by Rhonda James
“Are you really going to stand there and try to convince me that what you shared with Devon was more special than what you have right now with Sebastian? Is that what you’re trying to do? If that’s the case then go convince someone else ‘cause I’m not buying it.” She pointed a manicured finger at me. “You love that man. And he loves you more than anything else in this world. He would go to the ends of the earth for you, and you know that. I’m not sure what got into you while you were over there in London, but I don’t think I like who you’ve become.”
“I haven’t changed, Jade. I’m still the same woman that I was when I left. Yeah, I am different in some ways. A little more worldly perhaps. I’ve also learned that I can’t spend my life acting like everything is perfect when it’s not. Things changed when I moved to L.A. Our relationship changed. It was like he assumed my moving out there was a guarantee that I would walk away from everything and marry him.” I scooted up and sat on the bathroom counter.
“I thought you wanted to marry Sebastian. Why didn’t you say yes?” She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the door.
“Because he never asked.” I shrugged.
“What do you mean? I thought he told Dek he was going to propose.” Shock filled her face as what I had just told her sank in.
“He may have said that he was going to propose, but he never got around to it. Sure, I saw the ring. I even held it once. But never once did he place it on my finger and ask me to be his wife. Besides, as much as I love him, I'm not sure that I'm completely at peace with letting go of the past that easily.”
"I take it you're referring to Devon, and the accident? Sweetie, that was a long time ago. Devon would have wanted you to be happy. Sebastian makes you happier than anyone ever has, including Devon. You need to face those demons head on, once and for all."
I covered my face with my hands and shook my head violently. “I can’t talk about this. It’s over between us. I need to accept it and move on. Max is counting on me to pull myself together and get back to London.”
Jade stood there with her mouth gaping open. She started to speak but didn’t form words. Finally, when she realized that I wasn’t going to say anything further, she sighed deeply and offered a false smile.
“Go shower. Then, come out and I’ll make you something to eat. You must be starving, you haven’t eaten since you got off the plane.” She admonished.
“Actually, I didn’t eat two days prior either.” I quipped.
“What? That is not healthy young lady. You need to have a balanced diet.” She continued to call after me, long after I’d shut the bathroom door.
The hot water felt soothing as it beat down on my tense shoulders. I lathered my body and then my hair, watching as the soap suds made their way down my body and down the drain. I thought about Devon, and the love we had shared when we had been too young to fully comprehend what we were doing. I thought about the future he'd wanted for us, and how his life had ended far too soon. Then, I thought about Sebastian, and how thoughtlessly I’d thrown away my one shot at true love and happiness. Sebastian had been my one true love. Sure, I had been in love with Devon, but not like this. The love I felt for Devon couldn’t even begin to compare with the love I had for Sebastian. On two separate occasions I’d managed to run him off. Both times he’d been about to propose to me. I wasn’t sure what that said about us, but I knew what it said about me. I’d admitted it before to him. Once again I'd only been thinking of myself. Selfishness had reared it’s ugly head on more than one occasion during our relationship. I hated that I had allowed myself to become that kind of person. One driven by success and acknowledgement. It had destroyed my family as a child, and it was destroying the new family I had now.
I had allowed this to happen.
I needed to fix it, and there was only one way I knew to begin my transformation.
I needed to talk to my mother.
But first, I needed to call Sebastian. Jade had been right, I couldn't keep him hanging. Until I was able to clear up the mess in my head I needed some time away from everything. It wouldn't be fair to give him false hope if I wasn't able to find a balance between my career and my love life.
He picked up on the third ring, and his voice carried none of the usual softness he used to exhibit. Instead, I detected frustration, anger, and mild annoyance that I was even bothering to call him at all.
"Hi. I thought that maybe we should talk."
"Yeah? What do you think we should talk about? The weather maybe? I hear it's pretty chilly there in Michigan. It's actually mild here in sunny California. Or, maybe we could chat about hockey. Did you catch the L.A. Kings last night? They pretty much kicked Detroit's ass all over the rink." He paused a moment, letting out a heavy sigh before continuing. "Or, maybe you could explain to me how it is that you can walk away from what we had and make it look so easy."
"Wait a minute. I never said any of this was easy for me. I need you to understand that I'm feeling confused and I have to work some things out before I can get past the doubts I have.
"Doubts? You have doubts about us? Great. That's just great, Brooke. You go and work on your doubts. Meanwhile, I'll be over here trying to move on with my life.
"That's not fair." I interjected.
"No? Well, good. Because from where I'm sitting, what you did didn't feel all that fair to me either. Now I just need to learn how to live my life without you. Goodbye, Brooke."
The line went dead. I stood there, staring at the phone as if it may suddenly begin ringing again, thinking that he would call back and tell me everything would work out, and that the love we shared was strong enough to get us through.
It remained silent.
Sebastian~
Mom had been making a fuss over me the past four days. It seemed like every time I turned around she was there to check on me, making sure I wasn’t hungry, or if I wanted to talk. After handing over Brooke’s engagement ring to that cab driver, I knew in my head that it was over between us. I had to let her go. But my heart wasn’t ready to give up that easily. I was going to respect her wishes and give her space.
She’d called me this morning. I almost let it go to voicemail. She told me that she still loved me but was having doubts about whether or not we could really make it work. She mentioned something about having to deal with some issues first. Honestly, after she said she had doubts I tuned her out. I think it was my brains way of protecting my heart. I told her that I needed to learn how to move on without her and I hung up the phone. I held it tightly in my hand, damn near breaking it I'd squeezed it so hard. Either way, it was over, whether I wanted it to be or not. Now I just had to figure out how to keep moving forward.
Which brings me back to mom and her hovering.
I know that my mom loves me and wants to take care of me, but I secretly believe that she is afraid I will go off the deep end again. I tried reassuring her that I had moved past that part of my life. I don’t think she bought it completely. Hell, even I didn’t buy it.
“Sebastian, sweetie, you really need to get up and do something. Moping around won’t help matters.” I was upstairs, sitting on my childhood bed, staring at photos on my phone. Mom had come in and pretended to be picking up dirty laundry, just as she had done when we were teenagers, but I knew she was just nosing around. She sat next to me and leaned over to look at my phone.
“She’s a beautiful girl. I always loved that picture of the two of you.” She smiled, warmly.
“Yeah.” I mumbled. “Me too.” I set the phone aside and returned her smile. “You need something?” I tilted my head a bit, giving her a playful wink.
“Your Dad is out in the workshop. Why don’t you go join him, see if he needs your help.”
“Mom, you know what he’s going to say.”
“Yeah, I know. But I still want you to go. I think you need to spend a little quality time with him. For old times sake.” She scooted me out the door with a swish of her hand, just like when I was
a child. I laughed as I made my way down the stairs.
Coming here had been the right thing to do.
I found Dad in the shop, just as Mom had indicated. He was standing in front of the kitchen table, or what used to be the kitchen table. Now it lay there on the workbench, turned on its surface with the legs sticking up in the air. One had been broken near the base and it now sat propped in a vice as Dad continued sanding the wood glue from the repair he’d made yesterday.
“Wow, this table sure has been through a lot over the years.” I stated, running a hand over one of the remaining legs.
“Yeah. She’s seen plenty of abuse from you and your brother. Been a make believe apartment for Nikki, with a little help from a blanket thrown over top of her.” He winked. “She’s endured countless family discussions and meals. Many arm wrestling tournaments between you and your crazy friends.” He ran a loving hand over the smooth finish of the old oak table. “But all it took was a few shots of tequila and your mother dancing on it to make her finally throw in the towel.” He kept a straight face and continued his repair. I coughed once, doing my best to suppress a fit of laughter, but it wasn’t long before I doubled over. The mere thought of my mother dancing on the table, with or without the influence of alcohol, was more than I could stand. I laughed hard, and it felt good.
“It’s nice to hear that again. I wasn’t going to say anything, but I’ve been worried about you, son.” His kind eyes searched mine, waiting for me to open up. I offered a small smile.
"You need any help?" I asked, knowing his answer would be no. It was always no.
"No. I've got this. Just grab a seat and hang out with your old man for a bit." He waved a strip of sand paper at the nearest chair.
“Mom wasn’t really tossing back a few, was she?” I asked, almost hesitantly.
“Nah, I was just fooling around. You know your mother, two glasses of wine and that woman is flat out on the couch. I’d hate to see what a few shots of the hard stuff would do to her.” He nudged me with his elbow. “But, she was up on the table, only she wasn’t dancing, she was trying to kill a spider on the ceiling.”
“I thought you were the official spider catcher in this house.” I chuckled.
“Still am, only this time I was sound asleep in front of the television. I never knew what was happening until I heard a crash and a scream. I ran in only to find her laughing like a crazy woman with an arm stretched out in front of her, holding a Kleenex. When I leaned over her all she said was ‘I caught the spider but I killed the table.’ I swear it was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.” He laughed softly at the memory.
“I’m glad she was okay.” I muttered, holding a pair of Dad’s pliers in one hand. Dad has a thing for tools. He always has. There’s an entire wall in his workshop dedicated to tools, complete with a pegboard and little hooks throughout. I traced a finger over a few of the items hanging there.
“Yeah. Your mom comes from good stock. Going to take more than a spider and a broken table to take her out.” He winked, playfully. “So, you going to tell me what happened between you and your girl?”
“Aw Dad, I don’t want to rehash it. I've already told the story to Mom, didn’t she fill you in?” I tossed aside the pair of pliers and dropped into the chair beside the workbench.
“Come on, humor an old man.” He answered, gruffly. "And hang those pliers back up on the wall." I did as ordered.
“Well, in the beginning things were going well. I mean really well. We seemed to have the long-distance thing figured out. When I think back on all of the time spent sending her romantic gifts, cards, and letters. We talked on the phone or texted constantly. You saw how we were together. Then, when she moved to L.A. things seemed to be more serious and I bought her that engagement ring. Everything went to shit when she took that job in London--.”
