The passion in her face and voice must have touched him. Cam reached for her and drew her into his arms. “I get it Billie,” he said as he covered her lips with his.
Joy bubbled through her as she responded to his kiss which was gentle and tasted sweet. It was several seconds before she realized it also tasted of regret.
Cam set her away from him and repeated, “I get it, Billie.”
She swayed as he turned from her to gaze into the lengthening shadows of dusk, his head thrust forward, his hands tucked into the back pockets of his jeans.
“What about a family, Billie? Don’t you want that? You seem to live out of a suitcase. Don’t you want a home? Kids?”
“Of course! Someday.” She stared at him, trying to understand what was going on in his head, then tried for a lighter tone. “Don’t you think we should go on a couple more dates before you try turning me into a mother?”
His head snapped around and his gaze met hers, but he didn’t answer. Dismay filled her heart.
The easy feeling between them had disappeared and she sighed inwardly at the futility of trying to understand Cam. Maybe what he’d said had come out more harshly than he’d intended, and she’d probably sounded too flippant, but why did it have to be so hard? Why couldn’t things be easier between them? She knew she had a pie-in-the-sky attitude about love, that when you loved someone everything worked out beautifully. That person loved you, too, and things were perfect. Only she knew that wasn’t true. She’d thought she was in love before, but it was a pale imitation of what she felt for Cam. Spending time with him was exhilarating and frustrating, fun and infuriating. Still, she couldn’t think of anyplace she’d rather be right now.
With grim determination, she searched her mind for a neutral topic.
“How did Lucky Break get its name?” she asked abruptly.
He glanced at her as if he knew what she was doing, but he answered. “It was named by a couple of hard-luck silver prospectors back in the 1870’s – DeGrange and Hill.”
“Oh, DeGrange Avenue?”
“That’s where the street got its name. The two men discovered gold, but in the process Demarcus Hill fell and broke his arm. They named their mine the Lucky Break and that’s what the town came to be called.”
Lucky Break, she thought. Happy accident, like the one that had brought her here and this is where she wanted to stay, with Cam, to be his wife -- not that she had any hope that such a thought was in his mind -- but she had a career that took her far away – and all too frequently. Cam would want his wife to be around most of the time.
Her melancholy turned to sadness and the fun, happy mood she had tried to create was gone. She turned to him and waved a hand to indicate the lengthening shadows. “We’d better head back down the slope before it gets dark.”
“Yes, don’t you have a date with some of Brian’s friends?”
They returned to their motorcycles and headed back to town. Billie was grateful for the wind that buffeted her as she rode. It seemed to scatter her troubled thoughts and she was forced to keep her mind on the road.
They had to slow down when they reached Lucky Break and she was conscious of people waving to them, or nodding in recognition. The Fina brothers were standing on the sidewalk in front of Franklin’s Emporium. One of them, she didn’t know which since they looked so much alike, punched his brothers and pointed to Billie and Cam as they glided past. He then gave Cam a thumbs up and a big grin. She wasn’t sure what that was for, and she couldn’t spare any of her attention to think about it for fear of losing her inexpert grip on the handlebars.
When they arrived back at the ranch, everyone was outside. Doreen, Jess, Brian and Kyndra were there to meet them, along with Billie’s newest pupils, Jose and Trevor.
When they stopped their bikes and climbed off, Cam grumbled. “Why didn’t we invite the whole town?”
“Because the whole town already saw us,” Billie answered as the group converged on them asking if they’d had fun. Doreen wanted to know if they were hungry. Jess spied the dried mud stain on the knee of Billie’s jeans and gave her a knowing wink, which Cam caught. He frowned at his hired man, causing Billie to blush.
It was a confusing few minutes and by the time Billie had put Daisy Belle away, she was feeling unsettled and wished desperately that she could go into her little house and shut the door behind her and burst into tears.
Everyone was waiting, though, and she didn’t want to be rude no matter how much she wanted to be alone and sort through her thoughts.
There wasn’t much time for that because Doreen had dinner ready. They all trooped inside, including Jose and Trevor, and sat down to a dinner of meatloaf, mashed potatoes, biscuits, and salad. The teenage boys looked as though they’d been handed the crown jewels and couldn’t wait to dig in, which seemed to please Doreen.
Everything was delicious and Billie had to wonder yet again how a woman who could barely walk through her own house without hurting herself could be such a fabulous cook. Maybe her guardian angel was so busy keeping her from getting hurt in the kitchen, he didn’t have time to look out for her anywhere else, Billie thought whimsically.
“So, tell us about your ride,” Doreen commanded.
Cam and Billie looked at each other and for some crazy reason, Billie blushed again, which made Jess release a catcall and the others grin foolishly.
“We stopped to take a look at that bull Jim Beavers wants me to buy,” Cam said, firmly pulling their attention away from Billie
“Oh that sounds exciting,” Doreen said in the sort of mocking tone only a loving mother could get away with.
“More than you know.” Cam launched into a description of their adventure and somehow made it sound like Billie’s current red face was from the memory of being chased by Rejuvenator.
