by Mj Fields
She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, ���I���m sorry,��� Tessa grabbed Leia. ���Come on girl,��� she said as she walked to the door.
CHAPTER FIVE
There was a knock at the door, and Collin set his morning paper on his desk and answered it.
���Hey Collin, sorry man I didn���t mean to wake you. We���re leaving in about an hour and just wanted to say goodbye to you and Tessa?��� Jake smirked.
Collin looked panicked, ���Tessa���s not here.���
They both took off out the door. First they looked in the parking lot and saw her vehicle was parked in the same spot it had been since he made her move it. Next the deck, beach, and patio. She wasn���t anywhere to be found.
���Hey, I���m going to look around the house again.���
���I���m going too,��� Collin followed Jake.
Collin was angry at himself for letting her walk out last night. He hadn���t slept well at all. She was in his head so deep that it hurt. Not a feeling he ever had felt. He felt guilty about what he had said to her and felt even worse now.
They looked upstairs and in the bathroom. They went downstairs and looked around. Collin whistled, and Leia came out of the study, which was once Ann���s room, he patted her head and quickly walked in.
Tessa was curled up into a tight little ball with her knees to her chest inside the sweatshirt, the hood on her head and drawstring pulled tight. Jake and Collin looked at each other and smiled. She was fast asleep, Collin grabbed the blanket that had fallen on the floor and put it around her. He walked out and Kendall handed him a cup, and he thanked her.
���I can���t believe she slept in there of all places,��� Kendall whispered.
Jake laughed, ���You���re so superstitious.���
Collin looked at them confused, ���Why?���
���She does a great job taking care of other���s but she sucks at doing it for herself. We have to go home today all of us have to work, and it���s scary as all get out leaving her here alone,��� Kendall whispered to them.
���I���ll be here all month, I���ll watch out for her,��� Collin told them.
���Thank you, man,��� Jake hugged him.
What is with this family? Collin wondered. He patted his back uncomfortably, and Jake let go.
���Oh, damn it!���
They heard Tessa from the study. She raced to the bathroom, and they heard her throw up repeatedly.
���Stupid sweatshirt, stupid shorts������ she mumbled as she threw them out the door.
���Stupid wine,��� she started throwing up again.
Collin walked in and pulled her hair away from her face. Jake and Kendall shocked. They were pretty sure they were leaving her in good hands.
When Tessa stopped throwing up, she realized she was naked except for the towel she had grabbed. She looked up and saw Collin in his black pajama pants and a tight white ribbed tank top. He turned on the shower, and she scowled at him.
���It���s warm,��� he whispered and turned to walk out.
Jake and Kendall stood there along with everyone except Sydney; they all woke up when they heard her throwing up. They were all silent.
���She is in the shower now,��� he said, and their jaws all dropped. ���I didn���t peek,��� he said, they all laughed at him.
Molly ran up and got her some clothes and set them on the bathroom counter. Sarah and Phoebe packed their suitcases and the boys loaded them up. Kendall texted Jose that she would be back in about seven hours.
When Tessa got out, she found the clothes Molly had left and got dressed. She walked out and entered the kitchen and saw everyone standing there. She scowled at them all. ���Bet you���d like to know whose toothbrush I used,��� she mumbled as she walked to the living room and crashed on the couch.
They all started laughing. Sydney ran into the living room and jumped on her lap.
���I didn���t use your toothbrush my sweet princess,��� Tessa kissed her head.
���Tessa you slept in there?��� Jake laughed.
���Yes, why?��� she asked as she carried Sydney into the kitchen.
���It doesn���t freak you out?��� Kendall asked.
Tessa rolled her eyes, ���If I did believe in ghosts I would still have slept in there. Aunt Ann would never hurt anyone. I wish you could have met her Sydney, she would���ve loved you.���
���Your Aunt owned this house?��� Collin gasped.
���Yes, she died here. Tessa was with her,��� Jake smiled.
���Hey, I wonder about her Joe,��� Phoebe giggled.
���Collin who did you buy your place from?��� Jake asked.
���The church actually, it was a mess. I have fixed it up over the years. Tessa?��� he asked looking at her his face visibly shaken.
Tessa had been staring at the ground and looked up shyly at him and smiled.
���You���re Joe,��� her voice was barely a whisper.
He swallowed hard and looked confused.
���My Aunt liked you,��� Tessa smirked.
���This is Ann���s Joe?��� Molly asked.
���Hey Collin, thank you. I���m not sure I ever said it before���back then. But thank you,��� Tessa said softly.
���No problem. Your Aunt was very nice. I���m going to head home. It was great meeting you all,��� Collin quickly walked out the back door.
They said their goodbyes and Tessa waved as they pulled out of the driveway. She sat on the back porch and hugged her knees. She could feel the tears fill her eyes as their vehicles disappeared from sight. She grabbed a tissue and dabbed her eyes. He was standing at the door in his running gear. He saw that she was crying and stood there watching her. What had he done? He certainly didn���t want to make her feel this way, he grew angry. She saw him and turned away.
���I���m going for a run; can I take Leia with me?���
���Uh huh.���
He grabbed Leia���s leash, and she came up and sat beside him patiently.
Collin dropped the leash and walked over to Tessa, he kneeled down and took her face and wiped her eyes with his long thick finger.
���If I did this to you, I���m sorry. I told you I didn���t do this kind of stuff. I���m so angry right now it���s messing with my head.���
She took a deep breath and slowly breathed out.
���You didn���t, I���ve never been like this. I���m broken and damaged, and none of this has anything to do with you. If anything��� you���ve been a beautiful distraction, please don���t think for a minute that this is your fault. I���m sorry if I’ve confused you. I���m sorry I���ve made you angry. I���m so thankful that you���ve been such a gentleman,��� tears began to fall.
He looked at her confused and shook his head. He called Leia, and they went for a run.
* * *
The phone rang, and it was Phoebe. It had only been an hour since they���d left.
���Hey, Tessa how are you? Don���t answer that I wanted you to know that all us girls are coming to see you on Thursday night��� she yelled, hooted, and howled. ���Are you excited?���
���I am it���ll be great I���m just super hung over right now,��� she laughed. ���But now I���m focused and will find some great things to do, it���s great knowing we have a DD.���
They talked for a few minutes before hanging up. She grabbed a glass of water and walked to the patio. She saw Leia and C
ollin, Leia was dragging behind. They got to the patio, and she handed Collin a glass of water.
���Your spirits look lifted,��� Collin observed.
���They are, you look a lot less stressed too,��� she said with a smile.
���Can I come back later? I told your family I���d see that you���re okay,��� he said in a very methodical tone.
���You don���t have to, Collin. I���m a big girl, but if you want to, I���ll be here.���
She sat in the sun on the patio for hours. Her phone rang, and she smiled, it was Ben.
���I���ve missed your face Ben!��� she said as she watched Collin walk in through the gate.
���You doing alright Tess?��� Ben asked.
���I am actually. I���m ready to start over, and it feels great,��� she laughed.
���I���m glad; you���re going to be alright. If you need me Tess, I���m here. You know that, right?���
���I need you and your fianc�� to be happy, Ben. I love you, and your friendship means more than I can even tell you. I���m so happy I���ve had you in my life for all of this. I am, however, sad that��� well, it doesn���t matter; I just wish I didn���t drag you through all this,��� she said sadly.
���Tess, I���m glad I was there��� he laughed, ���We���ve had some very good times.���
���We did ��� you���ve been amazing,��� she said. ���I miss your face Ben.���
���You know I could come home now,��� Ben laughed.
���I hope you can come home in November, doe camp isn���t the same without you,��� she laughed. ���My family just left, and I got super loaded last night, and the girls are coming up Thursday night. I really just want you to be happy, Ben,��� she said and felt tears.
���Tess, you crying?��� Ben whispered.
���Nope, not anymore,��� Tessa wiped the tears away. ���Everything is great.���
���I have to tell you your ex- friend requested me on Facebook, I accepted,��� he laughed.
She laughed, ���Why would you do that?���
���You���re his friend on there, why did you?���
���Because, I don���t know, I have to be nice to him, so he doesn���t fall apart. I was with him for a very long time, and I can���t just shut down ALL of my feelings. I���m perfectly fine knowing I���m not going back to him ever again, but I can���t be mean.���
���Wow ��� for once I believe that you actually believe that,��� Ben said sweetly. ���Alright girl, I have a hot date with a blonde and I don���t want to keep her waiting. I love you, girl. Hopefully, we���ll see you at camp.���
���I love you and miss your face, Ben,��� she hung up.
Collin walked over and brought her some food. He looked confused.
���I told your family I���d look after you. Who’s Ben?��� he asked running his hand through his hair.
���My friend��� are you spying on me?��� she laughed.
���No, I���m sorry, I just…��� he looked flustered.
���I���m joking. Lucas is my ex. Ben���s my friend, sorry,��� she said and wiped away tears.
���And you love him��� Ben?���
���He���s helped me through so much, yes I love him. Like you do family. He���s been a friend for a long time.���
���And before that?��� he asked.
She laughed, ���I thought the emotional stuff wasn���t fun for you, my creepy hot neighbor.���
Collin looked at her and ran his fingers through his hair again, he was clearly agitated. Collin took her shoulders and led her to the table and sat her down, he pulled a chair up knee to knee with her and grabbed her hands.
���I���m going to talk, and I don���t like to talk. I���m stepping way out of my comfort zone here, please just listen to me,��� he looked into her eyes and saw hurt ���I���m the youngest of three children from a very broken family. None of my siblings share the same father, none of our fathers stuck around to get to know us. I watched my mother become emotionally attached to every man she brought through the door. She was drunk all the time and used every drug she could get her hands on. She was only caring when it was an act to try to impress whichever man stumbled out of her bedroom on any given morning. We went hungry. We watched as she chose to buy a steak for whoever it was she expected to come through the door. After she fed us cereal and shoved us in our bedroom so that we didn���t screw it up for her. I went through a very rough spell for a few years. But then threw myself into my education and graduated at 17 the top of my class. I went to a community college that summer and finished the core courses that I hadn���t taken in high school. I graduated college at 20. I joined the military and earned my doctorate at 23. I was honorably discharged a year ago. I���ve never had an emotional attachment to anything, and I mean anything except for my work. I fuck women who are as cold as I am, and am very honest with every last one of them about that. I see my mother only when she needs something from me. Then you, and that furry little thing walk in here: the first time in three years that I take a break from work. I travel a lot. In fact, I���m leaving in four weeks for a month. I wanted to spend time on the boat and the beach and bring different women over to have emotionless sex with. My point is, I never learned to love. I���m not even sure I ever knew what it really meant. I saw how you cared for this dog, and then your family and I didn���t just see it��� I felt it. I want you, I need you, and after talking to your brothers I know that you aren���t really emotionally available. I know that sex feels good and fills a void. I also see how a kiss affects you, and how yours affects me. I don���t kiss or hug or talk, and in the past 3 days I���ve done more of that with you than I have in my entire life. Christ ��� even your brothers and sisters hugged me before they left. I fell asleep with you upstairs, and that has never happened. I am a fucking mess here, Tessa. You���re without a doubt the most beautiful person inside and out that I have ever met in my life. And you sit here and listen, with what I think is care in your eyes��� and I feel guilty. You���ve been through some sort of hell, and here I am pouring my heart out to you, and for that I���m sorry Tessa, beautiful Tessa. I know I have very strong feelings for you; I can���t name what it is because I���ve never felt it before. It���s frustrating as hell.���
He grabbed her face, and she tensed up and her eyes widened, ���And now I���ve scared you. Please never be afraid of me. I���ll never hurt you. I���m done, I didn���t mean to unleash on you, and I certainly regret having done so., I just wanted��� no��� needed you to know where I���m coming from.���
Tessa and Collin sat and looked into each other���s eyes for a long time. She felt the heat in her eyes, and the tears began to fall. He looked horrified, angry, and confused. She hadn���t meant to make him feel this way. She stood and knelt before him; she wrapped her arms around him and wept on his lap for a long time. She fell asleep like this. Collin scooped her up and brought her into the house; he walked upstairs and laid her in bed. He covered her up and went to walk away; she sat up and grabbed his arm.
���Don���t go; please don���t leave. I want you to stay.���
He sat on the edge of the bed and she moved towards him, she crawled onto his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. Their heads touched and they looked into each other���s eyes, and she kissed him and then stepped off the bed and laid him down and covered him up. She climbed across him
, got under the covers and wrapped her arms around him, and they both fell asleep.
They woke to the sound of Leia wining. He sat up and looked at her, ���Thank you.���
Tessa smiled at him, stood up, and pulled him to her and hugged him. She grabbed his hands and wrapped them around her, and they walked down the stairs together. She let Leia out and with his hands still in hers, she led him to the table and sat him down. She grabbed some water out of the fridge and put one before him. She grabbed a steak out and walked out to the patio and placed it on the grill. She came back in and grabbed some corn and salt potatoes and placed them in a strainer to wash. She filled a pot with water and brought it to the outdoor kitchen. She went in and grabbed a blanket and his hand and led him out to the lounge chair. She told him to sit and covered him with the blanket. When dinner was done, she brought it to the lounge on a large platter all cut up with butter melted on the potatoes and corn. She sat cross- legged between his legs and fed him in the moonlight. She wiped his face after each bite and held his hand as he chewed. Not a word was said: she fed him, and he ate.
They looked into each other’s eyes, and both smiled cautiously. As uncomfortable as each of them were at first, it quickly diminished. With each bite, she fed him he became more comfortable, and each time his mouth opened to receive the food she offered, she felt closer to him. Her choice of food was not by coincidence it was purposeful. Her beautiful distraction would not eat cereal tonight, he would eat steak.
It was still warm when they���d finished, and she led him to the beach and walked him into the water. She rubbed his chest and back. She cupped water and poured it over his head. She held him and kissed his face softly and gently. She grabbed a pair of shorts off the fence that he had left to dry as they walked by. They went back into the house, and she grabbed a towel and dried him off. He changed into his dry shorts and brushed his teeth. She was waiting when he walked out. She took his hand, and they walked upstairs and lay entangled in each other���s arms. They fell asleep nose to nose.
