She continued to stare at me, waiting for me to say something.
I was surprised my reaction wasn’t to push her off of me and run. I was surprised I didn’t want to end our relationship then and there. Her words terrified me, but there was nothing she could say that would make me walk away. “Rome…”
Her eyes fell in sadness, catching my tone.
“A long time ago, I said I wasn’t looking for marriage and forever… I meant that.” I swallowed the lump in my throat, feeling like an asshole for rejecting her confession. She put her heart on the line and left herself vulnerable, but I couldn’t give her what she wanted, even to spare her pain.
Her eyes moved down to my chest, where her hands still rested.
A beautiful day had been ruined, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to fix it. If she walked away, I couldn’t stop her. But I didn’t want to give her up, so I hoped she would stay. I hoped she would give this a real chance because it had so much potential.
When she spoke, her voice was still strong. “It’s okay, Calloway.” She looked at me again, determination in her eyes.
“What’s okay?” Rome usually said exactly what she meant, but in this instance, I couldn’t figure it out. It was okay that I didn’t tell her I loved her? It was okay that I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with her?
“It’s okay that you didn’t say it back. Because I know how you really feel, Calloway. It was difficult for me to come to this realization too, to take down my walls long enough to actually let someone in. You need more time—and that’s perfectly okay.”
I stared at her in awe, surprised someone had the confidence to be rejected then hold her head high. She had misplaced faith in me after I hurt her. Despite everything I’d claimed, she still believed otherwise. She valued herself and noticed the way I treated her, assuming there was more underneath my cold exterior. “I appreciate how well you’re taking this but—”
“I know what you’re going to say, so you should just stop.”
“And what am I going to say?”
“That you don’t love me and never will. That you don’t see a future for us. That it’s just not in your nature. I’m sure you believe all of those things, but I know better. For the past six months we’ve been together, I’ve seen you change. I’ve seen you open up and take me in little by little. I understand it’s hard for you. Believe me, I do. But one day, you’re going to finally admit to yourself how you feel about us—about me. You were patient with me when I asked you to be, and now I’ll be patient with you. I don’t need to hear you say you love me—because I know you do.”
I couldn’t take my eyes off her, mesmerized by this powerful woman. When she put her mind to something, she didn’t change it. I could correct her as many times as I wanted, but it wouldn’t make a difference. The honorable thing to do was to walk away from this relationship since I couldn’t give her what she deserved. But I was too weak for that. Rome made me happy, and I wasn’t ready to let her go. I wasn’t ready to walk away from the sexiest woman I’d ever laid eyes on. I was a selfish man, and I couldn’t stop myself from being selfish.
She grabbed her shirt and pulled it over her head, revealing her perfect tits for me to enjoy. “Now, make love to me.” She stared me down with green fire in her eyes, looking unbelievably sexy. Her confidence turned me on more than her submissiveness. It was a paradox I couldn’t explain. I didn’t bother to contradict her and tell her that I didn’t make love to anyone. Instead, I grabbed her by her tiny waist and threw her on the couch, my cock harder than ever before. I wanted to be deep inside her, to take everything she was giving me. I wanted to give her so much of my come she couldn’t handle it.
And I wanted to do that for the rest of the night.
I sat at my desk in the office at Ruin. The bass from the music echoed down the hallway and reached my ears if I concentrated hard enough. The rhythmic beat was constant, shaking the foundation as well as the walls of this place.
This club once belonged to my father, but he used it in more sinister ways. Looking to make a quick buck from abducting young women naïve enough to enter a place like this out of curiosity, he sold some of them into sex trafficking. Others were made into his own prisoners. I grew up watching him whip women until they convulsed on the floor.
I promised myself I would never be so cruel, that I would lead a different life from my father. I upheld that promise—but not entirely. I’d inherited his need for pain, to hurt women to get off. I enjoyed the same things he did, but in a purely consensual manner. My crimes were nothing compared to his, but I still wouldn’t consider myself to be a good man.
Once I took over this place, I made a lot of changes. You couldn’t walk inside unless you were twenty-one years of age. We had a strict security system that inhibited date-rape of any kind. If a woman said no, she said no. End of story.
Other than that, members were free to do whatever they wished.
What I loved most about Ruin was the freedom. I could be exactly who I was without shame. When I walked up to a woman and told her I wanted to spank her ass until it was red and irritated, she’d simply smile. When I’d tell her I wanted to suspend her from the ceiling, she’d extend her wrists and wait for the chains.
There was no judgment.
So this place was a safe haven for me.
A place where I felt most alive.
But having Rome in my life complicated things. I truly believed I could bring her here eventually. But now that she told me she loved me, said it with such conviction that I actually felt guilty for not saying it back, I wasn’t sure how likely that was.
I had to choose.
Could I really keep running Ruin while I had this special kind of relationship with Rome? Shouldn’t she know about it right now? Shouldn’t she know where I went at night when she didn’t sleep over? She trusted me, and now I felt dishonest for not telling her who I really was.
I had to tell her the truth or step away from Ruin.
And I knew I couldn’t step away from Ruin. My soul was in this place. It’d been a part of my life forever.
