“No, and I’m not refusing.”
“Just not willing to work any harder or more hours than you already do.”
Their argument sounded like all the other ones they’d had since Dusty could remember. They wanted him to toe the line, and he resisted. The older boys behaved, he acted up. Yes, Dex was hurt, but he’d recover in a few months. And even if he couldn’t compete in roping again—which Dusty doubted given his brother’s iron will—it wouldn’t be the end of the world despite what the rest of the family thought.
Dusty’s mother dropped wearily into one of the waiting room chairs. “Can we please talk about this later?”
“Sure thing, Mom. Sorry.” Jesse sat beside her.
Hadn’t Dusty suggested as much? Only no one had listened to him.
“Come with me.” J.W. hitched his chin at Dusty.
“Where?”
“To visit your brother.”
“Go on,” his mother encouraged.
“He asked for you,” Josie added.
Dusty had thought he was prepared for the sight of his twin lying prone in a hospital bed. The reality of seeing Dex surrounded by beeping monitors, his bandaged leg the size of an elephant’s, his complexion pasty and eyes dull, hit Dusty hard.
“Hey, bro. How you feeling?” Emotion thickened his voice.
Dex groaned and shifted. “I think the surgery hurt worse than the fall.”
Dusty didn’t mention the doctor’s earlier report that there would be another one. “All this to get out of competing at Nationals? I’m thinking you went a little overboard.”
Dex gave a weak chuckle. “You’ll just have to win for me. Have Len take my place.”
“I’m not replacing you.” Dusty put a hand on Dex’s shoulder.
J.W. moved closer to the bed. Dusty couldn’t remember ever seeing his father so tired or so shaken. He’d aged five years during the course of the night and another five since walking into the ICU. Dusty thought of Matt and knew he’d be a mirror image of his dad in the same circumstance. Nothing could be worse than seeing your child injured.
Except losing them.
All at once, Dusty understood why his father pushed him to stay in Wyoming and give up his writing and film work. He loved his children beyond life itself and wanted them near him always. Dusty didn’t necessarily agree. Not to mention J.W.’s methods left a lot to be desired. But he meant well.
Perhaps Dusty had been wrong about Mark Hansen. If he was a Cody by birth, surely J.W. would love him as fiercely as he did all his children.
“How you doing, son?”
“Been better.” Dex clasped his father’s hand.
“I don’t want you to worry about anything, you hear me? Just concentrate on getting well.”
Dex’s gaze went to Dusty. “If Josie needs anything, will you see that she gets it?”
“No problem.”
“It could be. A problem, that is.”
“Dad,” Dusty warned.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, Dex. Forget it.”
“Your brother won’t be around to help Josie or take over management of the horses because he’s going to L.A.”
Drawing Dex into their battle of wills while he lay in a hospital bed was low even for Dusty’s father, and he lost much of the ground he’d gained with Dusty in the past few minutes.
“When are you leaving?” Dex reached for the cup of ice water on his bedside stand and took a sip through the straw.
“A week from Wednesday.”
“Good.”
“Good?” J.W. gaped at Dex.
“You’re signing your contract, right?” Dex asked Dusty.
“Yes.”
“Congratulations.”
“Thanks.” Dusty figured Josie must be having some influence on his brother. That, or the pain meds the doctor had prescribed were doing the talking. “Dusty won’t leave,” J.W. stated. Make that insisted. “Not while you’re laid up.”
“It’s only for a week.”
“His place is here with the family.”
“It’s okay, Dad.” Dex’s eyelids drooped. “We’ll get along without him.”
It felt strange to hear the same words Dusty had been saying coming from someone else.
“I want him to stay.”
Dusty couldn’t remember ever hearing that much emotion in his father’s voice.
“We need him,” his father continued. “Big Ben and Len can manage the horses but they can’t be a father to Matt, a brother to you and a son to me and your mother.”
Dusty’s throat tightened. Not once had his father said he needed Dusty or indicated in any way that he made a significant contribution to the family.
Until today, Dusty hadn’t realized how desperately he’d wanted to hear that from his father.
“Gee, Dad.” Dex yawned. “When did you get so sentimental?”
“Maybe I’ve always been,” he said gruffly.
“Let’s go, Dad.” Dusty placed a hand on his father’s shoulder. “Dex needs to rest.”
On the other side of the ICU door, J.W. asked, “What are you going to do?”
“I’m not sure now.” Dusty was still grappling with what had transpired. He needed time alone to wrap his brain around it.
“I didn’t say what I did in there just to make you stay.”
Dusty nodded.
“I’m proud of you, Dusty. You’re your own man. I may not always agree with you, hell, I’ll probably seldom agree with you, but I respect you.”
The surprises just kept coming and coming.
“That means a lot to me, Dad.”
In the waiting area, Dusty and his father rejoined the family and gave their report on Dex. Since he was sleeping, they all decided to go home for a while, nap and shower. Then those who wanted to would return in the afternoon or evening when Dex was hopefully more alert and been moved to a regular room.
Dusty had ridden to the hospital with Jesse and Elly. Josie, who’d accompanied Dex in the ambulance, joined them on the drive home, sitting in the back with Elly.
