by Mj Fields
���I miss my Daddy,��� she said tearfully.
���So do I,��� Tessa said with obvious pain in her eyes. ���Your cousin���s are downstairs why don���t you go see them so I can talk to your Mom for a bit?���
London looked nervously at Emma and Emma turned and looked for Brody to see he was walking towards them.
Brody took her hand, ���I���m very sorry for your loss.���
Tessa smiled, ���Thank you. London seems to adore you, I���m glad she has you.���
���I���m lucky to have her in my life, thank you.��� Brody smiled looking at London.
���Brody, London would love to visit her cousins, could you take her down, she���ll tell you where to go,��� Emma smiled.
���Of course I will,��� Brody lifted London up and kissed Emma softly on the cheek, ���I���m sorry to see you again under these circumstances Tessa. I hope that we can meet again, London needs to still be a part of her family.���
���Now that you mention it we���ll be going to Florida for Spring break, London should come,��� Tessa smiled and looked at Emma who looked terrified, ���All of you should come.���
���Can we Brody?��� London smiled.
���I don���t know, it seems like a dreadful place, talking rats, magical sorcerers, and evil queens. Doesn���t that frighten you?��� Brody asked as he trembled.
London laughed, ���There are also princesses and princes and the talking rat is a mouse. Are you afraid of mice, Brody?���
���Hmm, I���m not sure how I would react, let your Mother talk to your aunt and decide that, shall we? We���ll be downstairs,��� Brody smiled and kissed Emma again.
���I know this is an odd place to be talking about this Emma but, holy shit, you���re married to Brody Hines, and he���s dazzling, funny, and…damn Emma,��� Tessa gasped.
���He loves her,��� Emma took Tessa���s hand as they walked outside.
���He seems to love you too Emma. I���m sorry about what you went through and now Troy���s gone,��� Tessa broke down.
���Tessa did he talk to you about Elizabeth?���
���Just that she was nuts and that she called him a lot. He was afraid of her influence over London. But was sure you shared that concern and well he knew you���re a Momma Bear. Why do you ask?��� Tessa said, taking the tissue Emma handed her.
���I don���t know yet but I���m going figure it out,��� Emma hugged her.
���He said she and Brody������ Tessa grimaced.
���A long time ago, Brody was fifteen and she was like twenty five. And when he went to help Dad find her he was drugged and beaten and well, then, as well I guess,��� Emma frowned.
���Well if my opinion matters he looks at you and my niece like the sun wouldn���t rise or set without you. Troy knows how much he loves you both as well.���
* * *
They stayed in her old house that night. London wanted to one last time and neither Brody nor Emma could have taken that from her.
���Does it feel weird being here?��� Emma asked Brody sitting next to him on the couch.
���A bit, but more because I wonder what you were like then, before I brought all this craziness into your life.���
���I can promise you I���m much happier now than I ever was here. That doesn���t sound right, does it?��� Emma laughed.
���No Em it���s exactly what I needed to hear, thank you,��� he kissed her and started to pull away.
���Please,��� Emma said softly and kissed him again.
���Please what Em?���
���Please kiss me, it���s been a long time,��� Emma said kissing him.
���Are you sure, here?���
Emma sat back and laughed, ���I guess not.���
���I���m not saying no, Emma. It has been a really horrible few days and I want to know you���re ready that���s all. I always want you, I just want to know you feel the same and things haven���t changed. I���m giving you time to think,��� Brody kissed her hand.
���Wow, alright,��� Emma said and sat back and began to laugh.
���What���s so funny?��� Brody asked concerned.
���I was just thinking, I don���t think I���ve ever had an orgasm in this house and probably never will,��� she laughed.
���Do you need one?��� he asked smiling.
���I said please and I won���t beg,��� Emma stuck out her bottom lip.
���Where?��� he asked smiling.
���Everywhere.���
���Perfect.���
* * *
They lay on the laundry room floor laughing, ���Did we cover everywhere Em?��� Brody asked rolling to his side propping his head on his hand.
���I think so,��� Emma smiled.
���Wow.���
���Yeah, wow, you sure are amazing,��� Emma sat up and kissed him.
���I am pretty damn good huh?��� Brody laughed.
Emma laughed and stood up extending her hand to help him up.
���Hey Em, when are you going to break?��� Brody asked looking thoughtfully at her.
���What?��� she laughed.
���You���ve been through hell and haven���t had a minute to…I don���t know cry.���
���Oh I���ve cried…a lot lately.���
���Not about this, not about Troy,��� Brody said quietly.
���I will when we figure it out. I can���t let this go. Someone killed him and my daughter watched her father die. I won���t let this go,��� Emma took a deep breath, ���And then you���ll be saying, Em when will you stop the sniveling,��� she said in her best English accent and he laughed.
���I sound that bad?���
���I think it���s sexy as hell,��� Emma grabbed a towel and wrapping herself in it, ���Where did we leave our clothes?���
���Do we need them, we are just going to sleep right?���
* * *
Brody followed Emma up the stairs with their bag and they got dressed for bed.
Brody fell asleep quickly with Lexi in a port- a- crib beside the door.
Emma went in with London and watched her sleep. Unbelievable, she thought, all she���s been through in the past two years of her life was heartbreaking. She felt her eyes heat up and she sat in the rocking chair
London started to cry in her sleep, ���No Daddy wake up, no daddy, please wake up,��� she cried.
Emma scooped her up and held her tightly, ���London, wake up baby.���
���Mommy Dad���s dead and he���s never coming back, never,��� she cried.
���I���m so sorry London,��� Emma held her tighter.
���Mommy can���t you fix this? Please Mommy…he was better, he got better for me because he loved me Mommy,��� London cried harder and squeezed Emma tightly.
���If I could I would,��� Emma said wiping away her tears.
���Mommy, I heard Clive say it was an accident, do you believe that?���
���We have to listen to the police London,��� Emma hoped that would make her feel safer than the truth.
���Mommy a car hit us and he was scared,��� London cried softly and shook.
���Okay I can promise you the Police think it was an accident, but����
��� Emma started.
���But your Mom and I are looking into it London and no one will hurt you I promise,��� Brody said kneeling in front of them as he stroked her hair, ���We have Clive and Rupert too, you know you���re safe, right?���
���Okay, can I please sleep with you, please Mommy?��� London asked.
���I���ll stay in here with you and Brody will be in the other room with Lexi, is that okay?��� Emma asked and looked at Brody who looked confused, ���Why don���t we go to the bathroom before we go back to sleep.���
London was in the bathroom, ���Emma she could sleep with us. All in the same room.���
���Brody when is the last time you had a nightmare?��� Emma whispered.
���Oh right, damn it!��� He said softly.
���It���ll get better,��� Emma kissed him.
���What about Lexi?��� He asked.
���I don���t think she���ll know what ���get the fuck off me��� means Brody,��� Emma smiled, ���But it would frighten London.���
���Good point,��� Brody ran his hands through his hair.
���Don���t pout, it does things to me,��� Emma smiled and kissed him.
Brody smiled, ���Thanks Em.���
���For what?��� Emma asked.
���Always trying to make me feel better,��� Brody said softly.
���Just returning the favor,��� Emma smiled at him and he gave her a questioning look, ���I love the way you love me so much Brody, I hope you always remember how much you mean to me, to us.���
���Emma?��� Brody asked.
���Sometimes I just think you need to be reminded how much I cherish you,��� Emma said hugging him.
���I love you Em,��� Brody said and London walked out, ���May I tuck you in so your Mom can go to the bathroom? I���ll wait with you,��� Brody said and picked her up and carried her to bed.
* * *
The next day his last Will and Testament was read. Troy had two life insurance policies. One half million dollar policy with his mother as the beneficiary. The other was for two million and Emma and London were the beneficiaries. The house was left to Emma.
Troy had re- done his will six months prior to his death and he left letters that were given to all of them. ���We can read these when we get back okay?��� Emma asked London who shook her head in agreement.
���Mommy can we stay here for a few more days?��� London asked as they drove back to the house.
���I���m sure we could,��� Emma hugged her.
* * *
They walked in the house and Brody took London out of Emma���s arms and held her, ���I love you, London.���
���Brody we can stay here for a few more days��� right?���
���If that���s what you need, then of course.���
Emma hugged Lexi who was almost asleep, ���I love you baby.���
���Mommy can Brody read me my letter?��� London asked.
���Sure, let me put Lexi down we can do it together,��� Emma kissed her head.
My sweet, sweet London,
I hope this isn���t read for another fifty years or so, because I can���t imagine spending any more time away from you than I already have.
I have to tell you, the day you were born was the scariest day of my life. There was this beautiful tiny little life that was part of me and part of the love of my life. I was truly intimidated by you. I felt small next to you. Your eyes shined brighter than anything I���ve ever bore witness to.
Although I never dreamed there would come a day when I wouldn���t wake up in the middle of the night and be able to watch you sleep, the way you sucked your fingers even when you were four, the stuffed rabbit always tucked tightly in the crook of your neck and your Mommy���s hair that you had to rub between your thumb and finger to fall asleep, even when you were asleep you still had her silky hair in your hands. You are more precious than I can ever put into words. Those nights that I wasn���t there to tuck you in, I watched you and Mommy sleep.
I was a pretty crappy Daddy for a while. It took seeing you through others eyes at first before I could bring myself to realize just how lucky I am, or ���blessed��� as your Mommy would say, to have such an amazing, kind, talented, smart, beautiful, gift from God. You are my most treasured gift, London. One in which I never truly believed I deserved. Each time I see you I realize that I did, and I hope I can make up those years.
I���m glad that you had Brody in your life, and although I will never tell him, it was seeing the way he loved you and knowing that was exactly how you and your Mommy deserved to be treated that made me change. He gave you Lexington, your beautiful little sister, he couldn���t have been all that bad. Our secret, alright?
Knowing you���ll read this after I���m gone I want you to know my biggest wish or prayer for you is enough. I pray you���ll have enough love, enough happiness, enough belly laughs, enough smiles, enough successes, and enough good health to far outlast what I was graciously (and undeservingly at times) given from you. Enough London, I wish you enough.
I Love you always and now all the way from heaven���enough to last an eternity.
Love,
Daddy
Emma wiped her tears from her eyes and smiled at London, ���He loves you London.���
London smiled as tears fell, ���I know Mommy.���
Brody hugged them both and put the letter in the envelope.
���I want you to know that I love him for giving me you London. And when I meet him in heaven someday, I won���t tell him I know your secret okay?��� Brody smiled and kissed her cheek.
���Promise?��� London asked.
���Of course.���
���Let���s read yours Mommy,��� London said and sat forward, ���Brody should read it to us.���
Emma smiled, ���Alright, Brody just use discretion.���
Emma,
Where does one start, I feel that apologizing for everything I put you through is a good place but it would end up being a novel. So let���s start with I love you now and I have since the day I saw you at the campus bookstore.
I remember exactly what you wore, khaki pants that fit loosely and a gray cardigan, it was over a t- shirt that fit your body like a glove. I wanted you the minute I saw you and when you returned the smile I gave you, I was hooked. Your smile Emma it���s beautiful.
You made me work harder than any girl I had ever encountered. It���s almost embarrassing to think about all the times I came to the bookstore to buy trivial items just to be able to see you behind the counter working and to see you smile.
You turned me down the first twenty times I asked you out to dinner but I knew I couldn���t stop.
Our first date was at a diner and you ordered tea and soup, watching you sip the soup that was second best to your smile.
You drove me crazy for two years and I knew there was no one else on this planet that could have been more perfect than you. I needed you to be mine forever.
The phone call we received in my dorm as we studied, my father had passed away, two days before your twentieth birthday, you gave me a gift, one that I won���t ever forget. You gave me your heart in hopes to heal mine along with all of your trust. I wish you could know that was what got me through his death and I know it came at a big cost to you.
Then I became possessive, jealous, and controlling, not that you ever gave me any reason to do so it was just that I couldn���t bear the thought of losing you, ever.
When I couldn�
����t give you a child a part of me died, and well, you know how I acted. But I want you to know it was my own insecurities, nothing that you did. I felt and still do that I didn���t deserve you. No matter how much you proved and showed me how you loved me, it pushed me to think. I was undeserving.
You put up with so much and for that I will forever regret. I���m happy to see that smile again and my heart breaks knowing that the man who gave it back to you is gone.
I will forever love you Emma, you are my one true love. You gave me you and a perfect daughter and I���m sorry I couldn���t be the man you deserved.
Love,
Troy
Emma sat looking down, ���Mommy, are you alright?���
���I am, I knew all that anyways,��� Emma laughed, ���I just wish he knew it.���
Brody looked at her and smiled, ���There���s another note in here, For your eyes only it says, so we should let you read it alone.���
Emma took the envelope and opened it.
Emma,
The combination hasn���t changed, you+ me= London
Keep her safe and loved always,
Love,
Troy
Emma read it again and again and finally put it back in the envelope and smiled, ���You okay, Mommy?���
���Yes baby, your Daddy���s kind of silly. I���m going to make dinner,��� Emma stood and walked into the kitchen.
She stood looking out the window when Brody came out he wrapped his arms around her waist and hugged her from behind, ���Talk to me Emma. Are you alright?���
���I���m just trying to figure something out that���s all,��� Emma said with great distance in her voice.
���Okay can I get London something quick before she passes out, she���s tired?���
���I���ll make her some soup and grilled cheese, do you want the same?��� Emma asked and turned around.
���Do you miss him, Em?��� Brody asked softly.
���Well, over the past couple years I haven���t spent a lot of time with him, and the seven before that weren���t all that great. Why do you ask that?���
