by Mj Fields
I walked up to the glass next to Dad. ���You enjoying the game?���
���I am actually. I���ve played in this stadium a few times. It���s interesting to see what���s it���s actually used for. Are you?���
His concern was evident.
���It���s cool. I suppose if I knew what was actually going on I might enjoy it.���
Logan stood closer. He explained the game to me and I was able to follow along a little better.
I noticed Harper had slowed down on the drinking and she and Ava were sitting now.
I walked up to her and squatted. ���How are you feeling?���
���Well Mad Mad Maddox I���m actually feeling pissed off���at you.��� She slurred and poked my chest.
���I understand that but you���ve drunk a lot are you sure you���re feeling������
She leaned forward and nearly slid off the chair. ���You left me today.���
���I never left you I went to take care of something. I came back to you Harper.���
���Do you���re re ���me ber last time you left to take care.��� She stopped talking and scowled. ���When you left in England?���
I wasn���t expecting that at all. Not one bit.
���Harper.���
���No Ma. Mad. Dox. No. I���m not talking to you.���
���I���m so sorry. I wasn���t thinking of that Sweetness. I wish you would have������
���Ava?���
���Harper?���
���Will you tell him to go stand over…��� She hiccupped. ���Over there?���
���Maddox������
���Harper I won���t push you while you���re drunk but we will discuss this.��� I took her face in my hands. ���I love you.���
She closed her eyes tightly and huffed.
I stood and walked away.
Tessa was clapping and whistling her team was ahead by seven.
���See the score?���
Lucas laughed, ���I do. Jose 1s gonna be pissed at you for bringing his team bad luck.���
Tessa giggled. ���Well I���m pissed at him for coaching the Giants. So we���ll be even.���
Logan and she were doing a victory dance when the game ended. Ava and Harper were not.
Their heads rested against each other���s and were nearly asleep.
Lucas looked at them and shook his head. ���Sober up ladies. Twenty minutes until we go meet Jose.���
CHAPTER EIGHT
Meadowlands
Harper
The room had slowed down a little. I was on a carousel now and not the damn scrambler. Note to self���drinking, totally not your thing.
���You okay?��� Ava snorted.
���Are you?���
���Yeah I am; we���re going to the locker room.���
���Outside of the locker room Ava.��� Lucas scowled.
She whispered loudly. ���I���m sneaking in.���
Lucas���s head snapped back and she laughed hysterically, she even snorted.
���She does that on purpose you know?��� Mom laughed.
���Uh huh. She better be joking.��� Lucas said loud enough for Ava to hear.
���Maybe I���ll go with her.��� Mom teased.
���Like hell you are.��� Lucas laughed and then after a moment walked a bit further ahead of us.
Maddox was next to me and occasionally he grabbed my elbow. Apparently, I was stumbling.
The assistant coach, Jose, walked out and gave Lucas a big hug. He immediately recognized my mom and he picked her up and hugged her, twirling her in a circle. Lucas introduced everyone and they chatted awhile. He was very nice and I���m pretty sure he mentioned that he dated my Aunt Kendall briefly. He talked Mom into taking us all out to dinner, his treat the hotel Athenee.
When we all loaded in the vehicle���s Maddox reached in and buckled me, shut the door, and then tapped the roof. Lucas backed out and I watched the sad expression on his face. Ava pulled me into a big hug and I started to cry.
Lucas looked in the rearview mirror, ���Harper that boy loves you and you love him so don���t fight.���
���I told him not to go.��� I sniffed and wiped my face.
���I know you did. But I���m pretty sure he couldn���t help himself. If it makes you feel any better I told him to go home and he didn���t listen to me either.���
���It doesn���t make me feel,��� I hiccupped, ���Any better.���
I was feeling queasy and swallowing back tears was not helping.
As soon as Lucas pulled into the underground parking garage I unbuckled and rolled down the window. I wasn���t used to the city air; it was crisp and heavy and it was not helping my stomach at all.
I stuck my head out the window and Lucas pulled into an empty spot next to the elevator. I leaned out the window and hurled. Ava started laughing and so did Logan.
���Alright there girl.��� Lucas opened the door and helped me out.
���Sorry, I…���
���Don���t worry about it. Let���s get you up to your room.���
Lucas caught me as I fell out and picked me up. ���Okay kid look, you need to throw up again you tell me okay?���
Logan and Ava followed, I think, because next thing I knew I heard water running. I opened my eyes and Maddox was standing over me in the bathroom. He didn���t say anything. I heard Mom talking she was thanking Lucas and apologizing for the mess I made.
He laughed and made mention that the Ross family had a very low tolerance for alcohol.
I sat up and held my palms against the cold marble floor. It felt good so I lay back down and rested my face on it.
���Let���s get you up and bathed.���
���Don���t even think about it.��� I closed my eyes tight and I heard my mom laugh.
���All I���m thinking of right now is that I���m sure you would feel and smell better after a bath Harper. Come on, up you go.���
���No Maddox. Mommy please?���
���Listen up Harper������
���I got it Maddox.��� I felt Mom���s hands on me and I opened my eyes. ���Mommy huh?���
I shook my head yes.
���That bad is it?���
���Worse.���
She hugged me and I cried. ���You���ll feel better once you���re cleaned up and have slept it off.���
���I don���t think I will.���
���I promise you will.���
She helped me up and I sat on the toilet as she peeled my shirt off. I looked up and Maddox was pacing.
���You should leave.��� I snapped.
���No, I should be right here.���
���Maddox maybe just go get her night clothes and the bed ready?���
���I���m sleeping with you.���
���Like hell������
���Maddox.��� I was sure she was giving him the eye because he stopped talking and stormed out of the room.
I was sitting in the tub and Mom was washing my hair.
���I miss him Mom.���
���Me too.��� She leaned over and kissed my head. ���Every day.���
���Why does it hurt worse today?���
���Well because you���re drunk. Alcohol�
��s a depressant and because he,��� She stopped talking. ���Oh Harper I don���t think it���ll ever stop. Not ever, but we have to live.���
���Some days������
���I know. But we do it for each other.���
When I was clean I wrapped a towel around me. Mom and I walked out into the bedroom. Maddox was standing there with underwear and footies.
���They���re broke.���
���I had them fixed. Come on Harper lets be done fighting alright? Please.���
���Tomorrow.���
Mom walked out of the room and I allowed Maddox to help me. I stood and put my arms in my pajamas and he zipped them up quickly.
���Stay.���
���No Maddox.���
I wouldn���t look into his eyes. I knew he was hurting but I was still so upset, and not feeling well.
I walked in the suite past everyone and straight into Mom���s room and lay down and cried. Mom came in and laid next to me.
���You���ll be alright. Tomorrow you���ll feel much better.���
���No I won���t. Mom Maddox is mad at me and I���m so afraid he���s gonna,��� I couldn���t even finish my sentence.
���Okay Harper Ann. Let���s get some sleep alright?���
I woke up to Maddox picking me up out of bed. He carried me out of the room and across the hall into our room and laid me on the bed.
���I���ll sleep on the floor.���
I rolled so my back was facing him and fell asleep.
When I woke I still felt awful but I was warm and wrapped in Maddox. I was mad at him; I wanted him safe. I looked up as his eyes were fluttering open. He kissed my head and rolled to his back.
���I���ll get you a drink and something for your head.���
He walked out of the room and into the living room area.
I went to use the bathroom and brush my teeth; my mouth felt disgusting.
When I came out he stood and pulled the blankets back. ���Get back in here, sleep it off.���
I sat down and took the bottle of water and the Tylenol. I lay back down and he sat next to me.
���When you went across the hall I followed. I waited until you stopped crying. When your mom came out I told her I wasn���t leaving without you and that she should go meet her friends. I brought you in here. You can be pissed at me, I expect it. What I didn���t expect was that you were afraid if I left you���d be hurt again. For that I���m sorry. I never want you to be afraid again.���
I pulled the blankets up.
���Say something Harper. Please, just say something.���
���You told me you had that tattoo now. You told me jail wouldn���t bother you. That���s what upset me first. But then it was that,��� I stopped and looked at him. ���I wasn���t afraid for me Maddox I was afraid for you. What if you���d gotten in trouble? What if you���d gotten hurt?���
���I brought Surge. I knew Lucas was going to be there. I wanted to see the man who was so cold that he would have those two bitches press charges. I wanted to see him so I knew what he looked like. So I know his face. I also needed him to know some things as well.���
���I don���t want to fight right now.���
���I don���t want to fight ever again.���
���Then don���t do things like that.���
���Listen, you can���t ask me not to want to keep you safe.���
���I���m going back to sleep.���
He lay down beside me. ���That���s perfect because that way you won���t look at me the way you did all day.���
CJ and Matthew had to head back to school, both were going to take the semester off but Mom convinced them not to. Matthew was working on his Doctorate in Judicial Science and CJ was in his fourth year in the MD program. I hated to see them leave and felt my mother���s tension heighten after she waved them off.
