by Nia Arthurs
“Ben—”
I cut her off with a smile. “Jealousy doesn’t look good on you, Lauren.”
She coughs disbelievingly. “I am not jealous of that woman.”
“If you say so.” I hear a ding and look at my screen. Logan sent a message.
LOGAN: She’s adorable. Give me more.
The text is accompanied by a gif of a girl with her hands outstretched and begging. I smirk, flipping through my photo gallery to oblige.
“Great,” Lauren grumbles.
I glance over. “What?”
“You like her. That’s it. That’s why you’re not kicking her out.”
“What are you talking about?”
She smacks her forehead. “Classic Ben. Always thinking with what’s in his pants instead of what’s in his head.”
I eye her darkly. “Watch it, Lauren. I tolerate that from my dad because he gave birth to me. I don’t owe you anything.” I get up and move to the helm of the boat.
She follows me. “Tell me you don’t like Logan.”
“I don’t like Logan.” My fingers tighten around the railing. The wind ruffles my hair, tossing it around on my forehead.
“Liar.”
Before she can call me another name, footsteps pound toward us. Reece sprints our way, her bun poking out of the top of her head. Her grey eyes sparkle with happiness. She grabs my hand and yanks me forward.
“Uncle Ben, you’re missing all the fun! Come watch the water with me.”
I allow her to drag me away, not looking back at Lauren once.
Belize’s barrier reef is amazing, but I can’t seem to drum up the kind of excitement that Reece wants. Lauren’s accusation that I have feelings for Logan annoyed me.
Because I don’t. At all.
I’m also bothered by her casual comment about my future. That wasn’t a random thought. It sounded deliberate. Like Lauren and Dad had already discussed the reality of us living together and only needed me to agree to it.
I want to lash out at them for daring to plan my steps, but the more I think about it… the more responsible I feel. Since I don’t have a path, Dad wants to drag me down one. Story of my life.
But I’m tired of that particular ending.
When we return to the house that evening, I make Reece a sandwich. She eats about two bites of it before she conks out right there on the table. I help her to bed and then call Lydia over. I need to talk to someone and she’s been a reliable soundboard.
Twenty minutes later, I sit across from her in the living room. Lydia crosses her liver-spotted ankles and studies me with her glassy black eyes. “What’s on your mind, Ben? I’m assuming you didn’t call me over to admire my sexy good looks.”
I chuckle. The word ‘sexy’ from Lydia’s regal mouth sounds out of place. “That’s a part of it.”
“I’m sure.”
“Next week will mark a month since Harry died.”
“Yes.” She dips her head. “How do you feel about that?”
I shrug. “Most days, I just don’t think about it.”
She nods.
“But I don’t want to talk about the past.” I inhale a deep breath. “I want your advice on the future.”
“I’m no fortune teller,” Lydia says.
“My dad and his wife are here in the country.”
“I know.”
I tilt my head. “You… do?”
“You don’t think you’re the only one requesting these little therapy sessions?”
I smile. “Logan?”
“She had a lot to say about your father’s wife. Not all of them pleasant or repeatable.”
“I can imagine.” I rub the back of my neck. “The thing is… Reece’s school is about to open, and I have to decide if I’ll enroll her or not. But staying in Belize permanently would mean going against my father.”
She leans forward. “And leaving with your father would mean…?”
“Not changing anything.”
“Is that what you want?”
“What I want doesn’t matter. I have someone else to worry about now. Reece is… she’s important to me. I want her to be happy. And safe. And I don’t know if I can do that on my own. This time, someone’s life and wellbeing depends on my decision.”
Lydia scoots to the edge of her chair, knees cracking like dynamite. Her hand hovers in the air and lands on my chest, right above my heart. “What is that saying?”
I close my eyes. “To stay.”
“Then that’s what you do.”
“But what if I’m making the wrong move?”
“Ben, let me tell you a secret. Parents don’t know what the heck they’re doing most of the time. We just raise our kids with love. Do what we believe is right. And hope we’re not messing them up for life. The fact that you’re so worried about your decision means you’re not taking it lightly. Believe in your instincts. I do.”
I dig my fingers into the armchair. “I’ll need a job.”
“Plenty to be had.”
“I heard there was an employment crisis here?”
She winks. “Depends on who you know.”
“What about the mortgage for the house?”
“Paid with Harry’s life insurance. All you have to take care of is Reece’s school fees, electricity bills, water and telephone bills. You’ll need to pay for food, entertainment, emergencies—”
“Lydia,” I wince, “I got it.”
“Welcome to reality, Ben.”
I let out a slow, scared breath. “I’m really doing this.”
“You’ll be fine.”
Keys jostle in the lock. The door opens and Logan springs through. Her hair is curly instead of its usually straight style. A large bag is slung over her shoulder. She spots Lydia and freezes. “Hey. What are you doing here?”
“Therapy.” Lydia ambles to her feet.
“O…kay.” Logan closes the door and walks over to me. “How was the trip?”
“Great.”
Logan nods.
Lydia wears a sly smile as she looks between us. I notice her smirking and ask, “What’s so funny?”
“Nothing.” She winks. “I think I may be a fortune teller after all.”
