Tell Me Who I Am

by Julia Navarro

  “The principle victims have so far been the Jews,” Amelia said.

  “You are right, but as well as getting rid of the Jews, the main aim of National Socialism is to remove Germany’s Christian roots, to create a country without God and without religion,” Pastor Schmidt said.

  Amelia took advantage of a moment when Albert was talking with Professor Schatzhauser to insist that Max help her look for the Wassermanns.

  “A friend of ours told us that they had been taken to a labor camp, there must be a register of names, of who has gone where...”

  “It won’t be easy to find out, but I will do what I can.”

  “You are an officer, they’ll tell you.”

  “I am an officer, and one who will attract suspicion from the party if I show myself to be too interested in the Jews. Things aren’t so easy, but I’ll see if I can find anything out via a friend of mine who works in the counterespionage service.”

  At another moment in the meeting, Amelia asked Max about Ludovica.

  “As you can imagine, she doesn’t know anything about these meetings, there’s no doubt that she’d denounce us if she did.”

  “Ludovica is a Nazi, isn’t she?”

  “You heard what she said, I have a wife who’s a committed Nazi. She comes from a family of businessmen and Ruhr Valley industrialists who have all, like many others, offered their support to Hitler. They wanted strong government, a dictator. Many people who supported him now say that they thought they could control him, but that’s just their excuse, and an excuse for people who are nationalists because it suits their own interests, and who don’t care at all about Germany’s moral degradation.”

  “I am sorry for what you’re going through...”

  “You can imagine how painful it is for me that Ludovica is a Nazi. Of course, I don’t tell her everything, and our relationship has deteriorated, we only keep up appearances in public.”

  “Why don’t you separate?”

  “I cannot, I am a Catholic. In this majority-Protestant country there are still some Catholics, and Ludovica and I are among them. We are condemned to be together forever.”

  “But that’s horrible!”

  “We aren’t the first couple to stay together and keep up appearances, and we won’t be the last. Also, even if I wanted to separate, Ludovica wouldn’t allow it, so we have both adapted to the situation. I have no hope of being happy, the only thing that obsesses me is the possibility of getting rid of Hitler.”

  Karl Schatzhauser, with Albert, came up to them.

  “My dear Amelia, try to convince Albert to tell the British government that it is not Germany as a whole that has gone mad, that there are men and women who are prepared to fight against Hitler, but that we need help. We need help, but the British need to know that we would never betray our country, all we want to do is to get rid of Hitler and to stop this war from becoming a greater tragedy than the previous one.”

  Albert said that he would help them, and in this way he broke for the first time one of his hitherto unalterable principles, that of telling his readers what it was that he saw and heard, but without implicating himself politically.

  At the end of September, Poland surrendered to Germany. The country was divided into zones: The western provinces were turned over to Germany, and the eastern ones stayed in the hands of the Soviet Union. Millions of Poles suffered the consequences of being under the jackboot of the Reich. The first victims were the Jews.

  The premiere of Tristan und Isolde was a great success. The public was overwhelmed and made Carla Alessandrini take ten curtain calls. Joseph Goebbels and other members of the party hierarchy came to the performance. Some of them sent bouquets to the Italian diva or even asked her directly to have dinner with them. But Carla didn’t even look at the flowers, and ordered her dresser to leave them outside the dressing-room.

  “Even Nazi flowers smell bad,” she said.

  After the performance, Vittorio and Carla invited a group of friends, Albert and Amelia among them, to have dinner with them at the hotel. After the dinner, Carla excused herself, saying that she was tired, and asked Amelia to accompany her to her suite.

  “We haven’t had a chance to be alone for a minute, and I wanted to ask you if it is serious between you and Albert James.”

  Amelia thought about her response. She too was thinking about the importance of her relationship to the journalist.

  “Albert has saved my life on more than one occasion. He is the most generous person I’ve ever met and he has never asked anything of me.”

  “I asked if you love him, nothing more.”

  “Yes, I suppose I love him.”

  “Well, that’s a positive answer! So, you don’t love him.”

  “Yes, yes, I love him! I just don’t love him like I loved Pierre, but I suppose I will never love anyone again like I loved him. He hurt me so much!”

  “Forget about Pierre! He’s dead, and what’s done is done, there’s no way back. Don’t become one of those people who moans about the past. You have to look toward the future and enjoy the present as much as possible. I’ll give you my opinion: Albert is a good man, he loves you and is willing to do anything for you, and maybe that’s why you don’t value him as much as you should.”

  “But I know very well that he’s an exceptional man!”

  “A man who loves you and trusts you unconditionally. Vittorio is like that as well, and as you can see I couldn’t live without him, but that is pure egotism on my part. He is my husband, yes, but he is also my support. I think that Albert is like Vittorio, and men like that deserve more than we can give them. It’s a shame, but life is like that!”

  “I don’t like that you think I don’t value Albert.”

  “Of course you value him! But you are not in love with him and you would leave him at any time. What about your German baron, Max von Schumann?”

