Tell Me Who I Am

by Julia Navarro

  She despised herself, even more so when Max put his arms around her and tried to calm her.

  “Please, don’t cry, you know that I would give my life for you, that I will do whatever I can to make sure that you don’t fall into Winkler’s hands, but you have to tell me the truth, you have to trust me, that’s the only way I can help you. And don’t worry about your family, they won’t suffer anything at all, it’s clear that they don’t know about Kleist’s disappearance.”

  “But what do you want me to say!” Amelia shouted. “I’ve told you everything: We went to the country, then I felt ill after our picnic and he took me home; I said goodbye to him at the door to the elevator and I don’t know anything else. The next day I came here. I don’t know what happened, I don’t know.”

  “You’re unlucky enough to be always in the wrong place.”

  “Colonel Winkler wants to blame me for Jürgens’s death because he saw how I pushed him away at the New Year’s party, and Jürgens swore that he would make me pay for that. It’s his chance to get revenge on me, now that Jürgens himself can’t.”

  “It’s alright, I’ll do what I can to save you from Winkler, trust me.”

  But Max could not prevent Amelia from being “invited” to visit the Gestapo headquarters in Athens. It was very close to the Hotel Great Britain, in what had once been the house of Heinrich Schliemann, the discoverer of Troy and the tombs of Mycenae.

  Max came with her and together they withstood the humiliation of waiting two long hours until a man, who told them his name was Hoth, invited them to follow him to an office on the second floor. They were surprised to see Colonel Winkler sitting on the other side of the desk. There were no other chairs, so Hoth kept them standing.

  “I hope that you are not upset by the presence of Colonel Winkler, he came to see me and I think he knows you, Fräulein Garayoa.”

  She nodded.

  “And you are accompanied by Colonel von Schumann! What an honor!” the SS officer said sarcastically.

  “I am a great friend of Fräulein Garayoa’s.”

  “Yes, I know, and the General Staff knows it as well. Your friendship is not a secret for anyone, not even your lovely wife, Baroness Ludovica,” Hoth replied with a sardonic smile.

  Max did not reply to the provocation. His only objective was to get out of the building with Amelia, and he knew that to face up to Hoth with Winkler present could only make things worse.

  “Fräulein Garayoa, we have a report from Madrid which assures us that you were the last person who was seen with Captain Kleist. You spent a day together in the country, you had a picnic, and then the captain disappeared.”

  “Captain Kleist is a close friend of ours whom I spent a day with in the country, and who then took me to my house, where we said goodbye. I have not seen him since, and I am extremely upset by his disappearance.”

  “Which, naturally, you had nothing to do with.” Hoth was playing cat and mouse.

  “Of course not. I repeat that Kleist is a fried of Baron von Schumann, who introduced us, and I feel strongly positive feelings toward him.”

  “The captain didn’t tell you where he intended to spend the rest of the afternoon?”

  “No, he didn’t. I was feeling ill and the captain and I didn’t talk that much on the journey home.”

  “And the captain didn’t come back to ask after your health?”

  “No, he didn’t. I spent the rest of the afternoon with my uncle and aunt, and I went to bed early, given that I had to travel to Athens the next day. I think that the doorman has already told the police that Captain Kleist and I said goodbye at the door to the elevator and that I didn’t leave the house again that day.”

  “Yes, but even doormen nod off, my dear! He left his post at ten o’clock, so if you went out again later, or if the captain came back to see you, then that’s not something he would know about.”

  “My family can confirm what I’ve just told you.”

  “And why wouldn’t they? The testimony of one’s family is not conclusive, Fräulein.”

  “I assure you that I do not know where Captain Kleist is.”

  “And you weren’t with Colonel Jürgens the night he was murdered in Rome.”

  “There are two witnesses who have vouched that it was not I who was in Colonel Jürgens’s room the night that he was murdered,” Amelia replied, holding back her indignation.

  “Yes, two drunk witnesses who saw a woman for a couple of seconds in the corridor of the hotel; I don’t think their testimony should be taken into account either.”

  Amelia said nothing, but she felt the sullen gaze of Colonel Winkler upon her. He had said nothing all this while. She could sense Max’s tension, and how upset he was not to be able to defend her.

  “You will have to stay here for a couple of days. I need to carry on with the interrogation, but now I have other things to do.”

  “Fräulein Garayoa can come whenever you have the time; as you know, she is staying at the Hotel Great Britain. She does not need to stay here.” But Max’s statement did not affect Hoth at all.

  “I am sorry, Colonel, but it is I who decides where suspects should be kept.”

  “Suspects? What is Fräulein Garayoa accused of? Of having a picnic with Captain Kleist? Kleist is my friend, is our friend, a person we are both very fond of. There is no accusation you can level against Fräulein Garayoa. If you need to clear up any point, then please call her again and she will come with pleasure.”

  Amelia was pale, and didn’t dare say anything. She knew that whatever Max said, Hoth would not let her leave.

  “I am sorry, Colonel, but I have to do my job. Fräulein Garayoa will stay here.”

  Max felt impotent when two of Hoth’s subordinates came into the room and took Amelia away with them.

  “You are responsible for Fräulein Garayoa’s safety and continued good health,” he said to Hoth.

  “Responsible? This woman is a suspect in the case of Kleist’s disappearance and my obligation is to make her talk. If you get in my way, it will be me who makes you responsible for obstructing the course of justice and stopping the Gestapo from convicting a criminal.”

  “Fräulein Garayoa is not a criminal, and you know that very well.”

  “I don’t know it, and when I do know it I will tell you. And now, if you will excuse me, I have a lot of work to do. Sadly, I need to fight against the enemies of the Reich.”

  Amelia was taken down to the basement of the mansion, where she was locked in a windowless cell. Apparently this had once been a storeroom.

  One of Hoth’s subordinates manacled her hands and feet and pushed her into a corner of the room.

  “Alright, keep calm, you won’t have time to get bored,” he said, showing a mouth filled with gold teeth.

  She didn’t even protest. She knew what awaited her, the horror of Warsaw was ever present in her mind.

  There, locked away, she lost all notion of time; she didn’t know if it was night or if dawn had broken, there was no way to tell. She also didn’t hear any sounds. Her hands and her ankles hurt because of the manacles. She felt her fingers swelling up and wanted to scream. She decided not to, knowing that this was nothing compared to what was awaiting her.

  She didn’t know how much time had passed before they opened the door and the same man who had put her in there removed the manacles from her feet and told her to follow him.

  She could scarcely walk. The pain in her feet had spread up her legs. She felt a sharp pain, but told herself that the worst was still to come.

  They took her back up to the second floor, to Hoth’s office. He was alone, and ordered her to sit in the chair that Colonel Winkler had occupied.

  “Have you thought things through?” he said in a neutral voice, as if he didn’t care what her answer would be.

  “I told you everything I know yesterday,” she replied.

  “So you are not going to collaborate...”

  “I cannot tell you what I do n
ot know.”

  He shrugged and pressed a bell under his desk. Hoth’s adjutant came in, followed by Max. Amelia felt extremely relieved.

  “Take her away,” Hoth said to Max von Schumann. You are responsible for Fräulein Garayoa not leaving Athens without the permission of the Gestapo.”

  Max agreed, and bore Hoth’s hyena-like gaze unflinchingly.

  “We will see you again, the investigation is not over.”

  With Max’s help, Amelia tried to move her legs. One step, two steps, three... Each step caused her pain in her swollen feet.

  As they were leaving they found themselves face to face with Colonel Winkler, who stopped in front of them and obliged them to pause.

  “You have not won the game, Baron. It was clever of you to ask for help from Reichsführer Himmler’s personal physician. But not even the Reichsführer can stop this woman from paying for her crimes.”

  “Get away from me, Winkler! And don’t even think about threatening me again.”

  Amelia could not stop herself from crying once they were out in the street again.

  “Can you walk to the hotel? We only need to cross the street.”

  “Yes, I think I can.”

  When they at last reached Amelia’s room, Max helped her to her bed, where she collapsed, and then he examined her hands and ankles with care.

  “Did they chain you up?”

  “Yes, they put some manacles on my hands and feet. I couldn’t move the whole time I was there, I don’t know how long it was...”

  “An afternoon and a night, Amelia, an eternity.”

  “I am so grateful to you; I was scared that I would have to go through what I went through in Warsaw again; I would have ended up admitting that I was guilty of anything that they wanted to accuse me of.”

  “In fact it was Kleist who saved you, indirectly.”

  “Kleist? Has he turned up?” Amelia said in surprise.

  “No, not exactly. My adjutant Hans remembered that when you were in Warsaw, Kleist spoke about taking your case to Felix Kersten.”

  “Who is Felix Kersten? The doctor Hoth spoke about?”

  “No, he’s not a doctor, although they treat him like one. He... he’s a strange man, he was born in Estonia and he has a great reputation for being good at manual therapy.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Massages, nothing more than massages. Kersten is a pleasant man who gets on well with his patients, and he had important clients all over Europe before the war. Apparently Himmler has very bad stomach pains, and only Kersten can help him with them. He has a great deal of influence over him. The Reichsführer’s head of information, Brigadeführer Walter Schellenberg, is the other person who can influence Himmler.”

  “And you spoke to the pair of them?”

  “I have friends who are good friends of theirs.”

  “Thank you, Max, thank you.”

  While he was rubbing an ointment on Amelia’s feet, Max warned her:

  “I don’t think that they will help us again, Amelia, so... Please, be careful!”

  “But I didn’t do anything, Max...”

  “Colonel Winkler will not stop until he has managed to avenge the death of his friend Colonel Jürgens, and he has decided that you will pay for his death. The SS are taking charge of espionage cases and... well, Winkler is convinced that you are an Allied spy.”

  “And do you believe him, Max?”

  “When I was in Berlin I saw Ludovica and Friedrich, my son. I love my son with all my heart, I would give up my life for him, but even so... I would abandon any chance I had of ever seeing him again if it meant I would not have to leave you. I said so to Ludovica.”

  Amelia burst into tears again. She was ashamed of having betrayed him, of not being entirely loyal to him, of not telling him about her collaboration with the British. Max hated the war, but not so much that he would betray his country. That’s why she couldn’t tell him what she was doing.

  “Don’t cry, Amelia, you’re not responsible.”

  “I am, Max, I am; I shouldn’t let my love for you carry me away, I know better than anyone what it means to renounce a son.”

  “Ludovica can’t stop me from seeing him and from being involved in his upbringing. But that will be when the war ends.”

  “And what about your family, Max? And your sisters? You have never told me what they think about your being with me.”

  “They don’t approve of it and they will never accept you. But that should not worry us for now. Our problem is named Winkler.”

  “And Hoth.”

  “He’s just a policeman who wants to get a pat on the back from the SS by showing that he can be as much of a brute as they are.”

  Amelia did not leave the hotel room for a few days. She could barely walk, and Max made her stay seated. Then he helped her take her first few paces in the hotel entrance hall. Amelia wanted to talk to Dion, but did not get the chance. Max did not leave her side. Her chance came one afternoon, when Max’s adjutant, Major Hans Henke, came into the bar to tell him that he was urgently required in the General Staff office.

  “I’ll take you up to the room.”

  “Max, please, let me stay here just a little while! It’s still early, just let me stay and finish my tea... ,” she asked him with a smile.

  “I don’t want to leave you alone...”

  “I won’t be here long, just a couple of minutes more. I spend so much time in the room!”

  “Alright, but promise me that you’ll go straight to your room.”

  “I promise.”

  Dion came up to her as soon as the baron had left.

  “Would you like anything else to drink?”

  “No, I don’t want anything, but I’ve got something for you,” she said in a low voice as he bent forward to take the tea-tray and, as he did so, she pressed a roll of film into his hand.

  “Alright, Madam, I’ll bring you a jar of water.”

  He came back and bent over to pour the water.

  “The priest wants to see you. It’s urgent.”

  “Urgent? But you see how I am... the baron won’t let me go out...”

  “You’ll have to do it somehow. The day after tomorrow, in the cathedral. They’ve carried out a roundup and Agamemnon and many other patriots have been arrested.”

  Amelia went back to her room, wondering what she should do. She had to convince Max to let her go. She felt better now, the swelling in her legs and feet had gone down, she could walk. Yes, she had to convince him to let things return to normal.

  When Max came back that evening, Amelia started to butter him up from the moment he came through the door.

  “Come on, tell me what you want!” Max said, laughing.

  “I want to go out, I need to go out, I am suffocating in this room. Let me go for a walk, go to the cathedral, you know I like to go there to relax, go back to looking at the archaeological sites, anything apart from staying here.”

  He resisted for a while, but in the end he gave in.

  “You have to promise me that you will not talk to any strangers, and that you will tell me where you are going.”

  “I promise,” she said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

  She didn’t see the priest when she went into the cathedral. Women were lighting candles, and others were seated and seemed to be sunk in their prayers. She looked for a dark and private corner to sit down. Without realizing it, she began to pray. She thanked God for having saved her from the Gestapo, for having Max’s love to support her, for being alive. The deep voice of the priest brought her back to reality.

  “Orders have come through for you from London. They congratulate you for Madrid, whatever it was you did there, but they need to know about the deployment of German troops on the border with Yugoslavia.”

  “I’ll do what I can,” Amelia promised.

  “We need your help as well, are you prepared to give it? They have arrested Agamemnon and some of our friends, but they will re
sist, they won’t talk even if they are put to death.”

  “What can I do?”

  “Can you drive?”

  “Yes, but not very well, I haven’t had time to practice.”

  “It’s enough. We need to collect some weapons your British friends have sent us. A fishing boat will bring them across; they collected them from a submarine off the coast of Crete a few days ago. The boat gets here tomorrow. We need these weapons for the Resistance. A German convoy with tanks and heavy artillery will head for the north in a few days, to bring their reinforcements to the Italian-Yugoslav border. We want to stop them from reaching their destination. That’s why the British shipment is important, they have sent us a good load of explosives and detonators, and we will use them to attack the convoy. It will be a blow to the Germans, and our response to the arrest of the patriots.”

  “Where is the fishing boat going to arrive?”

  “To the north of Athens, we will go out to sea to collect the weapons.”

  “Do they know in London that you are asking me to help with this mission?”

  “No, London has nothing to do with it, I am asking you myself.”

  “It will be very dangerous.”

  “Everything is very dangerous. Will you do it?”

  “Yes, but you still haven’t told me what it is I need to do.”

  “Join our group. We need people, we need another driver.”

  “Alright, but... I don’t know if I’ll be able to get away at night. It is difficult to get out of the hotel.”

  “You will not need to get away at night. We will unload the weapons and hide them in a safe place near the beach. The weapons will be distributed among little groups. You will need to drive two friends there and then drive them back to Athens. Nothing else. They will show you the way to go.”