“Dex is going to require a lot of care.” Josie leaned her head back and sighed heavily. “I have to find a good babysitter for Matt or make some other daycare arrangements. I can’t keep up with a four-year-old and be driving Dex fifty miles roundtrip every weekday to doctors’ appointments and physical therapy.”
“We’ll all help,” Elly assured her.
Dusty turned around from where he sat in the front passenger seat. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of Matt.”
“I don’t want to impose. You have your work and trips to California coming up.”
“I’ll do it. I want to. Jesse’s right.” Dusty cast his brother a look. “I don’t need to fly to L.A. I can handle the contract negotiations and signing by phone and e-mail.”
“You sure?” Josie’s features, weary from stress, brightened. “Matt would love that. And I trust you.”
Four small words, but they meant the world to Dusty. He knew in that moment nothing would stop him.
“Way to go, bro.” Jesse glanced away from the road to smile at Dusty.
“What about Maryanne?” Elly asked.
“She’ll understand.”
Jesse harrumphed and his eyebrows shot up.
Dusty pushed all doubts aside. Maryanne had supported him one hundred percent since they’d met. She would about this, too.
“Do you mind dropping me off at Adele’s?” he asked as they neared the turnoff to Cowboy College.
“Aren’t you tired?” Elly asked.
“I’m beat. But I want to talk to Maryanne.” He didn’t add how much he wanted to see her. Corny as it sounded, she was his safe harbor in a storm.
Jesse drove straight to the guest cabins. “Which one?”
“There.” Dusty pointed to Maryanne’s.
She answered his knock right away and after giving him a hug, ushered him inside.
“How’s Dex?”
“Not bad
, considering.”
“You look awful. Why didn’t you go home?”
Maryanne led him to the tiny kitchen, sat him at the table, poured him some coffee and proceeded to fuss over him. It was nice. Very nice. Which made having to tell her he wouldn’t be coming to L.A. all the more difficult.
“THE DOCTOR SAYS HE’S GOING to require at least one more surgery.”
“Oh, wow.” Maryanne listened intently to Dusty while stirring her coffee. “I didn’t think he fell that bad.”
“Apparently it was the way he landed.”
“How long until he can walk again?”
“Two, maybe three months.” He summarized his brother’s daunting rehabilitation plan.
“Poor Josie.”
“She’s already given notice at her job so she can take care of him full-time.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
Maryanne and her father were leaving the day after tomorrow. Her boss had been calling practically hourly, giving her extensive and detailed lists. Still, if Dusty needed her help, she’d do it.
“Not at the moment.” He fidgeted, which he’d done often since arriving.
She’d initially blamed his restlessness on lack of sleep and stress. Now, however, she began to wonder. “Is something the matter besides Dex?”
Dusty cleared his throat. “I won’t be flying out to L.A. Not for a while.”
“You’re still signing the option contract!”
“Absolutely.”
“Then how—”
“We’ll handle the negotiations and signing by e-mail.”
“Oh.” She tried to absorb the full ramifications of what he’d said. “How long’s ‘a while’?”
“I don’t know. I’m taking charge of managing the horses while Dex’s laid up. And watching Matt during the day while Josie’s busy.”
Maryanne didn’t like the uncertainty in his voice. Or the sense of déjà vu stealing over her.
“That’s going to keep you busy.”
He reached across the small table and took her hand. “Just because I can’t come to L.A. doesn’t mean you can’t visit me.”
“I’ve used up all my vacation days. I won’t have any time off again until Thanksgiving.”
Two-and-a-half months away. Even then, she might not be able to afford another trip. The stay at Cowboy College had used a large chunk out of her savings. The rest was in reserve for a down payment on the condo. She didn’t tell Dusty. He’d offer to pay for her plane ticket, and she wouldn’t feel right accepting.
“Then stay here,” he said.
She gaped at him. “Be serious.”
“I am.”
“What about my job?”
“Get another one,” he said as if marketing jobs grew on trees.
“I’ve worked hard for this one. And I like it. Besides—” she shook her head “—there’s my dad. I won’t leave him. We’re all each other has since Mom died.”
“He can move here with you.”
“What if he doesn’t want to?”
“You’re right.” Dusty leaned back in his chair. “I shouldn’t be pressuring you.”
“Why can’t you bring Matt with you to L.A.?”
“I already thought of that. Josie thinks he’s too young to fly.”
Maryanne remembered. “Your parents could babysit.” They had before.
“I don’t want to take him anywhere. Not yet. He’s had so many changes and disruptions lately, he needs some stability.”
“Of course.” She lowered her eyes.
“I know you’re disappointed.” He squeezed her hand. “And I’m sorry.”
So was she.
It wasn’t that Maryanne didn’t appreciate the sacrifices he was making. After all, she’d made a similar one for her father. But not at the expense of someone else’s feelings.
Be fair, she chided herself. He’s doing the best he can.
“If you can be patient,” he said, “wait a few months, things will get back to normal.”
She’d heard that before. Only her former boyfriends hadn’t returned as promised, and nothing was ever normal again.
Would Dusty do the same? Forget about her and turn to another woman the moment she was gone? He’d have plenty of opportunity. And there was his reputation to consider.
Her breath caught. What if she’d been just another of his conquests?
Maryanne didn’t like having doubts and insecurities but she was suddenly filled with them. They pushed against her heart like an oppressive weight.
“I don’t want to lose you,” she said in a half whisper. “Not after just finding you.”
“You won’t lose me. As soon as Dex is up and around, I’ll be flying out to L.A. so often you’ll be sick of me.” He smiled and for a fraction of a second, he was the same impossibly charming man she’d met in the arena a month ago. “The time will go quickly. You’ll see.”
He was wrong. She’d been through this before, with men she’d dated considerably longer than Dusty, and the days and weeks had passed excruciatingly slow. Especially when the phone calls and e-mails decreased.
“What if you get tired of waiting? What if Dex’s recovery takes longer than expected?” Unable to sit any longer, she got up from the table and went to the counter.
“We’ll cross that bridge if and when we come to it.”
“You make it sound so simple.”
Dusty also stood. “There are no guarantees in life. Look at Dex. He didn’t think yesterday morning when he woke up he’d be in a hospital that afternoon.”
Not exactly the assurance she was hoping for.
When he took a step toward her, she moved back.
Confusion clouded Dusty’s features. “You have to know I didn’t want this.”
“I do.” Unshed tears clogged her throat.
“My family comes first right now. They need me.”
She sniffed. “And I don’t.”
“Not as much.”
True, but hearing it still hurt. Why was she always the last one on everyone’s priority list? Even her birth mother had put herself first.
“I guess you’re right,” she said more testily than necessary.
“This isn’t a choice between you and my family.”
“Sounds to me like you already picked them.”
For the first time, a note of impatience crept into Dusty’s voice. “I thought you’d understand.”
“Understand or go along?”
“The two aren’t that much different.”
“They are. And if you can’t see that, you can’t possibly know how I feel right now.”
“I’m not rejecting you.”
“Really? Because this sure smacks of being let down easy.”
“If you think that then you don’t know how I feel.” He reached for his hat, which he’d left on the table. “Maybe I should go.”
There was a finality to his statement, as if he wasn’t coming back.
She could stop him. Tell him she was sorry and that she’d wait forever if necessary.
Except he hadn’t said he’d wait for her, and that was what she’d most needed to hear.
“I’ll call you tomorrow.” He reached for her, sorrow in his eyes. “We’re both tired and not thinking straight.”
Or was that thinking straight for the first time? The truth was, their romance had been a whirlwind. Possibly even a fantasy.
She avoided his hand. “Please don’t. This is hard enough.” If he touched her, took her in his arms, it would be her undoing.
“All right, then.” The muscles in his jaw twitched. Whether from anger or some other emotion, it was hard to tell. “Goodbye, Maryanne.”
After shutting the door behind him, she hid in her bedroom crying softly and wondering if she’d made a terrible mistake.
What had she been thinking? She and Dusty hardly knew each other. No one fell in love in such a short period of time. Certainly not two people from two entirely different worlds. Excep
t she had fallen in love. How else could she explain the hollow place inside her and the pain rushing in to fill it?
Chapter Fifteen
“Attention passengers,” a generic male voice boomed over the airport loudspeaker. “Flight 279 for Reno, Nevada, has been delayed and won’t be departing until 9:17.”
“Isn’t that your flight, Cookie?”
“Yes, darn it.” Maryanne peered over the heads of fellow passengers to the bank of digital screens behind the ticket counter. According to the flashing numbers, her flight had indeed been delayed. “I’d better talk to an agent.” She moved toward the line she’d left mere minutes before. “It’s possible I’ll miss my connection.”
Her father waited with her in the line, chatting about this and that, his mood relatively good considering the circumstances. Her decision to leave a day early had no doubt inconvenienced him. Instead of spending his last morning at Cowboy College roping, he was with her at the regional airport, standing in a slow moving line.
She probably should have toughed it out and waited until tomorrow to leave. But after her conversation with Dusty yesterday—or was it a fight?—Maryanne couldn’t bear to stay a moment longer. She wasn’t, she told herself for the hundredth time, avoiding Dusty.
“How ’bout another cup of coffee?” Gil suggested once Maryanne finished with the ticket agent.
“Maybe a water. You know, you don’t have to hang around.” They’d moved to yet another line, this one at the small café.
“You seem kind of upset. I figured you could use the company.” By sheer luck, they found an empty table in the corner. “Is it Dusty? Leaving him has to be hard but you’ll see him soon.”
“He’s not coming to L.A.”
“What!”
Maryanne hadn’t told her father about her and Dusty. Last night her emotions had been too close to the surface to talk without breaking down. She was only marginally better this morning.
“He’s staying to help with Matt and take over for Dex at the ranch.” She explained the details while sipping her water. When she finished, her father patted her hand. The paternal gesture caused a painful lump to form in the back of Maryanne’s throat, and she wound up pouring her heart out.
“Asking you to wait doesn’t seem unreasonable.”
“Dad, I’ve been through this before.” Maryanne’s defenses rose. “It always ends with me being hurt.”
Dusty: Wild Cowboy Page 18