She sent him a grateful smile, then glanced over at Jess, who gave her another big, outrageous wink.
Disconcerted, she turned back to her food. When everyone was finished with dinner and the table had been cleared, Jose and Trevor waited for her on the front porch, eager to continue their lessons.
Billie didn’t have a chance to talk to Cam again so she didn’t know if the entire expedition had been a success or not. She hoped so.
There was no time to think about it, though, because Jose and Trevor were waiting for her to help them.
“Billie Abbott’s One Woman Fix-It Service,” she muttered to herself as she hurried toward her cabin. She’d tried to help Brian and that had turned into some kind of school for boyfriends. She’d tried to make Cam have a little more fun, but that hadn’t worked out the way she’d planned. She’d tried to answer his questions about her job and that really hadn’t worked out.
Maybe she should stick to what she knew how to do – photography. Simple, straightforward, and fulfilling. Yes, that was what she would do. Stick to her job, not get involved with anything or anyone else in Lucky Break, then leave and try to forget about the whole thing. She could do it, she knew she could. Billie pressed her palms to her chest. She only had to convince her aching heart.
* * *
An hour later, Jose and Trevor left with her advice still ringing in their ears. “Listen to your girlfriends,” she insisted. “All the way through to the end of whatever they want to say. And don’t automatically assume you have to fix everything. Sometimes girls just want to be heard. Show respect for them as people, as individuals with unique interests and characteristics.”
The boys had given her troubled looks and promised to heed her advice, though she thought they were probably wondering what had set her off and were glad to get away from her tonight.
She tried to settle down in her usual spot on the porch, but she was too troubled and restless to be idle. After a few minutes, she stood and headed for the barn.
Instead of returning the puny heifer and her under-sized calf to the pasture, Cam was keeping them in the barn for a few more days. She decided to pay them a visit. There was something soothi
ng about being around the animals in the barn with their uncomplicated lives and simple needs.
She stopped by Ruby’s stall and she leaned her head over the door so she could scratch between her ears. The gash on her leg was almost completely healed, though it would leave a scar. She showed her appreciation by shaking her head and then nudging Billie’s hand as if asking for more. Billie chuckled and spent a few more minutes with her before moving over to the stall occupied by the heifer and her calf.
The heifer looked better than she had a couple of days ago, munching on feed that had been scattered in a trough. The calf was lying in the hay, but rose on spindly legs when Billie stopped and knelt down by the stall door. He came over to inspect her and she reached through the bars to rub his velvety nose which caused him to make a snuffling noise.
Billie admired his big brown eyes and impossibly long lashes. “Brian tells me that you’re a male. Just don’t grow up to break any hearts, okay? Or be big and bull-headed like Rejuvenator, or run people out of your pasture.”
“He’ll never be as big as Rejuvenator,” Cam said from behind her. “He’s starting off too small.”
Billie paused at the sound of his voice, then returned to petting the calf. “Have you given him a name yet?”
“No. Would you like the privilege?”
“Sure.” It pleased her that he’d thought of it so she gave it some careful consideration. “It needs to be a name he can grow into, live up to. How about Gallant?”
She looked up defiantly, expecting him to laugh at her, but he only smiled and answered, “Sounds good. It’ll give him something to work toward.”
She smiled. “Everyone should have goals, even if it’s just to turn into really tasty hamburger.”
Cam chuckled and she glanced up to share a moment of warmth with him. This was what she wanted, she thought with longing. She wanted to share jokes and good times and hard times, to be part of him, part of his life and have him be part of hers. More than anything, she wanted to be part of a couple with him, and moments like this didn’t make it any easier to conquer that longing.
She heartily wished matters could even out between them instead of lurching along like a fifteen-year-old learning to drive his first stick shift.
“Thanks for making me go out and have some fun today, Billie.”
“Did you have fun? With you, it’s hard to tell sometimes.”
“Yeah, it was great.”
But he didn’t sound convinced.
Unbidden, tears spurted into Billie’s eyes. Fiercely, she concentrated on Gallant until she could fight them back. Silence stretched between them and the longer it lasted, the more awkward she felt. After petting the calf for a few more minutes, she stood up and said, “I’d better go get things ready for tomorrow. It’s another busy day.”
“How much longer, Billie?”
She stopped and glanced up into his gray eyes which had gone dark and intense. “Excuse me?”
“The calendar photographs. How long before you’ll be finished?”
“How long before I’ll be out of your hair, you mean?” she asked, hurt by his question.
“That’s not what I meant.”
She waved a hand impatiently. “A week, maybe a few days more. It’s been going much faster since Kyndra’s been helping me.”
He nodded. “The city council wants to know so they’ll have your check ready when you’re ready to go.”
So it hadn’t been him wanting to get rid of her. Nervously, Billie ran her hands down her thighs. “Okay, that would be fine. Aunt Portia and I will be glad to have the money.”
“How long before you start your next job?”
