“I’m no better than a whore.”
“He’s not paying you for sex, Lola.”
I look at her, and I raise an eyebrow. “He is. Technically.”
“He isn’t leaving a handful of dollars on the nightstand the second he pulls out, is he?”
“Seriously?”
She shrugs and takes a sip of wine. “You’re not a whore.”
“I feel like one.”
“Work it into your out-of-hours schedule, then. Maybe he gets off on that kinda shit.”
Now I’m home; now I’m back in that world that reminds me too much of the real life I’ve spent these past few months trying to deal with, I’m back to being that other person. The one who can’t seem to deal with the shit I need to sort out. That switch flicks without me even realizing it, and I hate myself for that; for letting this continue to bring me down.
I lean forward and drop my head, raking both hands through my hair. “What’ve I done, Kat?”
“You had sex with your boss, at work, in a Cavendish King conference room. On day one of your new job, girl, you are one sick bitch!”
I throw her a look, but I’m also aware there’s a small smile on my face too. “If we get found out…”
“You’re screwing a managing partner, Lola, not some wet behind-the-ears first year associate. The man’s the epitome of discretion, with a penchant for bourbon-based sex-play. Apparently.”
“All right.” I sigh and throw myself back against the couch pillows. “I’m done talking about this now.”
“Oh, we are nowhere near done, missy.”
But Kat – she can read me so well. Too well. And she saw my expression change just then, even though I tried to change it straight back. I just don’t think I was quick enough.
“Is this what he’s making me do, Kat?”
“He’s only making you do something if you let him, Lola.”
“I need five minutes.”
“Lola…”
“Five minutes, Kat.”
I get up and go to my room, closing the door behind me, and I lean back against it, breathing in deep. In the space of twenty-four hours my life’s been turned on its head. I had a one-night stand. I unknowingly slept with my boss-to-be, and on my first day in my brand new job at a law firm most legal secretaries I know would kill to get into, in any capacity, I’ve become the plaything of Evan King. Managing partner. Is that why all those other women want to work for this man so badly? Does he have a reputation I was too naïve to dig into? Do they all want to be his plaything, too? Do I? I keep my eyes closed and let another shiver wrack my body as I remember his fingers inside me, his hot breath on my neck as he fucked me up against the conference room wall while outside everyone else carried on working. And now I don’t know whether to feel excited or scared. What I’m doing here, it’s dangerous, because we get found out and it won’t be Evan who loses everything. It’ll be me. But I can handle it, what he wants me to do; what he needs me to do. I can handle it. I can be the secretary he needs and the plaything he wants, I can do that. Because he isn’t getting things all his own way. He’s going to have to work for some of those perks he thinks he deserves. He’s going to have to earn them.
I take another deep breath and finally open my eyes. At work I become a different person. I can wrap a powerful man like Evan King around my finger, have him agreeing to shit he hasn’t even heard the details of yet, because he wants me that much. And then I come home, and I’m dragged back to a place I can’t leave; a place where I’m still sad and lost and angry. A place I can’t leave because I can’t let go of a man who didn’t want me at all.
I go over to the closet and open it, flicking through the rails of jackets and dresses and skirts until I find it, still hidden inside its protective bag. I haven’t opened it in three months; haven’t looked at it since that day. And I don’t know why I’m doing this now, why I’m bringing it out and torturing myself, but maybe it’s time that happened. Maybe it’s time I finally faced up to it, once and for all.
I unzip the bag and reach inside, lifting out the simple, elegant, off-white sheath dress. And for a second or two I just hold it, and look at it, before I hang it up and run my fingers lightly over the soft material. And as I do that I let all those memories engulf me once more. The pain’s still as raw as it was the day he left me standing at the altar; the day he ripped my heart out. It shattered into a million pieces and I just can’t put it back together. I can’t fix it. Maybe I don’t even want it fixed. Maybe that’s the problem.
“Oh, Jesus, Lola…”
“I said five minutes, Kat.”
