by Allie Faye
After our much needed nap, Kai and I go for a walk on the strip. We do all the tourist stuff, visiting gift shops, getting shot glasses, and silly his and her t-shirts. I snag a shirt for Raven too. I know how badly she wanted to come.
We visit the wax museum and some of those statues are so creepy. I snap a picture of Kai with the wax version of Hugh Hefner. He takes one of me with Adam Levine. I send the pic of Adam and me to Raven and she replies with a pouty face.
Kai pulls me into a photo booth and we make out like crazy. I don’t think you can see our faces in any of the pictures. I can’t wait to tape then inside our locker at school when we get back.
My phone buzzes with an incoming call from my mother. I don’t want to answer it and have her spoil the great night we are having, but the guilt of ignoring proves to be too much.
“Hello,” I answer, dreading what is to come.
“Where are you, Katie?”
“Out with Kai,” I reply, hesitant to tell her I am at the beach. Who knows what she will try to do.
“Why haven’t you come to see me? I’m in the hospital ya know.”
“I’m sorry you are hurt. Did David do that to you?”
“No, why would you say something like that. I fell down the steps out front and got banged up is all.” I know she is lying, so I lie to and tell her I will come talk to her soon. I am sure she will be back to thinking I am the bane of her existence soon enough.
“You okay?” Kai kisses my temple, noticing that phone call drained the life out of me.
“I’m perfect, because I’m here with you.” I kiss his cheek and try to put on a smile for him.
We end up back on the beach after he takes our stuff to the room. I decide to tell Kai everything about my mother, all of it. I start from the beginning. The look on his face when I tell him I am the product of rape has me scared that maybe he won’t want me anymore. What if he thinks that I am dirty? Tears sting at my eyes when I tell him how I went to church, hoping God would see that I wasn’t bad, because my mother is always referring to me as an abomination. Kai cries with me when I get to the part about my mom thinking I would take her place and become a whore too.
I keep waiting for him to run away hard and fast, but he doesn’t. Instead, he holds me tight against his chest. “Kat, baby, you will never live that life again. I promise you I won’t ever let anyone hurt you or make you do anything you don’t want to do. If anyone ever tries, I will kill them.”
“You don’t think…I’m dirty, do you?”
“Jesus, Kat. Why would you even ask me that?”
“I don’t know, never mind. Forget I said anything, it’s stupid.” I shake my head.
I thought maybe Kai would open up and share his secret with me, but he doesn’t. We sit on the beach just the two of us. The rest of the world seems to fade away as I lay here in his arms, looking at the moon and the stars, wishing that we could stay like this forever. I want to push him to tell me everything about his relationship with Raven, but maybe after all the heavy I just laid on him, his truth would be too much honesty for today.
The waves crash against the shore as the moon shines bright above. Kai sings softly in my ear, soothing me. His voice just does something to me. I swear when he sings, it’s as if he is speaking to my soul.
“Do you believe in soulmates, Katie?”
“I like to believe that it is a real thing. That maybe there are two halves to one soul wandering the world looking for their home. And when they finally unite they become one.”
“That’s beautiful, Kat. That’s the way I feel when I’m with you. You’re the missing piece of me that I never knew was lost.”
“Killing me, Kai.” I use his words against him. We kiss softly, but not too heated. It’s sweet, perfect. The perfect ending to a great night.
When we get back to the room, I don’t know what Kai says to his mom, but she doesn’t say a word when he sleeps in my bed holding me all night. Memories of my childhood haunt me as I sleep. Opening up to Kai has opened up things I shut away years ago. Flashes of a strange man coming into my room at night. Hearing my mother laugh, as I scream no, to please stop. My arms thrash and my legs kick, but the pain doesn’t stop, it gets worse. All these feelings and memories I’ve kept buried down deep rush to the surface, taking over my dreams.
A scream escapes my throat, and I begin to shake violently. I awaken to Kai tugging on my arm, telling me to wake up, that it’s only a dream.
