by NJ Flatman
“Spencer….please….”
“Say it,” he wasn’t going to let this go. No matter how much I begged.
“I need this. Please. I want to feel you inside me. Please Spencer,” I begged, unable to even look him in the eye and plead.
“I want to be inside you,” he leaned over, pressing his lips against my shoulders. “I want to hear you scream my name as I fuck you,” he continued, causing me to shiver from the mere idea. “But only if I know that you are mine. All of you. Every inch of this body. Every corner of your heart. Every single space in your soul. It’s mine.”
“Oh god,” I moaned, his cock damn near bringing me to orgasm and then stopping. “Please Spencer. Fuck me. Please.”
I didn’t normally talk that way, but that’s how I felt. In the heat of that moment there wasn’t room for the nice girl. I wanted to be bad. I wanted to get dirty. I wanted to be fucked. Hard. Long. With a lot of passion. Just fucked.
“Say it,” I still couldn’t do it. I wasn’t going to cave. Nothing he could do would change my mind. “I love you Avery. Say it.”
“I love you too,” I confessed. That much I could give him. “But I’d love you a lot more if you’d stop teasing me.”
“Say it,” he requested, but I could tell his resolve was lessening. Spencer wasn’t going to be able to handle much more. Of course, neither was I. It was during the second almost orgasm without being fucked that I caved.
“I’m yours.”
“What? You what?”
“ I belong to you.”
“Of course you do Avery,” I could hear the smile in his voice.
“ Now please…come and get what is yours,” I cried out, just as he thrust into me. “Oh God,” I moaned.
Spencer wasn’t gentle. He thrust into and out of me fast and hard. He wasn’t making love to someone he wanted to be close to. He was fucking me. Owning me. Possessing me. I was his.
It was something you might see in a movie or read in a book. The perfect sex scene. The dominant male in control. The female, unable to resist him, begging for more. Nothing we’d ever done before. Not sure we’d ever do it again. But one that I’d never forget.
Spencer spent two hours showing me through hands, mouth and intercourse just how much he loved me— how badly he wanted me. The entire time every muscle in my body hurt, my skin itched, I felt nauseous and I was hot enough to pass out.
I was beginning to have withdrawal symptoms every time I skipped a few hours. Luke would say that it was a problem. I tried to ignore what it was. Mostly I tried to hide how much it hurt me. How hard it was to continue.
Because every minute of pain was worth the pleasure that I felt. The man that I’d been obsessed with had finally become obsessed with me. We’d both changed and become different people— a couple that truly grew together over time. Now we worked even better than we had.
As my body shook violently beneath him more times than I could count. I knew that whatever had just happened wasn’t over. Spencer and I were back together— whether I wanted to admit it or not.
Afterwards we lay there, both of us ignoring our phones, and he held me. Running his fingers along my body, the inevitable happened.
“What’s this? What happened?” his fingers had located a scar. The worst one on me. It was a spot that I scratched a little too often. I’d clawed a really bad place into my arm. Mostly I kept it hidden, but some things just make it more visible than others. Like being naked with a lover.
“Nothing really, a small scratch is all,” I lied, hoping only that he believed me.
“Were you picking at the scab?”
“Yea,” that much I could confess. “I guess I was. You know me when my nerves are bad.”
“Don’t do that,” he warned. “It could get infected. Let it heal.”
“I’m trying.”
“I’m surprised daddy warbucks didn’t tell you that,” he mumbled, so low that I had to try and figure out what he said.
“Who?”
“Your…friend.”
“Luke?” Spencer’s name for him threw me off. Daddy Warbucks? Like the rich father in that musical? I had to admit, it made me laugh.
“I guess,” he shrugged. “Whatever his name is. He’s not important enough to remember.”
“I see,” this was conversation I’d known would eventually come. I just hadn’t assumed it’d be under these circumstances.
“Do you love him?”
“Love? Like a friend? Yes. Like I love you? No.”
“Then why?”
“It’s hard to explain Spence,” I tried to get the conversation to stop. “You really fucking hurt me. I was lost. I was alone. I was…”
“I’m sorry.”
“I know. But I also know it’ll happen again.” I was trying to be real and honest with myself.
“Avery,” he looked at me, eyes pleading with me to forgive him.
