“If you had only heard what she said... I’m telling you, Armando, that Amelia is not the same as she used to be... I don’t know, there’s some sort of bitterness there...”
“Is that so odd? It’s the same bitterness that has touched us too. We have lost a part of our family, we have been left with nothing, she is away abroad earning money to help us, did you think she’d be the same sweet little thing that we knew in the past?”
“But Armando, questioning God’s will... That’s too much.”
“Do you want Amelia to accept that it might be God’s will for Antonietta to die? No, you can’t be serious. Do you think it was God’s will for your cousin the nun to be tortured and murdered by a bunch of fanatics? Was it God’s will for my brother to be murdered?”
“You’re talking like her!”
“I’m talking sense. You know I’m a believer, but there are certain things... Amelia is right, let’s leave God in peace and ask Him to give us strength to deal with everything that is surrounding us.”
Amelia set out to find another hospital where they would look after her sister. She went to a couple of doctors and asked their advice, but they both said that the hospital itself didn’t matter, that people were dying of tuberculosis every day, and that everything depended on how strong the patient was. But Amelia did not give in and searched without rest for someone who could give her hope.
We went to see Antonietta one afternoon, and she was worse.
I can still remember the scene... It was terrible... Amelia held her sister in her arms and screamed for someone to come and help her.
Jesús began to shake. He was a very sensitive child who loved his cousin Antonietta very much, and it was too much for him to see her in this state and he fainted. I think that his fainting was the cue for calm to return for a few seconds. His parents and Laura went to help him. One of the nuns who was looking after the patients in that room came running straight away. I don’t know if she was a good nurse or not, and I don’t remember her name, but she looked after Antonietta well and sat at Amelia’s side.
“Your sister has a guardian angel who is looking after her,” she whispered, “and God will help her, let us look after her now.” The nun pushed Amelia gently to one side to try to make her let go of her sister.
Amelia did not respond, she only cried, she seemed not to hear, but maybe it was the nun’s soft voice that calmed her. The doctor came with two other nuns and asked us to leave the room.
I stayed in the corridor with Amelia, waiting for the doctor to tell us how Antonietta was. He took a long time, I remember because there was enough time for Doña Elena and Don Armando to come back, with Jesús, very pale, holding Laura’s hand.
“How are you feeling, Jesús?” Amelia said, nervously.
“I’m better now...”
“It was nothing,” Don Armando said. “He was just affected by seeing Antonietta like that.”
When the doctor came out, Amelia stood directly in front of him, trembling and scared of what he might say.
“Calm down, she had an attack, but she’s better now. I gave her an injection to help with the pain and the sense of tightness in her chest. What she should do now is rest, it’s better if we don’t all go in now, too many people crowd her.”
“But I want to stay with my sister.”
“And so you can, but just don’t upset her.”
Don Armando thought that the best thing was for us all to go home and for Amelia to stay with Antonietta.
“But Edurne should come early tomorrow to take your place, or else you’ll get sick again yourself.”
The nun must have been right about Antonietta’s guardian angel, because she started to get better until she was finally out of danger. The day she was given the all-clear and Amelia took her home, Doña Elena had organized a little party. Well, it wasn’t a party, but she had found flour and shortening and pomegranates, and had made a cake.
Antonietta was very weak, but she was happy to be at home again with her family.
Doña Elena had told Jesús and me not to do anything that might upset Antonietta, and Edurne was given one task only, that of caring for the patient.
As soon as Amelia saw that her sister was better she said that she would be going back to England.
“I have to work, now more than ever, to buy Antonietta’s medicines.”
Amelia also took charge of my upkeep, given that my grandmother was still in the hospital and Lola showed no signs of life. Don Armando had done what he could to find out about her, but with no success. Some of her former comrades were in prison, and their families said all manner of things about Lola: that she had been shot in Barcelona, that she had died in the war, even that she had left the country. Amelia did not believe this last suggestion, because, as she said, if that had been the case then Lola would have come looking for me. As for my father, he was still in the French Foreign Legion, so we didn’t know all that much about him either.
Don Armando and Doña Elena treated me as another member of the family; I suppose they had resigned themselves to having me with them. They were too good to have abandoned me, and Jesús and I were close friends.
Before going back to London, Amelia asked Edurne to go and ask Águeda if she would let her see her son. Doña Elena said that this was not a good idea, because if Santiago found out then Águeda would be in trouble, and might even be dismissed. Don Armando stepped in to support his niece.
“It’s only natural that she should want to see her son, or at least should want to try, discreetly. Águeda is a good woman; I’m sure she’ll do whatever she can to let Amelia see her son.”
Even so, Doña Elena continued to insist that Amelia should not go see Javier, and she insisted so much that in the end Don Armando got annoyed with her and, to everyone’s surprise, but particularly Doña Elena’s, ordered Edurne to go to Santiago’s house and try to convince Águeda to allow Amelia to see Javier.
Edurne spent two days wandering round Santiago’s house before she saw Águeda, who to begin with refused to accept the idea that Amelia should see Javier. She was scared of Santiago’s reaction, but in the end she gave in, after Edurne told her how sick Antonietta had been, and how they had feared for her life. We didn’t know why at the time, but Edurne was nervous when she came back from her meeting with Águeda.
Águeda arranged to meet Amelia as before, at the entrance to the Retiro. Laura said that she would go with her. She was afraid of her cousin’s reaction, and did not want her to go alone. Doña Elena said that Jesús and I should go with them as well.
I remember that it was cold that afternoon, but even though it was winter the sun was shining. When we got to the park entrance, Águeda was already there. Her overcoat was undone, it seemed too small for her, or else that she had gotten fat. She was holding Javier’s hand. The child was trying to get free and run away, but Águeda would not let him do so.
Laura had to hold Amelia back to stop her from running to her child.
“Please, control yourself, and try to make it look like a casual meeting, or else Águeda won’t let us come to meet Javier again.”
The women greeted Águeda and Amelia asked the child if he wanted to give her a kiss. Javier thought for a moment before shaking his head.
“Come on, give the beautiful lady a kiss,” Águeda said.
“I don’t want to, Mommy,” Javier replied.
Amelia looked like she was about to cry. It was a great pain for her to hear Javier calling Águeda “Mommy.” But her cousin Laura whispered in her ear that she should control herself.
“Are you a good boy?” Amelia asked.
“Yes.”
“And what do you like doing?”
“I like playing with Daddy and with Mommy, and I’m going to play with my little brother too.”
“Your little brother?” Amelia was trembling.
“Yes, I’m going to have a little brother, isn’t that right, Mommy?”
Águeda looked anxiously at
Amelia, and could see in her what we could: despair and anger.
“Are you going to have a child, Águeda?”
“Yes, Madam.”
“Are you married?”
“No... no, Madam.”
“So, how are you going to have a child?”
Amelia’s icy gaze made Águeda hang her head in shame. Javier looked at the two women without knowing what was happening, but, realizing that there was tension in the air, he started to screw up his face.
“Mama, I want to go home.”
“I... I am sorry, Madam.”
“Do you sleep in my bed?”
“For God’s sake, Madam, don’t ask me that! What do you want me to do? I... Don Santiago is very good to me, and I love the child very much, and you can see how the child loves me. These things happen, you know that very well... You left your husband.”
“How dare you compare yourself with me! I didn’t get into bed with any married man, and I haven’t stolen a mother’s love from any child.”
Javier started to cry, scared of Amelia’s tone of voice. She could scarcely control her rage.
“Please, Madam, don’t talk like that in front of the child!”
“How dare you! You were recommended to my parents as a decent person, but we shouldn’t have trusted you, you got yourself pregnant without being married.”
“Please, Amelia, don’t humiliate yourself like this,” Laura said, trying to take her cousin away.
“You are not better than me, you are no one to judge me, if you have lost your child’s love it’s not my fault, you were the one who abandoned him.”
Laura had to hold Amelia back to stop her from hitting Águeda. Jesús and I were frozen stiff by the violence of the scene.
“Come on, Amelia. And you, Águeda, you mustn’t speak to Amelia like that, don’t forget who you are, you have no right to judge her, and even less to speak of her son like that.”
Águeda didn’t know what to do, the poor thing, and seemed about to cry.
Laura took her cousin’s arm and pulled her along, forcing Amelia to walk with her. Jesús and I followed without daring to speak. We could see Amelia trembling. When we reached home, we found Doña Elena extremely upset and arguing with Don Armando. They fell silent when they saw us.
“Uncle, you have no idea what’s just happened!” Amelia said, falling into Don Armando’s arms.
“I can guess, your aunt has just told me the secret she was keeping, why she didn’t want you to see Águeda.”
“But... you knew?” Amelia looked to Doña Elena for an answer.
“Yes, I knew that Águeda was pregnant by Santiago, that they are living together. I didn’t tell you so as not to cause you pain, you’ve suffered enough already.”
“But you should have told me,” Amelia said.
“She didn’t even tell me,” Don Armando said.
“I didn’t want anyone to feel hurt; if I was wrong then I am sorry, but my intentions were good,” Doña Elena apologized.
“How did you find out about it?” Amelia asked, and it was clear that she was making a great effort not to lash out at her aunt.
“Because everyone’s talking about it. I found out when I went to see Doña Piedad. You remember that Doña Piedad and her husband had those cake shops we liked before the war. They’ve lost it all: Doña Piedad is a widow now, and sick, and every now and then I go to see her. I found out about Santiago and Águeda there. Your husband has made her the lady of the house; he has not introduced her to his friends, but he does go out with her and with Javier. Your son thinks that Águeda is his mother and Santiago allows him to believe that.”
“I suppose that’s his way of punishing me. I know that I can’t complain if Águeda takes my place in his bed, but it does hurt me a lot for her to take my son’s love away from me.”
“I’m sorry, Amelia,” Don Armando murmured as he held his niece in his arms. “Maybe you should stay and fight for your son. We will go and see Santiago, I will speak to him and make him understand that he cannot take Javier away from his real mother. I don’t think that Don Manuel and Doña Blanca agree with what their son is doing. We could talk to them...”