  “It’s nothing, Albert and I have eaten in his house and we have seen him a few times.”

  “I seem to remember that you wrote to me to tell me how much he attracted you.”

  “It’s true... but Max is married, I met his wife, the Baroness Ludovica. She is very beautiful but awful, she’s a Nazi. Max is not happy with her.”

  “I spy conflict! You will end up falling into Max’s arms.”

  “No, I don’t want to, and he doesn’t want it either. Max is a man of honor and he is married to Ludovica forever. They are Catholics.”

  “Don’t talk nonsense! I’m a Catholic as well, and although I don’t even dream of leaving Vittorio, what if some great love came along and swept me away? What would I be capable of doing? Up until now the men whom I’ve known and loved haven’t been worth it to leave Vittorio for, and as the years go by it seems more and more unlikely that I will meet a prince on a white horse who will come and carry me away, but what if he does appear? The only thing we must not do is fool ourselves. I can see that you are still attracted to the baron, and, well, the only thing I wish is for you not to suffer too much. I don’t want you to forget, ever, that if things go bad you can always count on me, all the more so now that you have lost your parents. Do you have any more news from your family?”

  “My sister Antonietta is still weak.”

  “That girl needs to eat, why don’t you bring her to Italy? You could take her to my house in Milan, or better, you could go to my villa in Capri and she could recover and breathe the pure sea air.”

  “You know that I can’t, that I have to work, I don’t want to take Albert’s money except in exchange for my work. I can help my family with this money, my Uncle Armando earns barely enough to support them. And Pablo, Lola’s son, is still in my uncle and aunt’s house, his grandmother is not getting better and is still in the hospital. That is a lot of mouths to feed.”

  “And you are too proud to accept my help!”

  “I am not proud, Carla, I am telling you that if I were not able to earn money for my family by my own efforts then I would of course ask you
for your help before letting them lack necessary things, but I can send them enough money for the time being, and I spend hardly anything on myself.”

  “Yes, I have seen that. We’re going shopping, you can’t stop me from buying you a few little things, because, well, what do you want me to say, you always look like Cinderella.”

  A few days later, Professor Karl Schatzhauser called Albert and asked him to come immediately. He insisted that Amelia come too.

  They reached his house as evening was falling and met Max and another man there. Karl Schatzhauser did not beat around the bush.

  “Dear Amelia, they say that you are a friend of Carla Alessandrini.”

  “Yes,” Amelia replied, a little confused.

  “She might be able to help us to save a young woman’s life.”

  “I don’t understand...”

  “Allow me to present Father Rudolf Müller.”

  Professor Schatzhauser indicated the man who had kept silence until that moment. The priest, who was no more than thirty years old, seemed nervous.

  “Father Müller is a Catholic priest, and a member of our little group. Of course, he is with us in a personal capacity, rather than as a representative of the Catholic Church.”

  Amelia and Albert looked at the priest with interest, who in his turn looked at them with anxiety.

  “I don’t need to explain the situation that the German Jews find themselves in nowadays, nor the persecution to which they are submitted. Many of them disappear overnight to labor camps, without it being possible to find any information about them or what happens to them once they reach these places. A Jewish family, friends of Father Müller, has a problem and Max and I thought that you might be able to help. But it would be best if Father Müller explains the situation himself.”

  The priest cleared his throat before speaking and looked directly at Amelia as he explained what he needed from them.

  “I am an orphan. My father died when I was a child and my mother brought me up, along with my older brother. My father had a bookbindery that allowed us to live on a modest scale, he even had an employee. When he died my mother took charge of the business, and my older brother helped her as much as he could, but I don’t need to remind you of the economic crisis that Germany has been through, and along with my father’s death, business began to fall off in the workshop as well. Right by the bindery, near the Chamissoplatz, lived some friends of my parents, the Weisses, who bought and sold books. Herr Weiss, as well as being a friend of my father’s, was a client of his, he always used to bring old books for my father to bind. Herr Weiss is not a Jew, but his wife, Batsheva, is. They had a daughter, Rahel, the same age as me, we grew up together and you could say that she is like a sister to me. When my father died, Herr Weiss helped my mother as much as he could, and in spite of the difficulties he himself experienced he never stopped supporting us. A year ago, Herr Weiss died of a heart attack, and then two months later Batsheva was arrested by the Gestapo and accused of selling forbidden books. It was a false accusation, but they took her away and the only thing we have been able to find out is that she is in a labor camp. Luckily, Rahel wasn’t there the day the Gestapo presented themselves at the bookshop, so she was not arrested. I will not rest until I know that she is out of the country, but it is not easy for the Jews to get travel documents. The government cancelled their passports a year ago... and, well, I’m sure you’re up to date with what’s going on. Some friends of mine, who know a civil servant, assure me that they will be able to get Rahel travel documents, but she needs a guarantor, someone who will support her application for the document, and who will take her away. Max tells me that Carla Alessandrini is very fond of you and I thought... Well, we thought that if Signora Alessandrini were to offer herself as Rahel’s guarantor then it would be easier to get her permission to travel. If Signora Alessandrini says that she wants to have Rahel as her maid, or her assistant, or whatever is most convenient, then the authorities won’t deny it to her. That’s what I wanted to ask, for you to save Rahel, who is like a sister to me, and I would... I would... I would be eternally grateful.”

  “Let’s imagine that Carla Alessandrini agrees to this and we get the necessary permission and we manage to get Rahel out of Germany. Then what?” Albert James asked.

  “Save her. Get her to the United States, there is a Jewish community there that will provide her with support, maybe she’ll be able to find some of her mother’s relatives who moved to New York years ago.”

  “I can’t promise anything, but I will ask Carla. She is anti-Fascist and hates the Nazis. And if she cannot do anything then I will try, I am Spanish and Franco is an ally of Hitler’s. Even if Carla gets her out of Germany, I could still help Rahel to Spain and from Spain to Portugal,” Amelia said.

  When Father Müller had left, Max and Professor Schatzhauser apologized to Albert and Amelia.

  “We know,” Max said, “that we put you in a tricky situation there, and I must confess that it was my idea, and for that I ask your forgiveness. I have known Father Müller for some time and he is a good man and I would like to help him, even though I have put you in a difficult situation because of that. Especially you, Amelia, because Carla Alessandrini is your friend, after all.”

  On the way back to the hotel, Amelia and Albert had an argument. He was worried that Carla would feel that Amelia was using her, and that this might affect their friendship; he knew how important Carla was to Amelia.

  But Albert did not know what kind of a woman la Alessandrini was, and as soon as Amelia had explained the situation to her she accepted in a flash, even though her husband Vittorio counseled prudence.

  “Prudence? How can you ask me to be prudent when I have the chance to help a poor unfortunate? I will do it, of course I will do it, I will go to the police station and ask for Rahel to have her permission to travel, and I will say that I cannot do without her, that she is an amazing dresser. Even if I have to call Goebbels himself to get her this permission... we will get the girl out of here.”

  Amelia hugged her friend and thanked her, crying. She knew that the diva had a vast heart and had had no doubt that she could ask her such a dangerous favor.

  Accompanied by Father Müller and Rahel herself, Carla went to the office that provided travel documents for Jews. The officer whose job it was to verify the paperwork had been bribed, by Max, in cash.

  Carla filled out an endless number of forms, answered another endless series of stupid questions, and played the diva more than she had ever had in her life, knowing that this would impress these office workers. When one of the officials said that it would take time for permission to be granted, Carla, furious, made a scene.

  “Time? How much time do you think I have to stay in Berlin? I will call Goebbels himself to sort out this problem, and then we’ll see if he’s happy with you blocking me like you are doing now. Let me tell you that if this is not sorted out now, then I will never sing in Berlin again!”

  Rahel got her passport, stamped with the letter “J” for Jude.

  Carla, Vittorio, Albert, and Amelia, along with Rahel, left Berlin on October 12. Before they left, Amelia insisted that Max help them look for the Wassermanns.

  “I can’t believe that you haven’t been able to find out where they are,” Amelia complained.

  “You must understand that I can’t ask about them directly, but I am doing everything in my power to find out what happened to them.”

  “When you find them you have to help them, swear to me that you will get them out of wherever it is they are!”

  “I give you my word of honor that I will do whatever I can to help them.”

  “That’s not enough! You have to get them out of the labor camp, or wherever they are!”

  “I can’t promise you that, Amelia; if I did I would be lying.”

  Getting Rahel out of Berlin was only the first part of the plan that they had worked out over the last few days. They would take the train to Paris, then Carla would return
to Italy, while Albert and Amelia took Rahel over the border to Spain. Amelia had promised to cross Spain with her and get her as far as Portugal. Albert promised not only to help them, but also to get the necessary permissions from the British Embassy for Rahel to travel to New York. Albert thought that if he called his uncle, Paul James, then he could use the influence he derived from his important position in the Admiralty to push the British Embassy into providing Rahel Weiss with the necessary documents for traveling to America.

  Carla’s presence was a guarantee of safe conduct. The customs inspectors, the policemen, even the Gestapo all seemed to trust the diva, so in spite of Albert’s worries, or Amelia’s, or Vittorio’s, or even Rahel’s, the party was able to make it to the French capital without any trouble.

  Rahel was a good-looking woman, with chestnut hair and eyes of the same color, shy and sweet and very well mannered; everyone was taken by her friendliness.

  In Paris, Carla and Vittorio stayed in the Hotel Meurice, where the diva had decided to spend a few days before heading on to Rome. This was not a whim of hers, but rather a way to give Albert and Amelia time to make it to the Spanish border. Although they had not had any problems up to then, Carla thought it was better not to go too far, in case they were arrested because of Rahel.

  France seemed sunk in depression. The country was officially at war with Germany, and Édouard Daladier, the prime minister, was starting to be overwhelmed by events.