by NJ Flatman
“It’s an intervention bro,” he smirked. “Day four of whiskey before noon called for serious help.”
“I don’t need an intervention,” I forced myself to sit up, ignoring the feeling of death that was washing over me. Every small movement only made me want to puke.
“You need somethin’,” Kev argued.
“Says the drug addict,” I shot him a knowing glance. How dare he judge me?
“Least mine doesn’t leave me incapable of a coherent sentence,” he laughed, turning to walk towards the kitchen.
“Yea well at least ….”
“Hi, I’m still fucking here,” Colby interrupted me. “I’m not really crazy about trying to pull a drunken slob off the edge of the cliff so if we could postpone the my addiction is better than your addiction game until I’m done, I’d appreciate it.”
God she was a bitch. I couldn’t count the number of times that very thought had filtered through my head since she’d woke me up. She was the biggest bitch I’d ever met, yet somehow I was grateful to see her.
“So tell me,” she leaned onto her knees, looking me eye to eye. “What did Avery say to make you decide laying around smelling like sweat and cheap booze was a good idea?”
“Fuck off,” I ignored her question, but not because she was rude about it. I didn’t want to tell her about Avery or the conversation. “She didn’t say anything.”
“So you just decided that the homeless hobo vibe worked best for you? This was your plan to successfully win the woman you love?”
“Do I look homeless?”
“Gettin’ more likely by the day,” Kevin yelled from the kitchen.
“Boys!” For a moment Colby sounded like a mother. Not our mother, but a normal one. “So back to your lack of desire to live,” she shot a glance at me again, a smirk playing on her face. “Please give me a reason for being here… suicidal thoughts, a belief that you are a failure, rejection so bad you can’t function — anything.”
“Eat a dick,” it was the only response I could think of through the pounding in my head. If I wasn’t dying, the way I felt sure made it a welcome event.
“I would,” she replied quickly. “But you smell like you already have.” Her fingers pinched the bridge of her nose as she scrunched her face again.
“I like her,” Kevin commented from the sidelines. Leaning against the wall, hands on his hips, he looked so much like our mother it scared me. “She’s got spunk.”
“Is that code word for she’s an asshole?” I asked, grimacing at my brother. “If so, takes one to love one.”
“I’m so glad that I spent what could have been an otherwise pleasant afternoon with a handsome man coming here so that you could sling insults at me Spencer,” her blond curls shook against her shoulders as she twisted her head. “Lord knows I wouldn’t want to do anything crazy like enjoy my day.”
“Then go Colby,” I snapped, angry that she was even here. “I didn’t request your presence. I didn’t ask you to come here and save me. I don’t even fucking want to be saved.”
“Okay look,” Colby stood up, face flushing red with anger. “I am skimming the bottom of the barrel when it comes to concern over your not so real relationship with the person who thinks I should — what did she say — play in traffic on Lakeshore Drive during rush hour.” She wasn’t just angry. She was pissed the fuck off. And rush hour? Had Avery really said that? Damn, she was worse than I had thought. “So, if you could derail the poor Spencer my life is so miserable train for a minute it’d be great.”
“ Nice Colby.”
“Spencer, we are all aware of your effeminate need for affirmation. Clearly you are upset. Given that Avery’s was the last place you went, I’m banking on rejection. We all know your damn mommy issues. We all know your commitment phobia. We don’t need to sit and sulk about your personally conceived failures in life over a bottle of bottom shelf booze. I’m here to help, but if all you want is to go dark and emo, insult me and tell me to go, I’ll save you the god damned trouble and leave on my own.”
Something about Colby’s words hit me wrong. Maybe it was the way she said mommy issues. Just like Avery had done the first night. Only with Colby it didn’t push me to grab her and pull her against me. Quite the opposite.
“By all means, there’s no obligation for you to be here. I’m sure there’s at least one dick in the Chicago area you haven’t sampled yet. If not, there are a lot of suburbs that are nothing more than a train ride away.”
“You are probably the biggest asshole I’ve ever met.”
“I’m sure that’s saying a lot,” I muttered. “With your list of conquests there has to be some serious douchebag content on there.”
“Fuck you Spencer. I didn’t have to come here. I didn’t have to give a god damn that you can’t be happy that she’s even speaking to you. After all, twenty something years didn’t rank important enough in her mind for that. Only the perfect Spencer Phillips is worthy of any type of forgiveness. I didn’t have to travel into this unsafe and potentially dangerous neighborhood, park a car and walk along the street taking my life in my hands and somehow climb over bodies I’m not sure are still alive to be there for you. All so I could try and help pull you out of your self-created hell. I certainly don’t have to stand here and be called names.”
Colby turned on her heels and walked towards the door.
“Stop!” I called, watching her freeze in her tracks. She was right. I was being a dick. A selfish and inconsiderate dick. I had insulted her when her only goal had been to offer me her friendship— something I hadn’t even earned. I knew I needed to stop her. I should make this better for her— easier on her. She should know that it meant something to me. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?” She asked, her attitude simmering down some.
“For being a dick,” I confessed, knowing it was the only honest answer. “I’m sorry for being a dick.”
“If you mean that, get off your ass and take a shower. Nobody deserves to have their nose assaulted in such a manner.”
As much as she annoyed me, something about Colby made me smile. I think part of it was her absolutely no fucks given attitude. She said whatever she felt and thought. Some of it was sarcastic. Some of it was serious. All of it was her.
I wanted to tell her what had happened— to confess everything that I’d been through with Avery only a few days before, including her telling me she’d spent the night with another man. I just couldn’t. For Colby it’d just be another story of how I was chasing my tail. Acting like a baby. She’d remind me it was my fault. I’d brought it on myself. I couldn’t blame her for hating me.
I would never be able to explain the other moment. The silent one. The breathless one. Nobody would ever believe a story like that. It was one of those personal things that you wished you could share but knew better than to try. So I had to just not tell her anything. Leave it to her imagination what had happened and why I was being the way I was.
God, she was right. I reeked. I was nasty. I hadn’t taken a shower or even changed clothes in who knew how long. I was drunk as fuck, still, and suffering from a week-long hangover. And I was acting like a woman. All I needed was a pint of ice cream, a spoon and kleenex. No way would I admit that Colby had me pegged so well. The best she’d get was a clean version of me.
Freshly showered, I joined Kevin and Colby back in the living room— a space that had miraculously been cleaned. It made me wonder if Colby had lowered herself to maid-like duties in an attempt to help. Heaven knows Kev rarely cleaned anything.
“See, the place smells better already,” she teased, a smile playing at the corners of her lips. “Doesn’t improve the appearance much, but beggars and all that.”
“Hey now,” Kevin laughed. “Don’t knock it til you’ve tried it.”
“I’ve tried a lot,” she admitted with a smirk in my direction. “This will never be on that list.”
“Colby believes she’s royalty Kev,” I told him, as i
f he hadn’t caught her attitude already. “She would never stoop so low as to slum it like this.”
“You shoulda seen her on her knees cleanin’ bro,” Kevin laughed. “I think it was a first.”
“Cleaning maybe,” I snickered when Colby shot me a dirty look. “Did you take a pic of that? It might have been worthy of front page news.”
“Nah,” he waved me off. “Don’t embarrass her. She was doing her public service for the day.”
“Try for the year,” she snapped. “Don’t ever expect that again Spencer.”
I made sure she understood that I’d have never expected it in the first place as I found a seat and joined in the conversation. Over the course of the next few hours they managed to ply very little information out of me— only what I wanted them to know. Which didn’t amount to much more than that Avery didn’t love me. Colby didn’t buy it. She said she’d had to fight her too many times over me to ever believe that the girl didn’t love me. Kev didn’t share his opinion. He didn’t need to. I already knew it.
None of us really had an answer. If she didn’t love me, then why would she keep me around? If she didn’t love me then why’d I seen that look in her eyes when she was pressed against me? If she didn’t love me then why’d she entertain the idea until I’d said I will try? None of it made sense. Of course they didn’t know all of it. Only part.
Technically she hadn’t said she didn’t love me. She’d said she’d spent her night with another man. That was the part that’d hurt the most. Avery with someone else. Daddy Warbucks? A new guy? Who had she dressed up like that for? Who had been the one to touch her and kiss her? The one before I got there?
That was the part I’d broken down and shared with them both. Her comment. And we’d spent hours discussing Avery and trying to analyze it. Kev, of course, was of the mindset that it was only natural. It was normal for someone to move on to the next partner. He didn’t know her. He didn’t know she was not like that. At least she hadn’t been.
“That’s not Avery,” Colby and I had both said at the same time.
“Damn,” Kev laughed. “That’s a first.”
“What” I asked, curious what he was referring to.
“First time you guys have said anything about her that was the same,” he laughed. “You both talk and I feel like we are talking about three different people. Like you know different versions of her and now this new version is totally unexpected.”