We landed in Ithaca at four in the afternoon. I was glad to be back upstate and excited that we were only thirty minutes from home. The only other place that came close to giving me this feeling was the Cape.
���You guys mind dropping me off at my house?���
���Of course not Ava.��� Mom smiled.
���Thanks. Then tomorrow we go look for dresses! We only have four months until the wedding.���
I could feel Maddox���s eyes burning into me.
���Syracuse?��� Ava asked.
���I���ll look into it and call you?���
���I���ll research places as well.���
We dropped Ava off and I looked behind us. Emma, Brody, and the girls still followed behind. I was use to Tomas always being with us, I had also grown use to this. Brody Hines was different than my father, a lot less reserved yet in many ways he was like him. Very protective and I admired that about him.
Mom was sitting in the front of the vehicle with Tomas. They were talking about the business and what needed to be done from here on out. My father and mother had decided that the holidays would be a shutdown of sorts a long time ago. No travel, no consistent connection to the entire world and its problems. The holidays were a time for us but losing Dad on Christmas would forever change that. New Year���s had come and gone as had Valentine���s Day. Maddox and I didn���t make a big deal of it. He understood my request to not have Mom hurt even more because Dad was gone.
The boys were allowed to take extra time to resume there prospective programs because of the circumstances that surrounded Dad���s death. It would now be much quieter around our family���s home. I would be worrying about them grieving alone while I am planning my wedding. A happy time that Mom would now have to deal with as well.
I looked over at Maddox and he was running his hands slowly up and down the side of his leg. He looked out of the corner of his eye and saw me staring. I pushed my hand across the seat and stuck my picky out as he watched me.
���I get that now?���
I nodded.
���That���s it?���
���For now.���
He grabbed my hand and then grabbed my knee and pulled me across the seat. He threw his arm around me and pulled my head into his chest.
���Nothing I can do about who I am Sweetness.���
���You need to at the very least tell me Maddox. It���s not fair.���
���Would you have let me go?��� I didn���t answer. ���That���s why I don���t tell you Harper. I needed this in order to be the only man I want to be for you.���
���That���s not fair.���
���No? So you tell me how you want me to be?���
���I don���t want to fight.���
���Perfect because I have other plans for us as well.���
I let out a frustrated breath and he looked at me with confusion in his eyes.
���Switzerland turns into Iceland over this Harper?���
���What?���
���Nothing.���
He looked back out the window.
I sat back and he shook his head.
Maddox was mad at me. Perfect.
We pulled in and everyone piled out of the cars. We walked into the house and I saw Mom take in a deep breath. I knew what she was thinking; it hurt to be here but it also hurt not to. She walked into the family room and looked around. The hospital bed was gone and so was all the other medical equipment that had been here for my grandfather. I stood behind her and put my hand on her shoulder.
&
nbsp; ���What���s next Mom?���
���We start over.��� She smiled and hugged me. ���Excuse me for a minute.���
She walked quickly into the bathroom.
My eyes immediately stung and I walked into the room and stood where the bed had been.
Tears fell, not just for Harrison, but for Dad. I missed them both so much. It still wasn���t real to me; and I cried for my child, our child. I put my head inside my shirt and covered my mouth. I felt my body jerk as I cried.
Get a grip Harper! God I couldn���t keep doing this and I didn���t know how not to. I pulled my head out and wiped my face. I saw Maddox standing a foot away from me with his hands in his pockets.
���Did you need something?���
���Nope. Just wanted to be here if you needed������
I turned and hugged him. I hugged him so tight and cried more. He held me and rubbed my back. All the while, he said nothing, he just held me.
When I was done I stepped back, ���Sorry.���
���Don���t be.���
���I don���t know how she does it. How she hasn���t lost it at all.���
���She���s strong������
���Not invincible.���
���No.���
���We need to come back here. I can���t be back in,��� I stopped and looked at him. ���Iceland?���
���Sorry.���
���You���re a jerk.��� I rolled my eyes.
���Sometimes. You can be as well.���
���Sometimes.���
He hugged me again as he looked around the room. ���We gonna be here again?���
���At least the room has a door now.���
���Yeah. It���ll be good for both of you.���
���Thanks.���
���Anything you need Harper.���
I heard Grandpa John and Grandma Caroline.
���We should go out.���
���We will. Then you���re gonna chill with your Mom and I���m going to gather some things from Switzerland.���
