We were falling down a rabbit hole here, but Goddamn it, she started it.
Her legs were squirming underneath me, her knees tapping against my hips as I continued to knead handfuls of her breasts in my hands. I could stay there all night. I didn’t think I would ever be tired of being smothered in that plump, smooth flesh, but she was getting antsy, and I knew what she wanted. I had a list going in my head, 1001 things I want to do with Angel’s naked body, that started compiling the second I took her shirt off and got a view of her spectacular rack. But this wasn’t about me and my needs. This was about Angel, and her lower body grinding against me was telling me more than any words could. Regretfully, I let go of her chest and moved my hand farther down her body, checking to see if she was ready to take me.
Holy shit she was more than ready, she was on fire.
Groaning, tamping down my own desire, I moved back a bit, spread her knees open slowly, waiting for her to stop me. I hoped she wouldn’t, but if there was ever a last chance to change her mind, this was it.
“Angel,” I said, trying hard not to moan the words at her, this was important. “Are you sure about this?” I was kneeling on the bed, looking down her body and could barely see her face above the pale mountain of her breasts. Mouth parted in desire and eyes half open, she reached up and stroked me again. I would stop if she said no, but my dick might fall off if I did.
“It’s okay if it’s you, Gabe,” she said as she wiggled, shimmied a bit to get her silky panties down and off. One hand reached to slide up my neck, fingers scraping against the short hairs there. The other hand reached back down to my hip, guiding me to the heat of her entrance.
I should have thought more about what she said. About the meaning behind those words, but I didn’t.
She was so soft and warm my brain slipped from raring to go to almost losing my load. She moaned low in her throat as she took me deep inside of her, and as she hooked her ankles behind my back, effectively locking us in place, I knew we had passed the point where we could go back to how we were, whatever tenuous place that had been.
Grabbing her by the hips, I sunk my fingertips into the softness there and began to move, slowly at first, lifting her ass off the bed to meet me. As I slid in and out of her, building up pressure between the both of us, gathering speed until there was no sound in the room beside our ragged breathing and the slap of flesh against flesh, I knew, she was going to hate us both in the morning. But she felt so good underneath me, I couldn’t even begin to care.
13
Angel
I was alone when I woke up, and thank God for small favors, because as soon as I opened my eyes the reality of what I had done came crashing down around me. Holy shit, I had sex with Gabe Anderson. My Gabe Anderson. Well, not really mine, but I don’t know how to even explain it. I knew I had screwed up, though. I had screwed up bad.
He’d been my fantasy when we were younger, and I was so damned distraught yesterday I didn’t know what to do with myself, and I pushed those feelings on him. I guilted him into sleeping with me, that is what happened. There is no reason otherwise that he would have done such a thing. He’d saved me from kidnapping, and weirdly enough, kind of saved me from Tweak through six degrees of Kevin Bacon, and how did I repay him? By crawling into his bed in the middle of the night and putting my hands in his pants.
Oh my God, I had really done that.
That was not me, I do not do shit like that, but I don’t know, I was so messed up I needed something to just…make it go away for a little bit. I had used Gabe, and he let me. That might not have been an issue between normal consenting adults, but Gabe and I were different. There was no way he would ever feel the same way about me as I did about him, at least the old him. I felt like I took something from him I couldn’t give back, like I kept fucking taking from him, and I hated myself for it. The tears came against my will, streaming down my face as I sat up, naked amidst the deep brown bedding. The bed was cold, he’d been long gone.
I pulled my phone off the nightstand to check the time. I was pretty sure I hadn’t brought it in here last night, so Gabe must have done it this morning. Ever the gentleman. I was such a shit. A lazy shit, apparently, considering it was eleven in the morning. It was amazing how a traumatic experience and a good rogering could make you sleep like that dead. I had never even heard Gabe get up, and I had no idea when he left.
The green light on my phone was blinking, so I checked to see who had left a message. Handsome Devil. Gabe had sent me a text? What? He had left me in his own house without waking me up, I couldn’t imagine what he would have to say that would speak any louder than that, but I clicked the text message anyway because I’m a masochist.
I had to go to the office this morning and didn’t want to wake you. I had Dino and Jeannette go get your car and stuff from Nasta’s and bring it here. You might want to call Jesse though, Dino wouldn’t tell me what excuse he gave for you running out like that, but he was smiling and Jeannette looked like she wanted to kill him. I’m just saying it’s worth checking on. Call me when you get up please, I need to talk to you. And, Angel, it’s okay. Don’t over think it.
It was a long ass message that came over in three different message blocks time stamped at eight thirty in the morning. Gabe had been gone for hours. He’d tried to give me an out, Don’t over think it. How could I not over think it? And call him when I got up? No thanks. I couldn’t even talk about this right now, not to him.
There were also three missed calls and a frantic voicemail from Jesse, the manager and bartender at Nasta’s, wondering “where the fuck” I was and what had happened to me. Then there was another text, also from Jesse that said Dino and Jeannette had stopped in to pick up my equipment, and that everything was square. And next time to not be embarrassed and run if I have an issue again.
Incontinence is nothing to be ashamed of, Angel. We are all adults here. I wouldn’t have laughed at you. Call me when you are feeling better and we can schedule other gigs. I’m not paying you for last night though, lol.
So they told him I pissed my pants and that was why I ran out of there so fast and left my equipment behind? I ground my teeth in frustration, I would lay money down that Jeannette didn’t come up with that particular juicy tidbit. We might not have been besties, but that still violated some sort of girl code, I was pretty sure. The whole thing reeked of Dino. It was a shame that handsome shell housed such a rotten fucking personality. His name would forever-more be Doucho instead of Dino. It suited him better.
Anger and guilt were consuming me from the inside out and I was spiraling out of control. I needed to talk to someone else who had dealt with this crazy feeling of hopelessness before. Someone who had maxed out on all the bullshit they could take. I also needed therapy. Retail therapy.
“For the last time, I did not disappear for six months. I just chose not to interact, I was having personal issues,” my friend Regina said from behind her laptop as she sat at her dining table amid a stack of papers and marketing material.
“Um, true or false. Did you, or did you not, break up with Richard and hide out in your house for months without calling a single soul? I know my phone never rang. I only heard about the breakup when I saw Richard out and about with another woman. Where did he get the hagzilla by the way? Looks like you were the only one who traded up.” I was speaking of Beck, her giant beast of a boyfriend who happened to be a tatted up bad boy with the soul of an artist. Lucky bitch.
“Okay, full disclosure,” Regina said, snapping her laptop shut and running her hands through her much darker and much shorter than it used to be hair. “I completely shut down after I found out Richard had been cheating on me. I found out that some people close to me had known about it, and I sort of lost my shit. I felt like everyone knew about it, so I didn’t feel comfortable talking to anyone, especially not mutual friends while my life was in the shitter.”
“Mutual friends?” I snorted at that. “I knew Richard because we went to high scho
ol together. I wouldn’t call that a close mutual friend considering I went away to college in California and only moved back home to Toledo probably about five years ago. Hell, you and I only know each other because we always scheduled our hair appointments at the same time and we just kind of clicked at the salon. I happened to know who your boyfriend was. That doesn’t mean I owed him any loyalty because he was a cheating douchebag.”
I had a lot of acquaintances, but I wouldn’t really call anyone a close friend. I’d had one of those once, and it had left a giant gaping hole in my chest. I rubbed that aching part with the heel of my hand. Thinking of Gabe hurt, and reminded me of why I was even here.
“I’m sorry you felt that way, Regina. I’m sorry I wasn’t intuitive enough to know you needed someone when you did. I’m not the most open of people, but I’m going through some painful shit and I just wonder, how did you handle it? Like, I am pretty sure I fucked up and I don’t really know what to do.” The tears threatened to come again but I held them back with sheer willpower.
“Hey, I know how that is. It’s okay. You sounded like ass on the phone. I canceled a lunch date with Beck so we could talk. He was kind of salty about it, but he’s still bringing us snacks. Because he looooooves me.” I perked up at the word snacks. Snacks were awesome. I would be okay with Beck showing up if he came with snacks.
“I still can’t believe you won’t go shopping with me.” I pouted. Retail therapy usually made me feel better when I felt like shit, but Regina said she couldn’t go out. She asked me to come over instead.
“Well, I have a shit ton of work to do here still, being a multiline rep for different product manufacturers is a lot different than working for one company. I mean, I like that I get to pick what I represent and sell, and I love working from home, but my customer base has also expanded exponentially. And to be honest, I can’t really go out much right now. Early afternoons are really difficult for me, I get really tired and my stomach is pretty messed up. I was planning on breaking the lunch date with Beck anyway because I can get sick at the drop of a hat.”
Tired in the afternoons. Getting sick at the drop of a hat? Tell me this grown ass woman did not have a clue what that meant.
“Regina, are you pregnant?” The blush creeping up her cheeks told me all I needed to know. “Holy shit, you are, aren’t you? How did that happen? How far along are you? How long have you known?” Forgetting my own problems for a minute I squealed with joy, basking in someone else’s good news for once.
“How did it happen? Really, Angel? How old are you? Well, let me tell you. First, when a man really likes a woman, he takes his— ”
“Oh my God shut up, Regina, I know where babies come from.” It felt good to laugh, and the load on my chest got a little bit lighter, a little less suffocating. “What about Beck? Does he know yet?”
“No, he does not, and I swear you better not say anything when you see him.” Regina wasn’t laughing. She was dead serious that she did not want Beck to know she was pregnant.
“Isn’t he going to figure it out eventually? I mean, it’s not something you can hide for very long. You don’t think he is going to be happy about the baby?” That made me sad. They seemed like such a loving couple. I mean, yeah a baby changes things but they weren’t kids. They were grownups already. A baby should be something to celebrate.
“He is going to be ridiculous when he finds out. We’ll have to tie a string around him and tie him to a chair so he doesn’t float away, that’s how happy he will be.” I snorted again at the thought of her behemoth boyfriend floating away like a balloon. Some visions were too ludicrous. “I’m not ready to tell him yet, though,” Regina continued, pulling the sides of her ratty grey cardigan closer around her, like she was chilly. “I’m only about eight weeks along and I want to find some creative way to tell him, like a pop up card that spits glitter and sings a song about being a daddy or something. I just don’t know yet.”
It all sounded a little over the top to me, but I didn’t have a chance to comment on it because I heard the front door open, and the thumping of shoes down the hallway signified Beck’s arrival. Regina got up to welcome him and as she passed where I was sitting, she leaned over and whispered in my ear, “If you say a word about it, I will rip your nipples off I swear to God.”
Holy shit, pregnant women were scary. I folded my arms across my chest as a form of protection. I didn’t really think she would twist my nipples off, but I wasn’t taking any chances. A lot of things had changed about Regina recently. New man, new hair, new job, and now a baby. Time stands still for no fucking body, does it?
“Beautiful ladies, I have brought you a feast!” Beck’s loud voice boomed down the narrow hallway and filled the small kitchen space we occupied. Beck didn’t just walk into a room, he thundered into it. He was such a large man, and the paper bags he carried looked miniscule in his arms, even though they were stuffed to the brim.
“I’m starving,” declared Regina, who mere moments ago had told me the thought of food made her sick. Yeah, I thought to myself, she was going to out herself soon enough. She didn’t need help from me.
“Yes! Snacks! What did you bring, Beck?” I gave my most beguiling smile to the bringer of the food and thus my personal savior.
“I hit all the major snack food groups, I think,” Beck said as he rummaged through the bags he had set on the table. “I have cheese, pickle chips, slim jims, and ice cream.” As he spoke, he pulled several of the items out of the bags. There were five pints of ice cream. Five pints.
“Why so much ice cream, are there more people coming?” There was some good stuff there though, and was that mochi green tea ice cream? I definitely needed to try some of that.
“This?” Beck held up a pint, it looked tiny in his hand. “It isn’t so much, these things are single serve, aren’t they?” He was being dead serious. I could have hugged him. Instead I went into the kitchen and grabbed some spoons. We hadn’t even really talked about my issues, but already I felt like I was around my people.
“I’m hot,” Regina said suddenly, and she ripped her cardigan down off her shoulders and slung it over the back of her chair where it promptly slid to the floor. She didn’t notice, though, because she was ripping open the bag of pickle chips and grabbing a huge handful to stuff in her mouth. I raised my eyebrows at her. This was new behavior. ‘What?” she asked me, cheeks puffed out with the number of chips she’d stuffed inside.
“Not a thing,” I said as I crossed my arms over my chest again. I wasn’t baiting the preggo. No way.
“So what’s going on ladies? I feel like a chick conversation is coming and I’m not sure if I should be here for it or not. Am I good?” He said it jokingly but it was actually really considerate of him. Every time I met Beck I could see more and more why Regina had fallen so hard in love with him.
“Beck, would you consider leaving Regina and being my boyfriend instead?” I asked, fluttering my eyelashes at him in the most over the top way possible.
“Oh, I would, but Cinderella would rip my nipples off if I tried,” he said, leaning down to give her a big noisy kiss on the cheek. They were so gross together it was adorable. And how often did she use that nipple threat anyway?
“Angel is having man trouble, and she needs to talk it out before she loses it,” Regina said after she swallowed her mouthful of food. “Since I also recently had man trouble, she thought I might have some advice. Like I know what I’m doing.”
“Does this man trouble have anything to do with the reason why your face looks roughed up? Because I mean, it doesn’t look too bad, but it’s there and I’m going to have a hard time acting like I don’t see it if you are asking us for love advice.” Boy, Beck could go from friendly to dangerous in the blink of an eye. I found myself squirming a little in the chair.
“You are in a better place than I am, Regina,” I said tiredly. “And yes my face sort of has something to do with it, but the person who did it is not the man I am having troubl
e with. At least not the same kind of trouble.” All the fun was oozing out of me now that we had brought the conversation back around to what a shit show my life was at the moment.
“You wanna talk about it?” Beck asked, scooping a massive spoonful of ice cream into his mouth and swallowing it in one bite. He made no indication he had an ice cream headache of any kind, but I couldn’t imagine being able to eat like that. He was a national treasure, Beck was. “Sometimes,” he continued, setting the pint that was now a quarter less full back down on the table, “it’s better to talk about your issues to someone who is totally uninvolved, and not biased in any way. Just let it out, we won’t judge you.”
Regina snorted at his words. “Last time someone said that to me I ended up getting molested in an alleyway outside of a bar.”
“Yeah, you did, and you liked it.” Beck gave Regina a high five and she giggled, blushing again.
How did I get this? This thing Regina and Beck have? How did I get this uncomplicated bliss? Tears pricked the back of my eyeballs again and it all came out in a rush.
“I accidentally got involved in a crime ring and then I got kidnapped and I had to get rescued by my ex high school best friend whom I haven’t talked to in fifteen years. He had to pay a shit ton of money for me in ransom and then I became emotionally compromised by something else bad that happened and I guilted him into sleeping with me. I broke us completely and I don’t know how to even face him right now much less fix the thing I broke. Because the worst part is we were broken to begin with, so even if I fix this thing now, there is still that other thing that needs fixing and I just don’t know how to handle all of this right now.” The last part trailed off in hiccups as the tears did fall, and I sat at the kitchen table with Beck and Regina and wept like a baby.
They just sat there quietly and let me do it too, which was kind of weird. Normally girlfriends get up and hug you while you sob out your emotions. Beck and Regina just waited patiently for me to stop. To be honest, I felt a little lighter when I was done. Like I’d just been to confession or something.
Gabe Page 9