“And I knew you were heading in this direction so screw whatever you think you need. What you need is to get rid of that.”
“I can’t.”
“You don’t want to. There’s a difference.”
I ignore her and continue to run my fingers over the dress.
“What’re you keeping it for, Lola? In case he comes back? You think that’s gonna happen, huh? You think he’s gonna come back?”
“Don’t, Kat, please.”
“He’s back in Toronto. Did you know that?”
I turn around to face her. “No. I didn’t. How do you know?”
“Eric told me. Lola, he’s his brother…”
“I know.”
“And what Mike did…”
“Eric had no idea. I know that, too.”
“And neither did I, you still believe that, don’t you? Because if I’d had any clue…”
“Kat, I know. We’ve been through all of this. Too many times.”
I sink to the floor and draw my knees up, hugging them to my chest.
“I’m just glad all this shit between me and Mike didn’t affect you guys. Guess you got the decent brother, huh?”
“Lola…”
“I know, I’m sorry.” I throw my head back and sigh, dragging a hand through my tangled blonde hair. “I’m sorry. I promise, I’m gonna quit with the wallowing and the self-pity and move on. It’s what I’m trying to do.”
“By sleeping with your boss?”
I don’t say anything to that. And I watch Kat’s eyes as they fall on the dress still hanging on the closet door, and then she looks at me.
“You sure you’re moving on?”
“I’m not losing the dress, Kat.”
“Because you’re still holding onto him, Lola, can’t you see that? And you need to let go, girl, because you are still holding on way too tight.”
“And Evan King is gonna fuck that out of me.”
“Lola…”
I pull myself to my feet and zip the dress back up in its bag. “I need to forget him my way, Kat.” I slide the dress back into the closet. “So I’m going to throw myself into this new job at Cavendish King, and that’ll help. I’ll get there, I’ll forget him. Eventually. In time. But let me do it my way. Okay?”
“I just hate seeing you beat yourself up over this. Over him.”
“I’m not beating myself up.”
“You are. And none of it was your fault. It was all on him, Lola. All of it.”
I sit down next to her on the edge of the bed and she hands me the bottle she’s holding. I look at it. Bourbon. Then I look at her. “You’re hilarious, do you know that?”
“I’m just trying to cheer my girl up.”
I take a swig and look at Kat again. “Did he ever say anything, Kat? To Eric? To anyone?”
She holds my gaze and shakes her head. “No one had heard a thing from him until he called Eric last night, to say he was back in Toronto. And that’s all he said, Lola, I swear.”
“That’s all Eric told you he’d said.”
“He wouldn’t lie to me. Eric isn’t like…”
She stops talking and drops her gaze.
“He isn’t like Mike.” I finish the sentence for her. “I get that, Kat. It’s just that…” I take another swig of bourbon, closing my eyes as the dark liquid burns the sides of my throat. “I still don’t know w
hy. Was it something I did? Something I didn’t do? I thought he loved me, y’know? He always told me he loved me. And I always believed him…”
Kat reaches out and takes my hand and she squeezes it tight. “He loved you, Lola. Don’t ever doubt that. And what he did; the way that he did it, that makes him a coward. It’s unforgivable. And he isn’t worth the shit you’re putting yourself through.”
“I know.” I sigh heavily and drag a hand through my hair again. “I know. I just think this whole crazy day has messed with my head and everything I’m feeling…” I take a final swig of bourbon and hand the bottle back to Kat. “I think I just need a good night’s sleep, and let’s see what tomorrow brings, huh?”
“Lola, are you – are you sure you’ve thought this thing through? You, and Evan King?”
“There is no me and Evan King.”
“You know what I mean.”
I frown slightly. “You were all for my foray into ‘Fifty Shades…’ territory a minute ago.”
“I know, I just… all of this… I just don’t know if you really know what you’re doing. What you could be getting into.”
I stand up and head into the bathroom, leaving the door open as I begin to wipe the make-up from my face. “I know exactly what I’m doing, Kat, okay?”