“What did your mother do to you, Katie?” He begs me to tell him what I was dreaming about as his mom flips on my bedroom light to see what is going on. I don’t want Kai to hear that my mother used to let men touch me when I was in middle school, and that I blocked the memories out only to remember it now.
Kelli tells Kai to go to his room. He goes reluctantly.
“Katie, you can talk to me. I won’t judge you and whatever you say to me won’t ever leave this room unless you want it to.”
It takes me probably an hour to get through it all. I tell her about all the abuse. All that I now remember. Kelli then admits to me that she recognized the signs in me. She works with social services and abused children. She hugs me and tells me that we don’t have to tell anyone if I don’t want to, but that if my mom tries to contact me again she wants to file a report on her. The convention we are here for is because she is a guest speaker for a charity for sexually exploited children. We hug, and we cry. She makes me feel like I’m going to be okay. She makes me realize that none of it was my fault, that I was the victim.
“Katie, you will always have a place in my family, even if you and Kia don’t work out. I’m not saying you won’t, but the two of you are young and have so much ahead of you.” I understand what she is saying because I worry about what the future holds for Kai and me too. Right now, I can’t think past graduation for us as a couple.
“Try to get some sleep, I will be in meetings most of the day tomorrow, so Kai will be helping you with Khloe. I am making an exception and letting him stay in here with you tonight.” She hugs me again and tells me goodnight.
Kai comes back in my room and doesn’t say anything. He holds me, but he seems distant. Cold, like he’s afraid to touch me too closely. All those feelings of being dirty begin to creep back up on me.
“You don’t have to stay with me tonight, Kai. I understand if you see me differently.”
“What gives you that idea?” He sounds offended.
“Because you act like you are afraid to touch me right now. You either think I am dirty or made of glass.”
He grabs my face and smashes his lips into mine harshly, stealing my breath away. “Nothing could ever make me think you are dirty, Kat. I just didn’t want to take advantage of you when you are upset. I. Love. You.”
I feel relief wash over me because Kai accepts me, dirty, broken, and used. More importantly, he said he loves me. It scares me, I want to tell him that I love him too, but something holds me back. “I just want to forget that part of me,” I tell him.
“Baby, that makes you who you are. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You did nothing wrong, that was all on whoever hurt you. They own that, not you.”
“Please, Kai…I just want to block it all out again. I don’t want to remember, help me forget that anyone has ever touched me but you.”
He gets up and locks my door, taking his shorts off as he comes back to bed. He not only makes me forget, but he takes me to another world.
Chapter 19
The next few days of our trip pass by us in a blur. Kai and I have grown closer, if that is even possible. Khloe has kept us busy from sun up until sun down. That kid has crazy energy, even with the sun draining us each day. We’ve built sandcastles and played in the waves. I am pretty sure I have sand stuck in places that I didn’t even know existed on my body. We stuff ourselves with corn dogs and cotton candy. Kai won both of us stuffed dolphins playing one of those silly carnival games where you shoot water at ducks and try to knock them over.
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The rest of the band is coming sometime today. Kai is using the excuse that the guys need to crash in his room for another reason to sleep in my room with me. His mom is on to him though. She tells him that we can ask for a roll away bed for him, and he can either sleep on it in her room or his, but not in mine. I thinks she knows Kai and I are intimate, with how touchy feely he is with me. If Kai isn’t holding my hand or kissing me, he is staring at me. Not that I am complaining.
I have been getting sad face texts from Raven all day, telling me I had better keep Jake in check for her. They are playing tomorrow night at some club, and then we are leaving Friday morning. Jake said I might not get into the club since I am not eighteen. Kai says he will tell them I am their backup singer if he has to.
I cannot wait to see him play on stage. I know I have watched the guys practice but that is nothing compared to this. Raven has me on strict orders to take a video of their performance, so she can post it to their site and YouTube channel once we get back home.
Kai has gone to meet the guys downstairs and bring them up to the room. Kelli said she is treating herself, Khloe, and me to an evening at the spa. We are getting facials, mani-pedis, and massages. I am looking forward to being pampered. It gives Kai a break from us too. I don’t want him to get sick of me, because we are always together now that I live with his family.
Jake, Hunter, and Vance come straggling through the door looking rough. They drove straight through, only stopping for gas and piss breaks as Vance puts it. Khloe says, “Bad, Vance, you owe Khloe a dollar.”
He gets his wallet out and hands her a five. “Here this should cover the rest of the day,” he jokes.
Kai’s mom shakes her head and tells Khloe and me to come on before we are late for our evening of pampering.
By the time I leave the spa, I feel buffed and polished all over. There was an awkward moment when Mrs. Cooper and I talked about getting Brazilians. She said she didn’t even think of it when she made my appointment, it came with the package. I am sure Kai will appreciate it greatly, but I didn’t tell her that.
Back in the room, I have a note from Kai, telling me he went out to dinner with the band. I am glad he is out having a good time. I eat dinner with Khloe and Kelli in the room. She ordered from the hotel restaurant and had it brought up for us. This is the sort of thing a girl should be enjoying with her own mom, and my heart aches for what I have never had with my own mother.
I notice it is getting late and Kai and the guys haven’t come in yet. Guess he will have to wait until tomorrow to hear about my new look in my intimate area. When I get in my bed, I pull my phone out and see that I have a missed text from Raven.
Raven: Are you out with the guys?
Me: No, been hanging with Kelli and Khloe, why?
Raven: Jake sent me a picture of them at the club they are performing at tomorrow night and there was a bunch of slutty looking bitches sitting with them.
She forwards the image to me. My stomach drops, seeing a pretty, busty blonde sitting between Kai and Hunter. I remember his words, ‘there will be lots of girls and I will flirt with them for my music.’ I am trying not to let it get under my skin. Kai wants to be a musician, groupie girls come with that life.
Me: I am sure it is nothing. Don’t worry.
Raven: Easier said than done. Jake has never been a one girl kinda guy.
Me: I wish I had something wise and reassuring to say right now but I don’t. Just trust that he wants you to be the only girl for him, but if he doesn’t then screw him.
Raven: Aren’t you pissed at Kai? He is out with other girls without you!
Me: I trust him. Is there a reason I shouldn’t?
Raven: No just saying is all.
I think back to all of the times her and Kai have told me they are complicated. What in the hell does that even mean?
Me: What really happened between you and Kai?
I keep waiting for her to text me back, but she doesn’t. I am getting sick of this. I go to bed feeling anything but relaxed. Now I am angry and confused.
In the early morning hours, I hear Kai and the guys getting in. I want to ask him where he has been all night, but I don’t want to be one of those clingy naggers. I still have Raven’s unanswered text on my mind, so I probably shouldn’t talk to Kai right now. I am sure we will fight if I do.
He comes stumbling into my room, knocking into the furniture. I flick the lamp on and see his eyes are glossed over and he reeks of smoke and liquor, reminding me of my mother. My stomach lurches, and I run into my bathroom before I puke in the bed.
I am sitting in the floor, hugging the toilet, dry heaving when Kai puts a damp cloth on the back of my neck. “You okay?”
“I’m fine,” I snap more harshly than I intended to at him and he flinches.
“Why are you yelling? My head hurts,” he says.
I don’t say anything. I go over, turn the shower on, and start taking his clothes off. He reaches for my shirt and says, “Take it off, Kitty Kat.”
I smack his hand away and shove him into the shower. He pouts when I refuse to get in with him. He is going to regret laying out all night if his voice sounds like shit for his show tomorrow night. He slumps against the shower wall, making a puppy dog pout with his bottom lip.
I go to shut the water off and he pulls me in with him. “Want you so bad, Kat.”
“As much as you wanted that blonde you were with tonight,” I screech not even meaning to tell him I know he was with girls tonight.
“What are you talking about?” He says, wrapping a towel around his cold, naked body.
I stomp into my room, pulling out dry clothes from my bag, ignoring him. He presses against my back, rubbing his hard-on at my butt. “Stop it, Kai.” I shove him off and he falls back onto the bed, watching me change.
“Shouldn’t you be taking those off instead of putting them on?” He asks, looking at me cross-eyed.
I throw my phone at him. He picks it up, looks at it for a second, and lays it on the nightstand.
“Don’t be jealous, Kat. I got called a married old man all night for refusing to talk to the girls at the club.”
I am not sure why, but I believe him. I can totally see the guys ragging on him and giving him a hard time.
“Fine,” I say, crawling into bed with him. He curls up against me and starts to snore. His mom will have a fit if she catches him in here naked, but it would serve him right for coming in wasted. Drunk people are only tolerable if you are drunk too, in my experience anyway.
I don’t sleep worth a crap. I wake up three different times and push Kai away from me. He is sweating out the alcohol he drank, and I can’t stand it. By the fourth time, he wakes. “Stop pushing me away, Kat. I need to feel close to you.”
“You are all hot and sweaty, and not in a good way,” I tell him.
“We can change that,” he says, snuggling up to me and sliding his hand inside my bottoms.
“Fuck, Kat, did you get waxed?”
“I did.” I wink at him and roll over to my stomach, so he can’t touch me.
“If you kill it on stage tonight, I’ll show you.”
“Deal,” he says, showing me those dimples that make everything right with the world. I swear they should plaster posters of Kai smiling with his dimples popping out. They could bring world peace they are so sexy.
“You better get out of here and go get some clothes on before your mom catches you,” I warn him.
He groans and puts his clothes from last night on. “Did you shove me into a cold shower last night?”
“Yup, you stunk.” I scrunch my nose, remembering that horrible smell. I can hear my mother in my head… ‘Ungrateful abomination.’
“Sorry, Kat, I wasn’t much fun to be around last night. I would rather have been here with you.”
Hearing him say that makes me smile, but I have to remember he wants to make a career out of this and he can’t afford for me to be selfish with him.
“K
ai, I love you, and I know how much you love your music. So, if you need to go out and be seen, and flirt with girls to get there then I want you to do that and have fun. As long as it’s me you are thinking about, and you don’t do anything to hurt me, we will be fine.”
“Kat, flirting with other girls does hurt me, because they aren’t you.” Swoon. If that doesn’t make my heart skip a beat.
I get up from the bed and plant my lips on his, and he cups my butt, squeezing it tight.
I step back from him and grin mischievously. “Remember, Kai, if you kill it at your performance tonight, I’ll show you this…” I pull the waist of my bottoms down and flash him the top of my bare skin.
He scrubs his hands over his face. “Killing me, Kat.”
I shove him out the door before I change my mind and show him right now.
Chapter 20
Getting ready for Kai’s performance tonight has me on edge. I have a feeling that tonight something great is about to happen for him. I don’t know why but I just do. I am freaking out about what to wear. What does the girlfriend of a future rock star wear to his show? I want to look sexy but classy. I look through the clothes I brought with me and everything I have sucks.
Kai is with the band doing a sound check, and his mom took Khloe out for the evening because she was pitching a fit about wanting to see Kai sing tonight.
Grabbing my room key, I decide this occasion calls for a shopping trip. I walk the strip, aimlessly window-shopping, waiting for something to catch my eye. Finally, when I am about to give up, I see it. There is a white dress with quarter length sleeves on it. The underneath is white and sheer with a cream lace overlay. I rush inside to try it on. The hemline falls pretty short above my knees, but I can totally pull it off. I find the perfect necklace to compliment it. It has a long chain and guitar pendant that falls between my breasts.
Excited, I make my purchase and get back to the room, so I can hopefully knock Kai off his feet when he sees me tonight.