“I guess,” Colby thought it over a minute as she answered. “I guess we do know different parts of her. But this Avery — the things she’s doing and saying and how she looks— this isn’t her at all. It’s like a totally different person has moved in to her body.”
“Like she’s been abducted,” I laughed. “It really seems like it. Only she was abducted by something that made her more…like you.” I pointed at Colby.
“I’ll be damned,” Kevin laughed. “Instead of aliens she was abducted by the fun people? The ones that we all want to be around?”
“Thanks,” Colby blushed at the twisted compliment.
“That’s stupid Kev,” I rolled my eyes, trying to understand why those two even pretended to like each other.
“Right,” he agreed. “And your ex-girlfriend going on vacation to South Carolina and being abducted and having her body taken over by the cool people is so much more reasonable?”
“ It’s not like we were totally serious,” I reminded him. “But she did change. She did become someone different.”
“Wish we were all so lucky,” he laughed again. “Some of us spend a fortune on drugs for the same effect.”
His words caused me to flinch, but I wasn’t sure why. Maybe because the changes in Avery could have easily been drug induced. I had known plenty of people, myself included, that had dabbled in drugs and we all changed. It was a part of the game. I knew better. Avery was too— she would never do drugs. It wasn’t her thing.
I couldn’t help but laugh. My drunken mind was trying to find a reason when I knew it. She wasn’t on drugs. She wasn’t on anything. She was angry and hurt. I’d done it. I was the reason. Until I could accept and admit that to myself I’d never change it.
“I don’t understand the drug thing,” Colby looked at my brother. “Why not just make life better?”
“It’s not that simple sweetheart,” Kev answered. “Besides, we all cope in one way or another. We all have things that help us.”
“Bullshit,” she argued. “I don’t use anything to cope. I just live life.”
“You aren’t out there pickin’ up men every night for nothin’ dear,” Kev’s words stopped my thoughts. He was direct and blunt and I wasn’t sure Colby would deal with it very well— especially as I watched her tense up and turn red again.
“You think that I….”
Kevin’s phone rang, interrupting Colby’s outburst and pausing the conversation. Quickly he jumped up and walked out the room, a strange and annoyed look on his face. That left me to calm Colby before he returned so that she didn’t continue it as soon as he was back in the room.
“I really need to find a way to get to her,” I mumbled, bringing life back to my broken heart. “Something to make her remember for more than five minutes that she loves me.”
“Good luck with that,” she shrugged. “I’d offer to help but she doesn’t seem all that inclined to care what the hell I say or do anymore.”
“She will come around,” I insisted, knowing how much it hurt Colby that Avery wouldn’t talk to her.
“It doesn’t matter,” she lied, knowing that I knew she was. “I’ll be okay.”
I wanted to comfort Colby. I wanted to reassure her and make her believe that everything was going to be okay. I just didn’t know how. There were no real words. Avery was speaking to me and I couldn’t get through to her. Not the her that I knew. I couldn’t imagine how to reach the part that loved Colby. Especially since she wouldn’t even speak to her.
Just as I was about to say something — offer some words of encouragement that neither of us would believe — Kevin walked back into the room. His face was pale and his eyes almost sad.
“Kev,” I stood up, walking towards him. “What’s the matter, bro?”
“She’s in the hospital,” his words were low and muffled. “Her kidneys are failing ….they said she probably won’t…”
I felt my heart sink. Kevin didn’t need to say anything else. I knew. I knew exactly what he was trying to tell me. Only one person can cause that reaction in him. There was only one reason he’d look like that.
It was her. Our mother. She was dying.
~Avery~
“Sure you are ready for this babe?” My eye roll and stern look at Luke went completely ignored as he continued. I’d almost given up on convincing him to stop calling me that. He never bothered to listen or respect it. “We could go out instead,” he winked.
Leave it to Luke to understand what I wasn’t saying— to know what I refused to even admit to myself. I was terrified. The idea of facing people that I’d barely faced since I met Spencer scared the hell out of me. Would they see the damage? Would they like the new me? Would they know?
Hell, he didn’t even know the whole reality of the situation. I hadn’t told him enough. All he knew was that an old friend that I’d once been really close to was getting married. She had decided that instead of having some elaborate formal engagement party, they would hold a casual get together with the people that mattered most at their house. Somehow I’d ended up invited even though she’d quit contacting me long before.
Luke knew me well enough to know that I hadn’t seen my friends in a very long time. He was aware that Colby shared the same circle of friends and that played a role in my refusal to contact them. I’d even told him that many of them had walked away after Spencer. I just didn’t tell him the rest.