She leans against the door post, and her expression is way too concerned for my liking. “Do you?”
“Look, Kat, I’m not some fragile kid, all right? I can deal with this. What happened with Mike was painful and, yeah. He broke my heart. And I’m not over it. I’m not over him, not properly. Not yet. But he’s obviously over it. Over me. And whatever made him do it…” I look at her and I shrug, “I’ll probably never know the answer to that. And today – today was a blip, a set-back. It’s been one hell of a mind-fuck, these past few hours, and I let everything get to me; cause me to over think shit I know I need to let go of and… he’s back home now, isn’t he? That makes it kind of final, don’t you think?”
“We need to have a party.”
“No, Kat, that is the last thing we need.”
“How old are you?”
“Old enough to be giving house parties a miss.”
“Bullshit. We’re having one. Saturday night.”
“I might be busy.”
She raises an eyebrow. “Doing what?”
I stop brushing my teeth and spit into the sink. “Evan might need me.”
“At the weekend?”
“Whenever he needs me, Kat. That’s the deal.”
“I thought you were pulling some of the strings here.”
“I am.”
“So, if he says he needs you on Saturday, tell him you’re busy.”
“I don’t want a party, Kat.”
“I’m not listening now. We’re having a party. Saturday night. And you are gonna be there, missy, if I have to drag you kicking and screaming.”
She leaves me alone and I glance up into the mirror. I look tired. It’s been a strange day, and there’s a part of me that’s hoping I’ll wake up tomorrow and find out it’s all been a dream. But I know that isn’t going to happen.
Mike left me.
I’m getting over it.
Slowly.
I am.
I really am.
Six
Lola
“Has he not hit on you yet?”
I look up to see Jess leaning over my cubicle. “Has who hit on me?”
“Kyle Powers. Senior partner and company letch.”
I frown and shake my head and she leans in closer.
“He will. He obviously hasn’t met you yet, that’s all, otherwise he’d be on you like a dog in heat, I guarantee it. You are gorgeous, and he won’t let an opportunity slip, so, just giving you a heads up.”
“What’s he look like?”
“Oh, you can’t miss him. Slicked back dark hair thinning slightly on top, Californian accent, permanent smug look on his not-particularly-handsome face.”
I can’t help smiling. I’ve only been here at Cavendish King for three days, but Jess has already become a good friend to me. I really like her. We just click. “You didn’t have a good experience I take it?”
She pulls a face and I laugh. “To be fair, I don’t think he realizes how amusing it all is, although, it’s way funnier when it’s happening to someone else. So, just giving you a warning, right there.” She throws me a smile and makes to go, before stopping and coming back to my cubicle. “You up for drinks later? We haven’t really had time for a proper catch-up yet, so, cocktails?”
“Sounds good to me.”
“Great. I’ll stop by later, sort out a time.”
I watch her retreat down the corridor and I smile to myself before turning my attention to Evan’s diary. He’s busy working a possible fraud case at the moment involving the ex-employee of a high-profile software company, so these past couple of days – bar day one – I’ve not spoken more than a few words to him, all of which have been work related. And he’s in depositions today, so I doubt I’ll see much of him until later, but I’m just grateful this job is keeping me busy. I’ve barely had time to draw breath since the crazy events of day one, but since then I’ve quickly settled into a routine. And I’ve given Evan King no reason to regret hiring me. But, so far, our relationship has been purely professional.
“Can you call Dana, Lola? Tell her the deposition’s over and Harlow wants to see her in the conference room.”
I look up as he swings by my desk, and I pick up his mail and hand it to him. He takes it from me without even glancing in my direction and strides into his office, closing the door behind him. I pick up the phone and call Dana Cavendish, the other managing partner here at Cavendish King – an imposing, straight-talking woman with a reputation for breaking balls and making strong men cry. I’m kind of intimidated by her, and I haven’t even met her in person yet. She’s been away in Atlanta working a case she’s very close to winning now, and this is her first day back in the office.
I give her the message from Evan, and then I get back to organizing the rest of his week, but my phone ringing interrupts me.
“Evan King’s office.”
“Lola, this is Dana Cavendish.”
“Ms. Cavendish. Is there something else I can do for you?”
“I was just wondering if you could you pop by my office? Just for a few minutes, before I head to the conference room. I’d like to meet you in person, if you’re not too busy.”
“No. No, that’ll be fine. I’ll be right there.”
“Good. I’ll see you in a couple of minutes, then.”
I replace the receiver just as Evan comes back out of his office. “You’ll be right where?”
“Dana wants to see me.”
He says nothing, just sniffs and looks back down at the papers he’s holding.
“Is that okay?”
He slowly looks up. “That’s fine.”
I stand up and walk out of my cubicle, but as I pass him he gently and discreetly grabs my arm, and he leans in to me, his mouth resting lightly against my ear as he speaks.
“Ten minutes. Men’s restroom downstairs, end of the corridor next to the file room.”
I don’t even look at him as he lets me go, I just make my way along the wide and airy corridor toward Dana Cavendish’s office, keeping my head up and my shoulders back. But inside I’m a mess of excitement and nerves. I knew it would start, at some point, his demands; this game. I guess it’s starting now.
I take a deep breath as I reach Dana’s office, and I tap lightly on the glass door. She looks up from her desk and beckons me in, and I step inside, walking slowly toward her. She stands up and smiles, and that relaxes me slightly, but only slightly.
“Lola. It’s good to finally meet you.”
She extends a hand and I take it. She’s got a firm grip, a strong handshake, but I wasn’t expecting anything less. “I’m really excited to be part of the Cavendish King team, Ms. Cavendish.”
“Dana, p
lease. We don’t do formalities here.” She walks out from behind her desk and comes out front, leaning back against it and folding her arms as she quickly scans me up and down. She’s wearing a pale cream dress that hugs her enviable curves, her legs long and slender in nude heels. Her white-blonde hair’s pulled back off her face in a severe chignon, her make-up subtle yet striking, and this woman, she just oozes elegance. And I’m still slightly intimidated by her. She’s a very powerful woman, and her and Evan King make a formidable team in the legal world, I know that much. “How’s it going with Evan?” she asks, her eyes now fixed on mine.
“Fine. It’s going fine.”
“Good. I’ve heard a lot of very positive things about you, especially from Nyman, Ross and Franklin. Rose Nyman was extremely pissed that we stole you from right under her nose. From what I’ve heard you practically ran that woman’s life.”
“I wouldn’t go as far as to say that…”
“She did. She’s lost without you. But her loss is our gain. And you – I think you’ll be able to handle Evan no problem.”
I’m not quite sure what she means by that but I don’t let my expression waver any. “I’m looking forward to the challenge.”
She smiles. “Yes, well, Evan is certainly that. Anyway…” She walks back behind her desk. “I just wanted to welcome you to the Cavendish King family.”
“Thank you.”
She throws me one last smile and I turn to go. “Oh, and Lola?”
I turn back to face her.
“If Evan gives you any trouble, you come straight to me. Okay?”
I frown slightly, and then quickly compose myself. Again, I don’t know what she means by that but I’m not going to question it. “Yeah. Okay.”
She sits down and gets back to work, and I leave her office, quickly checking my watch. My stomach’s a ball of nerves again, or is it excitement? It’s both. And as I head downstairs to the restroom Evan instructed me to meet him in I can already feel my skin start to tingle.
Thankfully it’s quiet down here, which is why I guess he chose this particular place to meet. I’ve only been down on this floor twice so far, when he asked me to retrieve some documents from an old case file that could be relevant to the one he’s working now. And the lack of people and activity down here compared to everywhere else in this expanse of a building is quite jarring.
Lawfully His (A Dirty Business Novel Book 1) Page 5