“The textbook? Right away. And I’ll have to finish fast because of my trip . . . .”
“To Borneo. I know.”
His expressionless tone made her heart sink, but she said, “I’ve been thinking about it, and I think I can use some of the shots I took here on the Muleshoe, which only makes sense, of course, since . . . .”
“Good, good,” he said, cutting her off. “I’m glad you’ve got more work. Maybe this career is really going to work out for you. Your plans are all made. You’ll be going everywhere, seeing everything, traveling the world.”
She stared at him. “What?”
“I’m glad you’re doing something you love. That’s important.”
He still wasn’t going to listen to her. How did a man who was so smart and compassionate and diverse get through life without listening?
Frustrated, she turned away. “Good night, Cam,” she said, before fleeing the barn. A week, ten days tops, she thought as she dashed back to the cabin. She could do it. She could.
* * *
He could do this, Cam thought, his hands balling into fists at his sides. He could let her go even though what he really wanted to do was keep her here – lock her up in Burt’s old cabin and throw away the key or toss her down in the hay and kiss her until she begged to stay.
Cam knew he couldn’t, though, recalling the way her eyes had lit up and her face had flushed with color when she’d talked about her love for photography, for her career. He knew it fulfilled a creative need in her, gave her purpose and joy – just like ranching did for him.
He couldn’t ask her to give that up and stay in this quiet corner of the world with him. It wouldn’t be fair and even if she stayed she would probably come to resent him. That would kill him. Better to let her go now than lose her later when he was even more hopelessly in love with her than he already was.
He could do this. He would.
Cam turned and slammed his fist into a slat on the stall, welcoming the pain that shot up his arm.
* * *
The next morning, Billie went about her business with complete determination. She needed to get this job finished and move on. Whether Cam would ever listen to her or not, this job and the next one would have positive benefits for him. Although she was beginning to wonder about her own sanity, she wanted to finish the job and do her best because it would help him.
Billie drove into Lucky Break and parked in her usual place outside city hall. Most of her equipment remained in the room the city council was letting her use, but there were some things, like her cameras, that she didn’t trust out of her possession. She was carefully removing them from her car, when someone hugged her from behind.
Startled, she twisted around to see Zoe Franklin – dressed today in jeans and a blue t-shirt -- grinning excitedly at her.
“Thank you, Billie. Your advice was exactly what I needed to hear.”
“My advice?” She wracked her brain, trying to recall what advice she could possibly have given Zoe.
“To talk to Red about my calendar and show him how it will make money,” Zoe answered brightly.
Billie couldn’t exactly recall having said that, but she smiled. “Good. That’s wonderful.”
“But I’ve been going about this all wrong.”
“You have?”
“Absolutely, and you made me see that. It has to be business-like, but also appealing to more people, and Red and I decided the money from the calendar should go to charity.”
Billie kept her smile fixed in place as she tried to imagine how that was going to help sell calendars of a middle-aged woman in a wild variety of overblown outfits. She gave Zoe an encouraging nod.
“So it won’t be me in the costumes. We’ll ask girls from the high school, see who might be interested in appearing.”
“That’s a good idea. The high school kids have pretty much been left out of all the calendars since we’ve been concentrating on some of the . . . .”
“Nuttier citizens,” Zoe finished, and they both laughed.
“But I don’t know if I’ll be able to do the photos for that, Zoe. I’m almost finished here, and I’ve got other things to do.”
“I know,” Zoe almost shrieked, hugging her again. “I’ve heard. Best wishes. Congratulations!”
Billie blinked at her. “For what, exa
ctly?”
“Oh, you’re so funny.” Zoe hugged her yet again and turned to hurry away with a wave. “Let me know the date. I’ll make your . . . .”
She rounded the corner and Billie strained to hear her last word. It had sounded suspiciously like dress. Shaking her head, she finished gathering her equipment and locked her car.
Once inside her little studio, she began setting up for the day. Kyndra would be here in a few minutes to help. They would discuss what still needed to be done. The young girl had a real feel for organization, maybe because she’d spent so much time taking care of her little brother and sister, and could keep a dozen details in her mind at once.
If she set up her own studio in Lucky Break, Billie thought, she could hire Kyndra to help out after school, and . . . . Oh! She stopped, shook her head as if to snap herself out of a daydream. She had to stop that. There was no future for her here. That much was obvious.
When she heard someone hurrying along the hall outside the door, she went to open it, thinking it was Kyndra. Instead, it was Doreen who was dashing excitedly toward her.
“Oh, Billie honey, I just found out. I’m so happy,” Doreen exclaimed breathlessly as she dashed forward, her arms open.
Startled, Billie asked, “About what?”
Doreen swung through the doorway, but before she could answer Billie’s question, her feet slipped out from under her. Instinctively, Billie leapt forward and Doreen tried to break her own fall by grabbing for the doorframe, but she missed and went down, striking her head on the wood, and landing with her arm crumpled beneath her.
Here To Stay (Welcome to Lucky Break, Arizona!) Page 14