So, that meant I had to tell Rome the truth.
I rested my fingertips against my lips as I considered it, unsure how I would even begin to explain my world to Rome—Vanilla. Would she judge me like everyone else? Or did she love me enough to keep an open mind? She allowed me to do some kinky stuff to her, so she definitely could expand her horizons.
I knew she trusted me, so hopefully, that trust was enough.
I was going to go through with it.
Come clean.
Fuck, I hoped it went well. Losing her wasn’t an option. We’d made so much progress, and I didn’t want to give it up. I wanted to move forward with her, have a life that we could both enjoy.
My office door burst open when Jackson walked inside. He may have knocked, but the music was so loud I couldn’t hear it. The music from the club doubled in sound once the door was open. When he shut it behind him, it returned to a dull hum.
“Hey, I’ve got a new member in the hallway. Wants to join.”
“We’re at full capacity.” Now that Rome had been chased from my thoughts, I focused all my attention on him.
“He’s just one more. I really like the guy, and he’s willing to pay double the membership fee.”
“We’re at full capacity,” I repeated in a bored voice. Jackson and I had already had this discussion. If we let this business go to shit, we would lose members just as quickly as we received new ones.
“Come on, it’s one more person.” He rested his hands on my desk and leaned forward. “Is one person that big of a deal?”
“If we make an exception for him, we have to make an exception for other people.”
“Oh, come on. The front door says we aren’t accepting new members. The only reason why this guy asked is because I know him.”
Jackson would pester me until he got his way, or he would just do it behind my back. I had bigger issues on my
plate, and this didn’t deserve more energy than necessary. “Fine. Send him in.”
“Yes!” He fist-pumped the air and ran back to the door.
The second he was gone, I thought about Rome again, unsure when I was going to confess my darkest secret to her. I wanted to sleep with her a few more times, just in case she walked away. But even if I did get in a few more rounds, I would never be satisfied—because I’d always want her.
“Here he is.” Jackson walked back inside with his friend behind him. “This is Christopher. Christopher, this is my brother and co-owner of Ruin.” He stepped aside so we could shake hands.
I stared into the face of a man I already knew—and had known for a while. He stared at me with the same threatened expression, cold and surprised. His arms remained by his sides as his expression darkened, turning into a look of dark rage.
Fuck.
I rose to my full height and tried to think of a quick explanation, a way to defuse the bloodlust on his face.
Christopher didn’t say a word, looking at me like a bug stuck on the bottom of his shoe. He liked me, even respected me, but now that he knew I operated the most popular BDSM club in New York, he despised me. He could only assume that I was the biggest liar on the planet.
Jackson glanced back and forth between us. “Do you two know each other?”
Christopher stepped forward, his hands still by his sides. He snorted through his nose then spit on my desk, covering the top of my laptop. His eyes never left my face. “No. Not anymore.” He left my office and stormed out, leaving the door open as he walked away.
I dropped back into the chair and dragged my hands down my face, knowing the first thing he would do was return home and tell Rome everything. She would hear the terrible news from him, that I’d been lying to her this entire time.
I was in deep shit.
Jackson turned back to me once Christopher was gone. “What the hell was that about?”
I dropped my hands into my lap, feeling cold panic sweep over me. “That was Rome’s brother.”
“Seriously?” he asked, his jaw dropping.
I nodded.
“Oh, damn. He’s nothing like her.”
“No, he’s not. And now he’s going to let my skeletons out of the closet.”
Jackson didn’t show any sympathy. “Well, you’ve had six months to tell her the truth. It’s not like you didn’t have a chance.”
I glared at him. “Thanks, Jackson. You’re such a comfort…”
He shrugged in apology. “I want my brother back. And the sooner she leaves, the sooner you’ll be back to normal. You don’t know what I’m talking about, but very soon, you will.”
It was hard for me to imagine being with another woman after Rome. She was the only woman I wanted to spank and fuck. She was the only woman I allowed to sleep in my bed. She was the only woman who ever met my mother. The future was dark and cold, and I loathed my next conversation with Rome.
If she even gave me a conversation.
11
Calloway
I knew I was walking into a war zone when I went to her apartment. Christopher would probably punch me in the face, and I wouldn’t block the hit because I deserved it. It would be easier to call, but that would also be pussy shit.
I wanted to talk face-to-face.
I knocked on the door and heard Christopher’s voice from the living room. “Gee, I wonder who that could be?” He yanked the door open and stared me down with the same expression he wore at Ruin. If he’d had a gun, he probably would have shot me right then and there. “Come here to tell us some more lies? To make us believe you’re something you’re not.” He pushed the door open until it banged against the wall. “Get your ass inside, and tell us all about it.”
I hated being told what to do. It rubbed me the wrong way and set my teeth on edge. My automatic response was to grab him by the neck and slam his head against the wall. But since that wouldn’t help my chances with Rome, I kept my hands to myself.
I walked inside and saw her standing in the living room, her arms crossed over her chest. She wore an old t-shirt and sweatpants, her hair in a bun because she’d already been in bed when Christopher came home and told her the news.
The look she gave me was terrifying.
So much rage. So much hate.
All directed at me.
Christopher slammed the door once I was inside. “Tell her the truth, Calloway Owens…if that’s even your real name. She needs to hear it from you.” He raised a hand to my shoulder to shove me.
That was something I wouldn’t allow. I grabbed his wrist before he could touch me, warning him with my gaze. “I get that you’re upset. But don’t fucking touch me.” I pushed his hand back, forcing him to stagger slightly. I liked Christopher and didn’t want to throw a punch, but if he pushed me, I would snap.
“Calloway.” Rome’s commanding voice came into my ear, making me forget about my standoff with Christopher. There was strength but also a noticeable hint of betrayal.
I turned my gaze on her, seeing the unrelenting fire in her eyes. Her eyes shifted back and forth as she looked into my gaze, searching for the truth without asking a single question. Her arms were still tightly crossed over her chest, her walls higher than they were when we first met. I actually felt a sense of fear jolt through me because the idea of losing her was oddly terrifying.
“I’m gonna give you the benefit of the doubt after everything we’ve been through.” Even in sweats and a loose bun, she looked ready to attend the Oscars. Her natural confidence was her most beautiful feature. Despite what her brother had witnessed, she was still giving me a chance to tell my side of the story. It made me want her more. “Is everything Christopher told me true? Are you the owner of a BDSM club?” Her voice shook at the end, like the word BDSM was a curse.
I held her gaze and felt my heart sink into my stomach. Judging by the look on her face, once I gave my answer, she would be done with me. It was as clear as the sky on a cloudless day. “Christopher, can I speak to Rome alone?”
“Fuck no,” he barked. “I have no idea who you are.”
“Christopher, it’s fine,” Rome whispered. “Perhaps we should have this conversation in private.”
Once Rome asked him to leave, Christopher didn’t object. He walked to the door. “I’m just a phone call away…” His footsteps sounded against the hardwood floor, and then the door clicked shut behind him.
My eyes never left her face. These past six months had been the best of my life. I wasn’t ready to walk away.
“Calloway?” she pressed. “Answer my question.”
I ran my hand across my hair and over the back of my neck, wanting to give the answer she wanted to hear—but that also wasn’t a lie. “Yes.” I lowered my hand and rested it by my side. “I’ve been running it for seven years now. It belonged to my father, and he handed it down to me.”
She tightened her arms, taking a deep breath like the answer was painful to hear. “I can only assume you haven’t told me this because you’re involved with the lifestyle…” It wasn’t truly a question because she obviously didn’t want to hear the answer. “You knew I would disapprove.”
“No.”
When she turned her eyes back on me, there was a small gleam of hope.
“I was going to tell you. Actually, I was planning on talking to you this week. The timing of this nightmare was just poor.”
“Why did you wait so long to tell me the truth?”
Here was the difficult part. I had no idea how she would react. “Because I want you to live in my world too. I knew you weren’t ready for that over the past six months. I was waiting until I thought you would consider it.”
“Consider what?” she asked.
I slid my hands into my pockets, knowing this was the moment of truth. “Being my sub.”
Her face held the exact same expression, a cold exterior that couldn’t be penetrated. She wasn’t as angry as I expected her to be. To find out her bo
yfriend was sitting inside a sex club while she slept would piss off anyone.
I wasn’t sure if she even knew what a sub was. “I’m a Dom, Rome. I’ve inherited this trait from my father, and I can’t shake it. I know I’m never going to change. I was hoping we could have that kind of relationship. If you need more time, I understand. But I hope you don’t reject the idea altogether.”
Like she was talking to herself, she whispered under her breath. “Now it all makes sense…”
I still couldn’t gauge her reaction. She didn’t seem angry. But she didn’t seem happy either.
She chuckled in a sarcastic way, even though there was nothing funny about this situation. “I knew you were too good to be true. An alarm kept going off in my head, saying there must be something wrong with you…and there is.”
The insult stung me—right in the chest. Like everyone else, she thought I was a freak. I’d hoped she would keep an open mind, but it didn’t seem like it would happen.
“I’m not even mad,” she continued. “First Hank and now you…” She shook her head. “I have terrible taste in men. I officially give up. Being single with a bunch of cats doesn’t sound half bad anymore.”
“I don’t know Hank, but I assure you, I’m nothing like him.” My jaw clenched tightly at the comparison. I never wanted her to think about another guy when we were together. Hank was probably an asshole, but I genuinely cared about Rome.
“Actually, you’re exactly alike,” she whispered. “And I feel like an idiot for not noticing.”
“I didn’t mean—”
“I gave you my virginity.” She laughed again, but tears formed in her eyes. “I told you I loved you. I accepted your job offer to be closer to you. I feel…” She closed her eyes for a moment before she reopened them. “I feel so stupid.”
I felt like shit.
Worse than shit.
I hated myself.
No, I loathed myself.
“Rome, it wasn’t like that. I care about you—a lot. The second I saw you in that bar, I knew I had to have you. For the past six months, I’ve been absolutely faithful to you. I haven’t even looked at another woman. I’ve been in this relationship completely—heart, body, mind, and soul. I meant every word I said to you.”
Black Diamond (Obsidian Book 2) Page 11
