She found he’d left her a note with a flower he’d gotten from somewhere. Had he gone all the way out, and come all the way back, just to leave her a flower? She smiled as she sniffed the wild rose. They must grow around here somewhere, but she hadn’t seen them. She’d caught the faint scent of them a time or two while she’d been walking down the beach, but she hadn’t been able to pinpoint where the scent had come from. Gus knew, apparently, just where the wild roses grew. He’d gone and picked one for her and had come back just as silently—letting her sleep—to give her a sweet surprise when she woke.
His note expressed his regret at having to leave, but he’d had an early meeting at the reservation and hadn’t had the heart to wake her up, just to say goodbye. He’d gone so far as to write that he didn’t think he’d have been able to leave if she’d been awake, and he’d promised to return for lunch with a fresh load of art and jewelry pieces from the artists on the res.
Laura couldn’t wait until she saw him, again, but she felt a little anxious about how their reunion would go. Would he be as loving and warm as he’d been the night before, or was their liaison just another in a string for him? Male shifters were notorious for sowing their wild oats until they were blessed to find their true mate.
Laura had already had a mate, so logically, Gus couldn’t be hers. Right? She had come to question the past quite a bit since meeting Gus, but she was so confused about the entire situation. She resolved to let Gus be her guide. How he acted when he came back to see her would give her the answer about how she should handle this. That decision made and a quick breakfast eaten, Laura headed down to the gallery to work on her mural until Gus reappeared.
Gus didn’t arrive until mid-morning, and by that time, the mural was almost finished—except for the bear she wanted to put in walking among the redwoods. She’d insert him later, she decided. Possibly.
The thing was… She didn’t want it to be just some generic bear in the woods she had created. She wanted it to be Gus. It was his building. His gallery. He should be represented in the art, somehow. But to date, she’d never seen his animal form. She could make some educated guesses, but she wanted to see the spirit bear first, before she painted him.
Gus didn’t seem to notice that there was something missing from the mural. He had walked in, dropped a box on the counter and stared for a moment at the towering redwoods she’d depicted in soft shades of green, cream, and brown. A muted interpretation of reality that matched the other murals in the room, tying the whole place together.
“Magnificent,” he said after a moment studying the art she’d created. He came over and put his arms around her from behind, leaning down to kiss her temple. “You’re a true artist, Laura. You’ve captured the immenseness of those trees, and yet, also the spiritual nature of the place. I love it.”
“It’s not completely done yet, but this is as far as I can go, right now,” she admitted. He didn’t ask what else she wanted to add. He just let her statement stand without comment.
They just stood there, his big body wrapped around hers as he contemplated the mural for a long moment. Then, he sighed and seemed to come out of the trance the scene had put him into.
“Do you want to go there for lunch?” he asked.
“Go where?” She turned as he released her from his embrace.
“To the redwoods,” he said, gesturing toward the mural. “There’s a grove near my property, still within the boundary of the town’s ward. It’s safe. I like to walk up there. We could pack a picnic lunch and take an hour or two. What do you think?”
There was so much work to do to get the gallery ready, but she wanted to spend time in Gus’s company. With just him, and the giant sequoia trees. She wanted that more than she could say. The real-life version of the mural she had almost finished painting. She smiled up at him.
“Let’s do it.”
Gus drove them to his place first. They’d already stopped in town for a hamper of food from the bakery, and the conversation on the way to his place had been casual and pleasant. He couldn’t keep himself from holding Laura’s hand as they drove along. Touching her had become a necessity for his inner peace.
Dangerous. He knew he was setting himself up for a very big fall, but he felt powerless against the force of the attraction he felt for Laura.
He knew, as well as any other bear, that shifters mated just once…and for life. Laura had already had a mate, though they both seemed to have their doubts about the validity of the mating. He could hope that Roger hadn’t been Laura’s true mate, but he also knew that wasn’t likely. Shifters were usually only fertile with their true mate. Otherwise, there would be a lot more little half-shifters running around.
As it was, it was a very rare occurrence for a shifter to have a child with someone who wasn’t their true mate. Marilee’s very existence seemed to validate her parents’ union. Of course, Marilee’s father had been a mage.
In the back of Gus’s mind, that small fact gave him hope. Had the mage somehow been able to influence Laura’s fertility? Had he manipulated the entire situation? If so, he’d never been Laura’s true mate, which left room for Gus. But it would also mean that the entire relationship had been a sham. A scam. A way to get to Laura.
It was pretty obvious that Laura had loved her mate. If he’d been deceiving her from the very beginning, he’d been a cad of the first order, and having proof of his duplicity would hurt her. Gus knew she had suspicions. But that’s all they were, right now—suspicions. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings by bringing up the subject, again. They had time. If his level of attraction didn’t abate, then he’d have to look more deeply into her past.
As it was, for now, at least, he could let things ride and just enjoy her company. The turmoil of his thoughts was well hidden and could remain so for a while longer. And who knew? Maybe if she felt strongly about Gus, they might be able talk over her past with Roger with a minimum of pain—though he knew, if she’d been deceived by Marilee’s father, she’d be both angry and hurt. Of course, if she really had been that mage’s true mate and she couldn’t return Gus’s feelings—then the pain would be all on Gus’s side. It might be cowardly, but he decided he’d rather put off that discovery as long as possible.
They walked to the redwood grove from his place. It wasn’t far, and like he’d told her, he often walked among the towering trees. It was a sacred place. A place where he came to think and just…be.
“We’re near the border with the res here,” he told her as they walked along in the regular-sized pines. The redwood grove wasn’t far, but they’d come upon it suddenly, sneaking up on it from the forest.
“So, who owns this land?” she asked as they strolled along.
“I own some of it,” Gus replied. “But not all. More than a few lots have been left vacant so the town can expand. Now, on the far side of the redwood grove, some newlyweds have moved in, and this isn’t the only grove inside the town’s perimeter. It’s just the one closest to my place.” He recognized where they were and slowed his pace deliberately. “Get ready now,” he told her, almost whispering. “Do you see it?”
Laura practically tiptoed a few paces in front of him to peek through the trees, and then, she gasped. Gus smiled. She’d seen the Sentinel. That’s what he called the first forest giant that signaled the presence of the grove to him. He loved how that massive trunk just seemed to loom out of the forest all of a sudden. It never failed to impress him, or the few people he’d taken along this route.
“That’s one tree?” she asked, her gaze glued to the giant tree as her steps slowed to a stop.
Gus nodded. “One ancient tree. I call him the Sentinel because he’s the first I see when I come this way, and it’s like he’s acting as lookout for the others. He’s larger than the others, so he could very well be the progenitor of the entire grove.”
“You think the tree is male?” She shot him an amused look.
Gus tilted his head. “Maybe. I’m not sure. I know tree
s are different. They produce both male and female parts to make the seeds for the next generations, but this particular tree is so massive and magical in its own way. It just feels right to refer to it as a living being, and in English, you have to choose between him or her. I went with him.”
Laura shrugged after a moment’s thought. “Makes sense, I guess. And he is incredibly huge. Bigger than I ever expected.”
“But you painted him. The first tree in your mural. That’s this tree, isn’t it?”
Gus was confused. He had thought he’d recognized the branch pattern, but he wasn’t sure. She might possibly have seen the Sentinel from a distance, somehow… Then again, he hadn’t really been thinking. When would she have seen this tree? No time that he could think of. Something skittered along his spine—a tingly feeling he didn’t like. What was going on here? Was her knowledge of this place a benevolent gift of the Mother, or was it something that had been planted in Laura’s mind, by evil forces?
Thankfully, she didn’t seem to notice his tension. Laura shrugged and continued to gaze upward at the Sentinel tree. “No, I was just making it up. I’ve never seen giant sequoia in person before. I saw photos in text books a long time ago, but I’ve never been among them myself.”
Gus was silent as he followed her gentle footsteps closer to the tree, and the grove it heralded. He shook off his discomfort, as best he could. There was nothing to be done at this moment, and no real conclusive proof that something was amiss. He would continue to observe, of course, but he was also going to enjoy this time among the giant redwoods that he loved so much. Sharing them with Laura was special. He wouldn’t let shadows of something that might, or might not, develop into a problem, ruin it.
“Oh,” Laura murmured as she cautiously walked around the circumference of the massive tree and discovered what lay beyond. He could hear the awe in her voice. “There are so many of them,” she whispered, as if talking too loudly would break the spell the woodlands cast over them. “They’re so huge!”
Gus came up beside her as she paused at the base of the Sentinel, now on the other side of the massive tree where she could see the rest of the grove stretching into the distance. She was looking straight up, her head lolling back to take in the enormity of the tall pine.
“This is like nothing I could have expected. I think I need to re-work my mural,” she said after a moment. “I got the scale all wrong.”
“Really? I thought your mural was spot on,” Gus said quietly, contemplating the trees as he liked to do when he came here.
Laura shook her head. “The mural isn’t finished yet. There’s supposed to be a bear walking among the trees, but I was picturing him way too large for the scale of the trees.”
“So, just make the bear smaller,” Gus said, shrugging. “The trees won’t mind.”
She looked at him, frowning even as she smiled. “But what if I wanted the bear to be the focal point, not the trees?”
Gus shook his head. “Very little in this world can compete with these forest giants. The bear knows this. Don’t try to force something that is inevitable. These trees were here long before our people, and Goddess willing, they will be here long after.”
She tilted her head, as if considering his words, but said nothing in reply.
“Follow me,” he told her, moving their day along. “There’s a great little spot just ahead where we can have our picnic.”
CHAPTER NINE
The picnic spot was everything Gus promised, and more. Set in the center of a triangle anchored by three of the giant sequoia, one on each point, was a sun-dappled clearing filled with tufts of grass, strewn pine needles and the occasional fern and wildflower. It was like a mini paradise.
Gus spread the picnic blanket he had brought with them in the center of the triangle. He placed the picnic basket on one corner then motioned for her to sit. She liked the feel of the earth beneath the blanket and the scents of the forest all around. When Gus opened the basket, the scents of their lunch became dominant for a while, dissipating as they ate, surrounded by nature’s beauty.
When lunch had been consumed and they were both sitting comfortably on the blanket, enjoying the sounds of the forest, time seemed to slow, and each breath of the fine, fresh air became precious and filled with fairy dust. Maybe it was just the effect of the sunlight dancing through the canopy far overhead, but the small clearing in which they sat seemed even more magical than before. Laura sat while Gus reclined, leaning up on his elbows, seeming to contemplate the dappled sun on the world below.
“I love it here,” he said, his deep voice flowing into the forest, a part of it. Welcome. As if he belonged here.
“I can see why,” she replied. Her voice wasn’t quite as in tune with the place yet, but she hoped, one day, it would be. She was fast becoming enamored of this magical place. “It’s really beautiful.”
Gus got to his feet and began undressing. “It’s even better when your senses are completely open. Want to shift with me?” He kicked off his shoes and paused for her answer.
Laura had to try twice to get her words out past her suddenly dry mouth. She gulped and tried again. “I haven’t shifted since…”
“Since finally regaining your human form,” Gus completed her thought. “I suspected as much.” He frowned a bit as he regarded her. “You can’t keep the wolf at bay forever. She needs to be part of your recovery just as much as your human side. Don’t shut her out.”
“But I was trapped in her body for so long,” Laura said, unable to hold his gaze. She looked down at the blanket, following the patterns of light play across its surface.
“She is a part of you. Half of you. You can’t just ignore her. The wolf kept you safe for all those years. It’s not fair to shut her out now,” Gus said softly. Even though his words were gentle, the truth of them hit her hard.
“You don’t pull any punches, do you?” She looked up at him, though she kept her head mostly down.
Gus sat again, barefoot now, taking up a position opposite her. “Look,” he began, his tone still quiet. “I can never fully understand what it is you did to survive so long under such harsh conditions. You were wolf in this plane of existence, but were you also wolf in the fey realm?”
“I wasn’t completely there,” she told him, trying to find the words that would explain the strange in-between place to which her consciousness had fled for protection. “I could sense the fey realm, and I could sometimes sense the mortal realm through my body, but I was sort of…between. That’s the best way I can put it. I’m not an expert on metaphysics. I just did what seemed best at the time, and thanked the Mother of All that it worked.”
“Nothing wrong with that.” Gus’s expression, when she chanced a glance at him, held a slight frown. “So then, your consciousness was neither human nor wolf. It was just you, at your most basic, right?”
Her shoulders tensed. “Well… I’m not really sure. It was like another part of me—that fey part that had never really shone before started to brighten. The fey part seemed to know where to go. It was that part that led the way and kept the rest of my soul out of reach of the enemy. At least, that’s what I think happened. Like I said, I’m no expert.”
“Perhaps, at some point, we should consult an expert. Purely as an academic exercise, it would be interesting to find out if anyone else has ever used such techniques. Such knowledge might be useful to others if they find themselves in a difficult situation.”
“I pray that nobody ever ends up held the way I was,” Laura said at once. “But I do see your point, and I’d be interested to find out if anyone in this realm has a theory about where I was for so long.” She dared greatly, about to reveal something she hadn’t told anybody before. “I think… I think it changed me,” she whispered. “I was more shifter than fey before. Now, it feels like all the time I spent elsewhere has brought the fey side of my heritage a little closer to the surface.”
Gus seemed to consider her words for a long moment, then he smiled,
easing her tension. “All the more reason to get back to being a shifter. Like you were before. Unafraid to take either shape that’s natural to you. Your wolf needs to run, and your human side needs to trust the wolf again. She kept you safe for all that time. Trust her now, to be part of your soul, fully integrated and ready to partner your human side as it did before.”
“But what about the fey part?” She really was concerned about the magic she could sense, now, that she had never sensed before.
She’d always looked the part of her fey ancestry, as had many of her relatives, but they were shifters first. The fey lineage had been diluted over time. Or so she had thought. She very much feared that her exposure to other realm had brought the fey in her out of hiding.
What that would mean for her in the long run, she had no idea. She’d always been just a shifter. A white wolf with super sparkly fur, but still, just a shifter. Now? She wasn’t really sure what she was anymore.
“It was always part of you,” Gus told her gently. “It’s just closer to the surface now. When you needed it, it rose. Look on it as a new skill or helpful ability. Learn how to use it. Explore its boundaries. Not to do so would be a waste, and could even be potentially dangerous. If you have a power, you need to learn how to wield it responsibly. Just like you learned, as a pup, how to maneuver with your teeth and claws safely. Just like that, only a lot more magical.”
She shook her head and gave a soft chuckle. “You make it all sound so easy.”
“Honey, you were born the way you were for a reason. The Mother of All doesn’t make mistakes. She gifted you with all the powers, skills and abilities of your heritage. It’s up to you to figure out how to use them to serve Her Light.” Gus stood up again, and reached down a hand to offer her help in getting up. She didn’t need help getting up, of course. This was more a symbolic gesture, and she recognized it for what it was. “There are no shortcuts. The Lady gives us the tools, it’s up to us to learn to use them to the best of our abilities. If we don’t, then shame on us. The Goddess helps those who help themselves.”
Spirit Bear Page 9
