIP section,” he said, cocking his arm.
I slipped my arm through his and inhaled the breeze as we made our way to the far side of the roof. The maître d’ held some white curtains for us, and we stepped through them into a private area that had a candlelit table for two and a small wraparound couch with soft olive pillows behind a table whose centerpiece happened to be a bottle of champagne chilling on ice.
I walked to the glass railing and looked out past the nearby buildings, surprised that I could see the Hudson from where we were. I turned around when I heard Sebastian pop the champagne. “You really pulled out all the stops.”
He poured a short measure in each flute on the table. “It’s a special occasion.”
I wracked my brain. It was neither of our birthdays, and we never really had an official anniversary.
He sat on the couch and finished pouring as I made my way over to him.
“You must’ve thought you lost me,” he said, handing me a glass of champagne after I took a seat beside him. “I certainly thought I lost you.”
“Sebastian—”
“But you’re all right, Lil.” He raised his glass and clinked it against mine. “I’m so relieved you’re all right.” His shiny eyes stayed on me for a moment before he took a sip of champagne.
“I’m sorry for any worry I caused you.”
“None of that matters now,” he sa
id. “All that matters is that you’re okay and that you and Paige have been safe this whole time.”
I could hear in his voice that it wasn’t easy for him to forgive me, and yet, he was still choosing to put my comfort first. I took a big sip from my glass. It was either the best champagne I’d ever had or it was him that was making this whole moment taste, smell, and feel better than any that had gone before.
“So let’s just have a good time tonight,” he said. “Like we used to. Before things got complicated.”
“I’d like that.”
“There is something we need to discuss first, though.”
Uh-oh. “What’s that?”
“Well, I guess I’m a little confused about what we are.”
“Me too,” I said. Especially after you didn’t kiss me last Sunday.
“Since, last I checked, you were my girlfriend.”
I swallowed.
“I know you didn’t take my calls for a few years, but you also didn’t tell me I was free to see other people.”
I squinted. “Though I presume you did?”
“See them, yes.”
“What are you trying to say?”
He sighed. “I’m trying to say that I don’t want to see anybody else. That I’ve never wanted to see anybody else.”
I pressed my red lips together.
“And I know a lot of time has passed and that people change. For all I know, you loathe diners and tire swings and The Boss now.”
“Blasphemy.”
He laughed. “The point is, I’m not asking you to feel anything now. I know feelings don’t work that way.”
“Okaay.”
“I just want you to know where I stand, where I’ve been standing since I last saw you.” He lifted a hand and caressed my cheekbone with his thumb. “Which is that I don’t want to see anybody else.”
“That’s really lovely to hear, Sebastian, and more than I deserve.”
“Blasphemy.”
I smiled.
“My gut tells me you’ve forgotten what you deserve because I haven’t been around.”
“Maybe.”
“But I’m around now,” he said. “And I intend to stick around, if you want me to.”
“I do.”
“Whew.” His body relaxed. “One more thing.”
“What?”
“Don’t disappear on me again,” he said, his expression growing serious. “Just let me be there for you.”