“Now, don’t go blaming the job, son. The girl has a right to her dreams.” He interrupted.
“Dad? Please.” I shook my head. “We didn’t talk for days after that. Then we talked on the phone and worked through some of our baggage. Everything seemed to be going alright. She flew out to Amsterdam and spent a few days with me, that was an awesome four days.” I blushed just thinking about it.
Wow, I missed seeing her blush.
“Anyway, after that things seemed to become more and more strained between us.”
“In what way?” Dad asked.
“Well, she has this neighbor. A guy. He’s also a chef. They spend a lot of time together. We sort of stopped calling each other as often. And when we did call we couldn’t talk long or we missed each other completely. One night I called and the neighbor answered.” Dad raised an eyebrow at this fact. “Yeah.” I nodded. “And he tells me that she’s taking a shower. I mean, he may as well have told me that he was there in the apartment and she was naked in the next room. I went ballistic. I felt utterly helpless. Then, she gets really sick and doesn’t even call me to let me know. I’m hours away and would have been there if she’d have asked, but instead he ends up taking care of her. Nurses her back to health. Can you believe it?” I paced around the shop.
“This guy basically has her within an arms reach twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. How can I compete with that Dad?” I rubbed aimlessly at the tightening in my chest, wishing it didn't appear every time I thought about her.
“Did she make you feel like you had to compete with this guy, Reid? Or was that something your gut was telling you?” He eyed me carefully.
“My gut I guess.”
“Don’t get me wrong. Listening to my gut has spared me a whole lot of grief over the years. I just wanted to get a good read on if this was really an issue. You always were sensitive. That’s not a bad thing, son.”
“I just felt like we were starting to grow apart, or at least that's what I feared was happening. I went to her house to surprise her. I was going to propose. Instead, I caught her kissing Reid. I lost it, Dad. I went nuts on him. Brooke had to pull me off the guy. We went back into her apartment and argued. After the fight, she told me she couldn’t do it anymore. She said it was over between us. Then she asked me to leave. I went back the next morning and Reid and I talked. He cares for her, but he knew that she loved me and that he never had a chance.”
“Is that the last you’ve spoken to her?”
“No. She called this morning, told me that she needed time.”
“Well, hold on to that ring. If I know women, and I do, things will most likely turn around. Just give her space to work out what’s going on in her own head. You can’t expect her to walk away from her dreams just because they don’t fit into your plan. You two have a lifetime to figure it out. You don’t have to rush into marriage.”
“It doesn’t matter, because I don’t have the ring.” I stated, flatly.
“Where is it?” Dad scowled.
“I gave it away.”
“Gave it away? Are you insane? Who did you give it to?”
“Doesn’t matter. Someone who needed it more than I do. Besides, I’m not so sure I want to sit around waiting for her to work out her issues.” I groaned through gritted teeth.
“Sebastian, don’t let pride stand in the way of your love for this girl.” Dad said, in his best fatherly voice.
“See this table?” He asked, rubbing a hand over the newly repaired leg. I nodded, wondering where this was going. Dad had a tendency to use analogies when he gave advice. “This table is strong. These three good legs are sturdy, probably could have held this old girl up for awhile, even with a bum leg. But that leg there,” he pointed to the one in the vice. “That one provides the stability that the table needs to remain upright. It completes the set. Your girl, Brooke, she completes you. She’s your stabilizer.”
“But she walked away. Twice! I’m not going to beg her to take me back. I already tried and you see where it got me. She’s gone off and I’m here with you talking about tables and stability crap. I gave her everything I had.” I jabbed at my chest w
ith two fingers.
He just shook his head. “That pride will be your demise son.”
“Well, right now pride is the only thing I have left.”
“Then I guess you better get used to wobbling because I’ve got a notion that without her you’re going to spend the rest of your life feeling out of balance.” He went back to sanding.
I didn’t say a word in response. I watched him finish his work. When he was done we stepped back and admired the repaired table.
“Looks great dad.” I clapped him on the back, keeping a hand on his broad shoulder.
He turned and pulled me in for a bear hug, complete with back patting and a few grunts about me being a good son.
I spent the rest of the evening hanging out in the living room while we all watched television. Every once in awhile I caught myself stealing a glance over at the newly repaired table and recalled his words of wisdom.
Out of balance was exactly how I would describe what I was feeling right now.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Brooke~
I sat in Donnie’s office, waiting for him to respond. I’d just unloaded everything on him. Poured my heart out. I’d practically vomited everything onto his desk. But he just sat there. Quietly staring at me. It was maddening.
“Say something.” I pleaded with him.
“I’m sorry Brooklyn. I’m just trying to wrap my head around what it was that he did to make you end it. It sounds to me as if the guy went all out for you. If this has anything to do with him making you choose between him and your career, then that’s not fair. As a couple, my wife and I have to choose between what we want and what we love every day. Do you love him?” He asked, sternly. He was definitely wearing the big brother hat today.
“More than anything. But that’s beside the point.” I huffed.