“No, Uncle, it’s useless. I know Santiago well. He loved me so much that now his love is transformed into hate he will never forgive me. I deserve it; I will never forgive myself either. So how can I ask him to forgive me? I deserved to be punished and I’m being punished in spades. I only hope that Javier will listen to me when he is older, listen to me and forgive me.”
Don Pablo fell silent after finishing his description of this scene.
I also said nothing, hoping that he would tell me more.
“Well, Guillermo, you need to go back to London now and carry on with your wanderings,” Don Pablo said.
“Wow, that Amelia... I was surprised that she would treat Águeda as she did. My great-grandmother was a Communist, and very liberated for her time.”
“Are you going to judge Amelia?”
“No, I don’t want to judge her, but I was just surprised that she would treat poor Águeda like that: Whatever the truth of the matter, my mother thinks of her as her grandmother, and she is my great great-grandmother.”
“Amelia was hurt, and was also being very hard on herself. But we are all products of our own time, and she was brought up as a scion of the enlightened bourgeoisie.”
“Yes, that is how she was brought up, but she also broke all the social conventions of her time.”
“Yes, but she never stopped possessing that background, you can’t take her upbringing away from her. As for her being a Communist, I’d say that she wasn’t, really. She fell in love with Pierre Comte, who truly was a Communist, but she was just a young idealist with her head filled with dreams, and she didn’t have any guiding principles that could mark her out as being Communist.”
I went back to London and called Lady Victoria and Major Hurley. Lady Victoria was on the Costa Azul at a golf tournament (traitor!), and Major Hurley could only see me three days later than he had said.
The major was up to speed with what his relative Lady Victoria had told me. He even showed me some notes that she had taken in case they could be of use when he was telling me his part of the story. So he cut to the chase and reminded me, with another warning gesture, that he had no time to lose; another way of putting it would be that he was wasting his time talking to me.
Major Hurley started his story.
In mid-March 1940, Amelia Garayoa joined Major Murray’s unit. The United Kingdom was going through a very difficult time, made even worse by the war. Chamberlain and Halifax maintained their policy of appeasement with Hitler, something that was still showing no results; if they kept up this approach it was because they realized that a new war, even one in which they emerged the victors, would result in absolute financial and economic ruin. Some historians have been too harsh on Chamberlain and his attitude toward Hitler’s Germany. But Churchill was right: A policy of appeasement would have been impossible to pursue in the long term, simply because Hitler was so keen on war.
Miss Garayoa joined her group and continued to receive training. She also continued her romantic relationship with Albert James. For a time, the articles that James wrote in the British press were among the harshest attacks on Hitler before the outbreak of war.
On April 9, without any prior warning, the German army invaded Denmark and Norway; this was Operation Weserübung. On May 5, France was attacked. On May 10, the same day that Churchill became Prime Minister, as well as Minister for War, Germany invaded Belgium, Luxembourg, and the Netherlands. This was the Blitzkrieg. On May 12 the Germans broke through the Maginot Line and on May 15 the Netherlands surrendered, and the Germans made it to the outskirts of Paris and began to shell the southern coast of England. Can you imagine what those days were like?
Lord Paul James asked Major Murray if his troops were ready to go into action, and he was told that they were. Before the end of 1940, Amelia would take part
in two operations. In June, Major Murray brought the group together to tell them that they were going into action and to give them their orders.
“The time has come to act. I don’t need to tell you what has happened: The Wehrmacht has taken a good chunk of France, Holland, and Belgium. The French prime minister has resigned and Marshal Pétain is now in charge in his place. Do any of you want to leave now?”
They all said no, and seemed to want to start work.
“Right, I will meet with each one of you alone. None of you will know what the others are going to do, from this moment on you can tell no one, not your family or your most intimate friends, what your mission will be.”
Amelia was the last to receive her orders from Murray. He had deliberately left her till the end, because even though he was sure that she was capable of carrying out the mission he had in mind for her, he could not help but be worried about her youth.
“I want you to go back to Germany.”
“To Germany?”
“Yes, you have important friends there.”
“I have some friends, I don’t know if they’re important or not.”
“Lord James has told me that you know an army officer, Max von Schumann, an aristocrat married to a fanatical Nazi. However, he is a member of an anti-Hitler group, am I right?”
“Yes.”
“I think that you and Albert James, Lord James’s nephew, brought a message from von Schumann’s group back to Britain. I also know that you helped a young Jewish woman to escape from persecution in Germany.”
“Yes, I didn’t say anything because I didn’t think it was necessary.”
“Right, but it is my duty to know everything about all the agents we are to work with.”
“I understand.”
“Well, it’s useful for us if you return to Germany and send us all the information that Max von Schumann can get his hands on regarding German troop movements. It is vital that we know whether or not they are preparing to invade the United Kingdom. After what the German army has done to France, after what happened at Dunkirk, the prime minister needs to make decisions, and this information is vital for him.”
Tell Me Who I Am Page 49