Logan glances at me. “What does that mean?”
“I have no idea.”
Lydia chuckles. “I’ll see myself out. You kids have a good night.”
“See yah, Lydia.” I watch her waddle toward the door.
Logan turns to me, a tired smile on her face. “Thanks for those pictures. It felt like I was there with you.”
“Well, maybe you can join us next time.”
Her eyes soften, brown irises glistening like marbles. “I’d like that.”
So would I.
Chapter Eighteen
Logan
Forks clank against china. Bluesy music travels from the living room. I can see the speakers beside the television stand from here. They’re big, black monstrosities that Kurt bought for Reece because she made a passing comment about DJing yesterday.
Laughter explodes from the little girl beside me. Her grey eyes sparkle brighter than the stars. Her gaze is fastened on her grandfather as he shares a joke from his past.
Kurt Duncan gestures with his hands, looking more animated than ever. Caribbean life suits him well. His broad shoulders that were stiff with the weight of the world have relaxed. The lines around his mouth are from laughter, not stress. His blue eyes sparkle with new life.
Lauren spoons the rice and beans in her plate and stares lovingly at her husband. Her auburn hair is scraped back in a tight ponytail. The style exposes her sharp cheekbones and the annoyingly beautiful angles of her face.
Man, I hate that she’s so pretty.
Someone nudges me in the side. I look to my left, falling into Ben’s incredibly gorgeous blue eyes. The color is still bold, but it no longer shocks me. I am intimately familiar with every fleck in his irises. Every shade it imbues when Ben is angry, happy or sad.
Living in the same house for a month can do that.
“Are you okay?” he whispers.
I force my expression back to normal. Shake my head. “I’m fine.”
“The dinner’s great.” He smiles.
I smile back. “Thanks.”
Sunday is my only day off and I took the opportunity to ban Lauren from my kitchen and cook an authentic Belizean meal. The table is laden with baked chicken, savory rice and beans, fried plantains, stuffings and—of course—potato salad.
Normally, the smacking of lips and licking of fingers would leave me with a high. I love when my food is well-received. But today? Things are different.
I feel misplaced. Like I’m sitting around a table with the big kids when I should be on the floor with the dogs. And I hate that feeling. Of not belonging. Of being less than.
What am I doing here? The thought has echoed through my mind since Tuesday night when I walked into the house and was informed that Reece would be going on a trip to the Barrier Reef.
Informed. Like a house helper.
In the throes of my desperation I had, briefly, toyed with the idea of seducing Ben and asking him to marry me. Then the sunlight crept into my bedroom and so did my common sense. I figured there had to be another option.
But the more I see Reece with her grandparents—Harry’s family, the more I lose confidence that my option is the best one.
She enjoys being around them. Loves the things they buy her and the adventures they take her on. Even more, Reece loves hearing stories about her father when he was little.
Who am I to take that away from her? To even dream of demanding I have a place in her life?
I don’t have a reason.
I don’t have a right.
These past few days, I’ve been forcing myself to accept that. I think it’s finally starting to settle. When Ben announces that he and Reece are leaving to start her off at a new school in America, I’ll smile—like I practiced. I’ll calm Reece down and promise I’ll visit. I’ll send them off without a fuss.
Should be easy enough.
Or not.
“Logan.”
My head whips up. “Hm?”
Everyone around the table is staring at me. My fingers dig into the back of my fork. Kurt’s eyebrows are drawn into a deep V, causing his nose to scrunch. It’s a move that reminds me of Harry.
“We were thinking of seeing a movie this afternoon. Would you like to join us?” Kurt asks.
“I don’t know. I have to do some accounting for the salon…”
“Please, please, please.” Reece latches onto my hand and pushes out her bottom lip. “You have to come.”
I exchange a look with Ben who only shrugs, obviously leaving the decision up to me.
“Alright.” I agree, even though I’m not in the mood for one of Reece’s princess movies.
The thing is… I should be spending as much time as I can with her now that I’ve accepted her inevitable departure. But I can’t. A part of me wants to detach. Distance myself. That way it won’t hurt as much when she’s gone.
Kurt unfolds himself from the dining room chair and spreads his hands down his stomach. “That was the most incredible meal I’ve ever had, Logan. Thank you.”
Lauren rises as well, her chair scraping the floor. “It was good, but I wouldn’t say it’s the best.” She swivels toward her husband and mumbles, “Didn’t you like my lasagna?”
“Lauren, don’t compare yourself. It’s an entirely different dish.”
Lauren pouts.
I smile and dip my head. “Thank you, Mr. Duncan.”
“Call me Kurt.” He winks.
Yeah, buddy. I’m not doing that. “What time is the movie?”
“I was thinking we could catch the 3:30 screening,” Kurt says. “That should give us enough time to digest and take a nap if we’d like.”
“Sounds like a plan, Dad. I’ll walk you to the door.”
While Ben and his family leaves, Reece helps me clear the table. She’s talking a mile a minute, but I’m not hearing a word. All I can do is stare at her face and try to guess how much it will hurt when I can’t see her anymore.
“Why are you staring at me like that?” Reece blinks slowly.
