by Mj Fields
* * *
She drove to the place that he and Tommy had first dropped her and Jade off after practice. It was off the main road and Tessa had all intention of making love to Lucas right then and right there. She looked out the window and the memories flooded her thoughts. The first time he had touched her leg, the first time he told her he was interested in her.
She turned off the SUV and got out. He watched her as she dropped to her knees and cried. He got out and held her.
���You should have left me here and never looked back.���
She threw her arms around his neck. He held her there until she couldn���t cry anymore.
���I���m so sorry, Tessa,��� he said softly as he picked her up and set her in the passenger seat.
* * *
He went in and grabbed the pizza and came out. Sadi pulled up beside him.
���Did you tell the farm girl the good news?��� she asked, smiling.
Tessa unbuckled and jumped out of the car and ran toward Sadi. She tried to open the door but Sadi locked it.
Lucas grabbed her and pulled her away. ���Tessa, don���t. Please,��� he said as he carried her back to the car.
���I fucking hate her,��� Tessa screamed. ���I hate her.��� She began to cry.
He kissed her head and walked to the driver side. ���Does that answer your question, Sadi?���
She smiled. ���You better figure that out. My child won���t be around trash like that,��� she said. ���Hey farm girl, you may have got the crown, but I get the boy��� forever,��� she yelled as she pulled away.
He pulled away and grabbed her hand. She tugged it away, folded her body into a tiny little ball, and sobbed. He drove home fighting tears and wanting to escape. To turn off the pain he felt. He knew he couldn���t. Not until he knew she would be all right. God he hopped someday she would be alright.
He opened the door for her when they got home but she shook her head and turned away from him.
���Okay, I���ll give you a minute.��� He took the pizza inside and set it on the table. Then he walked back outside, unbuckled her and picked her up. She clung tightly to him as he carried her inside to the couch.
He held her until she fell asleep. Jade walked in the room and whispered, ���How are you?���
���I don���t know,��� Lucas said.
���What can I do?��� Jade asked.
���Get her through this,��� he whispered.
���What about you?��� Jade asked.
���I���ll do what she wants,��� he said kissing her head. ���I think we both know what she���s going to expect, no matter what the cost to her, so you���re going to need to get her through this.���
���I will, Lucas, I promise.���
���Thank you.���
Tessa slept on his lap for two hours. Finally, she opened her eyes looked up at him. ���I���m sorry.���
���Please don���t be, baby,��� he whispered.
���I wanted to kick her ass.���
He smiled a little. ���Trust me, I know that feeling.���
She started to cry again. ���I love you, Lucas.���
���I will always love you, Tessa.��� His eyes burned. ���Do you understand that? Always.���
She looked at him and couldn���t breathe. She started taking in deep breaths. He kissed her, and she finally let out a breath. She let go of his neck and stood up to go to the bathroom. He watched her walk away and his heart fell. He grabbed his hair and clenched his teeth. Jade walked over and hugged him, then started to cry. Tommy knelt down and put a hand on each of their heads and pulled them into his. After a few minutes, he let go.
* * *
Tessa was curled in a ball on the floor, rocking herself.
She looked up briefly when Jade sat beside her and pulled her into a hug
���I have lost him, Jade,��� she cried.
���Oh Tessa, I don���t think so. He loves you,��� she said hugging.
���We���ve done stuff, Jade. God I was so close to sleeping with him. Can you imagine ��� .���
���But no sex?���
���No but other things,��� she looked up.
���Oh, really. And how was that?��� Jade asked.
���I can���t anymore. I have to let him do what ��� ,��� she stopped before telling her what had happened with Sadi and Lucas. That because she was pregnant Tessa knew he would do the same thing. Try to make it work.
���Do what Tessa?���
Tessa stood up and turned on the shower, ���The right thing.���
When Tessa was finished with her shower she walked out and looked at Lucas. She was wearing his sweatshirt with shorts.
He patted his lap. ���Come here, baby.��� She sat on his lap and he covered her with a blanket and held her for a few minutes before kissing her and telling her, ���I need a shower.���
He got out and walked up stairs with just shorts on, holding his shirt in his hand. He���s so damn beautiful she thought.
When he got back, she was on the couch with a cup of tea. A second cup sat waiting for him.
���Dad and Alex went grocery shopping,��� she said. ���Tommy and Jade left when you were in the shower.���
���Oh,��� he said.
���So what do you want to talk about?��� she asked looking down.
Take that sweatshirt off of and show you every move I have so you���ll never forget me. SO you never stop wanting me because I know damn well you���ll stop loving me soon. How could you not? he thought.
���Can I ask you some questions?��� he asked.
She nodded and took a sip of her tea.
���Do you think we can keep doing this, Tessa? Do you think you���re going to be okay with me telling her to do this alone?���
She looked at him for a long time. ���I suppose not.���
���Why?���
���Because I know who you are,��� she said touching his chest, ���in here, and I wouldn���t want it to be any other way.���
���I know, Tessa, and that���s why this is killing me. You love who you know I can be. And if I don���t live up to that, you won���t. So either way, I���m going to lose you eventually.��� He closed his eyes and sat back.
She took his hand. ���I don���t want to lose you, Lucas, and I am so afraid. The whole thing today… I wanted to kill her.���
���I know. I���m sorry,��� he said, looking down. ���I want to be a good man, Tessa. I want to grow into the man you know is in here, but now I am so confused. What do I do? Tell me, please.���
���The right thing,��� Tessa whispered.
���I don���t love her. I never could. I love you, and that will never change,��� he grabbed her face. ���Do you understand that, Tessa?���.
���Yes��� she said and tears burned her eyes again He hugged her. ���I love you, Lucas.��� After a long embrace, she pulled away from him. ���Will you still be my friend?���
���Will you want that?���
���I don���t know, but I���ll try.��� Her voice cracked.
���I will, too.���
They fell asleep in each other���s arms on the couch.
* * *
Tessa woke and walked outside on the deck; she sat and looked at the stars. She folded her hands and closed her eyes as she talked to God.
���
I���m so sorry for the way I have been acting.��� She began to cry. ���I know I have made mistakes, and I have to pay for them. I will, Lord, and I think I already am. I just ask that you please take care of Lucas. He���s a good guy, and I would have behaved worse if it weren���t for him seeing something in me that I had forgotten. Please forgive my sins, and please God, he has to be okay. Please help him through this.���
���Tessa?���
She looked up at Lucas standing in the door.
���Come back in Baby, it���s cold.���
He reached out for her hand. She wiped her tears and then reached out and took it.
They walked inside and to the couch and lay down and held each other as they fell asleep.
Tessa woke to her father���s voice.
���Tessa, Lucas, time to get up and get ready for church,��� John said softly.
Tessa sat up and looked at Lucas as he opened his sleepy eyes. She touched his face and smiled at him.
���Good morning Lucas,��� Tessa said softly.
���Good Morning Tessa��� he whispered.
CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
Tessa sang a song called Blessings at church. At the end of the song a single tear fell from her eyes. He wanted to wipe it away. Wipe away all her pain and tears but instead of sitting next to Lucas she sat next to Jade.
Jade smiled at her and wiped her tear, ���You did great.���
Tessa forced a smile and nodded.
Today���s sermon was on lust, Tessa looked up and saw Lucas watching her as she seemed to accept every blow gracefully.
She was a gift to him, and he knew it. He would make her proud. He closed his eyes and quietly thanked God for Tessa.
* * *
After church she went home and cleaned. Lucas helped her father and brother move some hay, and she made lunch and waited for them to come in.
���Lunch ready, Tessa?��� John asked when they were done
���Yep,��� Tessa said. ���I already ate. I���m going for a walk.���
���Want company?��� Lucas called as she headed out the door.
���No, thanks, I have him,��� she said as she patted Chewy and grabbed his leash.
Tessa switched his collar and headed out back. She walked down to the falls and threw some stones as Chewy tried to pounce on tadpoles. She loved the quiet down here; it was the place she went when she needed to think. She sat against a tree and thought about life without Lucas���s kiss, and she started to cry. Then she thought about what his child���s life would be without him and decided she would cry no more. Sadi was hateful and mean. No child deserved that. Lucas���s child did not deserve that.
She stood up, wiped the dirt and pine needles from her butt, and walked back up the hill to the field. Lucas was standing there.
���Your Dad and Alex warned me not to go down there; they said it���s your personal heaven. So I waited here.���
���Good move on your part. I may have kicked your butt, Links.���
���Something is different with you today; I mean, I know all the stuff that went on fucked you up, but you seem okay. Are you okay?���
She nodded ���I suppose��� and you���ll be too.���
���How are you so sure?���
���Because I decided I would be, now you have to do the same thing,��� Tessa said. ���Will you? Please?���
���If that���s what you want.���
She smiled. ���More than you know.���
He took her hand and she froze. ���Tessa are you okay?���
���I���ll be fine.��� she looked down at their hands. ���But please, Lucas,��� she said swallowing her tears, ���I can���t. I can���t touch you.���
���I���m sorry,��� he said. ���But we are friends, right Tessa?���
���Always.��� She started to walk.
���So friends hug right?���
���Sure,��� she said.
���Can I hug you? I mean, sometime?���
���Someday, just not right now,��� she whispered.
The questions he asked and the way he asked them stabbed into her heart and twisted. He was trying so hard to do what was right and then this happened to him. Yes, he fucked Sadi, but he had a chance to be happy. He loved Tessa, adored her. She knew it, felt it. She swallowed hard and wished she could stop hurting for him. Wished he would���.
���I need you now, Tessa.���
���I need you too, Lucas. And I���m right here. We ���just please let this heal a bit first.���
���Okay, baby.���
She turned to him. ���Thank you.���
* * *
The boys were there to shoot and Lucas joined them. When they were done she had already gone to bed.
���John, I���m sorry, but I can���t do this to her, I can���t be here and see her hurting.���
���Son ��� you don���t have a choice.���
���Alright then. I need to run home and grab some clothes and a couple books.���
���Sure just hurry back and drive careful.���
Lucas walked in his house and grabbed his trusty bowl. He smoked until he passed out. He woke to a kiss and opened his eyes. Sadi was next to him naked.
���I saw your car and decided to stop by.
���Sadi ��� get out,��� he mumbled.
���What, are you afraid you���ll get me pregnant?��� He glared at her. ���It���s been almost three months since I���ve had sex. I have needs, Lucas. You put out or I will find someone else to poke this baby of yours in the head.���
He stood up and stumbled back into his dresser.
Sadi spread her legs as she lay down on his bed. ���Tell me you haven���t missed this, Lucas.��� She rubbed herself and spread herself open with one hand. Lucas looked away, closed his eyes, and started to fall. He caught himself and opened his eyes. She was finger banging herself and moaning. ���Come here, Lucas. Fill me please. I���m so wet and hot.���
He walked away. She jumped up and followed him. He held himself up on the door jam and she ducked under his arms and pulled his pants down.
���You wanna waste this, Lucas? You���re hard for me.��� Sadi licked him from root to tip and took him in her mouth, gagging a little as he hit the back of her throat.
Lucas groaned.
���See? Feels good doesn���t it?��� Sadi said. She spit on her hand and stroked him.
���Either suck my cock or get the fuck out,��� Lucas sneered.
Sadi took him in her mouth, and he maneuvered himself against the bathroom counter. He held her head and pushed into her mouth as she moaned loudly. He watched as saliva dripped down her chin. She stopped and swallowed.
She sat back on her knees and looked up at him. ���That���s all you got Sadi?���
���Are you gonna come?��� she wiped her chin.
He laughed, grabbed his erection and stroked himself. ���I don���t need you to get me off Sadi. My hand works just fine.���
She stood, bent over in front of him, looked over her shoulder. ���Fuck me and I���ll leave.���
Lucas grabbed her around the waist and slammed into her hard. ���This what you wanted, Sadi?���
���Fuck yes, Lucas,��� she screamed out as he banged her. She held her hands against the wall . ���Oh fuck, yes! Fuck me harder.���
Lucas hammered into her until she screamed out
in orgasm. He followed directly after.
She leaned against the wall and smiled. ���I���ve missed you.���
He walked into the shower and scrubbed himself frantically as he began sobering up. He stepped out of the shower and looked at his reflection. He was sickened by what he had done.
���That���s just who you are Lucas.���
���Don���t fucking come here again, Sadi,��� he said when he came out of the bathroom.
���I don���t think that���s going to happen. Me, you, and a baby, Lucas,��� she said, rubbing her belly. She got up and dressed. ���See you at school tomorrow.��� She walked out.
Lucas got dressed and threw some thing in his bag. Then sat down and called his father and told him about the pregnancy. Landon was calmer than expected.
���You���re still staying with the Ross���s?��� Landon asked.
���Yes,��� Lucas said sadly.
���Do they know?���
���Yes, and John insisted I stay anyway.���
���How���s Tessa taking it?���
Lucas felt a lump forming and cleared his throat. ���She���s amazing, Dad, strongest person I have ever met. We are going to try to be friends. And I certainly don���t deserve that.���
���Don���t sell yourself short son; you���re pretty damn strong,��� Landon said with conviction.
Lucas heard a woman���s voice calling him. ���Who���s that, Dad?���
���Audrianna. She and the girls are here for the day,��� Landon said with a smile in his voice.
���Taking it slow, Dad?��� Lucas asked with a laugh.
���Yes, very. She���s pretty insistent on it. We���re actually going to counseling tomorrow.���
���Good. Well, I have to get back before John wonders what happened to me. I���ll see you Friday night at the State Championship, right?���
