by Emma Quinn
Nathan
I
should have told her. I knew I should have.
But when she crawled into my lap, straddling me between her thighs and grinded her hips against me, any and all common sense went straight out the window. The taste of her lips left me too drunk to speak. The sensation of her hands raking over my chest, grabbing at my arms left me stunned. The scent of her vanilla shampoo and coconut bodywash left my head spinning, a comfortable haze clouding my mind and muffling my thoughts.
I’d never wanted someone as badly as I wanted Dianna.
I knew it was a cliché, but she really wasn’t like the other girls. She was sweet and funny and driven. She had a good heart that had been mishandled, taken for granted. Dianna was here in my arms, kissing me senseless not because she wanted anything from me, but because she wanted me.
But that’s not true. You’re lying to her.
No. I’m omitting the truth. That’s not the same.
Dianna’s nimble fingers made quick work of my button-down, pushing the fabric to the side to expose my hard chest and abs. Her gorgeous blue eyes sparkled with delight when she discovered the tattoo hidden beneath my shirt. She immediately began to trace the outline of the phoenix that spread from my left peck and wrapped its wings and feathered tail over my shoulder and down my upper arm.
“This is beautiful,” she whispered, sounding genuinely amazed. “Where’d you get this done?”
“Troy Malone did it for me.”
She raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Troy Malone. Like the famous tattoo artist to Hollywood celebrities?”
“The one and only.”
“How on Earth did you– What? How did you afford something like that? Doesn’t he charge an arm and a leg?”
This is it. You can tell her now.
Tell her you’re not some web developer.
You’re a CEO. You’re rich. How mad can she be that you’re rich?
“He’s a friend of a friend,” I said slowly, doing my best to speak around the sticky lump in the back of my throat. It wasn’t actually a lie. I knew Troy Malone through Matty.
I can’t stand liars.
“Lucky,” Dianna said. “I’ve always wanted to get one.”
“Why don’t you?”
“Money’s always been tight. And I don’t actually know what I want, or what style I’d want it in.”
I chuckled. “That’s pretty important.”
Dianna giggled in response before kissing me again. She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me in close. I teased her lips apart with the tip of my tongue, relishing the way she opened up for me. I explore the inside of her mouth, savoring her taste and the languid moan I was able to draw out of her. The sound of it was enough to drive me insane. Angelic, but downright sinful.
I slipped a hand beneath the fabric of her dress, taking my time to drag my hands up the sides of her thighs. Dianna gasped, sounding more shocked than turned-on. I stopped immediately.
“Is this okay?” I asked. “We don’t have to keep going if you don’t want to.”
Dianna’s cheeks were an adorable pink. “No, it’s not that.”
“Then what is it?”
“I just… Is this moving too fast? I mean, I really do like you, but this is only our second date, and I–” A frustrated sigh escaped her. “I’m sorry. After what happened between me and Tommy, I just… I just don’t want to rush things. It’s not that I don’t find you attractive. Because God, have you seen you? I don’t know. I’m not–”
I pressed my fingers to her supple lips and chuckled. “It’s okay.”
“It is?”
I smiled at her. It was so unfair how adorable she was. Adorable and sexy and all the things I didn’t know I wanted in a woman until I met her.
“Yes, it is,” I said. “We’ll take things slow. I like you, too. And I…”
I’ve got something important to tell you.
Before I could get the words out, Dianna started to kiss me again. Her lips were downright magical, soft like a pillow and sweet like chocolate. They were able to blank my mind and erase my whole vernacular.
I couldn’t remember the last time I made out with a girl this hard and this enthusiastically. Maybe when I was sixteen and still attending Eagleview High School. There’d been a time when making out under the football field’s bleachers was an acceptable practice. I used to do this with an old girlfriend, before Monteverde was ever a thing and before the money followed. I couldn’t for the life of me remember her name, though. I supposed I didn’t care enough.
But Dianna? Dianna I’d remember for a long time.
She liked me for me. She didn’t know about my business or my success. She wasn’t after anything except for my company and attention. It dawned on me that if I told her the truth, everything between us could change. Even if she didn’t react poorly to the fact that I’d lied to her about my job, the dynamics between us would probably be different. I didn’t want that. I wanted what we had now, this carefree, giddy thing that was all talking and kissing and uncomplicated.
If I told her the truth now, she’d probably hate me. I couldn’t stand the thought of not getting to kiss her again, to hold her, to hear her bubbly laugh.
What if I lose her?
But if I didn’t tell her and she somehow found out, would things be even worse? How could I justify myself to her when I’d had so many opportunities to come clean? As far as I could see, there was no way for me to get out of this tangled mess of a web I’d weaved. There was no telling how long I’d be able to keep things up. What if she already had her suspicions and this was all I test that I was failing miserably? Maybe she was waiting for me to come clean.
“Nathan?”
“Yes?”
“Are you okay?”
“Hm? Oh, yeah. I guess I’m just a little tired.”
Dianna looked over my shoulder at the digital clock on the nightstand. Or was it an end table? I supposed it worked as both in her tiny studio apartment. The place had a very charming quality to it. I’ll admit I was surprised at the size of the space, or lack thereof. But in a weird way, it suited her. She was quirky and full of life and color, just like her surroundings. I had half a mind to take her over to my apartment this evening, but I thought against it. If she didn’t think I was rich now, she’d definitely think so after seeing my place.
I owned an entire apartment complex in Beverly Hills. I’d reserved the penthouse suite for myself which boasted five separate bedrooms, three livings rooms, four and a half baths, and a kitchen the size of Dianna’s entire apartment. I couldn’t take her there. Not without exposing myself and my lie.
Dianna pressed her lips to my forehead. It was sweet and tender, full of fondness I knew I didn’t deserve.
“Would you look at that?” She giggled. “It’s two in the morning.”
“Time flies when you’re having fun, I guess.”
“Do you… Do you want to stay here for the night? I don’t like the thought of you on the roads when you’re tired.”
I didn’t have the heart to tell Dianna that the Tesla had an autopilot feature. Naturally, I’d never fall asleep behind the wheel because that was a stupid thing to do and only assholes without any consideration for human life would do such a thing. But if I really wanted to, I could have the car drive me most of the way home.
But I didn’t want to leave her. I wanted to have her fall asleep in my arms. The thought of waking up to the sight of her bedhead made me weirdly excited. It didn’t matter that her bed was literally three times smaller than mine back home. It didn’t matter that we might have to share a pillow and fight over the singular twin-sized blanket we were sitting on.
I smiled at her and kissed the tip of her nose. “I’d be happy to take you up on that offer.”
Dianna talked in her sleep. I had no sweet clue what she was talking about, but it was cute all the same. She kept saying things like aperture, focus, and backlighting. Was she dreaming about bei
ng at work? I couldn’t tell.
We’d spent the whole night talking about everything and anything, and yet nothing at the same time. I learned that she didn’t have a favorite color, she loved to eat packaged ramen noodles as a comfort food, and that she didn’t know how to drive. I learned that she thought her lucky number was twelve, that she always ate the fortunate cookie first when eating Chinese takeout, and that she’d always wanted a big dog as a pet but couldn’t because her apartment was too small.
We fell asleep at some point or another, cradled close in a mess of arms and legs. When I woke up, it was a couple minutes after six. The morning sunlight streamed into her studio apartment through the cracks in the blinds, dust glittering in the air. Even though the bed was cramped, this was arguably the most comfortable I’d been in my entire life.
The size of her apartment was beginning to grow on me. It was cozy, and it felt like a home. There was just something about the alphabet letter magnets on her fridge door, the clutter of junk mail on the kitchen counter, the laundry hamper stuffed behind the bathroom door, the collage of pictures pinned to a corkboard above her bed, and the string of fairy lights wrapped around the perimeter of her singular window that filled the place with life.
It stood in complete contrast to my own home. Yes, it was huge and fully furnished with the latest stainless steel appliances, and accent tables and chairs from straight of the Urban Barn catalogue. But it didn’t feel like a home. It was just a place for me to retreat to after a long day at work. Its only function was to provide me with a place where I could lay my head. Sometimes that wasn’t even the case. Sometimes I’d spend the night at the office because I’d been working late on a new project and couldn’t find the energy to go home just to return to work a few hours later.
I knew I had to get going. It was only a matter of time before people started to blow up my phone asking for me. Even though it was a Saturday, there was a multitude of things I had to get done. There was paperwork to sign, presentations to go over, meetings that needed to be scheduled. I was a busy guy even when I wasn’t busy.
I spent the last few minutes admiring Dianna’s sleeping face. Her lashes were full and curly. Her lips were parted as she snored softly. She was pressed right up against my chest, her soft hair tickling my arm on which she lay.
Things may have been new between us, but I didn’t want to screw this up. For the first time in what felt like forever, Dianna made me feel seen. I wasn’t just some guy in a suit to her. I didn’t think she saw me as a steppingstone to use to advance her own goals. When she said herself that she liked me, my mind wasn’t plagued with questions and doubts like in my previous relationships. I could tell Dianna was being honest. That she cared.
The clock on her nightstand read 6:00 AM.
“Dianna?” I whispered. “Dianna, I have to get going.”
She grumbled something incomprehensible as she wrapped her arms around my torso and pulled me in close. She was surprisingly strong for a girl her size.
I chuckled. “Dianna?”
“Five more minutes,” she mutters. “Five more minutes, Grandma.”
I fought hard to keep from laughing. “I’m not your Grandma.”
Dianna yawned before nuzzling right back in. I didn’t have the heart to move her.
Maybe today I’d turn my phone off.
11
Dianna
I
sometimes had to pinch myself to make sure that I wasn’t dreaming.
Nathan was unbelievable. Underneath his cold exterior was a genuinely sweet and considerate man. I was afraid that I’d scare him off when I said I wanted to take things slow. The men in my life up until him weren’t exactly the committed type. Tommy was an especially bad offender, doing things that pleased him rather than take my feelings into account.
But Nathan was different. He was patient and calm, kind and intelligent. We unfortunately weren’t able to see each other until the Thursday because he was stuck at work, but the exchange of text messages was continuous and endless. Every time my phone buzzed, my heart immediately jumped up into my throat with excitement. I knew it could only be one person.
Nathan – Tonight.
Dianna – Yes?
Nathan – I’d like to cook you dinner again. Your place?
I smiled down at my phone. I shouldn’t have been on it while I was at work, but I just couldn’t help myself.
Dianna – That sounds great!
Nathan – Cool. Did you have any requests? I can put a word in with the chef.
Dianna – Anything’s good! I’m not picky.
Nathan – Okay, sounds good. I also have a surprise for you. Hope you look forward to it.
Dianna – Surprise? What surprise?
Nathan – If I tell you, it isn’t a surprise.
Dianna – Pleeeeeeeaase?
Rachel cleared her throat behind me loudly. I startled in my seat, quickly stuffing my phone into my jacket pocket.
She raised a brow at me. “Working hard?”
I smiled as wide as I could and feigned innocence. “Of course, I am. Love my job. Love you. Productivity at a hundred percent.”
Rachel crossed her arms, but looked more amused than anything. “When am I going to meet this guy?” she interrogated. “You still haven’t shown me a picture.”
“Maybe I don’t want to show you a picture.”
“You’re my photographer. That’s all you do.”
I laughed. “Touché.”
“Come on. There’s got to be something wrong with him. Why else are you keeping him a secret from me?”
“I’m not keeping him a secret. I’m just respecting his privacy.”
“His privacy?”
I nodded. “Nathan’s kind of shy. It’s really cute.”
“Shy? Or he has something to hide?”
I rolled my eyes. “Shy,” I stressed.
Rachel sighed and leaned against my desk. “I’ve got a new assignment for you,” she said, carrying on. “We’re going to be working with Monteverde on a promotional spread.”
My eyes widened, a lump of excitement filling my chest. “Really? The Monteverde? How’d you score it?”
“They apparently wanted to work with those assholes at Clarmont Media, but something happened with their budget that made the project collapse. One of Monteverde’s reps phoned me to see if we could cut them a better deal, and I said yes.”
“And you want me to be the photographer?”
Rachel nodded. “You’re always saying you want bigger projects, right?”
I grabbed her hands and clasped them in my own. “Yes. A million times yes!”
“I thought you’d say that. I need you to go visit one of Monteverde’s warehouses tomorrow. I’ll send you the address. Candids and the like, gather some real stories about the people who work there. Monteverde’s got a good thing going, and they make sure to treat their workers fairly. I’m hoping the spread in our magazine’s will shed some light into their more ethical business practices. Do you think you can manage?”
“Absolutely. I’m your girl.”
Rachel squeezed my hands back. “I know you are. I’ll be sending you with the same team for the Billie shoot. Make sure to be there bright and early.”
“Okay,” I said, feeling lighter than air. “Don’t worry. You can count on me.”
The second Nathan arrived at my apartment, I practically jumped into his arms. He laughed, expertly catching me while balancing the bag of fresh groceries in his hands.
“You’ll never guess what happened to me at work today!” I exclaimed.
“Something good, I take it.”
I nodded, taking him by the arm to guide him inside. Nathan put the groceries down on the kitchen counter before dipping down to kiss me on the lips.
“What’s the good news?” he asked.
“I’ve got a new assignment,” I said proudly. “I’m actually going to be visiting the Monteverde warehouse on Sackville street.”
Nathan’s posture stiffened, though I couldn’t figure out why. “Monteverde?”
“Yeah! I guess you could say we’ll be temporary colleagues.”
“Are you… Are you coming to the head office, too?”
I shook my head. “I don’t think so? Rachel wants me to focus more on the workers. I don’t think she wants me conducting any interviews with upper management. Not yet, at least.”
Nathan set his jaw. “I see.”
“Why? Were you looking forward to see me?”
“I–” He swallowed.
“What’s wrong?”
“Dianna, I have to tell you something.”
I tilted my head at him, curious. “Okay? What is it? You can talk to me.”
“Dianna, I’m–” Nathan chewed on the inside of his cheek, eyebrows furrowing together.
“What?” I pressed, getting antsy.
Seeing him anxious made me anxious. Why did he look so hesitant? Was something wrong? My mind started to spin as memories flashed across the back of my eyes without permission.
Tommy, what’s wrong?
It’s nothing. It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.
The distance is ultimately what hurt me. I could see Tommy and I drifting apart, but neither of us was brave enough to just end things. I think we were trying to delay the inevitable, convincing ourselves that maybe we could work things out so we could be happy again. Maybe Nathan was holding back because he didn’t want to say something that would upset me. Lord knows I held my tongue whenever Tommy did something that irritated me. At the time, I thought it wasn’t a big deal. But over the next year, the little problems I had with him mixed and combined into one big, unavoidable problem.
I didn’t want that to happen between me and Nathan. I really liked him. Every text he scent me made me feel like I was over the moon. Getting to stand next to him put me at ease. To get to kiss and hug him after a long day of work calmed my heart. Just thinking about him made it slightly easier to breathe. After things ended with Tommy, I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to let my walls down again. Nathan really wanted to make me try.