I shake my head to clear my thoughts. “You enjoy spending time with your grandpa?”
She nods so enthusiastically her fluffy ponytails dance like a dog’s tail. “Dada—Grampa asked me to call him that—he said he’ll take me on an airplane if I want. He said where he lives, there’s a bowling alley and arcades and a restaurant where real mermaids swim.”
“Sounds… great.”
“We have the Caribbean Sea.” Reece tilts her head to the side. “Why don’t we have mermaids?”
“They’re swimming in freedom,” a voice says. We spin and find Ben ambling toward us. His hands are tucked into the pockets of his khakis. “They’re not locked up in aquariums like the ones in the States.”
“Aww…” Reece pouts. “The mermaids aren’t happy?”
“I’m sure they’re happy.” I shoot Ben a scolding glance and hold Reece’s shoulder. “Why don’t you finish reading your summer assignment before we go to the movies?”
“Do I have to?” Reece whines.
“School is starting soon. You need to prepare for it.”
“I can’t wait to see my friends.” She grins broadly. “Keisha will not believe everything I’ve done this summer. Even though I miss my dad…” her voice warbles, “I really love Dada and Nana Lauren.”
“I know you do.” I stare at the tiles. “Go on. Read for at least forty-five minutes.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Reece scampers away.
I can feel Ben’s eyes on me, but I ignore him and slog to my room to select an outfit for the movies. There’s a good chance I’ll take a nap and wake up just before it’s time to leave. I can’t scramble around trying to find something to wear then.
I’m rummaging through my closet when I hear a knock at the door. A moment later, Ben pokes his head through.
I whirl on him. “I don’t remember saying ‘come in’.”
“Relax. It’s not like you were changing.” He brushes me off and closes the door behind him. “What’s going on, Logan?”
I turn away. “Nothing.”
“I can understand why you’ve been giving me the cold shoulder since Tuesday. I should have talked to you about the trip the moment Dad mentioned it, but you’ve been weird around Reece too. Something’s up.”
I sit on the edge of my bed, still avoiding his eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not angry with your or with Reece. You’re imagining things.”
I feel the bed decompress and realize he’s taken the spot beside me. When I scoot over to put some space between us, Ben hooks his hand in my waist and drags me back.
I squirm, bound as I am in his arms. “What are you doing?”
“Talk to me.”
“Let me go.”
“Explain yourself first.”
A few more half-hearted shoves reveals that I can’t overpower him. I stop struggling and stare at my shoes. “There are more mature ways to communicate.”
“None this effective.”
I gently push him away. “Fine. I’ll talk.”
Ben backs up cautiously. “If you run, I’ll catch you. There’s not many places to hide in this house.”
I laugh and push my curly hair away from my face. Tanya helped me remove my weave on Wednesday. I’m thinking of flat ironing my natural hair this weekend to give my scalp a break from the wigs.
“Logan…” Ben widens his arms and leans toward me, “do I need to remind you that we had a deal?”
“Okay.” I put his hands down. “You don’t need to hug me again.” I inhale a deep breath and admit, “I’ve been preparing myself.”
He leans back. “For what?”
“For the day I leave.”
“Leave?” He jumps to his feet. “Where are you going?”
I have to crane my neck to meet his eyes. “Back home. It’s been a month since I’ve checked in. My dad’s still paying the mortgage on our old place. It doesn’t make sense to leave it empty for so long.”
His eyes widen. “You can’t go.”
“Why not?”
“Because I—because Reece needs you.”
“Reece is fine. She has you, Lauren and Kurt. Plus, eventually…”
He walks closer. “Eventually?”
I glance up. Meet his eyes. “You’re going to leave too.”
“No. Of course not.” He frowns. “Who told you that? Lauren?”
“Lauren didn’t say anything to me. She didn’t have to. It’s clear what you’re going to do. What you have to do. Your dad will give you a fancy job at the hospital. He’ll spoil Reece beyond her wildest dreams. That’s the future she deserves.”
“Wow… you’re right. Now I’m starting to question my decision, Logan.”
“What decision?”
“To stay.”
I shoot to my feet, my hands trembling. “W-what did you say?”
Ben grins broadly. “I’m not going anywhere. It was Lydia who helped me decide. I’m looking for a job. Here in Belize. I’ve already asked Lydia to help me with enrolling Reece in her old school. This is her home. Our home. We’re not going anywhere.”
Overjoyed, I launch myself at Ben. He catches me soundly, his hands encircling my back. I laugh and squeeze him hard. “I can’t believe it.”
“Are you that happy?” He chuckles.
“I was so sure you were going to follow your dad back to America.” I ease away so I can see his face. “Are you sure you’re ready to break out on your own?”
“We’ll see, won’t we?”
I nod, too overwhelmed to speak.
Ben’s thumb slides over my cheek. His blue eyes burn into mine. When he speaks, his voice is low, intimate. “That’s why you can’t abandon me. I was counting on having your help.”
My heart is soaring so high Ben could ask for my social security and bank account, and I’d consider handing it over.
I wouldn’t do it.
But I’d consider it.
He pinches my cheek. “You’re cute.”
I frown and wrench my face away. “Don’t insult me.”