“Let’s not talk about it Spencer,” I turned away, feeling the pain in my gut again. “We had a perfect night. Let’s enjoy it.”
“Did you and Luke ever….”
“I’ve not been with anyone else Spencer,” I admitted finally. “You are the only man I love.”
“But what about living with…”
“Fuck Luke,” I snapped. I was still mad at him.
“Still mad he’s with Colby?”
I heard his question before it hit me exactly what he’d said.
“What?”
Colby? Luke had refused to pick me up because he was with Colby? Seriously? He’d chosen that bitch over me?
“I thought you…”
“He was with Colby?”
“Well, I mean…”
“You set him up to refuse to come and get me? You set me up to be hurt by him so you could swoop in and have your way with me? And Luke turned me down for the bitch I want the fuck out of my life? So in essence everyone betrayed me…..again?”
“Ave…it’s not like that.”
“Of course it is Spencer. Isn’t it always like that?”
I stood up, scrambling around the room to find my clothes. Grabbing everything I could see and picking my purse up off the floor, I walked into the bathroom.
I needed it. I’d said I wouldn’t do it with him around, but I had no choice. The pain. The betrayal. How could he? How could she? How could Luke? Fuck them all!
It was only when the dope hit that I felt okay. Normal. Able to handle what I was about to face. That was when I’d done what I’d sworn I’d never do. I’d called Colt. We’d become friends and I knew he’d come get me. I also knew he’d think it meant something. But what the fuck ever. Apparently I couldn’t trust anyone in my life anymore.
I walked out of the bathroom dressed and ready to go. Spencer looked shocked. Eyes full of pain that no longer bothered me, he looked up at me.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I lied.
“Where are you going?”
“Away from you Spencer, where else?” with that I walked out, shutting the door behind me and swearing I’d never talk to him again. A promise I hoped I’d be able to keep.
~Spencer~
The drive back alone had seemed long and hard. Avery had run. But it was more than that. What the fuck had happened to her?
She’d been angry when I’d taken her. I expected that much. But then she’d relaxed and turned into someone I didn’t even know. Begging for me. Teasing and taunting me. Yet she’d refused to admit she was mine. Though she’d told me she didn’t belong to another.
It was confusing. I was lost. I wasn’t sure what to think or feel.
Then she’d caved. Told me she was mine. And damn had we had a hot night. Perfect really. Until I’d mentioned Colby.
Why did she hate Colby so much? Now she hated me and that slimy friend of hers that was never anything more. All because of Colby. It wasn’t like she didn’t know that I had drug her there to make her mine. I’d told her. Why did it matter that he was with Colb
y?
Was she jealous? Was there something about him that I didn’t know? Did she lie to me?
I couldn’t figure her out. And then she’d went to the bathroom pissed. When she came out to leave, she was dead again. The girl with the dead soul. Empty eyes.
“What the fuck?” I’d just finished telling Kev about everything that happened. “I don’t understand. It’s like she is five different people every fucking day.”
“She’s a woman. It happens.”
“I know, but it’s not supposed to be like that. I mean women have mood swings, but she changes. Physically. I don’t get it.”
“She using?” it was always Kev’s first response.
At first I laughed. What a stupid train of thought. Avery would never…she wasn’t the type. But then I remembered that she wasn’t the type to talk like she was or dress like she was. She wasn’t herself. That much was true. So was it possible she’d ventured into drugs?
Hell no, I thought to myself. Avery didn’t even know how to get drugs. Why the hell would she be using? How would she be using?
He knew. That fucking asshole. The one she’d suddenly become attached to and then changed for. They weren’t together. Never had been. She told me that much. So then why? It was hard to explain. That was her answer.
I’d seen it the day I’d met him. Track marks. He was using. I knew it and used it against him. Could he have gotten her into drugs.
“What drugs are shot up?” I asked, curious about it.
“Well there’s the obvious,” he glanced at his table. “I dunno…Hard? Smack? Shit there’s a few. Why? She got em?”
“I didn’t look,” I responded almost on autopilot. “He does though.”
“He?”
“The bodyguard”
“What are her symptoms again?”
“I didn’t call them symptoms Kev,” I argued.
“Okay, what are the changes?”
“Her eyes are empty. She’s relaxed. She changed her appearance. She goes back and forth between herself and not herself. She’s always hot. Looks sick. Pulls at her clothes and scratches a lot. Hell she scratched a damn sore into her arm. I saw it.”
“Sounds like smack,” he shrugged. “She doesn’t strike me as the type.”
“Why would someone go to heroin?”
“Numb. It makes you numb. At first it feels really fucking good. Then it just makes you feel nothing.”
“Jesus.”
“You think she’s using?”
“I don’t know Kev. I really don’t know.”
~Avery~
“I have nothing to say to you.,” she stuck her stupid bitchy little foot into the door before I could shut it.
“He loves you,” Colby tried to say what she wanted anyway. “He just wanted to be alone with you.”
“So you all betrayed me for my own best interest?”
“Do you realize how fucking stupid you sound? He’s done nothing but try to win you over. He’s let you hurt him over and over with Luke…who by the way is being hurt by this too…and not once has he left.”
“Except for when he did.”
“Right,” she nodded. “Because nobody makes mistakes, right?”
“WHen did I ever…”
“My birthday? Every time we had plans? All the time! When did you not?”
“That was different. It was an accident.”
“His was a mistake. Same difference.” Colby shook her head and I wanted to slap her.
“Why are you here? To discuss you? To tell me the virtues of the man I love? To rub it in that you took both of them?”
“Because as stupid as you are being…as mean as you have been…as much as I shouldn’t…I fucking love you.”
“Sounds like a personal problem Colby,” I tried again to shut the door with no effort.
"You really just don't give a shit, do you Avery?"
"It amazes me that you think I should after how you treated me," I turned and walked back towards her. "It shouldn't surprise me how selfish you are, but it still does."
"One fuck up doesn't change the years before it," words I had expected came tumbling out, only serving to annoy me further. "I need my best friend right now. My life is absolute hell."
"Well Colby," Fighting emotions I didn't want to have, I tightened my jaw and glared at her with disgust. "Karma is a bitch and we've become buddies."
“What does that mean?”
“It means that all of you will get exactly what you deserve. And I’ll sit back and watch.” Managing to get the door shut, I locked it. I’d be damned if she was going to bother me again.
~Spencer~
“Why you sitting here?” Kev walked in and found me in the living room at three in the morning.
“Can’t sleep,” I answered honestly.
Avery had been on my mind. Had she really turned to drugs? I couldn’t believe it and yet I did. She wasn’t herself and all signs pointed to something like that. Hell, we’d all been there.
But Avery? She’d never wanted that life. Not that any of us did. But she was the one person I’d thought would never….the one I’d never even wanted to tell about my own life.
Jesus. Why? What had she faced that was so bad.
Still, it would explain the appearance changes. It would definitely explain the behavior. Even things like the way she’d been so sick that one night and the way she’d changed so quickly the last one could be drugs. But why? Avery had never been the type of person that anyone would assume to have a drug problem. She wasn’t even aware of what was out there. Right?
He was. That blubbering mess of a whatever the fuck he was. Mr. Money. I’d seen it the day we were there trying to find Avery. The behaviors. The track marks. He knew drugs.
Had he gotten her involved with them? Did he turn Avery into this by pushing drugs at her? Betray her trust and her need for someone by turning her into an addict?
If so, I’d kill him. I’d murder that fat son of a bitch with my bare hands. Surely she was smarter than that. I couldn’t think of anything that’d make Avery think drugs were an answer. Most of us found our way there through circumstance. Abuse. Lies. Disaster. Heartache.
For a moment I felt as though I couldn’t breathe. Had she turned to that because of me? Because of Colby? Did we hurt Avery in more ways than we were even aware of?
“Bro? You okay?” I looked up at Kev, a warning flashing in my mind. The relaxed face. I’d seen it. It was familiar. Not on her. On others. Those who used.
I wanted to tell them both. Even though Colby wasn’t there. I wanted to call her and tell her that I knew. . I wanted to share what I was thinking. I couldn’t. Colby would run straight to Avery and confront her— an act that would only cause her to withdraw further. Kev would laugh at the irony. He suspected himself, but he didn’t know. Neither would be able to help in the way that I’d need them to help.
