“Cold?” Thomas’s teeth chattered.
“Yes. Cold.” I agreed. He opened my door. Our chance to seal it with a kiss was thwarted by the weather. I hid my infamous clutch purse under the passenger seat, a new habit I formed after being assaulted. I immediately checked my Blackberry for the time, just as Thomas got into the driver’s seat. Three A.M. and I had five missed calls in the last three hours, and three texts. I checked my voicemail, a different type of cold fell down my spine. One after another, it was the frantic voice of my mom to call Pharaoh’s cell, or my brother himself in a gruff voice demanding that I call home. I noticed distinctly that my dad did not call and my fingers couldn’t work fast enough on the tiny keys as I dialed home. Thomas watched me quietly and didn’t ask questions knowing I had no answers yet.
“Phoenix!” Pharaoh’s voice was a squeal. “Where the hell have you been for the past three hours?” Thomas started the car and turned on the heat. I braced my heart for bad news.
“What’s wrong, Pharaoh? Is it dad?” My brother went quiet, providing the answer I needed.
“Are you home? Are you driving? I don’t want you freaking out.”
“Tell me already!” I could hear my mom in the background speaking in Korean. I had no idea if they were home or at a hospital.
“Dad, he, um he had a massive stroke tonight.” Pharaoh’s voice cracked and it reminded me of when he was a toddler and upset over a broken toy. I suddenly regretted not going home. Maybe I would have seen him and the turmoil of my divorce and the mugging would not have added to his stress levels. There were a lot of maybes running around my head. For Thomas’s benefit, I repeated the news. Dad suffered a stroke after dinner at home. Mom was there, called Pharaoh before the ambulance. I wasn’t sure if that was wise, but I wasn’t going to be upset with her for that.
“Is he at Memorial or Naval?” Worry had me on the edge of panic. “Is he conscious?”
“Memorial, yeah, but his left side’s affected. The docs said it was good that mom crushed aspirin and forced him to eat it. He collapsed in the bathroom when mom found him.”
The vision of my dad on the cold white tile on the bathroom floor started my tears. Thomas rubbed my back. “Dad didn’t want me to call you and worry you.” Pharaoh continued.
“That’s bullshit.” I whimpered. “Thanks for calling anyway. I want to come home.” I looked at Thomas and his serene understanding face was a comfort. He caressed my cheek and wiped away my tears.
My mom got on the phone and was emotional as she repeated everything Pharaoh just told me. I listened patiently, hearing it a second time made the grave situation more real. I thanked mom for taking care of dad and promised that I would be on the earliest flight home. Mom was about to argue for dad’s sake. Dad didn’t want me traveling, perhaps thinking I was still healing from the attack. No one in my immediate family had major medical problems. Now my dad and I have made hospital visits within the same month. It’s not something I wanted to have in common with him.
“Thomas, can you please drive me home.” I wasn’t sure how he would be getting home himself, but I did more of the drinking and I wasn’t in any condition to drive, especially with my emotions running high. I had a lot to plan for and needed to start right away. If ever I needed Thomas’s patience and understanding, it was now.
“Let me go with you.” Thomas said.
“Okay, home? Yes, can you please drive me home? Then, you can take my car home with you or the shop or whatever.”
“No.” He turned my chin so he could look at my face, my horrible puffy eyes. I understood him finally.
“Oh, Thomas. I can’t ask you to do that. I can’t ask you to follow me home, to Guam. I mean, I really need to focus on my dad.” And how would I explain this beautiful creature to my family, I thought.
Thomas nodded, looking so dejected. Score another one for Phoenix. He was quiet all the way to my condo.
I didn’t have much experience or knowledge about strokes. After securing my ticket, I researched. I had to know if dad would make it out of this. I couldn’t imagine my mom without my dad. A pang of guilt ran through me because my parents were banking on Bradley and me providing them grandchildren. I went two steps forward and three steps back in that department. I thought of Thomas and wondered if my dad would ever meet this stellar man.
My flight was scheduled for Sunday morning, which would give me a day to pack all my stuff and put it into storage until I could get back.
I received regular texts from Pharaoh about dad. I even e-mailed Bradley, since he was visiting an uncle up north in Whittier for the weekend. It was more of a way for him to give me space since the divorce dust was settling. He had a right to know nonetheless.
Thomas had called twice already. He usually didn’t pressure me, but I understood how he was feeling since I was leaving the next day. I needed to talk to him, probably more for his sake than mine. I had so much on my mind and this blooming thing with Thomas was on the back burner yet again. I’m not sure if I was extra skeptical about romance in general or freaked out by the fact that every time I made a decision to go for it with Thomas, something tragic happened.
First, it was the almost brawl. Second, the stabbing and third, my dad had a stroke. It was all tied to the Pass the Mic karaoke bar too. I loved that place, but after three incidences I was getting superstitious all of a sudden. There were too many coincidences for my taste. When did my life become such a soap opera?
“Hey, Thomas.”
“Phoenix. How are you? And your dad of course?” Thomas’s kind voice floated through my phone and calmed me. My daddy was lying in a hospital bed and it wasn’t fair for me to be playing Who Wants to Date a Hot Sandwich Slinging Screenwriter.
“I’m fine. He’s stable and I fly out tomorrow. I really want to hear his voice, but,” I got choked up.
“I know, Phoenix. Did you need me to do anything for you? Tamara has unlocked the shackles for the weekend.” Thomas was enthusiastic.
“No. I’m meeting Ty and Angelica to get my stuff into storage.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Thomas’s anger was palpable. “I can be there to help too.”
“Oh, well, I really thought you were heading north for the weekend, with the new shops and stuff.” I lied.
“No.” There was an awkward pause. How many times have I made Thomas feel like he was just on the outskirts of Phoenix town? It really wasn’t fair, but I felt strongly that I wasn’t able to move on with him, at least not just yet. Bradley had offered his life and love to me on loan, it wasn’t an unconditional gift. I feared I was doing the same to Thomas.
“Thomas? You still there?” I knew he was, I could hear him breathing rhythmically. Soft music played in the background and I wondered for a second where he was.
“I’m always here. You know that.” He sounded like a whimpering puppy. And I felt like the jerk who kicked that cute puppy.
“Thomas. I, um, I don’t mean to make you feel put out. I just need to wrap my head around my dad’s situation. I mean, you understand, losing your dad and everything.”
“You’re right. I can’t be forcing myself into your life when you aren’t ready for it. But, Phoenix, just know that.” He paused, desperation dripped from his voice, “Please, just know that I feel…I care deeply for you. Okay?”
“I know. I appreciate it. Really. If all this wasn’t happening I would be treating you to a massage and pedicure right now. The Diva girls miss you, I’m sure.” Thomas finally let up and laughed a bit.
Thomas shared his dad’s story and how he passed away. I found myself gripping my shirt over my heart like one would when watching a movie. Thomas was a stellar storyteller, pausing for effect and emphasizing certain points with dramatic flair that made me see the scenes in my head. It seemed so effortless for him. I knew he was the same type of writer. I was hungry to read his screenplay.
“My father died when I was a sophomore in high school. I just got my license and it was suppos
ed to be an enthralling time in my life.” I thought about myself at that time, starting kissy games with Bradley. All the while, Thomas was going on a tragic journey with his dad’s illness and his older sister’s rebellion. “My dad’s name is, was Daigh Thomas Roberts.” It is pronounced like the word, day.
“It’s a beautiful name.” I stated mostly for myself. I didn’t want to interrupt the flow of his story. I knew this must have been hard to tell. It had been ten years since his father’s passing. Thomas said his father was a hard worker, construction, but he really wanted to open his own restaurant. His father was given a death sentence when he finally got sick enough to go to a clinic. Thomas and his father had to deal with the terminal illness alone, since Tamara was off in college and disconnected. Liver cancer. This explained why Thomas shunned alcohol for the most part. Thomas said that his father drank heavily after his wife died. Thomas was only seven when he lost his mom. Combine that with the fact that his father contracted Hepatitis C; cancer was inevitable.
“So, who was the woman in the picture with you and Tamara and your father? It looked like you were about 17 years old.” I wondered referring to the seemingly happy family portrait in his condo.
“That was my almost stepmom. She, she left my dad when she found out he was sick. Tamara kind of spiraled out of control after that. She really loved Moira. I was only fifteen in that picture.” He explained.
Tamara was a college student and off wild. She was never close to her father and their like personalities and temperaments made for a lot of drama in the Robert’s home. Father Roberts merely wanted to see his only daughter succeed and she wasted her college money on parties and drugs. I couldn’t see Tamara as a party girl, but again that was almost ten years ago. People change.
At his deathbed, Father Roberts only had Thomas by his side. Thomas stepped up to care for his father and the home, all the while maintaining his grades in school. His high school years were wrought with stress and pain and loss and Tamara was not there to assist. She didn’t even go to the hospice, despite knowing that her father had a short time to live. Thomas said his father had accepted his fate and was at peace. Thomas was not. He was a witness to his father’s decline every day, every hour. Tamara was not.
The night before Father Roberts died, he had given Thomas his Celtic knot pendant and told him where to find his late mother’s pendant for Tamara. To the end, even with a wayward daughter, Father Roberts loved her unconditionally.
Thomas wasn’t angry that his dad died, but only angry at Tamara for many years. Even though she signed for guardianship over Thomas for the next two years until he was an adult, Thomas was in many ways already an adult.
In college, Thomas stayed away from Tamara. Their last contact was when he flung their mother’s pendant at her, tears in his eyes and disappointment in his older sister. He studied hard in college, but also found interest in the opposite sex, finally being allowed to because for once he only had his happiness to worry about. Thomas admittedly dated many, which verified Tano’s stories.
Thomas said he never found love. Never found someone to motivate him to do for himself. He reconciled with Tamara after she graduated from college with a master’s degree and wrote her screenplay. She mailed the entire document to him as a peace offering. In tears, he met with his sister, who was just starting her business plan. She completed her master’s degree in literature because that was her promise to her father—finish college. But, she chose to open the shop because that’s what her father always dreamed of doing for himself. The movie detailed that story.
“I’m so sorry, Thomas. Your father sounded like a wonderful man.”
“Everyone sounds more wonderful than they are after they have passed,” Thomas stated bluntly. “My dad had imperfections. I was orphaned, but I moved on with my life. I didn’t become a victim of my past, and luckily I have found family again in Tamara. She has evolved so much in these last five years alone.” He sounded like a very proud brother.
Thomas asked if he could see me one last time and suggested that he stop by my condo in the evening. My immediate answer was no. I knew with my misery and worry and stress, something we might regret would take place. I hadn’t even declared my love for him and I didn’t want to get physical with Thomas because of ill circumstances. He began to make me feel like I might lose him.
“I don’t know Thomas. Please. Understand, this is really a case of it’s not you, it’s me. It sounds trite, but I have so much to do and I’m afraid that things will get out of hand if you come over.”
“I see. I wanted to give you a gift and just see your face before you leave.” I felt terrible after hearing his sweet, innocent reason. “I don’t want to be a jackass and ask when you’ll be back. I know you have to look after your family. I’m doing my best not to jump on the plane with you.” He offered a nervous laugh.
“A gift, huh? I don’t think I deserve it.” I tried to lighten the mood too.
“Well, I’m at your condo now. I’m thinking of taking your orchid so I can think of you and care for it. It reminds me of Tano’s house in Asan.” That was actually a good idea. I was tickled that Thomas was outside of my home, well the home I would have for one last day.
I was instantly excited to get home from the storage unit. A huge ring on the concrete by my door was the proof that Thomas was there. He did take my orchid and I smiled, absolutely fine with the thievery. I checked my mail slot right away and saw the DVD. Thomas had placed a copy of the movie his sister wrote in my mailbox. It was indeed signed by Tamara. The cover art was very minimalist with simple pendants on gold chains on a patch of green grass. I recognize the Celtic knot pendants right away. Side by side was Thomas’s father’s pendant and his mother’s.
I settled in with a bottle of wine to enjoy the show. I was glad Thomas was not next to me, since I was basically watching his sister’s journey from the time her father died to her attainment of goals. I don’t want him to suffer pain of any sort. And, there were many painful flashbacks and I began to see Tamara in a new light. She was a fully developed woman. A woman with dark and light to her soul. She lost her father, but worse off, left him to die without reconciliation of any sort. I felt akin to this scenario except I was on my way home to see my father with the hopes that he would make a recovery. I ran through half my tissue box by the time the movie ended.
Once I composed myself, I called Thomas to thank him. Thomas picked up on my distraught.
“Phoenix? Hey.” Thomas must have been asleep, his voice was deep and gravelly and for a second I wished I was lying next to him.
“I’m sorry Thomas. I just had to call.”
“Oh, no. Is it your dad? Is he okay?” He seemed more conscious now.
“No, no, no! Sorry, it’s more like your dad. I just finished the movie.” I could hear Thomas sigh in relief. I wondered how he slept. I tried to envision him on his bed. Was he in PJ’s? Did he sleep in his boxers? Then, I got my mind back on track. “It’s a very beautiful movie, Thomas. I wish I could have time to take your sister to dinner and pick her brain. She definitely has evolved. Why doesn’t she write more?”
“She says that her small stroke of genius was a one time thing. I think she’s a talented writer, but my sister seems fulfilled with her family and her business. Tamara really is a simple lady. She must have used all her wild and crazy tokens in college.”
“And, you love her very much.”
“I do.” He added plainly and truthfully.
“The actor who played you didn’t do you justice.” I shared and Thomas chuckled.
“There were a lot of unknowns. I kind of agree, but Tamara had very little say in the actors.”
We spoke for another hour about our fathers. It was nice to get his advice. On one hand, Thomas reassured me that my father should be fine. On the other, he added that if I found myself without him, that life would go on, that I could move on and grow, as he did. I didn’t want to face a life without my dad. I felt like I was still
his little girl, with a lot of growing up to do.
“Phoenix. Please keep in touch while you’re on Guam as much as you can. I understand that I may not hear from you everyday, but an occasional e-mail or text will help keep my hair from graying.”
“I will.” And I hoped that I could.
Chapter 14
Humid Homecoming
After a last minute scan of each level of the empty condo, I stood at the doorway and took stock of my life. If I really wanted to, I could stay on Guam and leave California and my divorce here. I could put my experience as a secret shopper on my resume as a bullet item. I could keep Angelica and Gerard on my Facebook friend’s list and nothing more. But, I would miss Ty and Uncle Tony. I would miss Angelica and I secretly hoped that she would marry Ty and be my official cousin-in-law. I would even miss my work as a Field Agent. I danced around the thought that I could be in love with Thomas. Could I leave him here so easily? Would he move to Guam, where life moved at a slower pace just to be with me?
“Adios!” I called out to no one. My voice sounded foreign as it echoed through the empty dwelling that was once my home. I locked the condo for the last time and didn’t look back.
Uncle Tony waited in his car with Ty. My cousin had been such a godsend these last few weeks. He was going to drive me to the airport and take my car home with him. As far as anyone here was concerned, I was coming back to San Diego. As far as my new found friends and family were concerned, I was merely visiting Guam to see about my dad’s health. As far as I was concerned, I wasn’t so sure. I would deal with the material things I leave in California for later. Thomas was the one thing binding me to San Diego.
The second leg of my flight home after leaving Los Angeles went faster than I thought. I had a good book and my laptop to keep me occupied. As much as I’d like to sleep on a flight, I never could. The ambient noise of the jet engines and the constant activity of the flight attendants kept my eyes peeled.
Secret Shopper Page 18
